Comments on: 2 Tests to Determine if He’s Worthy Of Being Your Boyfriend

By: Lucy

Lucy — Mon, 25 Feb 2013 12:56:03 +0000

I agree, marriage, or any long term exclusive partnership, is very much about living by your word to commit and not just about fun. Evan’s test, though, is a very useful and simple reality check to apply during early relationship stages before exclusivity. It helps those feeling uncertainty, or doubt, to ascertain whether what they’re in could be the start of something with positive prospects or not.
I have been swinging backwards and forwards with a man, myself. This test really helped to confirm my doubts. I do not feel fun, even when I’m enjoying his company and what we do together. I do not feel happy when I leave him. I feel flat. While he texts every day and I never initiate in kind, his texts are mostly complaining about his life – yes, I am his emotional booty call!
Similarly, whilst he is always available to see me, his effort never extends beyond the last minute and choices made never specifically reflect thought about what I would like (it’s just a coincidence that we have similar interests anyway). The relationship has never progressed or grown and I feel as though I’m existing in an isolated relationship bubble. That’s because it’s like a mirage. Beyond making him feel better about himself, there is no relationship.
Now he is dumped! Thank you Evan!

By: Karl R

Karl R — Mon, 18 Feb 2013 13:16:21 +0000

Peter said: (#39) "Marriage is a stony path and you will be walking in bare feet. It isn't going to be, mostly, fun. It’s endurance." If that is true for you, then why get married? It's easier, happier, more fun and more enjoyable to be single than do an endurance trek on a stony path in bare bare feet.

By: Peter

Peter — Mon, 18 Feb 2013 00:49:58 +0000

I think Evan’s second test about effort is the critical one. Life is not static. Things change. If you are both prepared to make an effort to boost each other your relationship can adapt. If you just expect easy fun, warm feelings and passion all the time then you are doomed. I do not agree with Evan about Test 1. Marriage is a stony path and you will be walking in bare feet. It isn’t going to be, mostly, fun. It’s endurance. The issue is the ability to recover from the depression and restore the fun.
@CAgoldngirl
Don’t let Blondie put you off. I’m 61. No troubles. I had more difficulty in my late 40′s when I was fat and in a bad marriage. In my experience the quality of the relationship determines the quality of male desire, fulfilled or otherwise. Physical fitness helps with maximum vigour but recovery time from exercise is extended in one’s 60′s. Give him a day after a heavy session in the gym.

By: mary

mary — Sun, 17 Feb 2013 07:48:36 +0000

I have been through a similiar situation before like this. We both were so called in “Love” but lived miles and miles apart. He had a lot of issues in terms of finances and family and i accepted it all. However, when it came to me he picked at certain issues about me like my personality or lack of this or that. I was willing to move to his State and leave mine which was hours and hours away leave it all behind because i believe he loved me. However, i never once asked him to move for me nor did he ever say he would for me. He did not make effort of any sorts but dump negativity on me about his life. Like not having money or family issues. I took it all and boosted his self esteem yet felt all alone still. Months went by and i was still in my own State did not move was willing yet he could not provide me to come so i decided myself that i would pay for my own plane ride. I risked it all and told him i was going to come and got no reaction out of him. He instead tore me down with negativiy again about random stuff. Rather then being happy that i would be with him his focus was on the negatives. I told myself then that i would never want a boyfriend or friend like that. Who never saw the silver linging in things but the cons and negatives. After a year of being his girlfriend i let him go and feel so much happier. Even though i am single i am happy and know i can do much better then him! Thanks Evan!

By: TK

TK — Sun, 03 Feb 2013 23:59:30 +0000

Great article Evan, just got out of this exact situation and was feeling bad for dumping the guy. I realize now that I asked myself the questions you stated here, though not exactly. I wasted three months instead of two years. It is hard for women because we do fall in love with the potential and it feels real. Probably best to remain non-physical for 6 months (yes, I know it is hard) to make sure he really is into you before opening up. I do not believe in games and some would say holding out is a game, but I think it is a way to avoid being used.

By: Manster

Manster — Tue, 12 Jun 2012 00:05:49 +0000

By the second paragraph I could tell this wouldn’t end well. Maybe a good pre-test is the distance test. Does it take more than two hours to get to their place?

First question when thinking about a long distance relationship is “Who’s gonna move? Me or you?”
Unless you plan to live close real soon there is no hope of building a real relationship.

Other than that the tests are good.

By: Katt

Katt — Mon, 05 Mar 2012 13:20:58 +0000

Bingo! I used this yesterday w my long distance man. I told him i was actively seeking a relationship in very beginning . He said he was too. I traveled to c him, had to arrange dogs ti be cared for etc. That was two months ago.. He kept sayn let me get u a tkt to come , never seemed to happen, he dissappeared sum eves, hes calls were all abt him n issues w his kids blablahblah. I finally told him in a text that he is content w a phone relatiinship n im not . I care for him but im not feeling his into me. Wished him well . He text back im unloyal, a player etc never contact him again. Which just reinforced my thoughts of who he is… A miserible , grumpy man that still spills venom abt his ex wife after 10 years!!!

By: Kali

Kali — Mon, 20 Feb 2012 18:12:22 +0000

I think all women have been in this situation. Men want someone to complain to and a woman is the perfect person for that. We listen. Unfortunetely we listen to them instead of listening to our own heart. It’s totally true that he just has her around to have that companion to talk about the day with. When you question the relationship that’s your first sign its time to get out!

By: cowgirl

cowgirl — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 17:37:18 +0000

Wow!!!! I wish I had read this five years ago!!!! I wasted so much time loving a man that didn’t really care much about me. I thought his daily mundane calls about his job and complaints was him wanting to talk to me and his way of keeping in touch daily. He never really made plans, it was always last minute. We lived together for two years, and I finally was able to get out of there, only to spend another year going back and forth trying to get him to show me he cared. I wasted so much time.

This article was great! Straight to the point. I feel so stupid loving him!!!!!!

By: JB

JB — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 23:36:30 +0000

@Lily2 #27 thanks to the women on here who gave me a tip saying I should put a disclaimer in my profile after listing the activities I do. So now in my profile it says “These are some of the things I occasionally enjoy doing from time to time but please don’t think YOU have to as well. Maybe you can introduce me to some of your interests? I’m very flexible and easy going and love to try new things”
Does that mean I’m joining her Yoga class? Probably not but I might try it once.

I’m not asking for a “workout buddy” or anything remotely resembling “extreme adventure”. I want a women to be in a relationship with. If she likes doing some of the things that’s great if not that’s great too.