Comments on: Can a Hot Woman Like Me Hold Out on Sex Until I Get a Commitment? http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/can-a-hot-woman-like-me-hold-out-on-sex-until-i-get-a-commitment/ Thu, 09 Feb 2012 06:12:59 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v= By: NonExist http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/can-a-hot-woman-like-me-hold-out-on-sex-until-i-get-a-commitment/comment-page-3/#comment-256614 NonExist Tue, 07 Feb 2012 01:08:08 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/can-a-hot-woman-like-me-hold-out-on-sex-until-i-get-a-commitment/#comment-256614 A question... Since many times on Evan's site I have seen people equate holding out on sex for a woman with paying for dates for men. How would you ladies feel if the man preferred to go dutch until you made a commitment? Your body being precious enough for you to conserve and his generosity being precious for him to conserve. And to those who may jump to the conclusion I am not saying either party should expect anything.  A question…
Since many times on Evan’s site I have seen people equate holding out on sex for a woman with paying for dates for men.
How would you ladies feel if the man preferred to go dutch until you made a commitment?
Your body being precious enough for you to conserve and his generosity being precious for him to conserve.
And to those who may jump to the conclusion I am not saying either party should expect anything. 

]]> By: littleangel http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/can-a-hot-woman-like-me-hold-out-on-sex-until-i-get-a-commitment/comment-page-3/#comment-208636 littleangel Mon, 28 Nov 2011 03:01:12 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/can-a-hot-woman-like-me-hold-out-on-sex-until-i-get-a-commitment/#comment-208636 I think a Hot woman can Hold Out Sex until Commitment. If a man already approaching in such manner way, that would make woman easier to not waste her time and by telling the guy that it seems they deserve better just being a sex toy for woman. A hot guy is a man who knows how to talk and treat a woman in a fun way and not in too naughty way. This is a ridiculous way of this modern society that discussing sex should be when or until how many dates. When you have sex outside of a marriage or in a relationship, at least you know that your partner is also looking for sex as before committed to you and looking for you as a person who deserve the best. How if you will be paralyzed in the future and can not give sex anymore to your partner when you are both married to each other? Will he still stick around with you, will he cheat on you? When on the first mind what he's talking about, at least you know what kind of man he is and what he is looking for and what he sees in you. You can not change people's mind, only intimidating and persuade him, but that will be a hard long work, and not authentic from him. I prefer an origin mind from a man's thought not by manipulating from the woman's point of view. I think a Hot woman can Hold Out Sex until Commitment. If a man already approaching in such manner way, that would make woman easier to not waste her time and by telling the guy that it seems they deserve better just being a sex toy for woman. A hot guy is a man who knows how to talk and treat a woman in a fun way and not in too naughty way. This is a ridiculous way of this modern society that discussing sex should be when or until how many dates. When you have sex outside of a marriage or in a relationship, at least you know that your partner is also looking for sex as before committed to you and looking for you as a person who deserve the best. How if you will be paralyzed in the future and can not give sex anymore to your partner when you are both married to each other? Will he still stick around with you, will he cheat on you? When on the first mind what he’s talking about, at least you know what kind of man he is and what he is looking for and what he sees in you. You can not change people’s mind, only intimidating and persuade him, but that will be a hard long work, and not authentic from him. I prefer an origin mind from a man’s thought not by manipulating from the woman’s point of view.

]]> By: Goldie http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/can-a-hot-woman-like-me-hold-out-on-sex-until-i-get-a-commitment/comment-page-3/#comment-202866 Goldie Wed, 16 Nov 2011 20:54:48 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/can-a-hot-woman-like-me-hold-out-on-sex-until-i-get-a-commitment/#comment-202866 Excellent comment #111. I should've read it, oh, 4-5 months ago, memorized it, printed it out, and posted it on my fridge, then maybe I wouldn't have had that exact same thing happen to me :( People do "come around" sometimes (I know I have), but that is such a rare occasion, I wouldn't count on it. Better for my sanity, if a guy already said "no" to whatever, to ignore all mixed messages that might follow and continue to take his "no" at face value. More than that, if he said "yes", but his actions say "no", I prefer to take those actions at face value. Took me only once to learn this lesson.   BTW, I read the original post and completely agree with the "pick your poison" part. The guy probably would've bailed anyway, before or after sex. Much better for the OP that he bailed when he did. What can I say, dating is risky stuff :( Excellent comment #111. I should’ve read it, oh, 4-5 months ago, memorized it, printed it out, and posted it on my fridge, then maybe I wouldn’t have had that exact same thing happen to me :( People do “come around” sometimes (I know I have), but that is such a rare occasion, I wouldn’t count on it. Better for my sanity, if a guy already said “no” to whatever, to ignore all mixed messages that might follow and continue to take his “no” at face value. More than that, if he said “yes”, but his actions say “no”, I prefer to take those actions at face value. Took me only once to learn this lesson.
 
BTW, I read the original post and completely agree with the “pick your poison” part. The guy probably would’ve bailed anyway, before or after sex. Much better for the OP that he bailed when he did. What can I say, dating is risky stuff :(

]]> By: Evan Marc Katz http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/can-a-hot-woman-like-me-hold-out-on-sex-until-i-get-a-commitment/comment-page-3/#comment-202832 Evan Marc Katz Wed, 16 Nov 2011 19:19:20 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/can-a-hot-woman-like-me-hold-out-on-sex-until-i-get-a-commitment/#comment-202832 Try reading that again and show me where I said that, Ainu. Try reading that again and show me where I said that, Ainu.

]]> By: Ainu http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/can-a-hot-woman-like-me-hold-out-on-sex-until-i-get-a-commitment/comment-page-3/#comment-202825 Ainu Wed, 16 Nov 2011 19:02:44 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/can-a-hot-woman-like-me-hold-out-on-sex-until-i-get-a-commitment/#comment-202825 Dear Evan So, according to your answer to Collette , we, women should just sleep with every guy who comes across as dateable , on 2nd or 3rd date, because it is being expected from us , and then wait and "see if we passed"? Ridiculous.. D.  Dear Evan

So, according to your answer to Collette , we, women should just sleep with every guy who comes across as dateable , on 2nd or 3rd date, because it is being expected from us , and then wait and “see if we passed”? Ridiculous..

D. 

]]> By: Robin http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/can-a-hot-woman-like-me-hold-out-on-sex-until-i-get-a-commitment/comment-page-3/#comment-177201 Robin Fri, 02 Sep 2011 10:48:44 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/can-a-hot-woman-like-me-hold-out-on-sex-until-i-get-a-commitment/#comment-177201 I'm a little surprised at some of the posts attacking Colette for stating that she is attractive.  It just appears that she is questioning whether looking a certain way means that she attracts men who are only interested in sex, instead of long term relationships. What's so sinister about that?   Tyler (#90), does she really need to "clarify why her hotness is an issue?" Glenda (#101), since when does describing oneself as attractive smack of egotism?  Give me a break.  I don't see how her stating that she would generally be considered attractive in any way detracts from her as a person and/or makes it acceptable for you to snidely indicate that this somehow indicates an underlying personality problem. However, your posts make me think you are threatened by other women who are confident and rightfully expect reciprocity and respect from the persons they date.   We all use words to describe ourselves, whether the words are "funny" smart" 'attractive" etc. and in describing what we are looking for in potential partners.  Let us be realistic - we all place a value on attractiveness, and seek partners that we find attractive, whatever that means to us individually.  Yes, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but I firmly believe that we have to find ourselves 'beautiful' before anyone else will.  We should all have the confidence to say, "I am a great catch who deserves a great partner." So the next time someone (whether male or female) describes him/herself as "hot" maybe your reaction should be "Good for you!" instead of "What nerve!" I’m a little surprised at some of the posts attacking Colette for stating that she is attractive.  It just appears that she is questioning whether looking a certain way means that she attracts men who are only interested in sex, instead of long term relationships. What’s so sinister about that?  

Tyler (#90), does she really need to “clarify why her hotness is an issue?” Glenda (#101), since when does describing oneself as attractive smack of egotism?  Give me a break.  I don’t see how her stating that she would generally be considered attractive in any way detracts from her as a person and/or makes it acceptable for you to snidely indicate that this somehow indicates an underlying personality problem. However, your posts make me think you are threatened by other women who are confident and rightfully expect reciprocity and respect from the persons they date.  
We all use words to describe ourselves, whether the words are “funny” smart” ‘attractive” etc. and in describing what we are looking for in potential partners.  Let us be realistic – we all place a value on attractiveness, and seek partners that we find attractive, whatever that means to us individually.  Yes, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but I firmly believe that we have to find ourselves ‘beautiful’ before anyone else will.  We should all have the confidence to say, “I am a great catch who deserves a great partner.”

So the next time someone (whether male or female) describes him/herself as “hot” maybe your reaction should be “Good for you!” instead of “What nerve!”

]]> By: jacinta http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/can-a-hot-woman-like-me-hold-out-on-sex-until-i-get-a-commitment/comment-page-3/#comment-145176 jacinta Wed, 16 Mar 2011 13:34:15 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/can-a-hot-woman-like-me-hold-out-on-sex-until-i-get-a-commitment/#comment-145176 This idea of "making progress" I think must apply much more to guys, because while you may stick with just kissing for a wihle, you are developing other parts of the story, getting to know someone, hanging out in different contexts etc. While I think that you shouldnt (nor is it natural) to postpone sex if you are really feeling it, it is important as a woman (if you are looking for respect and for something to last at least a little while) to wait to feel comfortable with a guy.   I was a litte concerned reading Evan´s blog about the "if I am still stuck in the kissing mode on date three that will be it". I don´t buy that, that may be the case for very young guy, or someone looking for sex, but I think most guys want more, and the effort of finding someone else outweighs the minor agravation of waiting for sex. (But of course I am a woman and can only speculate!) This idea of “making progress” I think must apply much more to guys, because while you may stick with just kissing for a wihle, you are developing other parts of the story, getting to know someone, hanging out in different contexts etc. While I think that you shouldnt (nor is it natural) to postpone sex if you are really feeling it, it is important as a woman (if you are looking for respect and for something to last at least a little while) to wait to feel comfortable with a guy.
 
I was a litte concerned reading Evan´s blog about the “if I am still stuck in the kissing mode on date three that will be it”. I don´t buy that, that may be the case for very young guy, or someone looking for sex, but I think most guys want more, and the effort of finding someone else outweighs the minor agravation of waiting for sex. (But of course I am a woman and can only speculate!)

]]> By: Kurt S. http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/can-a-hot-woman-like-me-hold-out-on-sex-until-i-get-a-commitment/comment-page-3/#comment-102988 Kurt S. Tue, 07 Dec 2010 07:44:46 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/can-a-hot-woman-like-me-hold-out-on-sex-until-i-get-a-commitment/#comment-102988 I just read Collette's post (#99) - her approach was perfect.  She didn't want to have casual sex and because she put her foot down, she didn't have casual sex with a guy who wasn't interested in a serious relationship.  Collette's behavior in this case is refreshing - it would be nice if there were more women out there like her.  All other things being equal, a relatively chaste woman is far more attractive that a relatively promiscuous woman. I just read Collette’s post (#99) – her approach was perfect.  She didn’t want to have casual sex and because she put her foot down, she didn’t have casual sex with a guy who wasn’t interested in a serious relationship.  Collette’s behavior in this case is refreshing – it would be nice if there were more women out there like her.  All other things being equal, a relatively chaste woman is far more attractive that a relatively promiscuous woman.

]]> By: Kurt S. http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/can-a-hot-woman-like-me-hold-out-on-sex-until-i-get-a-commitment/comment-page-3/#comment-102987 Kurt S. Tue, 07 Dec 2010 07:35:57 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/can-a-hot-woman-like-me-hold-out-on-sex-until-i-get-a-commitment/#comment-102987 I don't think that Colette did anything wrong here.  Four dates isn't even that many dates.  If Collete accurately described what happened, then it appears as though that guy only wanted sex.  Since that isn't what she wants, it is probably a good thing for her that he disappeared. I don’t think that Colette did anything wrong here.  Four dates isn’t even that many dates.  If Collete accurately described what happened, then it appears as though that guy only wanted sex.  Since that isn’t what she wants, it is probably a good thing for her that he disappeared.

]]> By: Diana http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/can-a-hot-woman-like-me-hold-out-on-sex-until-i-get-a-commitment/comment-page-3/#comment-80862 Diana Mon, 30 Aug 2010 01:20:25 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/can-a-hot-woman-like-me-hold-out-on-sex-until-i-get-a-commitment/#comment-80862 If I were in a situation similar to Colette's, I think I'd say something like, "John, I really like you. You're attractive and fun to be with, and I hope we can continue getting to know each other and spending time together. While a part of me wants to be with you physically, I need to feel you are more interested in me than a roll in the hay, and that takes time. I also don't want to share you with other women. I hope you understand. Just know that all good things come to those who wait," with a playful, flirtatious twinkle in my eyes. If he bolts, I'll know he wasn't the right man for me. If I were in a situation similar to Colette’s, I think I’d say something like, “John, I really like you. You’re attractive and fun to be with, and I hope we can continue getting to know each other and spending time together. While a part of me wants to be with you physically, I need to feel you are more interested in me than a roll in the hay, and that takes time. I also don’t want to share you with other women. I hope you understand. Just know that all good things come to those who wait,” with a playful, flirtatious twinkle in my eyes. If he bolts, I’ll know he wasn’t the right man for me.

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