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Hi Evan. First I wanted to thank you for creating a fantastic forum for dating enlightenment and for changing the way I view relationships. Here’s my question: I have met what most of your readers would call the man of our collective dreams. Absolutely gorgeous, smart, highly educated and very passionate about his job, which pays very well and is stable. He has a wonderful masculine energy but also a very sensitive and romantic side. He is madly in love with me and we have had a wonderful relationship that has lasted just over two years. He tells me he loves me many times a day, showers me with kisses, his family welcomes me, and he makes it very clear every day he wants to be with me for the rest of his life.
Here’s the rub: he’s not as charismatic as I would ideally want. He listens attentively and communicates clearly, but we lack the verbal banter that I find such a turn-on. We do have fun, but I find sometimes I meet people whom I “click with” verbally. I’m still young and eligible. Should I keep looking for someone who perhaps lacks his many blessings, but that can make me laugh more, or am I just being unrealistic, and that after multiple years of being together, conversations just get a little duller? –Sam
I don’t think you’re being unrealistic about relationships.
When you have a 20, you don’t take another card and hope for an ace. Chances are, you’re gonna bust.
I think, if anything, you’re being completely clear-eyed and realistic.
You realize that you’ve got a winner on your hands.
Your description of your boyfriend would make any woman want to swap positions with you in a heartbeat: gorgeous, smart, educated, passionate, stable, successful, masculine, sensitive, romantic, family-oriented, devoted.
A few readers probably had an orgasm just by reading that.
This does not mean you have to marry him.
It does mean you should think twice before tossing him away.
The only reason breaking up wouldn’t be a devastating decision is because you’re young. And if you have ten more years to date, I’m confident you will find true love again.
But even that relationship might not be as healthy as what you have now.
Put it this way: your description of your partner is a laundry list of the perfect guy and you know it.
But you want more – you want charisma, butterflies and sparkling dialogue straight of a romantic comedy. Since you’ve felt this before, you ask the very reasonable question: why not? Why can’t I get the same exact guy with just one more great quality: charisma?
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