Evan, I’m one of those smart, career-oriented, busy women. I manage a band, and I’m starting my masters in music business, so a heavy work load and living on the road with five guys for weeks at a time can put a damper on an unfolding relationship, but I don’t mind. I love what I do, and I’m lucky enough to be business oriented with the opportunity to live in the moment. Plus, romantically, I’m a sucker for musicians.
Five months ago the keyboard player was going to move in with me and my boyfriend. The boyfriend… well, he went to jail. It ended badly. Keyboard player and I ended up crashing with friends. I had school payments so I decided to “go with it” until I could get back on my feet. We spent a solid month roughing it, side by side. We were the best of friends. We talked for hours, cooked extravagant meals, and slept on our respective cots… or couches… or floor mats. We’d even help each other pick people up. It was great fun, he’s the best companion ever! Then we got drunk and hooked up. And, unlike most stories that contain that phrase, things got even better.
He said he’d been forcing himself to hold back because I manage his band, but I was too smart/attractive/fun and he couldn’t take it anymore. We agreed to call off our trysts if we became too attached or started to get jealous. Now we’re both stable again and things are confusingly wonderful. We date other people openly. We harshly make fun of one another’s dates and always take each other’s advice when it comes to ditching someone who isn’t good for us. The band’s doing better than ever. He and I are quite the intimidating creative team. So here’s my question: WHAT am I supposed to make of this?
I’m not the kind of person who needs to be affirmed by my relationships, and it seems that the strong boundaries of our “relationship” work so well because they are elusive and undefined, no mess no fuss. The analytical side of me says this feels too good to be true. Hot rockstar, the most intelligent and stable male I know, doesn’t pressure me to hook up and becomes my best friend instead. We still talk for hours every day, have incredible sex, and instead of harming each others careers like we feared, we’re actually making each others lives better. We have a million things in common, and he reads me so completely. He changes his tone of voice or his touch to suit my mood, and always addresses when I’m upset… Then I have to go play babysitter to the barely legal girls with backstage passes throwing their panties onstage, and instead of getting upset, I think: yeah, he’s awesome. I’m proud of him.
Am I completely insane for falling in love with this guy? And am I misreading his behavior?
You’re not crazy… The only thing you’re doing is playing Russian roulette with your heart.
You’re not crazy.
You’re not misreading his behavior.
You’re not wrong to have strong feelings for this guy.
The only thing you’re doing is playing Russian roulette with your heart.
And that game somehow never seems to end happily.
Why He Disappeared is the smart, strong, successful woman's guide to understanding men. If you want to learn how men think, and rediscover how to have meaningful relationships - all from a man's point of view - click here to learn Why He Disappeared.
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