Comments on: A Checklist to Determine That He’s Just Not That Into You – Once and For All! http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/a-checklist-to-determine-that-hes-just-not-that-into-you-once-and-for-all/ Sun, 14 Mar 2010 23:47:00 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1 hourly 1 By: Chris K http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/a-checklist-to-determine-that-hes-just-not-that-into-you-once-and-for-all/comment-page-3/#comment-38279 Chris K Mon, 20 Jul 2009 08:16:31 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=1324#comment-38279 Sounds like it's in the grey zone. Maybe he really likes you, but hasn't been knocked off his feet - maybe he's not the sort of person who tends to get knock off his feet or follow his heart. Keep in touch, appreciate his thoughtfulness, but see other people. And be honest with him, of course. Good luck. Just my thoughts - I don't claim to be an expert, but I've learnt from my many mistakes! Sounds like it’s in the grey zone.

Maybe he really likes you, but hasn’t been knocked off his feet – maybe he’s not the sort of person who tends to get knock off his feet or follow his heart.

Keep in touch, appreciate his thoughtfulness, but see other people. And be honest with him, of course. Good luck.

Just my thoughts – I don’t claim to be an expert, but I’ve learnt from my many mistakes!

]]> By: Chris K http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/a-checklist-to-determine-that-hes-just-not-that-into-you-once-and-for-all/comment-page-3/#comment-38276 Chris K Mon, 20 Jul 2009 06:31:01 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=1324#comment-38276 Sounds like he doesn't want to make big promises, but his actions (and words) show he *is* interested. There's a few possibilities about this guy. Sometimes we don't realize how fleeting an opportunity is, and we can lose it (in this case, he could lose you). Sometimes we really like someone, but are not so wrapped in them that we drop everything and pursue them - that's a small dose of the HJNTIY thing. I also agree with Karl R's response below. My thought is - stay in touch, see how things develop, but if there's no commitment from his side, definitely see other people (and be honest with him about that). Good luck! (For commenting on legal issues people use the footnote "IANAL" - I am not a lawyer. So... IANAEIL - I am not an expert in love!) Sounds like he doesn’t want to make big promises, but his actions (and words) show he *is* interested.

There’s a few possibilities about this guy. Sometimes we don’t realize how fleeting an opportunity is, and we can lose it (in this case, he could lose you). Sometimes we really like someone, but are not so wrapped in them that we drop everything and pursue them – that’s a small dose of the HJNTIY thing.

I also agree with Karl R’s response below.

My thought is – stay in touch, see how things develop, but if there’s no commitment from his side, definitely see other people (and be honest with him about that). Good luck!

(For commenting on legal issues people use the footnote “IANAL” – I am not a lawyer. So… IANAEIL – I am not an expert in love!)

]]> By: Cassie1972 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/a-checklist-to-determine-that-hes-just-not-that-into-you-once-and-for-all/comment-page-3/#comment-38248 Cassie1972 Sun, 19 Jul 2009 20:07:55 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=1324#comment-38248 Amen!! Just got out of a situation like that. I agree with you 100% Amen!! Just got out of a situation like that. I agree with you 100%

]]> By: Chris K http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/a-checklist-to-determine-that-hes-just-not-that-into-you-once-and-for-all/comment-page-3/#comment-38092 Chris K Fri, 17 Jul 2009 15:32:56 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=1324#comment-38092 Kirsten, A few years ago a woman I met seemed to be into me, and she was great, but I wasn't feeling any chemistry. Then one day she turned up at a party looking really nice (not especially revealing, just nice) and bam, I felt the chemistry. Might seem shallow (and I'm not a guy that puts looks at the top of my list) but there you are. Some small thing (not necessarily appearance) may tip the balance - you can't know if it will work, but it might. Flirt, have fun, and good luck! Kirsten,

A few years ago a woman I met seemed to be into me, and she was great, but I wasn’t feeling any chemistry. Then one day she turned up at a party looking really nice (not especially revealing, just nice) and bam, I felt the chemistry. Might seem shallow (and I’m not a guy that puts looks at the top of my list) but there you are.

Some small thing (not necessarily appearance) may tip the balance – you can’t know if it will work, but it might. Flirt, have fun, and good luck!

]]> By: Selena http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/a-checklist-to-determine-that-hes-just-not-that-into-you-once-and-for-all/comment-page-3/#comment-38049 Selena Fri, 17 Jul 2009 04:52:26 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=1324#comment-38049 Kirsten, You can certainly make your intentions clear if you want to. Just be prepared it likely won't change anything. My pride would prevent me from trying to make some guy want me, but I'm not you. Perhaps for you, "trying to make it happen" would be what you needed so you could tell yourself you did all you could. ?? Kirsten,
You can certainly make your intentions clear if you want to. Just be prepared it likely won’t change anything.

My pride would prevent me from trying to make some guy want me, but I’m not you. Perhaps for you, “trying to make it happen” would be what you needed so you could tell yourself you did all you could. ??

]]> By: hunter http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/a-checklist-to-determine-that-hes-just-not-that-into-you-once-and-for-all/comment-page-3/#comment-38036 hunter Fri, 17 Jul 2009 00:17:11 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=1324#comment-38036 Kirsten lusts this man so bad, that I can almost smell him. There is nothing wrong with seducing your partner. Kirsten lusts this man so bad, that I can almost smell him. There is nothing wrong with seducing your partner.

]]> By: starthrower68 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/a-checklist-to-determine-that-hes-just-not-that-into-you-once-and-for-all/comment-page-3/#comment-38008 starthrower68 Thu, 16 Jul 2009 19:12:43 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=1324#comment-38008 Kristen, I understand your question, but I guess what I think of, is, should I have to "make it happen"? Yes, relationships require time, effort, and commitment but those things come naturally to both people as a result of a mutual desire, goal, or whatever you call it. But you can't ever "make" someone want to be with you. And why would you want to? Wouldn't you want to know that's what, in his heart of hearts, he wants? Kristen,

I understand your question, but I guess what I think of, is, should I have to “make it happen”? Yes, relationships require time, effort, and commitment but those things come naturally to both people as a result of a mutual desire, goal, or whatever you call it. But you can’t ever “make” someone want to be with you. And why would you want to? Wouldn’t you want to know that’s what, in his heart of hearts, he wants?

]]> By: kirsten http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/a-checklist-to-determine-that-hes-just-not-that-into-you-once-and-for-all/comment-page-3/#comment-37933 kirsten Thu, 16 Jul 2009 02:02:14 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=1324#comment-37933 I'm pondering the idea that we still need to make an effort. Knowing he just isn't that into me is helpful and makes me feel better, but should I always give up? If, for instance, I applied for a job and they just didn't feel I was the right choice, should I give up right then? Don't send the thank you letter or follow up with a phone call? Do I withhold my portfolio no matter what? Or, do I up my game, be a better me and present myself honestly with prowess and intent? Remind them why I'm the right candidate. I get it. He's not that into me. And I'm fine with that. But what about me? I don't know the answer, and I'm hemming and hawing that it's a lost cause and it'll make it worse the harder you try... Or, can I make another attempt. Make my honest intensions clear? Make it happen. .-= kirsten´s last blog ..<a href="http://imwithcupid.wordpress.com/2009/07/15/shameless/" rel="nofollow">Shameless</a> =-. I’m pondering the idea that we still need to make an effort. Knowing he just isn’t that into me is helpful and makes me feel better, but should I always give up?

If, for instance, I applied for a job and they just didn’t feel I was the right choice, should I give up right then? Don’t send the thank you letter or follow up with a phone call? Do I withhold my portfolio no matter what? Or, do I up my game, be a better me and present myself honestly with prowess and intent? Remind them why I’m the right candidate.

I get it. He’s not that into me. And I’m fine with that. But what about me? I don’t know the answer, and I’m hemming and hawing that it’s a lost cause and it’ll make it worse the harder you try… Or, can I make another attempt. Make my honest intensions clear? Make it happen.
.-= kirsten´s last blog ..Shameless =-.

]]> By: starthrower68 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/a-checklist-to-determine-that-hes-just-not-that-into-you-once-and-for-all/comment-page-3/#comment-37404 starthrower68 Thu, 09 Jul 2009 03:39:21 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=1324#comment-37404 I have learned, thanks to Evan, that if there is no effort made, that is probably enough of a sign he's not that into me and the rest of the stuff is a moot point. I don't stress over it anymore and move on. It has brought me much peace. I have learned, thanks to Evan, that if there is no effort made, that is probably enough of a sign he’s not that into me and the rest of the stuff is a moot point. I don’t stress over it anymore and move on. It has brought me much peace.

]]> By: Karl R http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/a-checklist-to-determine-that-hes-just-not-that-into-you-once-and-for-all/comment-page-3/#comment-36974 Karl R Thu, 02 Jul 2009 21:21:38 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=1324#comment-36974 <b>Jenn said:</b> (#98) <i>"Now what I want to know is, did he tell me this to keep me around ’cause he really likes me (like the quote from Behrendt’s book above) or not."</i> He likes you and he's trying to keep you around. But I still think <b>he's not that into you</b> ... at least not right now. <b>Jenn's boyfriend said:</b> (#98) <i>"I like you and enjoy spending time with you and I was/am interested in being more than friends, but realistically now it’s not a prudent idea to pursue a more-than-friends relationship, not because I don’t like you, but because I am not sure that I can devote an adequate time, effort, and commitment to a relationship."</i> If you're really into someone, you pursue the relationship even when it's not prudent. You make the effort to scrape together enough time for the relationship. There are lots of graduate students who manage to make time for romance. How? They really want to. I dated a single mother who worked at least 60 hours per week. How did she find the time? She really wanted to. It was only one evening per week, but she managed to make that time every single week for 7 or 8 months. There's not one "right" person in the world. There are lots of men you could have a wonderful life-long relationship with. He may be one of them. If so, this clearly is not the right time to pursue a relationship with him. But you don't want to wait around for a few years for a "maybe". So the obvious solution is to pursue other relationships and see if you can find another person who is right for you. If not, you can give it another shot after he's done with graduate school. Jenn said: (#98)
“Now what I want to know is, did he tell me this to keep me around ’cause he really likes me (like the quote from Behrendt’s book above) or not.”

He likes you and he’s trying to keep you around.

But I still think he’s not that into you … at least not right now.

Jenn’s boyfriend said: (#98)
“I like you and enjoy spending time with you and I was/am interested in being more than friends, but realistically now it’s not a prudent idea to pursue a more-than-friends relationship, not because I don’t like you, but because I am not sure that I can devote an adequate time, effort, and commitment to a relationship.”

If you’re really into someone, you pursue the relationship even when it’s not prudent. You make the effort to scrape together enough time for the relationship.

There are lots of graduate students who manage to make time for romance. How? They really want to. I dated a single mother who worked at least 60 hours per week. How did she find the time? She really wanted to. It was only one evening per week, but she managed to make that time every single week for 7 or 8 months.

There’s not one “right” person in the world. There are lots of men you could have a wonderful life-long relationship with. He may be one of them. If so, this clearly is not the right time to pursue a relationship with him. But you don’t want to wait around for a few years for a “maybe”.

So the obvious solution is to pursue other relationships and see if you can find another person who is right for you. If not, you can give it another shot after he’s done with graduate school.

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