Comments on: A Billion Wicked Thoughts: What Internet Searches Say About You

By: Joe

Joe — Thu, 02 Jun 2011 12:55:14 +0000

#18 Nicole: the reason women whose bodies fit the properly-used term “curvy” don’t (or are told not to) use that category when describing themselves in their online profiles is because overweight women have co-opted that category when describing themselves. They’re not fat, they’re curvy. There’s a lot of “body type” creep online. People who are really average call themselves slender; people who are overweight call themselves average (or curvy).

Of course, with the average American being overweight, maybe “overweight” *is* the new “average.”

By: Venus

Venus — Sun, 15 May 2011 19:31:15 +0000

Steve and Nicole, I accept your points. But frankly I feel that the survey itself is questionable. Especially as it does not go further to explain the seemingly contradictory trends it reports as findings.

By: Nicole

Nicole — Sun, 15 May 2011 13:40:11 +0000

@Venus,
That is fine, but no one questioned the idea that men like older women. Why question one and not the other? You could argue that both sound pretty ludicrous based on what society tells us that women need to be.

It is all relative but no one felt the need to say, oh, well, clearly they meant 40 year olds if the survey takers are 30, and weren’t suggesting that 21 year old men found Grandma Moses sexy…

@Kenley, I think that the illusion of choice and the fact that you can right click on a bunch of attributes online is a game changer. It’s also why the 50 year old and drop loads of emails on 30 something women.

So I think that people pass over people online that they might find appealing if they met live, since those people aren’t included in their filter, and b/c all descriptions are relative and men esp. seem really fearful about the size one(I was talking to a Brazilian woman who used “curvy” and had men she met tell her that she wasn’t “curvy” and that she should call herself “athletic and toned”, and it was clear that they thought “curvy” was a bad word). I see overweight women with good-looking, athletic-looking men too, but I’d definitley love to know how many (or if any) of those relationships started online b/c I think that it makes it harder when shopping for a woman is like picking out pants.

By: Jasminar

Jasminar — Sat, 14 May 2011 09:14:53 +0000

cool!

By: Steve

Steve — Mon, 09 May 2011 12:14:03 +0000

Venus 15 I don’t believe anyone is stating that only thin people can get dates. Its simply a matter of questioning the posit that men in general find heavier women more sexually attractive. "Heavier" is a relative term and that might might be one possible factor in the discord between the article and what we see in everyday life. "Heavier" may simply mean "heavier than an emaciated runway model" or "heavier than models in fashion magazines". "Heavier" may not mean "significantly overweight".

By: Venus

Venus — Mon, 09 May 2011 04:01:13 +0000

I don’t believe anyone is stating that only thin people can get dates. Its simply a matter of questioning the posit that men in general find heavier women more sexually attractive.

If we read a report that said four year olds secretly preferred broccoli to ice-cream and that they would get up in the middle of the night to raid the refrigerator for left over broccoli, how likely are we to accept that?

A lot of these reports that are put out there simply have no basis in fact. Show me a controlled study that produces these results and I will become a believer.

By: Jadafisk

Jadafisk — Mon, 09 May 2011 02:28:48 +0000

11. I’m saying that it’s possible for a very slender woman to have a naturally occuring and distinctly feminine frame, even though the ways in which a thin woman looks womanly will often differ from the ways that larger women do *in the aggregate.* I said that larger women tend to be more capable of being naturally pneumatic – I did not say that they were “shapeless blobs,” quite the opposite. Also, if anyone’s definition of “real woman” means that in some places, only 10% of reproductive-aged females will actually qualify, that definition is deeply flawed.

By: Kenley

Kenley — Mon, 09 May 2011 02:26:14 +0000

A few months ago, Evan shared a report that indicated that when it comes to weight and size, most men just want the women they are with to be thinner than they are. So, if we follow that logic, it may be that some of the men looking at overweight women are also overweight themselves.

Moreover, this idea that men only like thin women is just not true. I’ve been dating online and I’ve ranged from being 20 to 40 lbs overweight and I have had plenty of dates and a couple of relationships with good men. Granted, I may not have as many dates as thinner, younger women, but I have all the dates I can handle and that’s all that matters to me.

Beyond my own dating experience, I see overweight people coupled up ALL THE TIME. So, I don’t understand why this idea that only thin men and women can get dates, relationships, or marriages continues to persist.

Also, I have seen plenty of men on Match — at least in the age range I am interested in — list that the physical type they prefer is average or a few extra pounds. Average for Americans IS overweight and a few extra pounds is also overweight. So, once again, I am just not seeing men ruling out all but thin women.

By: starthrower68

starthrower68 — Sun, 08 May 2011 23:00:44 +0000

I think the main thing is to not worry so much about what the preference is and to learn not to need the external approval and validation. I know that’s easier said than done, but it certainly does take some pressure off. This is not a comment saying that what men are turned on by is wrong. I just don’t feel the need to live up to some ideal.

By: Nicole

Nicole — Sun, 08 May 2011 22:45:57 +0000

@Jadafisk…not all thin women have naturally smaller waists just like all women above a certain size don’t turn into shapeless blobs. Everyone has a different proportion, be it waist to hip ratio, bone structure, bust size, etc. And while at a certain point(be it too heavy or too thin), you will lose your figure, the point at which that occurs is not universal. I know plenty of small women who have no waists and have pronounced muffin tops and jiggly arms. And I know heavier women who still have nice hourglass figures or slim limbs. People’s overall proportions vary widely.

I already hate this post because everyone wants to point out that no one really likes heavy women, which I think everyone kind of already knows. Don’t worry, no one is going to think that but everyone feels obligated to point it out. Or rather, I should say the number of men who will choose it first or consider it equally is much smaller. It’s just interesting how everyone wants to attack that particular point, but not the one about older women.

I think that there is a lot to be said about peer pressure when it comes to both men and women, and there are plenty of people who pick what they are “supposed” to like as opposed to what they really want out of fear of what other people will think. So you have men of one race, who might want to pick women of another race and as a result, are probably looking at porn that involves women of those races. The same would be true of body type. Some men are attracted to larger women, but I think let themselves get shamed into suppressing it. Ditto for race, ditto for height, ditto for almost anything you could think of.

And what do you mean, overweight women try to make themselves more “sexually appealing.” Don’t all women try to do that? I wasn’t aware that thinner women didn’t try as hard to be appealing. Or are you trying to say that you think that overweight women are sexually “easy” in an attempt to compete with their thinner counterparts?

I didn’t think that it was news that men like real women, not the extreme caricatures on either end of the spectrum, whether it be fat fetishes or 14 year old, 6 foot tall, 100 lb runway models.

Women consume the fashion magazines and many buy into the idea that you can never be too thin. Truthfully, even taking body size out of it, a lot of those women are rather harsh looking and sometimes rather ugly (in the face). They look nothing like the women who are in Maxim or the Victoria’s Secret models either.

I don’t think it’s too surprising that in countries where the women all look one way, the men find that look appealing, but you can also bet that if you go there as a foreigner and statistical outlier, some people will find that attractive too. I’m sure that with the internet, the men in those countries are downloading images of women who come in different colors and shapes than the locals.