I’m capping off an AMAZING day with my four Monday afternoon clients. I’m so inspired by their willingness to look within for answers, instead of taking the easy route of blame. One of them literally sounds like a completely different person than she was when we first started coaching back in February. But that’s another story for another day.

Today, I want to share with you an exciting triumph from New York. Rachel is in her early 30′s, comes from an upper-middle-class Jewish family, and has spent her life being the “friend” to most of the men she meets. After her Mom called me to engage my coaching services (I’m a wonderful gift, or so I’ve been told), Rachel and I set out to change all of her dating patterns that she’s built up her whole life.

She gave him the chance to show her a good time – and he did. Over and over and over again.

We did the usual online dating stuff: the new profile, the new photo, the new email technique. That’s what gets my clients rolling first. After all, there’s no dating coaching without actual DATES. So now that Rachel’s getting attention online, we get into the juicy stuff: how to flirt, how to be a great first date, how to let go of negativity, how to understand the male agenda, how to open up to different guys, how to deal with sex, how to judge men for their actions instead of their potential. You know, all the conepts you read about here.

Well, last week, Rachel tells me that she’s got a boyfriend. He’s taken down his Match profile, she’s doing the same, and, thanks to my coaching, she hadn’t yet slept with him until it was official.

But what makes this story extra special for me is that Rachel opened up to a guy who was COMPLETELY different than her. I mean – different age, different race, different career background – EVERYTHING. How did this happen? What distinguished this boyfriend from the pack?

She gave him the chance to show her a good time – and he did. Over and over and over again. She couldn’t believe it while it was happening, because he was not what she was looking for. But he is what she found. Here’s what Rachel had to say about her experience of working with me the past few months:

“I was more open to men I wouldn’t have given a chance to previously. At first I started responding to men I wouldn’t have before because I was trying to follow your advice and practice your writing strategies. It worked and I liked this guy. As you say, he was not the package I pictured. You also told me that it was easy come, easy go. So I started taking the date for what it was: a date. I stopped applying any pressure to it. I also went with the flow. The first date I wanted to have one drink and go home, but I was having fun and I had a second drink. It was really comfortable. I stopped worrying about the next day, didn’t check my watch and let myself have a good time.”

What Rachel doesn’t share was that she was in a crappy mood on the day of her first date. That’s right. She wasn’t that attracted to his profile, she wasn’t up for going out, she didn’t even want to be there. But Rachel heard my annoying voice in her head and did the most novel thing: she opened up and gave a guy a chance to shine. And shine, he did.

Now she’s got a boyfriend, using the same way I got a wife – by breaking her self-imposed rules about how it’s supposed to look and appreciating someone for his kindness, humor, and positive energy.

Do you know any couples who have found happiness in unexpected packages? And would you rather hold out for how it’s “supposed” to look than open up to a new possibility?

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When people think dating coach, unfortunately, this is what they probably think. You can thank the pick-up artist community for inspiring such wonderful comedy. My job, as I see it, is mostly in stopping women from going out with guys like this. Anyway, enjoy the video, and have an amazing weekend.

Click here to learn how I can show you the path to dating success!

Click here to learn the 5 Massive Mistakes You’re Making In Your Love Life – And How to Turn Them Around Instantly!

Two years ago, I met a guy online. We quickly found that we had a lot in common and conversation was easy. We don’t live far apart and made general plans to meet up for drinks after he got back from a trip. We kept in contact over the first couple of weeks he was gone, but by the end of this trip, the emails diminished dramatically. I soon found out he began dating a much younger girl (he’s 27, she’s 20, I’m 25) that he had known for a couple of years and was traveling with him. I was upset, but not at him, just the circumstances. We didn’t talk very regularly after that. Continue Reading »

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As a dating coach, I serve many roles. Friend. Confidante. Big brother. Teacher. Taskmaster. Cheerleader. Roll those all into one and you have me – a guy who spends 4 hours a day on the phone as a sponge for the frustrations, pain and negativity felt by my private clients. It's no different than being a shrink perhaps, but one of my clients, who IS a shrink, thinks I've got the tougher job.

Because while a psychologist can keep on asking questions: "How does that make you feel?", "What do YOU think that means?", my clients turn to me for ANSWERS. They want results. They're not concerned with conquering their inner demons as much as getting clarity on when love will come their way.

How do you keep on going when you're successful at everything else in life, yet every romantic partner you touch turns to crap?

Today, I spoke with a special client. I won't out her, but she knows who she is. Like most of my clients, she's got everything going for her – bright, successful, interesting, relationship-oriented. How she's unique is that she's 33 (which is young for my clients) and she's undeniably cute (which isn't rare, but makes it far easier for her to attract men). Working with her has been a pure joy for me, as I am witness to her spectacular growth on a week-by-week basis. We've been talking for 11 weeks now, and I am astounded at how far she's come. Yet tonight, all she could tell me was how sad she was. Three bad dates in the past week. No promising leads on the horizon. Negative thoughts creeping into her head. Why bother with dating at all? Great question. One I've tackled relatively recently. But still, it persists.

How do you keep on going when you're successful at everything else in life, yet every romantic partner you touch turns to crap? We spent an hour talking about this today, and I was thrilled to say that my client felt a thousand times better after the call than she did when we started the call. For her, metaphors, logic, and analogies are a big key to giving her a healthier perspective. Thank god, because that's what I do best. Anyway, I pointed out to her that, because she's a catch, 90% of the guys she meets are going to fall short of her standards. Which means, logically, that she might have to go on 9 mediocre dates until she finds one guy she's excited about. If she didn't have such high standards, she might be satisfied by the cute, boring guys she just passed up. But since she does have high standards, only 10% of men will be eligible. That's nothing to get angry at. It just means that due to her smaller dating pool, it will take her more time than it takes other women.

If we extrapolate further, of the 10% of the guys she's open to, half of them will not be into her, and half of them will be into her. That's dating for you. So now we've established that 1 out of 20 guys is boyfriend-eligible.

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My wife – age 39 1/2 – just forwarded me the below – a snippet from an old Andy Rooney segment. While I tend to tune out most of his messages – focusing largely on his remarkably bushy white eyebrows, I think that Mr. Rooney has clearly accumulated some wisdom over his 90 years.

Here’s just a few reasons that he values women over 40 most of all:

A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, ‘What are you thinking?’ She doesn’t care what you think.

If a woman over 40 doesn’t want to watch the game, she doesn’t sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do, and it’s usually more interesting.

Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won’t hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it’s like to be unappreciated.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40.

Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.

Older women are forthright and honest. They’ll tell you right off if you are a jerk, if you are acting like one. You don’t ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it’s not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize.

For all those men who say, ‘Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? here’s an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it’s not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!

I’m not sold on the anti-marriage, mini-sausage sentiments, but the rest rings true. Women, like fine wines, often improve with age.

I remember a 24-year-old woman who had a crush on me when I was in my early 30′s. I told her she was too young for me. She was incredulous. No man rejects a 24-year-old woman! I let her know that if she thought she was amazing now, she should imagine herself in 5 years, at age 29. And in another 5 years, at age 34. In fact, I told her, if you look back on your life every five years, you’ll realize that you knew nothing five years ago. It’s been the case for me, and I trust it’s been the same for that adorable 24-year-old.

There’s no replacing the wisdom and life experience of an older woman – presuming, of course, that the woman has learned from her experience and become better (not bitter) for it.

Apart from smooth skin and the ability to procreate, I’m not sure what younger women have over older ones. Readers? Your thoughts, as always, are appreciated.

It turns out that men and women may have a lot more in common than we thought – even when it comes to picking someone to settle down with. In fact, Sciencedaily.com reports on recent findings from Northwestern University, where they conducted research through a series of speed dating events.

“When women were assigned to the traditionally male role of approaching potential romantic partners, they were not any pickier than men in choosing that special someone to date, according to the speed dating study. That finding, of course, is contrary to well established evolutionary explanations about mate selection. An abundance of such research suggests that women are influenced by higher reproductive costs (bearing and raising children) than men and thus are much choosier when it comes to love interests.”

“Deviating from standard speed-dating experiments – and from the typical conventions at professional speed-dating events – women in the study were required to go from man to man during their four-minute speed dates half the time, rather than always staying put. In most speed-dating events, the women stay in one place as the men circulate.”

“Regardless of gender, those who rotated experienced greater romantic desire for their partners, compared to those who sat throughout the event. The rotators, compared to the sitters, tended to have a greater interest in seeing their speed-dating partners again.”

There are so many questions that come up. Do you think that speed dating offers scientific opportunities for studying romantic attraction in action? Do you think that in an ever-changing society, women’s and men’s roles in the pursuit of romance are becoming more alike? Please share your thoughts and questions with the rest of us.

Before I sign off, I just want to remind you that this is the LAST DAY you can save $100 off my CD series Finding the One Online. Get a jump on your love life and order now by clicking http://www.findingtheoneonline.com/promo/

Ah, the fabled silver lining – there's one for every dark cloud. Even the worst break-ups have them, according to Happenmag.com. In this article, the author collects true-life break-up stories that turn out to have happy endings.

"About five years ago, I met Sara at a Memorial Day barbecue and we began going out. We had fun together – I wasn't sure it was anything that was heading towards marriage, but I had a good time with her. She must have felt the same way too, because a few weeks into our dating, she said, 'You know, you're a great guy, and at the risk of sounding totally weird, I think you would really hit it off with my sister, Kathy.' Even though the rejection stung a little, I said I was up for meeting her sister. Good thing I did – Sara was the maid of honor when Kathy and I got married."

Do you have an experience where a break-up turned out to be a good thing, perhaps even the best thing that came out of that relationship? Share them with our readers, and comment on what others have to say. And just a quick note that I'll be back from my vacation tomorrow, so this is the last chance to take advantage of $100 off my CD series, Finding the One Online. To find out more or to order, click http://www.findingtheoneonline.com/promo/

We're all facing some tough financial times these days, but it can be especially tough for single men who have lost their jobs. According to msnbc, not only are men losing jobs at a faster rate than women, they also believes it seriously impedes their dating life.

"Men have been hit much harder than women by this recession. Close to 80 percent of the job losses since December 2007 were jobs held by men, according to economics expert Mark J. Perry, who analyzed Bureau of Labor Statistics data. April unemployment was a seasonally adjusted 10 percent for men and 7.6 percent for women."

"For some guys, unemployment is the last thing they want to reveal to a potential date. Even if men aren't expected to pay for a date, they feel pressure from women who are looking for someone who is financially stable."

So what do you think? For the women, would you date a guy who has lost his job during the recession? And men, would you wait to tell your date that your unemployed, or would you tell them up front? And if you haven't heard, I'm doing a little recession bailout of my own! While I'm on vacation, I'm offering a $100 discount on my Finding the One Online CD series – go to www.findingtheoneonline.com/promo to find out more. That's just $197 or three payments of $66. But this sale ends when I get back – June 21^st!

Hi Evan,

I’ve been reading your blog weekly for almost 6 months, and have been many of your past archives. I’ve not seen this question answered before, so here goes: Where do you draw the line when your girlfriend asks for money? We’ve enjoyed each other immensely for the last 9 months… until she decided to return to school to get an advanced degree. She now can only work part-time, and has trouble paying her bills. On top of that, her car recently died and she had no money to get another one. I gave her some money to help her get a used car, but she still struggles to pay her ($1,000 per month) mortgage and other bills. She says that since she would do anything for me if I had problems, she expects her man to do likewise for her. I have a decent job (making about 100K per year), but I just don’t like the idea of giving anyone money. We appear to be breaking up over this, since she says she really can’t stand the thought of her man not helping her out if he can afford to do so. Am I wrong?

Bob

Dear Bob,

Congratulations. You’re her sugar daddy.

As I see it, the real problem here is that you bailed her out without having a commitment – and now she feels entitled to more bailout money. You’re the U.S. Government, she’s AIG – and your relationship is still ill-defined.

She’s relying on you as a husband even though you’re not a husband. Which makes this a good time to ask yourself: do I want to marry this woman

And, if not, breaking up might not be the worst thing in the world.

As I see it, the real problem here is that you bailed her out without having a commitment – and now she feels entitled to more bailout money. You’re the U.S. Government, she’s AIG – and your relationship is still ill-defined.

That ill-defined relationship – 9 good months together without living together or getting engaged – seems to have created a blurry set of expectations on her part. She genuinely thinks that your money is her money and is depending on you to carry her while she tries to work and go to school simultaneously.

And unless you agreed to that arrangement, you’re allowing yourself to be used by her. It’s really easy for her to say that she’d do anything for you – in theory, I’m sure she would. But what if you decided you were going to quit your six-figure job to be supported by her as you attend art school. And to supplement that, you asked for an allowance, because affording rent, tuition and supplies was suddenly cost-prohibitive? I’ll bet she’d be singing a different tune.

The rules do change when you’re living together, engaged, or married. If I’m paying $3000/month rent and my fiance lives in my room and can’t afford to contribute much to our monthly expenses, that’s fine.

If her car gets dinged and she’s too cash-poor to fix it, I’ll offer a loan, which she may or may not repay.

Hell, this year, my wife underdeclared her taxes and I had to spend a decent chunk of change to make it right with the IRS. Was I thrilled? No. But that’s the sacrifice of marriage. That’s what you do in a partnership.

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A Brooklyn man is doing just that! A recent piece on nypost.com reports that Sean McGinn is taking Match.com to court due to the "humiliation and disappointment" on lonely hearts "who feel rejected when their e-mails get no reply."

Sean McGinn alleges the popular matchmaking Web site dangles phony date bait by posting profiles of people who no longer subscribe to its $39.99-a-month service. As a result, lovelorn singles have been "defrauded" out of millions of dollars and countless hours spent sending heartfelt missives in vain."

McGinn is also demanding that the Internet's biggest dating site "cease and desist its deceptive practices," which he claims are "willfully causing emotional harm to the consumer and social harm to society at large.

"Match's policy causes severe emotional distress and anxiety for some [subscribers], including those who keep writing e-mails to one member after another and never hear back because he/she is writing to people who've canceled," his suit says.

So what are your thoughts on this case? Do you think Match.com, or any online dating site for that matter, deceives users with inaccurate claims? Would love to hear what you think. While we're on the subject on online dating, just a reminder that the sale on my Finding the One Online CD series is only available for another 6 days. Get $100 off the complete package by clicking http://www.findingtheoneonline.com/promo/.