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After six months, I have discovered (the hard way!) that the man I was becoming more and more attached to is an “ambivalent” man, a commitmentphobe, a “runner.” I’m heartbroken, of course. My question, even after “How Do I Get Him Back”: would he or could he ever change, even with all your relationship assistance and my best efforts?
Do I even want him back? I’m 65, twice widowed, and marriage isn’t a priority for me at this point, but a commitment and loyalty and reliability in my man definitely are.
I’ve been a dating coach for seven years now. In that time, I’ve had nearly 1000 private clients who have engaged my coaching services. A decent percentage of them (10-15%) started working with me while they were already dating men.
You want to know how many of them ended up with those men?
That’s right. Not ONE woman who has EVER come to me with a “man she’s seeing” ended up marrying him.
This may be shocking to you – or it may be utterly predictable. After all, women in happy, healthy, relationships don’t usually shell out $4500 for dating coaching.
Not ONE woman who has EVER come to me with a “man she’s seeing” ended up marrying him.
To me, this illustrates the tremendous power of wishful thinking. The idea that a man who is emotionally unavailable after three months will suddenly become emotionally available after six. Or that the man who never talks about a future with you will suddenly see the light. Or that the guy who disappears for a week is secretly in love with you. This delusion is so commonplace that a book like “He’s Just Not that Into You” was seen as revelatory, when to men it could have been subtitled, “Duh.”
Put another way: if you let go of an apple from chin height, you’d expect it to drop, wouldn’t you? Of course. Because every time you’ve ever let go of an apple, it hit the floor.
So look back at your experiences with two kinds of men: the men who turned into your best boyfriends and the kind where you didn’t know where you stood.
Why He Disappeared is the smart, strong, successful woman's guide to understanding men. If you want to learn how men think, and rediscover how to have meaningful relationships - all from a man's point of view - click here to learn Why He Disappeared.
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