Evan,

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 7 months. This past month, our intimacy levels have severely dropped. A friend of ours who we confide in mutually passed along to me that my boyfriend told him that he just doesn’t want me sexually. He says he wants to want me, that I am beautiful and sexy to him, but he doesn’t have the drive.

Prior to this conversation with our friend, he and I had had a fight about our lack of sexual intimacy. I told him that I didn’t feel wanted by him and that I always have to initiate sex and that when we are being intimate, he doesn’t do any type of foreplay with me at all. I do all the kissing, touching, etc and he just lays back and enjoys the ride. Other aspects of our relationship were great, but have been affected by that. I know that this issue has made us both resentful and I just need some insight into how I can make him want me again. He says it happens to him in every relationship, that the sex starts out great, but he loses his drive if he is with a woman longer than 4 months. He won’t talk about it, so that we can get to the root of it and move past it and improve our relationship, yet he says that he wants to work on it and make it better. What can I do to help this situation? –Lena Continue Reading »

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A new study in the American Psychological Association journal Emotion reports a significant gender difference in the sexual attractiveness of smiles.

In a series of studies, more than 1,000 adult participants rated the sexual attractiveness of hundreds of images of the opposite sex engaged in universal displays of happiness (broad smiles), pride (raised heads, puffed-up chests) and shame (lowered heads, averted eyes).

The study found that women were least attracted to smiling, happy men. In contrast, male participants were most sexually attracted to women who looked happy, and least attracted to women who appeared proud and confident.

The results seem to reinforce old stereotypes. Women really do prefer the “strong, silent type.”

Surprisingly, displays of shame were attractive to both sexes. Shame conveys social awareness and “appeasement behavior,” indicating a potential partner’s trustworthiness and desire to be accepted.

Read more here. Does this apply to you? Please share your comments below.

My client Christie just told me a horrible story about her fiancé pulling away from her.

My client May recently informed me that her on-again/off-again boyfriend was off-again.

My client Selma has been so hurt by her last guy that she’s keeping all her relationships casual.

If you empathize with them, and you find that your love life, too, is a perpetual challenge, it doesn’t have to be that way. Really. It doesn’t. Continue Reading »

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Dear Evan,

People say “It will happen when you least expect it.” Well, I’ve been “least expecting it” for more than 10 years since my divorce. I’ve been “least expecting it” while raising my daughter, finishing college and managing a home and career.

Shortly after I was separated I dated a man casually. We spent a few long weekends together and he told me before we became intimately involved that he was not seeking a monogamous relationship. We were both in the same place. We never really had closure. I always felt good about not chasing him and knew that if he was interested he would contact me again. Continue Reading »

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Elizabeth has stopped chasing men who are ambivalent about her.

Anita is having a great time getting to know her new man.

Stephanie has a guy who’s completely into her.

Irene does, too, and she can’t believe how easy it is.

Why am I telling you about these newly empowered women?

Because all of them were longtime readers, like you.

However, these women weren’t content with free weekly dating advice. They wanted a permanent change in their love lives.

They all joined my Inner Circle this year and have seen an instant impact – both on the way that men respond to them…and on the way that they respond to men.

If you’ve enjoyed my material, but noticed that your love life hasn’t actually changed for the better, you need someone to hold you accountable. That’s my job.

As your Personal Trainer for Love, my mission is to show you a new paradigm for success that will give you the ultimate power and control over your own destiny.

No more waiting for Mr. Right to show up. Here’s how you can take action now:

http://www.evanmarckatz.com/coaching/group-coaching/inner-circle-signup.php

The Inner Circle is the only way you can get access to private coaching outside of my $3000-$5000 one-on-one coaching courses. And the price couldn’t be better:

Only $397/month for a minimum of four months.

Considering that I’ll be answering your most pressing dating three times a month, and that I’m giving away free copies of both Why He Disappeared and Finding the One Online, you can’t afford to NOT join my Inner Circle.

If you want to read more about the Inner Circle, you can click here:

But act fast: there are only a handful of slots before the 12 person group is full.

See you in class on Monday, June 6th!

YourTango.com, Chemistry.com and glo.com conducted a survey of 22,000 people about attraction.

Both men and women agree that kindness, sense of humor and sexual chemistry are most important when meeting someone for the first time.

The study found that 20% of people think sexual attraction ISN’T necessary to fall in love… but nearly equal percentages of men and women – 86% and 88% – believe that sexual attraction IS necessary to maintain a relationship. And one in seven women believes that sexual attraction can sustain a relationship for a lifetime.

Most important for long-term attraction? Watch the video and find out. Do you agree? Tell us in the comments section below.

As you know, one of the most fascinating things about dating is how there’s always more than meets the eye. And what we want to happen on a date doesn’t always correspond to what REALLY happens on a date.

So, just for a second, I want you think of the date to whom you were MOST attracted upon your first meeting.

Just seeing him gave you butterflies.

Just thinking about him made you tingle.

And when you weren’t with him, all you could think about was being with him again.

That attraction is an intoxicating feeling. But what happens when you’re that intoxicated by a man? Continue Reading »

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Dear Evan,
Why don’t men hate being single as much as women do? I know you say most men are marriage-minded underneath but they seem much less interested in getting into a stable, committed relationship than women do, and seem to drag their heels.

Some of the things I hate about being single are (in no particular order): lack of love, affection and emotional support; not having someone to go on vacation with; not having someone to share domestic tasks with; being excluded from social gatherings because I don’t have a partner; not having someone to talk to at home on a day to day basis; having to cope with the financial burden of being single (apartment, bills etc.); not having a regular source of quality sex available. Continue Reading »

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How do you rate your attractiveness compared to others in your age range? Are you a 7? An 8? Or even a 10?

A fascinating article on Bigthink.com about how we rank our own attractiveness suggests that most of us are pretty bad at rating our own looks.

“Everyone can find at least one good picture of themselves. And if everyone puts their very best picture on their online dating profile (and why wouldn’t they?), then anyone trying to estimate the distribution of attractiveness using dating profile pictures will almost certainly overestimate the average level of attractiveness for people of that gender who are searching on that market.”

The author compares the online dating market to an economic market and suggests that ranking our own attractiveness is akin to setting our price in the marketplace. She concludes that over-estimating our looks in the online marketplace may lead to poor results in online dating because if we overstate our own physical beauty, then we are very likely to over-shoot our expectations for a potential partner.

Read the article here and let me know what you think.

A reader called me up last week to inquire about my dating coaching services.

She’s 57 years old.

She’s been divorced and widowed to two older men. Neither marriage sounded like a happy one. In our time on the phone, they sounded loveless, sexless and painful.

For that reason, she really wants to get back out there and find love again.

But because of the pain she suffered in the past, she made a rule for her new single life – a rule that she was NOT going to break, no matter what.

“I am not going to date any man who is my age or older.” Continue Reading »

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