Comments on: Are You Trying to Get Him Back? Maybe You Should Reconsider.

By: Lucinda

Lucinda — Sat, 12 Feb 2011 17:35:49 +0000

I am in the same shoes now. The guy is wonderful, treated me like nobody before but now I needed to realise that I don’t know what the hell was this. We didn’t even had sex. He said first he needs to get to know the girl. Only kissing for three months. He taught me a lot of things, he talked about the future, how many things he wants to show me. Then he gave me a book about unconditional love and I decided, I ‘d break up. I love myself more than just being friends. He said he knew I have stronger feelings that’s why he made sure we met less. And he was surprised when I said I dont want to be friends either.I just really dont get it. Friends dont kiss.
It’s only 5 days, But I sooo miss him.

By: Syrte

Syrte — Sun, 04 Apr 2010 15:53:33 +0000

dear regrets are you really 45? or 15?

By: regrets

regrets — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 14:15:15 +0000

I was in a relationship with a great guy who reminded me there are still great guys out there even when your 45. First 2 months were wonderful but my fears got the best of me and I think that contributed to him breaking things off. Instead of being the cool relaxed woman he meant I felt him pulling away and got scared. He still wanted to be friends and keep in touch because we had so much in common but I couldn’t do that because I had strong feelings for him still. Its hard when you think you messed up something so great and I wish I could do something now but people say move on and I have to believe that even though I learned what I did wrong I can’t go back and change it.

By: neverlearn

neverlearn — Fri, 08 Jan 2010 19:42:51 +0000

Wow - This is exactly what I needed to hear - and I will also print this and read it in my weak moments... Its funny how I already know all this but I need to have someone to tell me how it is. Even today, it hurts to just think about cutting him out of my life, but it really shouldn't, its hurting me more just waiting here in case he decides to maybe call and if he does, try in every aspect to make him want me. Even when I hear that he has been lying to me, if I confront him, at the end of the day, I end up apologizing for accusing him even if it's probably true. I wish there was an on and off switch, and that it could be easier. My favorite phrase in this is Why do you want a boyfriend who doesn't call you, doesn't communicate with you, doesn't make you feel special, doesn't make an effort to show you he cares, doesn't follow up quickly to see you, and doesn't indicate in any way that he's currently interested in an exclusive relationship with you? Because of how he makes me FEEL. You mean anxious, insecure, needy and depressed? Let's all wake up and stop making excuses for them! Every minute wasted on these losers is a minute lost, to being simply happy!!!!! I could of said, a minute lost to meeting Mr. Right but, I think at the end of the day, everyone just wants to be happy. And no one can make it happen but yourself. So it's about time that we stick up for ourselves now, concentrate on the good in life. We need to have confidence in life, even when it's very challenging, and instead of looking at these situation in a negative light, look at it in a positive one. We must always have faith in life, and all the good things will follow.

By: Jennifer (TW)

Jennifer (TW) — Fri, 25 Dec 2009 06:31:31 +0000

To: Moving On!

Your post reads so familiar to me because I met a guy who said exactly the same thing to me like your ex. And like you, I insisted on showering him with all my affection. He was the one I gave the most effort to, all because I wanted him to know that he was worthy of my love, not the other way aroud like he “warned” me in the second month. Alas however, unlike you, I was the stupid one wanting to remain connection after he dump me. How sad was that.. I’m glad that you’ve moved on and so will I. Thanks so much for sharing. It’s good to know that I am not the only one who’s been through things like that.

By: Jennifer (TW)

Jennifer (TW) — Fri, 25 Dec 2009 04:41:16 +0000

Evan, thank you.. This is the single best advice I can find to save myself from the sadness and heartaches of being dumped just before Christmas, after six months of dating, by a guy who was verbally abusive and judgemental. In the back of my head, I knew it wasn’t right to fall for a guy who always made me feel insecure, treated me like crap and make me feel that I need to improve myself in every way in order to win his love. But in reality, his ruthlessness made me angry but also keep me on my toes and just make me want him more. It was wrong, I know. But the knowledge didn’t get through until I saw this article today. I’ll have to print a copy and read it whenever I feel weak or sad about losing him.

Once again Evan, thank you for saying what I need to hear with such grace and sincerity.

By: Natalie

Natalie — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 15:43:11 +0000

I recently met a guy with whom I had intense chemistry with. Our first meeting we sat and talked for 3 hours. I am 52 divorced with 2 kids and he is 46, never been married and no kids. We had a lot in common, same values and beliefs and seemed to have intense chemistry. He asked me out for that next weekend after our first meeting (which lasted for 3 hours) We had a great time and he said that he would call, and he did. We continued to see each other for the next 5 weekends and became intimate on our 3rd date. We have come to a crossroads in our relationship because he is not sure that he is ready to give up on the fact that he has wanted to have his own biological children and my baby factory is closed. He was completely honest with me and told me his reasons for wanting to end the physical part of the relationship. He does not want either of to get hurt. He wants to maintain our friendship and keep in touch but we both agreed that we cannot be in a situation alone together as we can not keep our hands off of each other. It is just a sad situation that we just cannot be together, he did say that he could change his mind in 6 months (given the fact that he will be 47 and the chances at this stage that he will find somebody compatable that still wants to have babies with a nearly 50 year old man sound pretty slim). I feel that when you hit this age finding someone that you share the same feelings on every level is so rare that having great chemistry is so hard to give up based on a dream that may never happen for him. He was very honest and open when he explained this and even said “you are exactly the person I have been looking for my whole life and if it was for the baby thing I could spend the rest of my life with you.” I feel that he was my soul mate and feel that the whole situation is just tragic. He gave me inspiration to be a better person and I will always want him in my life as a friend if thats all I can have. I care about him enough that if he wants his own family that he gets it but a part of me prays that he sees that at his age and given his busy lifestyle that a baby at this stage could possibly be a hardship for him and he doesnt give up on what we had. We both said that we would miss each other and I am just very sad.

By: Life is Good

Life is Good — Tue, 19 May 2009 20:28:37 +0000

This is so obvious that makes me want to scream! How on earth can I consider myself such a smart woman and then find myself thinking exactly that: “how do I get him back”?!?!?! First and foremost, how can you get back something you never had?? And if you did, WHY would you want that again?? It’s just perfect.

Amazing how we can find so many excuses, such as: “he says he loves me” (but he doesn’t act like he even cares); “he told me he can absolutely imagine me as the mother of his kids” (so why the hell, after all this time, he cannot even consider him as my boyfriend???). Anyway, it’s just really so obvious that it’s almost insulting.

Thank you so much,
and thanks, Cilla, for the Maya Angelou quote.
Again, so simple.

By: downtowngal

downtowngal — Fri, 15 May 2009 01:28:44 +0000

Cilla, “..there are guys who are now reading books and paying for workshops to learn how to do this intentionally. I think we buy into it, because we extrapolate advice about not being too aggressive…”

So true! One of my guy friends who’s on the younger side, is a great catch but a bit shy when it comes to women. So he’s been reading these books and online blogs that give horrible advice i.e. making women wait a week before calling and other games. And he’s still single.

And women have been conditioned to think that guys think this or that, or if we communicate our boundaries too soon guys see it as nagging and will stop calling, but if it’s too late it’s our fault for putting up with it.

Enough already! know what you want and don’t put up with crap! Even if he gives you a dopamine rush.

By: delicia

delicia — Thu, 14 May 2009 23:19:47 +0000

Dear Moving On, congratulations and GOOD FOR YOU!!! I have been in your shoes and I know how difficult it can be, I just want to “pay it forward” since I am blessed to have had great family and friends in my life who convinced me that I deserved better and gave me the strength to change my situation. This blog has been a huge help too so THANK YOU EVAN and to everyone else, unbeknowst to you, your positive energy has helped me move my life forward, and it’s a great feeling!!! I wish everyone much love, peace, and happiness.