Comments on: Am I “Needy” If I Want to Talk to A Woman I’m Seeing Online? http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/am-i-%e2%80%9cneedy%e2%80%9d-if-i-want-to-talk-to-a-woman-i%e2%80%99m-seeing-online/ Thu, 18 Mar 2010 01:38:33 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1 hourly 1 By: Jen http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/am-i-%e2%80%9cneedy%e2%80%9d-if-i-want-to-talk-to-a-woman-i%e2%80%99m-seeing-online/comment-page-1/#comment-57761 Jen Tue, 23 Feb 2010 20:17:13 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/am-i-%e2%80%9cneedy%e2%80%9d-if-i-want-to-talk-to-a-woman-i%e2%80%99m-seeing-online/#comment-57761 Telling me you can't live without me after one month, will render you needy, whether I am into you or not. I do no want to hold anyone else's life in my hands. Telling me you can’t live without me after one month, will render you needy, whether I am into you or not. I do no want to hold anyone else’s life in my hands.

]]> By: Tigerlily http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/am-i-%e2%80%9cneedy%e2%80%9d-if-i-want-to-talk-to-a-woman-i%e2%80%99m-seeing-online/comment-page-1/#comment-15886 Tigerlily Mon, 20 Oct 2008 21:21:03 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/am-i-%e2%80%9cneedy%e2%80%9d-if-i-want-to-talk-to-a-woman-i%e2%80%99m-seeing-online/#comment-15886 You did nothing wrong. You can't second guess yourself based on the behavior of someone you have never met. Perhaps she didn't have net access and didn't see your note. Perhaps she's busy on dates with other guys. Perhaps she was really excited to meet you, then went out with someone else who she got really excited about and... a) she forgot about you, b) felt unsure if she should still see you. Most women aren't used to playing the field. It could be so many things that have nothing to do with YOU. You did nothing wrong. You can’t second guess yourself based on the behavior of someone you have never met. Perhaps she didn’t have net access and didn’t see your note. Perhaps she’s busy on dates with other guys. Perhaps she was really excited to meet you, then went out with someone else who she got really excited about and… a) she forgot about you, b) felt unsure if she should still see you. Most women aren’t used to playing the field. It could be so many things that have nothing to do with YOU.

]]> By: Mike Paahana http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/am-i-%e2%80%9cneedy%e2%80%9d-if-i-want-to-talk-to-a-woman-i%e2%80%99m-seeing-online/comment-page-1/#comment-10459 Mike Paahana Fri, 11 Jul 2008 03:54:10 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/am-i-%e2%80%9cneedy%e2%80%9d-if-i-want-to-talk-to-a-woman-i%e2%80%99m-seeing-online/#comment-10459 meeting girls online is easy, u jus gotta go for it, some times can sometimes no can but u not going no unless u chance um meeting girls online is easy, u jus gotta go for it, some times can sometimes no can but u not going no unless u chance um

]]> By: pericles http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/am-i-%e2%80%9cneedy%e2%80%9d-if-i-want-to-talk-to-a-woman-i%e2%80%99m-seeing-online/comment-page-1/#comment-8459 pericles Tue, 27 May 2008 19:57:05 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/am-i-%e2%80%9cneedy%e2%80%9d-if-i-want-to-talk-to-a-woman-i%e2%80%99m-seeing-online/#comment-8459 I have made the semi-mistake of misjudging how much contact is necessary or desirable prior to actually meeting the person. It seems like, with a first meeting, that it's pretty unnecessary to call prior to the meeting. If you have ONLY been online with the person or maybe a few phone calls, it is a BIG adjustment to actually meet the person. I'd say, you made the connection, you got the confirmation that you were meeting at a certain day, specific time; enough. Leave it alone. Show up when you said you would--that's all that's necessary. No in-between contact is necessary or probably even desirable. It's anti-climactic to contact in-between. In-between making the date and keeping the date, we are figuring out what to wear, talking to girl friends, painting toenails, making our own internal arrangements... this is a bit of a stressful time. Having a guy call during that time doesn't come off as needy, per se, but it does seem unnecessary. It's just a bit too much extra energy at a time of some butterflies. Think of it as the kind of hiatus you need prior to a business meeting--if the client kept calling you when you knew you were seeing them the next day, what would you think? I promise you, it would not be generous. You might not see them as needy as much as you would think of them as slightly over the edge emotionally, a little too invested, that sort of thing. I have made the semi-mistake of misjudging how much contact is necessary or desirable prior to actually meeting the person. It seems like, with a first meeting, that it’s pretty unnecessary to call prior to the meeting. If you have ONLY been online with the person or maybe a few phone calls, it is a BIG adjustment to actually meet the person. I’d say, you made the connection, you got the confirmation that you were meeting at a certain day, specific time; enough. Leave it alone. Show up when you said you would–that’s all that’s necessary. No in-between contact is necessary or probably even desirable. It’s anti-climactic to contact in-between. In-between making the date and keeping the date, we are figuring out what to wear, talking to girl friends, painting toenails, making our own internal arrangements… this is a bit of a stressful time. Having a guy call during that time doesn’t come off as needy, per se, but it does seem unnecessary. It’s just a bit too much extra energy at a time of some butterflies. Think of it as the kind of hiatus you need prior to a business meeting–if the client kept calling you when you knew you were seeing them the next day, what would you think? I promise you, it would not be generous. You might not see them as needy as much as you would think of them as slightly over the edge emotionally, a little too invested, that sort of thing.

]]> By: Michael Ejercito http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/am-i-%e2%80%9cneedy%e2%80%9d-if-i-want-to-talk-to-a-woman-i%e2%80%99m-seeing-online/comment-page-1/#comment-4776 Michael Ejercito Sat, 16 Feb 2008 20:12:50 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/am-i-%e2%80%9cneedy%e2%80%9d-if-i-want-to-talk-to-a-woman-i%e2%80%99m-seeing-online/#comment-4776 I would not text a woman forty-two times a day. For one thing, it would inflate my cell phone bill, which would leave me without money for important things - like taking her to dinner. I would not text a woman forty-two times a day.

For one thing, it would inflate my cell phone bill, which would leave me without money for important things – like taking her to dinner.

]]> By: Jessica http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/am-i-%e2%80%9cneedy%e2%80%9d-if-i-want-to-talk-to-a-woman-i%e2%80%99m-seeing-online/comment-page-1/#comment-3633 Jessica Fri, 11 Jan 2008 23:01:06 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/am-i-%e2%80%9cneedy%e2%80%9d-if-i-want-to-talk-to-a-woman-i%e2%80%99m-seeing-online/#comment-3633 KAREN: Thank you so much for the kind message! Glad what I said resonated with you. I realize now I should have put it in paragraphs to make it easier to read. I learn a lot from reading Evan's blogs and the pursuant comments from other readers - both the men and the women - so am quite pleased if I have added to the experience for someone else as they have for me. You have a Happy New Year too! Hope you find whatever/whomever your heart desires. KAREN:
Thank you so much for the kind message! Glad what I said resonated with you. I realize now I should have put it in paragraphs to make it easier to read. I learn a lot from reading Evan’s blogs and the pursuant comments from other readers – both the men and the women – so am quite pleased if I have added to the experience for someone else as they have for me. You have a Happy New Year too! Hope you find whatever/whomever your heart desires.

]]> By: KAREN http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/am-i-%e2%80%9cneedy%e2%80%9d-if-i-want-to-talk-to-a-woman-i%e2%80%99m-seeing-online/comment-page-1/#comment-3619 KAREN Fri, 11 Jan 2008 18:25:38 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/am-i-%e2%80%9cneedy%e2%80%9d-if-i-want-to-talk-to-a-woman-i%e2%80%99m-seeing-online/#comment-3619 JESSICA: Thank you for your most brilliant observation. I applaud you! You have stated all that I feel and think. We as men and women must be more appreciative of the opposite sex. We must stop looking for someone "better" than the one we just met. We need to just give everyone a fair chance. Again, thank you Jessica for your fantastic observations. Happy New Year and much luck to you!! JESSICA:

Thank you for your most brilliant observation. I applaud you! You have stated all that I feel and think. We as men and women must be more appreciative of the opposite sex. We must stop looking for someone “better” than the one we just met. We need to just give everyone a fair chance. Again, thank you Jessica for your fantastic observations. Happy New Year and much luck to you!!

]]> By: hunter http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/am-i-%e2%80%9cneedy%e2%80%9d-if-i-want-to-talk-to-a-woman-i%e2%80%99m-seeing-online/comment-page-1/#comment-3593 hunter Fri, 11 Jan 2008 05:55:29 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/am-i-%e2%80%9cneedy%e2%80%9d-if-i-want-to-talk-to-a-woman-i%e2%80%99m-seeing-online/#comment-3593 to selena, you said, "isn't all this true of both genders"....mostly, a mans biggest sex organ, are his eyes......we warm up before the 3rd date.... to selena,

you said, “isn’t all this true of both genders”….mostly, a mans biggest sex organ, are his eyes……we warm up before the 3rd date….

]]> By: Jessica http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/am-i-%e2%80%9cneedy%e2%80%9d-if-i-want-to-talk-to-a-woman-i%e2%80%99m-seeing-online/comment-page-1/#comment-3585 Jessica Fri, 11 Jan 2008 03:30:57 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/am-i-%e2%80%9cneedy%e2%80%9d-if-i-want-to-talk-to-a-woman-i%e2%80%99m-seeing-online/#comment-3585 I think the way we perceive other people has a great deal to do with how we feel and what we are thinking at any given time plus our emotional response to the person or situation in question. And it can clearly be colored also by what we really want or need at the time - or what we think we do or what we think we should feel. It isn't uncommon for one person to be a bit more into the other and that isn't a problem. As long as there isn't too great a difference. Figuring out if you are on a similar wavelength on that can be very difficult. Then too, it is if your communication styles mesh or are at least compatible - both from a frequency issue, depth of communication, and of course, logistically speaking (One of you always has email, one doesn't, etc.). I don't think that you, Markus, did anything wrong or needy. Had you left three messages in one day, then I would have been concerned : ) I too would rather get a confirmation of a date - especially with someone I hadn't met yet - close to the day supposed to go. Showing you care and that you are considerate is a good thing. As to not having a cup that is running over, I wouldn't take that personally. Too many people on dating sites seem to always be looking for "the next best thing..." without actually giving the current "thing" (forgive my phrasing) and honest shot. I think a lot of women play the field now too. Often it is hard to just take a good look at one guy and see if he is good for you when the emails don't stop coming from others during the process. I would rather find just one person to be hung up on and have him feel the same about me. I don't like emailing or dating several people at once. Makes me feel guilty. I think you have to do what you feel is right and do what you want to do as long as you don't feel seriously compelled to have to do it. In other words, if you were antsy and felt you had to call her, you might then have had an underlying need or reason that wouldn't necessarily serve you well in the short or long term. It all comes down to the "why" for me. I wish there were more people who stayed in contact and who responded when you sent a thank you note for them taking you out. Many don't even reply even if you go middle of the road in case you had a better time than he did, or if you say, "thank you so much for coffee, dinner or whatever - It was great meeting you and I hope you find what you are looking for with someone special." I don't think all women don't know how to treat men or vice versa. Generalizing leads to nothing good. But I do think fewer people in general treat others as well as they could. We use not having the time as an excuse. I'm sorry your dates didn't work out Markus, but some day you will find a girl who wants you to contact her so much, that she will be picking up the phone too. Do good things for yourself and do what you want in life that makes you happy and other people will be attracted to you. Not implying you aren't already - just don't neglect yourself while looking for someone else : ) Then, if it takes a while to find her, you will still be content and productive in the process and have even more to offer to the right lady. I think the way we perceive other people has a great deal to do with how we feel and what we are thinking at any given time plus our emotional response to the person or situation in question. And it can clearly be colored also by what we really want or need at the time – or what we think we do or what we think we should feel. It isn’t uncommon for one person to be a bit more into the other and that isn’t a problem. As long as there isn’t too great a difference. Figuring out if you are on a similar wavelength on that can be very difficult. Then too, it is if your communication styles mesh or are at least compatible – both from a frequency issue, depth of communication, and of course, logistically speaking (One of you always has email, one doesn’t, etc.). I don’t think that you, Markus, did anything wrong or needy. Had you left three messages in one day, then I would have been concerned : ) I too would rather get a confirmation of a date – especially with someone I hadn’t met yet – close to the day supposed to go. Showing you care and that you are considerate is a good thing. As to not having a cup that is running over, I wouldn’t take that personally. Too many people on dating sites seem to always be looking for “the next best thing…” without actually giving the current “thing” (forgive my phrasing) and honest shot. I think a lot of women play the field now too. Often it is hard to just take a good look at one guy and see if he is good for you when the emails don’t stop coming from others during the process. I would rather find just one person to be hung up on and have him feel the same about me. I don’t like emailing or dating several people at once. Makes me feel guilty. I think you have to do what you feel is right and do what you want to do as long as you don’t feel seriously compelled to have to do it. In other words, if you were antsy and felt you had to call her, you might then have had an underlying need or reason that wouldn’t necessarily serve you well in the short or long term. It all comes down to the “why” for me. I wish there were more people who stayed in contact and who responded when you sent a thank you note for them taking you out. Many don’t even reply even if you go middle of the road in case you had a better time than he did, or if you say, “thank you so much for coffee, dinner or whatever – It was great meeting you and I hope you find what you are looking for with someone special.” I don’t think all women don’t know how to treat men or vice versa. Generalizing leads to nothing good. But I do think fewer people in general treat others as well as they could. We use not having the time as an excuse. I’m sorry your dates didn’t work out Markus, but some day you will find a girl who wants you to contact her so much, that she will be picking up the phone too. Do good things for yourself and do what you want in life that makes you happy and other people will be attracted to you. Not implying you aren’t already – just don’t neglect yourself while looking for someone else : ) Then, if it takes a while to find her, you will still be content and productive in the process and have even more to offer to the right lady.

]]> By: Jules http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/am-i-%e2%80%9cneedy%e2%80%9d-if-i-want-to-talk-to-a-woman-i%e2%80%99m-seeing-online/comment-page-1/#comment-3278 Jules Wed, 02 Jan 2008 15:06:00 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/am-i-%e2%80%9cneedy%e2%80%9d-if-i-want-to-talk-to-a-woman-i%e2%80%99m-seeing-online/#comment-3278 In response to Evan's story about the guy who called the girl while he was away on business, if she thought he was coming across as needy then that means she wasn't that into him to begin with. At least that's how I would react. If I am really interested in a guy I've just gone out with, I would be doing back flips after hearing from him while he was away. But if I was feeling lukewarm or uninterested, then I would categorize the calls as being too pushy and coming on a bit strong. Is that fair? No. But I think that's how a lot of girls would react. If we like you, then we are excited to hear from you. If we don't, then we roll our eyes and chalk it up to coming on too strong. In response to Evan’s story about the guy who called the girl while he was away on business, if she thought he was coming across as needy then that means she wasn’t that into him to begin with. At least that’s how I would react. If I am really interested in a guy I’ve just gone out with, I would be doing back flips after hearing from him while he was away. But if I was feeling lukewarm or uninterested, then I would categorize the calls as being too pushy and coming on a bit strong.

Is that fair? No. But I think that’s how a lot of girls would react. If we like you, then we are excited to hear from you. If we don’t, then we roll our eyes and chalk it up to coming on too strong.

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