I met this guy (he’s 53, I’m 43) on an online dating site, and our first and second date went so well, we slept together on the second date. However, the first shoe dropped right when we were in bed before the sex act. He informed me that he had slept with a woman just last week. THEN, he called me a couple of days after and asked to see me the very next day because he had two women flying in for sex, one right after the other, and he wouldn’t be able to see me for two weeks! Furious, I told him that unless he told the women to cancel their trips, it was over. He refused, saying plane tickets had already been bought, so I ended it. A few days later I get a few e-mails laced with anger, repeated phone calls and lastly, an e-mail asking me to forgive him, professing how he’d been doing nothing but crying since we last spoke and saying he’d made a mistake and wanted me back. And you guessed it, I was stupid enough to give this man a second chance.

We were in a relationship for 3 months and it turned out to be a living hell!

When I’d come over, he wanted to have sex FIRST. Whatever else we planned to do came after he got his rocks off. He started pressuring me.

He refused to divorce his wife (they have been separated for 6 years) who he shares custody of his 4 kids with. He told me he just hadn’t gotten around to it yet. It never happened.

Corinne’s guy is verbally abusive, selfish, and sexually unfaithful.

He still continued to take vacations with his wife and spend the holiday with her.

He started to become cruel and insulting to me. He got in my face one day and circled me during an argument and taunted me.

All the women he had sex with (including me) was done while his two teenage daughters and their friends were in the house, even in the daylight hours.

I would catch him frowning at me sometimes. He started to want to communicate with me only be e-mail. The phone calls lessened.

The final straw came when he refused to allow me around his young sons (who had recently come back from a vacation in Hawaii). He stated the reason was because I was selfish and it was always about, “me, me, me”.

At that point, I told him I was either to be included around his sons, or I wouldn’t be with him at all.

The one thing he loved about me was the sex. All throughout the relationship, he talked about how amazing it was for him. I believe that was why the “relationship” lasted as long as it did. So, Evan, what can I learn from this situation? That I was dating a loser and a jerk? Well, that I know. Anything else? Thanks!

Corrine

I have been in a relationship with this guy for eight years, four of which we have been engaged for. Before he gave me a ring, he cheated on me all of the time and that cheating sometimes included serious relationships. However, in the end though, he always seemed to be using the other girl for something that would benefit him, i.e. new clothes, new toys, drugs, clubbing, whatever. He promised me after I got the ring that if he ever doubted our relationship, he would ask me to take it off, as a sign that he wouldn’t cheat on me with the ring on.

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I get calls every few months from TV shows who are interested in doing something. But this time, I got a call from a casting director who wasn’t interested in me all, but was interested in the people I coach. And since I wouldn’t provide any names, I figured I’d try to help her out by posting her new show on the blog. She’s looking for serious couples of 2+ years, who, for some reason, haven’t gotten on the engagement track.

Here’s her description:

Now casting couples (ages 25-35) of at least 2 years who are unsure of where their relationship is going. We want to know what issue is keeping you from taking the next step in your relationship. Issues may include (but are not limited to): jealousy issues, trust issues, exes who are still in the picture, family members/friends not liking or agreeing with your partner, sex issues, self-destructive partners, commitment issues, etc.

We would love to hear your story or a story of a couple you know who is in this situation. Participating couples can win upwards of $50,000 in cash and prizes.

Please write down your:

Names:

Ages:

Occupations:

Residing City:

Phone:

Email:

How long you’ve been together:

The issue in the relationship:

The relationship story:

Picture of the two of you:

When you’re done, email the above to sunnycasting@gmail.com.

Thanks!

Evan Marc Katz

Your Personal Trainer for Love
www.evanmarckatz.com

I am married to a man who has no interest in me. He never takes me anywhere. All he does is work and sleep. I realized now that he does not make me happy; however, his twenty-two year old son (my stepson) does make me happy. In the past, my stepson has told me that he wants me.

My husband thinks something is going on between my stepson and me. He told my stepson that if he finds out something is going on, my stepson will be out the door. So now, my stepson is backing off a bit; although, he’s still smiling at me and acting like he’s interested in me.

I see my stepson more than I see my husband, and I think I am falling in love with my stepson. What shall I do?

Karen

Next on Jerry Springer…

Okay, Karen, I didn’t want to ignore you, because you asked the single most provocative question that I’ve yet to field in my two years of blogging. But I have to be honest with you: you need serious therapy.

Because while it doesn’t take a psychologist or a dating coach to tell you what to do – DON’T FUCK YOUR STEPSON! – it probably takes a significant amount of $200+/hr shrinking sessions to figure out how you ended up in such an unhappy marriage and how you could possibly think that a relationship with your husband’s son is a reasonable idea.

So please, Karen, go get professional help, get out of your marriage, and go be a cougar to someone who isn’t related to you.

The greatest anguish you have in your email is not about your loveless marriage, nor is it about the weirdness of copulating with your stepson. No, the most acute pain you feel in your email is due to the fact that your husband is onto your illicit relationship and may kick your potential lover out of the house.

It’s not that I’m not sympathetic to you. Many of my emails come from people in unhappy relationships and people with crushes that they can’t act upon. But however serious your issues right this moment – they pale in comparison to the hell you’re going to put everyone through if you get together with your stepson.

Maybe your marriage needs to be ruined, but this is not the way. Chances are, your feelings for this kid – and, as a boy who was born in 1986, he IS a kid – stem directly from the indifference of your husband. His son probably makes you feel special and beautiful and looks at you with starry eyes. You’re likely in love with how he makes you FEEL, as opposed to who he is.

You don’t say your age, but even if you’re only 15 years older than the stepson, you are of entirely different generations. The only thing you have in common is attraction, and maybe a common resentment of your husband. This is not something on which you should stake your future.

So please, Karen, go get professional help, get out of your marriage, and go be a cougar to someone who isn’t related to you. But don’t think that there is any other outcome to sleeping with your stepson than full family tragedy.

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I have read everything on your site, and no story matches mine, so here goes. I met the love of my life twenty years ago on a professional basis, and I knew right away that I was in love. We never became involved, only really good friends. He went on to marry someone else as did I, but we remained great friends with amazing chemistry always present. We have never been intimate; although, we did share one passionate kiss he initiated many years ago following a company Christmas party.

I am recently divorced, two years after he divorced his wife. We now talk a couple of times a week, and it is killing me that he has not asked me out. I compare all the other men I meet to him, and of course, none of them measure up. We have told each other that we love each other, but it never seems to evolve into more than just a platonic relationship. Meanwhile, the men that are chasing me don’t have a chance because I am stuck in this torturous place, in love with my best friend.

We have seen each other through so much, and we are very supportive of one another. We talk about everything under the sun. But…it never seems to evolve into the whole enchilada. I have tried, several times, to cease contact with him so I can focus on another guy, yet he always calls and rekindles emotions in me. What do I do?

Maria

Dear Maria,

If you’ve read everything on this site, then you’re definitely familiar with the concept that men do what they want.

Now, of course, nobody actually thinks that this advice applies to them. It applies to other women who refuse to see reality. But not you – your relationship is different.

And if they’re not doing what you want them to, you have two choices: stay or go.

Now, of course, nobody actually thinks that this advice applies to them. It applies to other women who refuse to see reality. But not you – your relationship is different. Your feelings are real. Your chemistry is palpable. You’re in love.

Hate to say it, Maria, but splash some cold water on your face and wake up – you’re living in a fantasy.

Let’s start with your first line: “no story matches mine”. Really? I would say that about fifty percent of the emails I get come from women who are dealing with some form of unrequited love.

I’m looking through the archives right now:

I Moved to Be With My Long Distance Boyfriend and Now He Ignores me

I Still Sleep With My Cheating Ex-Husband

I Love My Ex-Boyfriend, But He Only Calls Me When He Wants Phone Sex

My Catholic Boyfriend Refuses to Have Sex With Me. Should I Try to Seduce Him.

My Ex Keeps Promising to Commit, But He Never Follows Through.

And especially, this one:

This Guy Loves Talking to Me But Does Not Want to be My Boyfriend

Are you getting the idea? Your story, Maria, is the most common story on Earth – the woman who is convinced that the man has equally strong feelings from her, except he’s just not acting on them, dammit!

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I had been with my girlfriend for just about a year. Throughout the relationship, I have always felt that she approaches “us” superficially and somewhat dispassionately. To make a long story short, she is really into being healthy, almost to an unhealthy extreme. Up at 6 to jog, workout tape at 7:30 and off to work by 8. Comes home, and goes to yoga at 6, returns by 8…only to be in bed by 9 each night (including weekends!). Needless to say, I became disenchanted and did something I had never done before.

One Friday night after she refused my invitation for dinner and dancing because she needed to get her rest, I went online and perused the singles ads. I connected with someone who was really into stimulating conversation, going out, and basically living a varied life. I never told this person I lived with my girlfriend and somehow she found out and called her. My girlfriend moved out and didn’t even shed a tear. I know she was hurt, but it’s just her way of expressing herself. We tried to reconcile, but the “other girl” would call and antagonize the situation with lies. I haven’t seen this girl since my girlfriend and I broke up. My girlfriend says she can’t trust me and she’s scared I will hurt her again.

Recently, I ended up in the hospital for an unrelated condition, and she was there for me. However, as soon as I left the hospital, she cut off ALL communication with me. My question: Is this relationship worth pursuing, and if so, how can I get her to understand that I love her and want to marry her. I do want to work things out, but I want us BOTH to make concessions to make each other happy. Thanks.

A

You can tell a lot by how someone tells a story. And what your story tells me is that you somehow think that your ex is to blame for the demise of the relationship. The focus of your letter is on what she did wrong – SHE spends too much time working out, SHE refused dinner and dancing, SHE moved out without crying, SHE cut off all communication with me.

Hey, buddy?

YOU cheated on her!

Now, because of the way you told the story, it’s impossible to tell what exactly was entailed during your infidelity. You seem to think that it doesn’t matter because your cold ex doesn’t know how to compromise. Well, I can tell you, my friend, the details of your Friday night excursion absolutely matter.

It’s impossible to tell what exactly was entailed during your infidelity. You seem to think that it doesn’t matter because your cold ex doesn’t know how to compromise.

Did you sleep with the woman in the singles ad?
Did you go out with her once or did you see her for a full month?
Did you pull away from your girlfriend emotionally when you started having your affair?

My guess is that the answer to all of these questions is “yes” and yet there is no sense that you’re taking any real responsibility for the demise of your relationship. I think it’s pretty clear that you’d still be together if you weren’t caught cheating. But the real question, A, is this: Why?!

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