Pages: 1 2
…Mr_Right, who sent me something very astute on New Years Eve. While his initial premise, “People are inherently selfish when it comes to dating and relationships” isn’t exactly an opinion, his written response to this premise, explaining why selfishness is bad for relationships, is a keeper. It’s not highbrow, but it’s wise, and it deserves to have a broader platform. So, without further ado, your winner, Mr_Right…
When the movie “Ghosts of Girlfriends Past” came out, my fiancée asked (dragged) me to go watch it with her. I found myself enjoying the movie far more than I thought I would. There was a line in this movie though that really struck a chord. In it, the main character is espousing on relationships, and he says “The power in all relationships lies with whoever cares less.”
It’s saying if you want to be in control of your relationship, don’t care about your relationship, or care less than your partner. And in a way, it’s true. Think about it. If the woman starts caring less and less while the guy is still at the same level, she’ll have the control in the relationship, directing the flow of it, or even ending it altogether. Or, take “The Rules”, which are designed to keep the woman in control. Does “Don’t call him and rarely return his phone calls” sound like it’s designed to benefit the relationship, or does it benefit the woman who doesn’t call? You could even reverse the roles and have a situation where the man is not emotionally available and the woman stays with him for far longer than she should, simply because she cares more than he does.
Even when dating, people are selfish. To an extent, you have to be. “Look out for number one.” “Guard your heart.” “Here’s the list of requirements my partner MUST have.” And so forth.
It’s only by being selfless in a relationship that it can achieve its highest potential.
There are quite a few problems with this though. Relationships are based on trust, understanding, respect, and love. Being selfish is not one of the foundations of a relationship. It’s only by being selfless in a relationship that it can achieve its highest potential. And to get there, it’s only by being selfless and open when dating that you can get to a relationship.
I’m not talking about being so giving and selfless that you become a doormat, nor am I talking about forcing yourself to care more than your feelings allow. Everything, from dating to relationships, needs time to grow and evolve.
If you like someone, then you should be open and receptive toward them. It’s about showing that you care about them, from small gestures like holding hands and funny text messages, to larger gestures like meeting friends and family, and saying “I love you”. It’s about being selfless and allowing yourself to be open to others.
Why He Disappeared is the smart, strong, successful woman's guide to understanding men. If you want to learn how men think, and rediscover how to have meaningful relationships - all from a man's point of view - click here to learn Why He Disappeared.
Do You Want to Attract the Partner of Your Dreams?
If so, sign up for my free dating and relationship newsletter and receive my free eBook, The 5 Massive Mistakes You're Making In Your Love Life - And How to Turn Them Around Instantly. Simple and effective advice to jumpstart your love life.