Comments on: And the Winner of the Evan Marc Katz Philosophy 101 Writing Contest Is…

By: Mr_Right

Mr_Right — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 15:08:29 +0000

@19: La Sandia Mexican Kitchen and Bar.
@20: The one question I do have for Mr Right is what is the line between being selfless and a doormat?
I’d say the line is found with a combination of things. First, what are your motives in doing something for someone. Second, how’s your self respect in regards to what you’re doing. And third, how does the other person treat you. Add those all up together, and it lets you know if what you’re doing is selfless or if you’re acting like a doormat.
@22 What happens if a man calls, emails or texts a woman (whom he’s just started dating) every day, just to let her know that he’s thinking about her?
This is bad news, and he should not do that in the initial stages until he’s sure that she’s as into him as he is her. It’s part of the dating ritual, best to just accept it.
@23 I used to make guys home-cooked meals and iron their clothes and write them sweet little notes and post pictures of the two of us all over Facebook <– I can tell you that when my girl does this for me, it’s fantastic… so there are guys who like that sort of stuff. But really, it’s the guys that are into you who like it.

By: hunter

hunter — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 18:29:15 +0000

Diana at #27, I agree with you, I couldn’t get used to the gifts, receiving sweet notes…(when I was in my 20′s). Fast forward 20+ years, I am no longer this way.

By: Michael

Michael — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 03:35:37 +0000

Where are those needy, weepy, marriage-trap women?

If I ever met them, they sure did not show it.

By: Michael

Michael — Sat, 16 Jan 2010 18:27:31 +0000

Isn't there a happy medium between being seen as needy and being seen as a cold-hearted bitch? Of course there is. You can either come across as a needy, weepy marriage trap to the men who aren't interested in you -OR- you can come across as a coldhearted, disinterested, too-good-for-you bitch to the men who are interested in you. That is a very good point.

By: Shay

Shay — Sat, 16 Jan 2010 17:15:24 +0000

Karl R (#22)

If he had approached me, I don’t mind being friends first.

By: Diana

Diana — Sat, 16 Jan 2010 00:25:14 +0000

InaccessibleRail (#24), I don't know how soon in the dating process you were cooking, ironing and writing notes, but I have read that one of the biggest attraction killers for a confident man is buying them gifts, sending sweet notes, trying to please, etc. It's totally understandable and natural for a lot of women to be this way, yet sometimes we are not aware that how we perceive something is not how it's being received by men.

By: Ava

Ava — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 23:36:00 +0000

I.R. #24

I agree that what Karl R says sounds great in theory, and I’m sure it’s true in many cases. On the other hand, I always hold back a bit, but I’ve still encountered men who see me as “marriage-needy”, when I haven’t even mentioned a word about it. I could understand it if I was calling, emailing, texting all the time, or making home-cooked meals and ironing, but no way do I do that. I don’t have much control over a man who is commitment-phobic, though. Isn’t there a happy medium between being seen as needy and being seen as a cold-hearted bitch?

By: Michael

Michael — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 23:04:48 +0000

The challenge is to find the proper balance between happiness and power, it seems.

By: InaccessibleRail

InaccessibleRail — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 20:01:59 +0000

To Karl R (#22)
That’s a great way of looking at it in theory; unfortunately I live in the southern part of the Midwest, and men here generally seem to think that if a woman ever takes the initiative, that she’s “chasing”, and not letting him “be the man.” I’m willing to concede this might be a regional or a small-town thing. I was raised with the idea that if you like a guy, you should tell him and that it’s okay to make the first move. But that doesn’t work around here!
I hate having to pretend that I’m way less into someone than I actually am. I used to make guys home-cooked meals and iron their clothes and write them sweet little notes and post pictures of the two of us all over Facebook, but all that ever got me was a big, steaming plate of “he’s just not that into you.” So in the meantime, I err on the side of caution, knowing that if I gotta go to sleep alone, at least it wasn’t because I gave up my dignity this time.

By: JerseyGirl

JerseyGirl — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 11:56:09 +0000

Very sweet essay. I do think it worked out because the girl aleady had a high interest in Mr. Right. But there is something said for being less guarded and more open and being confident enough to display your feelings even if the other person mightn ot be where you are at.