Comments on: Special Blog Post! Advice from a Single Dating Expert’s Girlfriend

By: Bree Talon

Bree Talon — Fri, 05 Aug 2011 14:54:35 +0000

I’d have to agree that the self-awareness of which you write is key in having a healthy, lasting relationship. It’s great to hear from you, and your point about the golden rule is a good one to remember.
When I’m disagreeing with my partner (even with friends) I try to imagine a scenario where our roles were reversed and imagine how I’d want to be approached or treated – and to try and gain insight into their perspective on the situation at hand. While we might still need to find some common ground, this approach always diffuses some of my anger (emotion) which makes finding a peaceful resolution easier.
No one is perfect, we all have our “stuff” but being willing to own it and accept your partner’s helps make a successful relationship, IMHO. Anyone who feels the need to criticize the examples you use about your own and Evan’s personal character is missing the point of this article. Thanks for sharing.

By: Sayanta

Sayanta — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 23:49:01 +0000

“I�m opinionated, condescending, difficult, moody, neurotic, anxious and insecure.”

You make yourself sound like quite a catch there, Evan. ;-P j/k

By: Melissa

Melissa — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 01:04:27 +0000

Wow! This was excellent. I found myself nodding along with it.

I think its even HARDER to catch yourself with these things when you grew up with an emotionally charged family who dealt with everything by getting out there boxing gloves and screaming and duking it out. But I’m living proof that it can be done; it just takes alot of work. You gotta learn to “pick your battles”

But thank you for reminding me how IMPORTANT it is to learn these tactics. It all comes down to self-control. Men can’t help that they sometimes have a sensitivity chip missing… LOL But I think it helps me… to sometimes look at them like a cute little lost puppy who didn’t mean to poop on the carpet. ha, ha.

I thought this was very pragmatic and made a lot of sense. Thanks for enlisting her help Evan. Good stuff!

By: Alison

Alison — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 21:26:58 +0000

I agree with Kate.

I’m also left wondering where I’m going ‘wrong’, as I’m pretty sure that I don’t cry wolf, act ‘crazy’ with men, etc.

By: Evan Marc Katz

Evan Marc Katz — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 02:28:51 +0000

Why does a partner need to “handle” me, Kate? Well, because I’m a piece of work. I’m opinionated, condescending, difficult, moody, neurotic, anxious and insecure. This doesn’t deny some of my other charms; it just acknowledges that I, and you, and everyone else brings baggage to the table.

I am extremely grateful that she has the wisdom to focus on my strengths, rather than my weaknesses. Most of my other girlfriends did not.

So instead of painting this as “Evan’s giving advice to tell women to be passive and accept disloyal men”, try looking at it through a different prism. Nowhere did I say to put up with cheating men. All I said was to choose your battles. As they say, “Would you rather be right, or would you rather get along?”

My girlfriend believes in getting along. And while you can claim that this merely “prolongs” male interest, as if it’s some sort of game, you’re missing the fundamental point – it makes me appreciate her and love her even more. When something’s important to her, I know it, and I make every effort to honor her desires. This is BECAUSE of her even temperament, not in spite of it. Her generosity inspires me to be the same way.

Women come here to listen to a smart, straight, successful man explain what men are thinking. Feel free to ignore me or disagree with me all you want. It’s a free country.

All I know is that my girlfriend and I are getting married on Saturday. So clearly, this “game” she’s playing worked on at least one of us. And I sense that if you become more patient, accepting, and easygoing, it will work for you, too. This does not mean to deal with a liar, cheater or a deadbeat. It just means finding ways to say “yes” instead of always laying down your rules and then being shocked when men don’t want to play by them.

Thanks for your contribution. We may disagree, but the conversation is valuable.

Now I’m off to practice my vows.

Good night.

Evan

By: Kate

Kate — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 02:02:14 +0000

Someone needs to acknowledge the truth of Jane Hurley’s insight, posts #6 and #7. Dating advice does not have to teach women to manage men’s superior natures. Notice Evan’s introduction to his girlfriend: “what makes her so unusual is that she handles me perfectly.” Why does a partner need to handle you, Evan? Are men the dominant partners, and women must learn to accommodate men’s personalities to win their devotion? Your girlfriend admits she has “learned” how to manage men. She admits to innate behavior that plagues most of your readers: she was “a slave to my emotions” and used to “unleash the crazy” on men. But those men who defined women as “crazy” instead of understandably upset became her gold standard. This is the male perspective of female reaction, as she learned from others. She has studied the male reaction and changed her responses to prolong male interest.
Your responses to us are increasingly weary, impatient, and mildly contemptuous of women who react with understandable hurt and shock to men who were once loyal to them.
Are you sincerely trying to teach us how to escape from some men’s nasty behavior, as in “he does it because you allow him to do it” ? Or are you trying to teach women how to “win” boyfriends by changing their innate reactions, as your girlfriend exemplifies?
Are there other readers who want a more balanced approach to relationships than this “how to please a man” approach?

By: Mya

Mya — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 20:05:06 +0000

Way to go Girl..
Loved the post..

By: Ashlee

Ashlee — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 22:43:24 +0000

Your girlfriend is truly insightful. Kudos to you both for having such a healthy, balanced relationship. You both should think about psychology.

By: Eric

Eric — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 22:11:48 +0000

Eric…

I have a thing for women with authority. I believe in equality in relationships. A chick who is too passive, who never takes charge of a situation and who waits for me to make all the decisions make…

By: Hely

Hely — Wed, 12 Sep 2007 06:12:02 +0000

Thank you!!! great advise!
Im so glad for both of you guys.. i totally agree with everyone here when i say it looks like your perfect for each other!
Relationships are about compromise for both parts and when/if we want to make them work we have to try to give the best of us.
Best wishes to you both!