Comments on: Am I Selling Out For Not Dating Within My Race?

By: Dan

Dan — Fri, 24 May 2013 05:53:34 +0000

Hi,
I Google-searched this topic and came across this article. Well-written and spoke to me. I’m having some inner turmoil on this too; my situation is somewhat different; I’m a Hispanic guy whose family originally hails from South America, to be specific. Although I did have Hispanic friends as a kid, most of my close ones growing up happened to be non-Latino; this is due in part to being raised in a suburb where there weren’t too many Hispanic families. As an adult, I have mostly dated Hispanic ladies, but these relationships ended going nowhere – they would soon part ways with me; I sure didn’t initiate this; I wanted to keep seeing them. I have, in recent years, discovered that there are more “Americanized” Hispanic women of South American ancestry who strongly prefer to exclusively date white guys. I have to admit that sometimes this ticked me off, especially since some appeared like potential compatible gfs and/or wives; we shared alot in common (I’m into alt rock music, all-American themes, college grad, working out, participating in road races, wine tastings, etc..) as well as possess that shared ethnic heritage from South America; I would’ve loved to cap a night with a fine Latina lass at a restaurant intaking a couple of pisco sours or glasses of Malbec wine. I’ve noticed that a few of these women would literally boast about their white bfs or husbands, like they were deities and not regular human beings. This “superiority” issue actually has its roots in Latin America and is transported here; not all Latinas think this way, but some sadly do; there’s a self-loathing courtship and mating expression in Spanish utilized among non-white Hispanics, which is “mejorar la raza”; it translates to “improve the race”; these women, who have these inferiority complex issues (the “I can never marry some indigenous looking guy; heck no; he has to look as European as possible, and after we get married, hopefully our kids will look like their father) subscribe to this phrase. Most of these women tend to carry themselves with certain arrogance whenever they have to converse with male Hispanic colleagues at the office or other venues. The ladies, among this self-loathing bunch, who really make my blood boil, are the ones that loudly talk about how “proud” they are of being Hispanic and how great their ethnic heritage is; wow, talk about hypocrisy. They “love being Latina” but would scoff at the idea of entering a romantic relationship with a decent, college educated, white collar professional who happens to be a fellow Latino. Shaking my head. Some may point to the fear that Latino guys, no matter how Americanized, cling on to certain cultural aspects of machismo. I for one can’t stand this very Old World concept and feel that each woman should aspire to pursue their goals in life; I’m pretty sure I will not look into blocking a future wife’s path to her career success. I’m certain there are more Hispanic American males like me who can’t stand machismo attitudes either. The odd thing is that I’m attracted to white women (I won’t lie) as well as Asian females and ladies whose ancestry originates from India and surrounding nations. I have gone out with a couple of Asian ladies but nothing long lasting unfortunately materialized. Many years ago, I asked out a white undergrad during my college years; I was turned down. It’s weird – part of me thinks – wow, if I start asking out white women and maybe even develop good relationships, won’t I be considered a “sellout”? At the same time, “my women” never wanted to develop anything long-term with me anyhow. I’m definitely getting older and thought (when I was a kid) that I’d be married by now, with a great wife and kids. I think I may have to consider expanding my dating options. Reading everyone’s comments here has been interesting, to say the least. Evan, thanks for sharing the insight you have as a Jewish male; I’ve noticed more and more Jewish males who enter inter-ethnic relationships, and yes, sometimes to the chagrin of older Jewish relatives. Your words put this trend into perspective, culturally speaking, and clears things up for me. I wasn’t sure why this was occuring since (I grew up with Jewish friends) it’s been my understanding that the Jewish community highly encourages their men to marry women of the same faith. One of my friends actually met his wife through JDate; he did date women of other religions when he was single, but he had this steadfast focus on only marrying a lady of his faith which he did.

By: KS

KS — Wed, 24 Oct 2012 04:04:59 +0000

To the Indian women that say Indian men are chauvinistic, have high expectations, etc, etc: LOL. Go on living in your delusional world. There are plenty of women, both in India and in other countries around the world, that are much more beautiful than the vast majority of westernized Indian women, that are not only willing to give Indian men a fair chance, but prefer them exclusively. It also happens that we are the richest, most educated group in the USA. More than Jews. (Who I love btw)

By: New York J

New York J — Sun, 30 Sep 2012 09:20:51 +0000

I’m an Asian man and I think it’s sad that both Jews and Asians who only want to marry outside of their groups are basically saying that their fathers, mothers, brothers and sisters are not good enough for them. I hope their relatives and friends will return that kind sentiment.

By: Rock

Rock — Sun, 15 Apr 2012 16:28:10 +0000

Asian women have hurt the asian community, and the many generations of all asians in the world. Thanks to your ignorant white cock sucking, our children will be in more danger of being mock, hurt, and humiliated by others. White people treat asian people like shit. And any asian girl who dates that sort of white guy (which is many of them) are just plain the worst sort of people. They hurt and steal from us and you willingly sellout. How will you pay for your sins against me and my people you twinkie.

By: Helen

Helen — Wed, 25 May 2011 14:46:05 +0000

Andy #118, as an Asian woman married to a white man but who dated men from multiple races before that, I can tell you it’s just a matter of statistics; not our trying to avoid or favor certain types. In fact, based on statistics alone, I disproportionately “favored” Asians, Blacks, and Hispanics; not whites, during my dating years.

I looked up the statistics for my hometown. 95% Caucasian, 4% Black, 1% other races (including Hispanic, Asian, and Native American). In other words, Asians make up <1% of the population where I live – and where I live is surrounded by towns that are even more all-white.

Don’t assume that just because an Asian woman is with a white man, she is deliberately favoring whites. It’s a matter of simple statistics: there are quite possibly 100 times more white men than Asian men in many parts of the US. If she were with an Asian man, THAT would be more of a statistical anomaly!

In fact, couldn’t one make the argument that it is racist to assume that an Asian woman MUST be with an Asian man, and vice versa? There are so few of each that it’s extremely unlikely, based on probability, that such a match would occur by random assortment. We all know it’s not perfectly random, but even then, the numbers are overwhelmingly in favor of one of them ending up with a white person.

By: Andy

Andy — Wed, 25 May 2011 10:27:11 +0000

As an asian guy, I dont know how some of these ladies who have posted cant find so called “westernized asian males” and think that we prefer white females?? I have yet to meet an asian male that would turn away an attractive quality asian girl.
I think some of the ladies that have posted maybe overrate themselves. On the other hand I meet plenty of asian ladies who only date white males. These woman in my experience will quickly turn away high quality man (be it asian, latino, black, etc), in favor of white man that is maybe just average (as judged by other woman, not me).

I wouldn’t call these women “sell outs”, my view is do what makes you happy. But I do not empathized with their “plight” of be judged as “sell outs”. For what ever reason, at disproportionate amount of asian females have bought into this ideal of a “white prince charming” that will sweep them off their feet.

By: John

John — Tue, 29 Mar 2011 19:50:31 +0000

an Asian woman asking a white man for advice about only being attracted two white man. Yeah, like we don’t already know the answer.

By: mora

mora — Sat, 18 Dec 2010 19:45:08 +0000

Complex issue, skimmed.
But Stacy, you cannot control AF/WMs dating and call it them throwing themselves at “your “men. No matter how you judge–none of your business! And you think you can sway it by your hostility–haha.
As for OP–you’ll find a shift towards being colorblind the longer you remain single.
I used to wonder the same things–sexist Asians, Amerasian people were the best looking–don’t think so anymore, not attracted to certain cultures much–a lil shift there, and now, after dating Waspy types, I think, as an AF, and hearing a few racist statements come out, I might feel cut off from that culture too–there is a race blind spot with Caucasians.
And age–I’ve shifted back and forth, used to think dating younger was a dead end but older men often have sexist ideas. My exes chose me and we did have a lot in common, but, they never asked for a commitment either and all of them got serious with white women–I don’t get upset by that, as our relationships ran their course. I think culture comes into play the older I get.
A few AM are attractive to me but they prefer non Asians too–which does not other me, as I was curious about differences too.
Basically, I think it’s the person, race is not an issue.I have a certain type, whatever their hue. I still have a concern dating men of my ethnicity being related to me–they look like a relative, but other Asians attract me more because this is not the case.

By: AdelB

AdelB — Mon, 15 Nov 2010 10:08:22 +0000

@Katarina Phang #87 – you are definitely spot on about mixed Asian-white kids becoming top models/MTV VJ’s/actresses in Asian countries due to their looks – hailing from a South East Asian country myself (now residing in Australia) you’d be surprised at the mixed race kids they have as VJ’s/DJ’s on MTV Asia back overseas.

Having said that I married my husband (who is white and Australian of Greek descent with blond hair and hazel eyes and as European looking as they come) not because of his race or because I wanted to “infuse European blood” into our kids but due to our shared faith (we met through a Christian dating website) and similar outlook on life’s goals and shared values. Though I have seen young Asian immigrants here throwing themselves at older Caucasian men here in Australia – some with Australian men as old as their fathers – to get their green card, others because of the reasons the OP stated above.

By: Stoppingby

Stoppingby — Mon, 08 Nov 2010 15:29:08 +0000

BTW, I’m not saying that all white men treat their women as well. I know there are good Indian men and not so good men in other races.

But, a guy that makes me happy is standing right there in front of my face. He just happens to be white.