Do you know which website is the BEST website for your needs?

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Evan

Are you too busy to have a love life?

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Evan

Hi Evan,

I’ve been online dating for a while now, and I’ve started to notice a trend with a lot of the men who have contacted me. By way of background, I just ended a three month relationship with a man whom I met online because he did not want to be exclusive. He claimed that he didn’t want to date other people but he was hurt several times in the past by cheating girlfriends and didn’t want me to go thru the hurt again. For my part, I realize I’m at fault for waiting three months before asking for some type of commitment. Hindsight has pointed out that on his profile he listed he wanted a “casual relationship” as opposite to my listing of wanting a “serious relationship”. So now I’m back on the online dating scene and I’m paying better attention to what guys are saying they are looking for in their profile. Several guys put in their profile that they are looking for “friends” only, one guy even put that he’s too busy for a relationship right now.

Is this a case of semantics? Are these guys really just wanting to take it slow and be friends first? If they are really just looking for friends, why don’t they go on a free site like MySpace, Facebook, or Friendster? If it’s just a clever way to find booty calls, why don’t they go on Adultfriendfinder or Craigslist?  If I want a bonafide relationship, should I just ignore these men when they contact me? Has looking for a relationship on a dating website become taboo?

Thanks for your insight,

Laura    

Brace yourself for a shocking revelation!

Men very often don’t know what they want.

It’s not that he DOESN’T mean what he wrote; it just means he meant it AT THAT MOMENT.

This shouldn’t come as a surprise to you. You could probably tell from our actions. But it’s true. Most men can tell a story about how they weren’t looking for anything serious and then fell in love. And most men can tell a story about how they were looking for love, but discovered they had a lot of fun being single. (Most women could probably say the same.)

Therefore, you have to take any information in an online dating profile with a grain of salt. It’s not that he DOESN’T mean what he wrote; it just means he meant it AT THAT MOMENT. This is in accordance with the way we act on a date as well. Just because we think you’re attractive and we show you a good time doesn’t mean we’re actually INTERESTED. It just means we’re being “in the moment”. Unfortunately, most women aren’t familiar with this concept until it’s much too late. That’s why half of my questions are versions of: “He sleeps with me, but-”, “He says he loves me, but-”, “We had an amazing date, but-”. One of the most important – and frustrating – concepts that women need to get about men is that most things have NO meaning, beyond what’s being conveyed in the moment. Just because he wants a serious relationship doesn’t mean he wants one with YOU. Just because he has fun with you doesn’t mean he wants you as his girlfriend. Just because he thinks you’re sexy doesn’t mean he wants to commit to only you. Each time you think this is the case, you’re setting yourself up for heartbreak.

And so we go back to Laura’s insightful question – what does it all MEAN?

Well, I can only speak for myself here by pretending to be a guy dating online (I know, it’s a reach. Bear with me).

So let’s say I’m serious about falling in love. I go onto a dating site and list that I’m looking for marriage or a relationship. So, week after week, I date a lot of attractive women, none of whom feel like they will be my future wife. Which leaves me a number of questions that I’d like you to consider:

• 1) Am I supposed to NEVER hook up with them? No kissing, no foreplay, no sex with anyone that I don’t think I want to marry? Do you think the standard should be: heavy petting is only in exclusive relationships, or not at all?
• 2) If I DO hook up, but have no intention of committing to an individual woman, does that make me a bad guy?
• 3) How should I notify a woman that I am not serious about her before we start a physical relationship? What’s better? A written warning? Or perhaps a canned speech that while I find my date attractive and will gladly sleep with her for a few weeks, I’m actively continuing to pursue other women in the meantime? How’s that gonna go over?
• 4) Finally, if I do, in fact, want to hook up from time to time, does that, in any way, mean that I’m NOT looking for a serious relationship?
  

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Do you think that chemistry is the most important factor in deciding on a partner?

Please share your thoughts with other readers below.

To hear what I think and how it impacts your love life – go to www.findingtheoneonline.com/promo. If you like what you hear, take advantage of my once-a-year vacation sale – you save $100!

Talk to you soon!

Evan

Do you think that you deserve to find love because you’re a great catch?

Please respond in the comments below.

Don’t forget to register for my free teleclass, The Top 5 Mistakes You’re Making Online and How to Understand the Opposite Sex Online, on Tuesday, October 28^th at 9pmEST/6pmPST.

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Evan

Why do we rush to go on as many coffee dates as possible, when coffee dates almost always suck?

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Don’t forget to register for my free teleclass, The Top 5 Mistakes You’re Making Online and How to Understand the Opposite Sex Online, on Tuesday, October 28^th at 9pmEST/6pmPST.

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Evan

Do you offer your phone number in the first email?

How often do you get people calling it?

Please respond in the comments below.

Don’t forget to register for my free teleclass, The Top 5 Mistakes You’re Making Online and How to Understand the Opposite Sex Online, on Tuesday, October 28^th at 9pmEST/6pmPST.

http://www.findingtheoneonline.com/teleseminar/

Talk to you soon!

Evan

Do you actually read people’s profiles before putting them on your favorites list? Or is it all based on looks?

Please respond in the comments below.

Don’t forget to register for my free teleclass, The Top 5 Mistakes You’re Making Online and How to Understand the Opposite Sex Online, on Tuesday, October 28^th at 9pmEST/6pmPST.

http://www.findingtheoneonline.com/teleseminar/

Talk to you soon!

Evan

What percentage of your online dates lied about their age, height, weight or photo?

Please respond in the comments below.

Don’t forget to register for my free teleclass, The Top 5 Mistakes You’re Making Online and How to Understand the Opposite Sex Online, on Tuesday, October 28^th at 9pmEST/6pmPST.

http://www.findingtheoneonline.com/teleseminar/

Talk to you soon!

Evan