Oct24

Are the People That You Want To Meet Online More Physically Attractive Than You Are?

07:00 am on Oct 24th 2008 Evan Marc Katz

Finding the One Online is a comprehensive, life-changing program that covers everything I teach my clients about online dating. If you want to get your love life on track and aren't sure where to start, Finding the One Online is the best investment you can make.

49 Comments »Filed Under Online Dating Tips & Advice

49 Responses to “Are the People That You Want To Meet Online More Physically Attractive Than You Are?”

1. Honey Oct 24th 2008 at 09:49 am 1

   I couldn’t go out with someone better looking than me. I usually date around the same, maybe +/- .5 on a 10-point scale. There are definitely personality traits that influence whether or not I find someone physically attractive.

2. Elli Oct 24th 2008 at 11:30 am 2

   I don’t want to date men who are better looking than I am. I have met men who do not post a photo but have an interesting profile. I find that I find any man more attractive if I truly like him. How I feel about a man’s looks changes as I get to know him.
   Elli

3. JuJu Oct 24th 2008 at 11:35 am 3

   Certainly not.

   In terms of the body build, they are almost always less attractive, as I already mentioned in the self-ratings comments.

4. JB Oct 24th 2008 at 11:43 am 4

   The term “physically attractive” is an opinion. What one person finds attractive another may not.

5. Doll Oct 24th 2008 at 12:43 pm 5

   Although attractiveness is in the eye of the beholder, I tend to date the men I deem not necessarily ‘hot’, I like ‘Joe Average’, I just feel more comfortable with them. Therefore my answer is a definite “NO”

6. Evan Marc Katz Oct 24th 2008 at 12:47 pm 6

   Seems that women don’t necessarily want hot men. But are there any average guys out there who want hot women? Or am I way off on this one…?

7. moonsical Oct 24th 2008 at 12:53 pm 7

   Nooooooo…I tend to date my equivalent, if one can objectively judge that. I had the “hot” guy date me some time ago, and it was ridiculous. He owned the local bike shop and women were always coming in drooling over his blond locks and long eyelashes, asking to have their water bottle bracket adjusted or something silly like that. I would say I dated him *in spite of* his “hot” status. I think at the time I was considered, “hot,” as well, though I really could have cared less.

   A little gray, a little balding, a tiny bit of paunch…I really don’t care. However, many men my age (42 today!) that are on-line seem to have totally let things go; some look as old as my Father! Can’t go there, sorry! I do wonder how they’ve been living to look so old, paunchy and tired already. One does not like to project into the future…

   moon

8. Kenley Oct 24th 2008 at 12:58 pm 8

   Come on, Evan,

   Pretty much all guys want hot women. The problem for the less attractive guys on line is that hot women typically won’t give them a shot.

   I do think there is a difference between hot and attractive. Perhaps women don’t want men who are smokin’ hot (I know this is wrong, but I am suspicious of smokin’ hot guys on line), but I think most women do want men who won’t make them gag. As I mentioned in a previous post, I don’t get lots of emails or winks, but even I won’t respond to a man that I find completely unattractive — but for me attractive is a 5 or 6 not 8-10.

9. JuJu Oct 24th 2008 at 01:03 pm 9

   Happy birthday, moonsical.

10. Robin Oct 24th 2008 at 01:04 pm 10

    It would be NICE!!!! Doesn’t happen often. BUT, as a woman, I get really afraid if a guy is too physically attractive, he’s gonna be causing me some major heartbreak, proven fact from prior experience. I just try to avoid them if they are too hot. I am pretty cute (so I’ve been told…that could be BS) but when a guy is too hot…uh-uh, watch out.

11. Adrienne Lewis Oct 24th 2008 at 01:33 pm 11

    No, definitely not. I prefer IQ – the greatest male ornamentation

12. moonsical Oct 24th 2008 at 01:34 pm 12

    Hey, thanks, JuJu! I am done wrestling with programming the VCR and on to making pizza for pals. Ciao!

    On this question, it brought up whether men want the hotties because they will be ENVIED BY OTHER MEN, besides the obvious benefit of improving their personal experience, it improves their self-esteem. Is this true? In some ways I think men have a competitive ego in this area that women mostly lack. Sorry to be so gender-biased.

    moon

13. Adrienne Lewis Oct 24th 2008 at 01:38 pm 13

    I do have an ongoing casual relationship with a super hot guy. I don;t like him because he is hot though. I like him because he is a ball of warmth and love.

    Women go nutty over him – waitresses, random girls on the street. One girl turned around when we were in a convenience store and just It’s like I wasn’t even there. I didn’t like it. I do avoid super hot guys because of that now, for sure. Not because of the guys so much (because frankly, I think they get a little bored of being gushed over like, just like pretty girls do) but because the girls are baaaaaad and I don’t deal with it well.

14. JuJu Oct 24th 2008 at 01:49 pm 14

    I think it’s not the lack of ego (women may also want to show off), but, rather, the general inability to be in the moment that women exhibit (compared to men). They also think much farther ahead. I.e., a hot (wo)man may be not the greatest long-term prospect, but fantastic for the time being.

15. happygirl Oct 24th 2008 at 01:54 pm 15

    I have to admit that if my eye catches a hot looking guy online I will look at the photo’s and read their profile, but very often I will not contact them as I feel they are most likely not in the market to meet a woman who is looking to seriously date someone. I feel guys like that are problably already swamped with women emailing them or like to play the field. I do like the way a man looks, but ultimately it is also what they write in their profile.Once we get talking it is also if he is charming, intelligent, has a sense of humor. Basically it is the whole package that makes me decide to contact them or go out with them .Most men I have been out with have been ranging from very good looking to average looking. I have to admit that men who have let themselves go as far as having a big belly would normally not attract me at all. It is for me a no no, but one guy I dated for a while was not at all physically in shape. We met and there was so much chemistry there that I thought he was just so hot. I did not even notice that he was out of shape anymore. To me it is more then just looks.

16. Karl R Oct 24th 2008 at 02:23 pm 16

    I certainly wouldn’t avoid dating a woman who was “smokin’ hot”. However, I have turned hot women down (who contacted me) when they obviously hadn’t read my profile, or wrote e-mails with abyssmal spelling and grammar. Attractiveness isn’t my primary criterion.

    I’ve dated women who were less attractive than me, but there was something about them that I found physically attractive.

    One drawback to online dating, however, is there are a number of women that I find attractive in person, but unattractive in photos. My last serious girlfriend was like that. Unfortunately, I don’t have a good way to identify women like that online.

17. Lulubell Oct 24th 2008 at 02:39 pm 17

    I think men are lucky because women tend to have a wider range of acceptable physical appearance that they find attractive. Men tend to prefer very pretty or hot women, even when they are balding and overweight. You see this in the media all the time, so many commercials feature a pretty woman with a basically unattractive “husband.”
    I see a related issue in that many (or most?) men won’t even date a woman their own age. And many men who indicate they will date an older women I think just show that to appear open-minded and more attractive to women. I’m an attractive 49-year old woman with a good profile (been told that often) and I feel I must compete with women 10 years younger just to get the attention of intelligent, interesting, attractive men (not hot men, just attractive). When I hit 50, I’m going to drop off the radar.

18. A-L Oct 24th 2008 at 02:39 pm 18

    Happy birthday, Moonsical!

    To answer Evan’s question, some of them are but not all. I’d peg myself as a 6 (maybe a 7 on a good day) and I’ve contacted guys from a 2.5-9 (though I typically do 4-8). The text of a guy’s profile is the #1 thing that I look at. If it grabs my attention and I feel like we could be a match, then I’ll contact that person. If they’re really quite good looking then I’m actually a bit more hesitant because I don’t know if they’d be interested in me. Also, guys who look too done (tons of time spent in mirror & gym) tend not to appeal to me because they seem rather superficial. Also, if guys mostly talk about how they like to run, play basketball, and go to the gym then I’m not likely to e-mail them because that’s not how I live my life (though I do like a walk, bike ride, or some other outdoor activities). So the traditionally “hot” guys I tend to avoid, but if their profile is good enough, I’ll still contact them.

19. JB Oct 24th 2008 at 03:08 pm 19

    Evan, you don’t think women want “hot” men ?? Put up a “hot guy” recon profile and just watch what they do …..LOL It’s hilarious !!

    I’m an average guy who occassionally emails a hot woman but I just do it for kicks. I don’t ever expect a response but occasionally I’ll get one.
    The woman I’m dating I would say is my “equal” on the looks/status scale and I’m very comfortable with that. I laugh when she tells me about all her responses she’s gets and I told her I know every guy that’s responding to her because they’re responding to my woman recon profile with the same exact emails and winks ..lol

20. Sheryl Oct 24th 2008 at 03:54 pm 20

    Evan, I don’t think you are off. Judging from men I know and get email from, it seems most tend to shoot really high. To answer your question, I’d say no, I don’t narrow my search to more attractive men (giving up all the conversation about what it means, how we judge, etc.).

21. Alice Wiley Oct 24th 2008 at 04:03 pm 21

    WOAH!!! Who says women don’t want to date hot men?

    To answer the question, no, I don’t try to date people more attractive than me. But I am really hot. And I definitely don’t want to date people less attractive.

22. Zann Oct 24th 2008 at 10:23 pm 22

    I don’t think I’ve ever stopped myself from contacting a man because I thought he was too attractive for me. I consider myself attractive, but most men my age are simply no longer in the “hot” category, and that’s okay with me. I tend to be attracted more to interesting looking men than to guys with classic good looks. I don’t need a Ken doll. And, as others have said here, if a man has a great personality, he becomes more attractive to me the more I get to know him. Chemistry is a tricky thing, but I much prefer an average-looking guy who is interesting, kind, and funny to a good looking guy who’s either boring, shallow, arrogant, or self-centered.

23. hunter Oct 25th 2008 at 12:49 am 23

    I think, all men would want to date at least one “hot” female.

24. hunter Oct 25th 2008 at 12:59 am 24

    on post #13,

    I have had men come up and talk to my “hot” date, almost as, if I am not there. These women have handled the situation very well…..

25. Cilla Oct 25th 2008 at 07:09 am 25

    I have no problem considering a man who is “hotter” than me, but usually when I read his profile after being lured in with his pic, I find there’s no there there, if you know what I mean, just vapid nonsense. I think so many of these men have been able to ride on their looks that they see no reason to post any kind of substantive profile. If it keeps working for them, I guess they see no reason to change it, especially the ones who are not interested in long-term relationships and just want casual physical connections. I don’t read women’s profiles very often, but I suspect the same practice goes on with the 10’s in that gender.

    BTW, I used to never contact a man whom I thought was hotter than me, even if I did manage to find a great profile attached. This summer, however, I took a few chances and wound up dating men whom I thought were 9’s and 10’s (and judging from their website stats, so did other women). When you polled your readers about their own looks, Evan, I think I put myself down as a hard-won 7, and still think often of myself as a 7 or 8. But those handsome guys I dated recently? All of them told me unsolicited that I was “hot,” “gorgeous,” “a 10 in my book,” etc.

    I think many women tend to underestimate their attractiveness, for one thing. For another, I think I have relied too much on the opinions of other women to derive my sense of good looks. (Do we sabotage each other out of unconscious competition, or do we just have different standards than men?) The last man I dated told me he couldn’t believe I didn’t think I was a knockout, that I absolutely oozed sex appeal. I’ve heard that from other men–perhaps it’s just something only the opposite sex can see in me? I’ve always believed that being comfortable in one’s own skin adds to one’s sexiness–now I believe it more than ever. And of course, beauty is still eternally in the eye of the beholder…

26. Jane Oct 25th 2008 at 07:34 am 26

    I don’t try to date men that are prettier than I am. I am looking for someone who is living an interesting and adventuresome life. I have dated hotties and they do get tired of the attention they get because of their looks because it is superficial and not about who they are as people.

    But–it is fun to see a man enjoy the little ego boost he gets when the heads of other men turn because he is with me. Men like that a lot and it’s fun at the time and also doesn’t mean much in the bigger picture.

    Give me a guy with some confidence and intelligence—now that is hot!

27. Amy Oct 25th 2008 at 10:28 am 27

    I’d contact a guy if I liked his profile regardless of whether he is hotter than me or not. But if he were really hot… bonus! I’ve met just as many shallow guys who were average looking so I’m not as certain that good looks indicate a lack of character.

    So I think its probably a 50-50 for me. Though, if I’m going to be completely honest, while I’m good at judging character… I may not be as good of a judge on whether other people (or he) would consider himself more attractive than me. Take for instance the last two guys I dated seriously… they were both really good looking but were they hotter than me? I honestly don’t know… I know we were mutually attracted to each other. I know they were good people…

28. Kenley Oct 25th 2008 at 12:30 pm 28

    Wow, all the hot and sexy women on this website make me feel like such a loser. And, unfortunately, there is nothing I can do to go from a 5 to a 10 — damn those inferior genes! Perhaps on-line dating really is only for younger, beautiful people.

29. The Inbetweener Oct 25th 2008 at 01:54 pm 29

    In terms of “looks” my height alone (5′5-5′6) makes me “unattractive” to most females that I find attractive – no matter how great a personality I have (or think I have). MOST women are just not willing to compromise on that issue. So, I feel that it’s only right that I NOT concentrate on “looks” so much as to personality. Which ultimately, matters more to me in the long run anyway.

30. hunter Oct 25th 2008 at 02:21 pm 30

    hhhhmmmhhhh, ok, Where did I hear that most confident, intelligent men are Wealthy and live in the neighborhoods? LOL!………

31. hunter Oct 25th 2008 at 02:22 pm 31

    ….they live in the nicer neighborhoods?….

32. hunter Oct 25th 2008 at 02:28 pm 32

    ….he, he, he,…hhhmmhh, single,confident and intelligent women that live in nice neighborhoods are out there!…..somewhere…LOL!…

33. Anna Oct 25th 2008 at 06:03 pm 33

    I’ve dated men who were better looking, less good looking and equal. All has to do with chemistry – the man I was most attracted to was less attractive. Ever hear of this quote – Some men love with their eyes but most women love with their ears!!

34. hunter Oct 26th 2008 at 06:24 am 34

    to Anna on post #33,

    According to therapists, the larger pool of single women, no longer select men with their ears……..

35. JB Oct 26th 2008 at 07:23 am 35

    Well Anna most women MAY “love with thier ears” but they “like with their eyes” (especially online…lol) and if they don’t “LIKE” what they see
    they can care less what you have to say.<– I’m talking about mainly online dating here.

36. Andy Oct 26th 2008 at 12:12 pm 36

    WOW, this can be a sore subject with some people! I do think men have a different prspective than women do on this subject. I would say that i do not specifically seek women that are hotter than me. I go after women that i’m attracted to and think they might be on the same level as i am. I think one person being much hotter than the other person can be a recipe fo disaster. It can lead to bad feelings. But as a guy i would like to know when i do email a woman who i think i would be compatible with, what’s the reason for her lack of interest. Sometimes i do wonder that maybe i’m shooting above my head as far as looks goes. I think that’s natural for anyone. I have been told that i am a goodlooking guy, and i do keep myself in good shape so maybe it’s just a matter of taste. Maybe we all overthink this whole thing and if we learn to relax and comunicate honestly with each other, someone special will come along. Like it’s been said many times, it’s all a numbers game!

37. Andy Oct 26th 2008 at 12:31 pm 37

    I’m feeling compelled to respond to Lulubell’s comments. First of all i do agree that unattractive, fat, out of shape men have no business emailing attractive, fit, fun women. Let’s be honest here, society tells us that a match like this will not work. It would be the exception not the rule. As far as the age issue goes, i’m a 45 year old man who has been told that i’m goodlooking, probably a 7-8, and i keep myself in good shape. I usually date women in their late 30’s only due to the fact that women my age seem so old. They look much older than me, act much older than me, and we have little in common. I actually would prefer to date a woman my age. We grew up during the same time period so we would have had the same experiences. And then there is the kids issue. Women in their 30′ have kids that are very young and it can be difficult finding some quiet time together. Women my age have older kids that are either out of the house or high school age so getting away for a spotaneous weekend can be a reality. I have recently made a concious effort to find women my age or older that would be compatible. So for me i would say that dating a younger woman isn’t an ego issue. It’s just has been a matter of taste

38. The Inbetweener Oct 26th 2008 at 01:08 pm 38

    Is beauty not in the eye of the beholder?

    Is it not also how one perceives beauty?

    What does “less or more attractive” really mean anyway?

    You might see someone as a “9″ – I might see that same someone as a “7″ and they might see themselves as a “5″, but when they open up their mouth to speak, that number could change.

    Does anyone concur?

39. moonsical Oct 26th 2008 at 03:40 pm 39

    Interesting topic. I think there are many many many more women out there that “keep themselves up” than men. I also consistently see couples on the street where the man looks much less attractive than his woman. There is a constant refrain from men that they are so, “young at heart,” or, “young for my age,” that they *need* to date down–someone ten years their junior, at least. For this reason they also defend manipulating their age in their profile. I’m sure women use this rationale and strategy as well, but I think much less often. My experience with persons older than myself, btw, is the women get way wackier and funner and the men get grumpier and less fun…I believe they’ve actually done studies on this.

    Personally I don’t get it, because the common generational experiences are so great, if looking to partner for keeps. I know when I’ve dated younger men (6-9 years younger) there’s a sort of, “generation gap.” Sometimes I think men are more afraid of their own mortality, and this is the root of pursuing the babes. If they can look at “young” in their mind they still are young. But it doesn’t help that statistically men don’t last as long. After going to all the work of finding a mate, I don’t want to be alone again, prematurely.

    Those are just my thoughts…

    moon

40. JuJu Oct 26th 2008 at 04:42 pm 40

    In my personal experience, the men who claim to look younger than their age (and some are convinced they look 15-20 younger – why, I can’t possibly determine) are all grossly deluded. Some of them, in fact, even looked older than their age.

    Both sexes, I think, should leave it to other people to judge how old or young they appear.

41. Cilla Oct 26th 2008 at 06:30 pm 41

    @ moonsical:

    I agree with you–I see many couples where the man has not kept himself up the way his partner has yet he runs his mouth off, saying things like, “I should be dating supermodels,” or “I should have a hot woman on my arm.” I call it According to Jim syndrome (hot wife with dumpy, overweight guy).

    Regarding dating younger men: as a woman of 47, I find men in the 35-45 range have little interest in me (they are either happily married with small children, divorced and looking for 20-somethings, or single and looking for 20-somethings). In spite of the lack of common ground, men younger than 35 are much more willing to date me. I’ve had some fun relationships with guys in their late 20’s, who are much less hung up on the age difference than their brothers who are 10 years older.

42. Lisa Oct 26th 2008 at 07:46 pm 42

    I never cared much about looks, its inside that counts, and the way they treat me, BUT recently I dated a guy with a smokin hot body, and now I melt just thinking about a great bod.

43. hunter Oct 26th 2008 at 09:46 pm 43

    to Andy on post #37,

    Some of those fat, bald, men, have fat, check books, that, make them look very, attractive to women. Women with long necks, and small waists, stay married to fat, men, mostly, because, they live a nice, cozy, life, and have all the material things they need.(some have boyfriends on the side)

44. hunter Oct 26th 2008 at 09:53 pm 44

    to moon on post #39,

    I’ve been told that, women, through out most of Europe, date younger men. Supposedly, a very common practice.

45. moonsical Oct 27th 2008 at 02:33 am 45

    Alas, if I were only interested in *dating*…not mating for life. Yes, the younger men are very fun, energetic and enjoyable. But so far, that is where it ends…we have been at different stages in life.

    moon

46. Dana Oct 28th 2008 at 08:32 am 46

    Some are and some aren’t. But men (and women) are a package. No man has ever looked the same to me after I got to know him. If I get to like him and he turns me on, he becomes so devastatingly handsome I’m shocked. If we don’t connect, he appears a bit cracked around the edges to me, even if he could be a model.

47. Joe Oct 28th 2008 at 10:23 am 47

    Karl R, I find it somewhat ironic that you turn down women with “abyssmal” spelling…

48. hunter Oct 31st 2008 at 06:44 am 48

    to Dana on post #46

    Women all over say what you said. Men are different, we admire a womans figure all the time, through anger, frustration, laughs, no laughs, etc…..

49. Secrets of Women Nov 29th 2008 at 02:29 pm 49

    [...] Are the People That You Want To Meet Online More Physically … – men won’t even date a woman their own age. And many men who indicate they will date an older women I think just show that to appear open-minded and more attractive to women. I’m an attractive 49-year old woman with a good profile (been … [...]

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