” i admit i’m not gorgeous or “hot” but if the fat, balding guy is holding out a “hottie,””

In all likelihood, he isn’t.

OLD studies show that women receive emails in close proportion to their perceived attractiveness(with only the bottom 25% of females being ‘snubbed’, compared to the bottom 60% of males – which shows that the odds are in the favor of females, as if we didn’t already know).

“and no i don’t want to date a guy who just “settled” for me because he couldn’t do better.”

And how would you propose to infer that?

Are you sure this isn’t just a clever way of saying, that YOU don’t want to accept a man who YOU think can’t do better?

If so, then don’t you see what a losing strategy this is?

Like all self-interested organisms, men pursue positive outcomes.

So, if you are intent on holding out for some guy who somehow, against all reasonable expectations, is(and will remain!) *oblivious* to better options with higher value women, then you are either deluded, or indulging too much romance fiction.

But, what is the obsession that many females have with *only* playing the long odds?

Is it all just in pursuit of a peer-validated ego trip?

Everyone settles on *someone* when they make a decision to invest singularly in getting to know that person better.

After that, any emotional bonding changes the whole dynamic – individuals are no longer a weighted
statistic, but an evolved emotional quantity in someone eles’s life.

So the whole ‘settling’ interval is only relevant where an individual is just a composite of unqualified assessments in a stranger’s mind.

And if have a lot of skill-set as you claim, why not harness it to get women in real life by seeking out avenues where you can exude your charm and social prowess? If your aim is to get lots of hotties – it seems you’ll be more successful that way.
The hotties on Match.com do have lots of options – they can have find other guys that are 6 2″ and more attractive with full head of hair. 

@NonExist
If you are 6 feet tall then u are a lot more attractive than you think.
A 6 feet tall unattractive guy looks more attractive to women than a gorgeous looking 5 8″/5 9″ guys.  

If it were only that simple.  I’m 6’2” and in very good shape (borderline gym rat).  I’ve been toiling around on Match for over 2 years.  I’ve had plenty of dates and a couple of short-term relationships but I can’t get dates with the ones I find really attractive and if I do get a date with a hottie, I usually don’t get a second. 

I also have a great job (six figure salary), own a house, and have good social skills (I’m anything but creepy).  My one downfall is my receding hairline; I’m not bald but I no longer have a thick head of hair.  I just say this because everyone has their shortcomings – height in and of itself will not do the trick.

I went out a month ago with a 10 (I thought she was).  We had a very nice time, she commented on how young I looked compared to my pictures (I’m 37 and she’s 35) and even made out in the parking lot (she kissed me – caught me by surprise actually).  I tried to get a second date a couple of days later and she essentially wished me the best of luck.  I’m still pissed about it.  I recall we got on the subject of height during the date and she said that height wasn’t really a big deal to her.  This is a girl who in my opinion is far and away the most attractive girl on Match in my area.

My height didn’t get me anywhere with other really hot ones too.  It just gets me the date but I’m just one of the 10 dates they have lined up that week…

Funny thing about height, my last physical measurement I was 6 feet.
But I have gotten people in general who know and meet me who tell me I must be 6’2″ or 6’3″.
So sometimes it is poerception.

Like I said, I’m only average height for an American woman, but it does mentally make me rule out people who claim under 5’8 b/c then they are probably shorter than me and that is just REALLY tiny.  And there is nothing wrong with that, but not my preference so I’d rather just pass (which isn’t the same as insisting that someone be 6’2). 

What is funny to me about the height thing is that unlike body type, it isn’t subjective at all.  Your height is your height.

Now someone might get mad if they decide that your body type doesn’t match their interpretation(and I’m not talking about hugely obvious things, just minor ones), or if they couldn’t tell exactly how big or small you were from your body shot, but that is still open to interpretation.  I don’t lie about my body, have a recent picture,  but I do think some people see the whole package and still want to see it in person and then decide to pass, b/c we are still all built different and they might like the shape but wish it was a bit smaller.

I do think more women are a bit more lenient with the physical package that men come in, but as picky as men are when the tables are turned, you’d think that they’d be more honest themselves.  So I’ve seen men who were quite large call themselves athletic and toned, and met men who said that and had huge bellies.  It would never occur to me to pick something so different from what I am.  Now if I decide you aren’t toned b/c you don’t have a six pack, that is kind of my own fault or my own way of interpreting things.  And I don’t want to meet anyone that is going to reject me in person b/c they think I’m a liar and didn’t describe myself accurately. Does that make any sense? 

I think that women are probably turned off by lies about height than a man would be.   And I think that a woman is going to get forgiven more for being hot enough.  A hot man with a bad personality or who might be a big(or small) liar isn’t that appealing. 

You know, I was happy tooling along, thinking I was 5’9″ for years, when I decided to measure myself again and discovered I was 5’9.5″.  Maybe years of having my posture fixed by my ballroom coach “uncovered” an extra 1/2″ LOL.

The way I figure it, there’s really no point in lying about your height or body type because as soon as you meet any prospective date, that person can see the truth.  Unless you’re exceptionally attractive, the odds of that date being turned off by the deception are higher than the odds of the deception getting you that date in the first place (if that makes sense).

Are you asking b/c of what I said about men exaggerating about their height?  I’m talking about wearing flats and looking eye to eye with men who will say that they are 5’8 or 5’9 or 5’10.  Or when you see a friend’s driver’s license and he’s the same height as you but his license says he is 5’10.  Just something I’ve noticed.  But it does make me assume that anyone who admits to being less than 5’8 is probably shorter than me. 

Since I didn’t inherit my parents’ height and long legs, it’s not that important, but considering that I still get measured at the doctor’s office, I’m wondering how so many men are under the impression that they are taller than they are.  I’ve been 5’6 since I stopped growing in high school. 

Nicole @ 67: do you wear heels?