Being ‘in love’ is simply a state of mind. And given such, i believe love can be built and nurtured. Women might think they only gonna be happy marrying an ivy-league, 6 feet, good looking and financially successful guy. but all he’s enticing features wont matter one bit to you anymore when he starts treating you like crap. Arranged marriages fare better b/c it employs the help of our parents and folks who have been there and done that. First they know what is obtainable, and secondly which qualities “matters” more as regards to a good long term prospect.

Most recent couple I know got married in 8 months but that seemed long and was precipitated by some logistical challenges.  I’ve seen others pulled together in 3 months or less.  

I am always struck by how few single, over 30 Indian (as in Indian born) women I have met (and I say that as someone who has always worked with a lot of Indian immigrants and lived in areas with high Indian populations).  A few that I’ve met in the U.S. definitely slipped into American dating culture and enjoy it and don’t seem interested in marriage.  But it still seems like a rare situation.   

So it’s clearly just anecdotal but none of them were dating to date around, or felt they needed to meet lots of people.  If they met someone and clicked, the talks turned serious VERY quickly, parents/families were pulled into the situation to assume their traditional roles, and so these couples were engaged and married withing 6-8 months.   The ones who dated more than one person did not stick around if marriage was clearly off the table.

Clearly if you let your parents make the introductions in this context there is a higher probability that the person is serious about getting married (b/c honestly, it’s not as if you are part of a hook-up culture where either party has a high probability of expecting physical intimacy from the people that you meet), but there is also a HIGHER probability that the person that you are meeting is marriage minded based on the culture of origin.

So I wonder if there are stats that show it, but I’d bet that you have a higher percentage of marriage, shorter courtships, and much less dating around on shaddi.com than on match.com.  A person is less likely to be a player if being a player is something they were raised to believe was wrong, or a waste of time, and not something that proves your status. 

Not all Americans are unaware of how it works or think that Indians or other people are being forced to marry people they don’t like.  

Of course, the biggest con that I see is that if people get into it and they aren’t compatible, they are loathe to divorce. So I might get it wrong, but I’m grateful to be in a culture where I won’t be castigated by friends and families if I think I need to get out.  

I have thought about arranged marriage when I was in my early 20′s.  There can be benefits, but there are cons.  Just like any other marriage, it can work out or not work out.  Getting married to someone that you love is no guarantee that you will be happy.    There’s a misconception that arranged marriages are forced, when the reality is is that the parents will ask if you like the person or not. 

I dated someone I loved for a year only to find out that we would be miserable together married.  If I had married him, I still would have been as screwed as marrying someone that my parents chose!  

I just finished this book- in a couple of hours actually. It’s an amazing read- to me, even more important that Gottlieb’s, because it takes on the overly-romanticized, overly idealistic view (that I admit I’ve had myself) people have of marriage, which has contributed to skyrocketing divorce rates in the West.

Definitely something to re-read- for me, the chapter on ‘what to do if you’re a committment-phobe” is especially important. LOL

I’m curious as to how this book was received- I don’t think it got that much publicity, did it? Shame, because I think THIS is the book most people need to read.