Comments on: Can An Older Man Change Into a Committed Partner?

By: Jo

Jo — Wed, 03 Apr 2013 03:54:49 +0000

Unmarried older men are the proverbial roosters in the henhouse. They know they have the upper hand and can date whomever they want: younger or older or whatever. So many older women are so desperate that they put up with it, and the younger gals think they’re going to get a ‘catch’ so they put up with it too. It’s insane.

By: Sparkling Emerald

Sparkling Emerald — Sun, 31 Mar 2013 17:46:45 +0000

Joe 25 “If a single woman wants to marry a man, get off the pill, and get pregnant. Because only a Baby will make a man commit to marriage.”
———————–
Boo, hiss, to that comment. TERRIBLE advice !!!!!!! First of all, there are tons of single moms, who were never married to their baby-daddy. So a baby will not make a player commit. Maybe a court ordered support check, but not a proposal. Second of all, shot-gun weddings often times lead to crappy marriages. Third of all, a baby deserves to be wanted and loved by BOTH parents, using a baby as a means of “trapping” a man is despicable.
If a woman wants to marry, don’t waste time on a man who doesn’t. Move on, there are men out there who want marriage and children, in that order. Her chances of finding one are greater if she doesn’t waste time on anti-marriage men.

By: Franko

Franko — Sun, 31 Mar 2013 14:36:26 +0000

well i am a 58 year old man looking to have a love life again, but meeting a good woman again after a divorce which my wife was the one that cheated on me make it worse now. there are so many women that seem to have such an attitude problem today, and play very hard too get. it is wonderful to share a life with a woman, and who would like to be alone anyway? not me, and i can certainly speak for myself. but there are many people that do like staying alone, and more power for them. there are not that many good places to go too where i am, and that makes it much more difficult for people are age. my aunt and uncle are very lucky since they are starting their 65th year together, and that just shows you how much different the times were back then when most of the women were very committed to their men and accepted them for who they were. most of the women nowadays are looking for men with a very large bank account, and these type of women are users as well as losers anyway. it was certainly meant to be for my aunt and uncle to be together, and they met when they were kids in school which was much easier back then. for me, going out all over again and dealing with this mess really sucks for me. it is like a joke trying to meet a good woman again, since there are so many very rude women today. at my age it is very difficult now, since time is short for me. i wish that i was born a lot sooner, then i could have avoided this mess now and had my own family that i would have wanted. but now i will just go out again and hope for the best.

By: Joe

Joe — Mon, 31 Jan 2011 22:47:51 +0000

At 65, and if you’re not married, just enjoy the freedom, at least that is what a single man who is not interested in marriage would do. A lot of Men do not want to be tied down if they are not married. They want to be Free from girlfriends, wives, and have free time, and be able to date many women. There’s nothing wrong with that decision or lifestyle as long as you are not married. And its expected for Single Men to have fun and enjoy their freedom.
Now, unfortunately for single women, they want monogamous relationships with one man for marriage or quasi-marriage. Unfortunately, the Good-looking rich players know they have their pick and will never settle down. That is just life.
If a single woman wants to marry a man, get off the pill, and get pregnant. Because only a Baby will make a man commit to marriage.

By: KJ

KJ — Sat, 04 Dec 2010 13:46:10 +0000

@ Kat 21 and Denise
I agree that people are always changing. I think we all reach a point where we are inspired to become more self aware, recognise our fears, manage them better, but it often seems to take a real crisis!
And even then, it can take years to work out old counter-productive habits and emotional reflexes.
It might sound cruel – but I’ve found that leaving people to it helps them own it, and can spur their personal growth. Let them come forward in their own time.
Don’t neglect your own flow!

By: Denise

Denise — Thu, 02 Dec 2010 17:48:12 +0000

Kat, I’m a little floored by your post. I dated and fell in love with a man who was newly separated–he on several times said he felt the same way about me. Our timing was off though, and he wasn’t ready to get involved with another woman so soon. Totally understood, I’m about a 1.5 years ahead of him in regard to separation and divorce.

He’s kept in touch with me, it’s been over a year. I saw him earlier this year where we slept together. I spoke to him about a month ago on the phone, otherwise it’s via email or text.

I’ve held off sleeping with him again, because I didn’t want to have frustrating or negative feelings towards him. Maybe that’s a bit short sighted. I don’t have those feelings like I’ve had for him in the past, and I’ve dated plenty of other men and have a very active social life.

You’ve given me some things to think about.

By: Denise

Denise — Thu, 02 Dec 2010 17:42:10 +0000

#20 Jennyana

I too dated a man over the summer, and recently had a phone conversation with him. We agreed we both had a great time on our last date and he said he would call. Never heard from him.

I agree with you, obviously he’s ‘not just into me’…that’s the way the cookie crumbles. Disappointing, but reality

By: Kat Wilder

Kat Wilder — Thu, 02 Dec 2010 14:05:11 +0000

Here’s my experience, although I know it isn’t everyone’s. I’m middle aged and divorced — not really looking to marry again but, yes, a life partner at some point would be nice. A few years ago I met a man and we clicked immediately; he said he wanted to be my boyfriend, not just my lover, and we dated for a few months. I had fallen in love, hard.
Then one day he said he couldn’t commit. I was hurt but I’m old enough to know that it takes people a few months, if not longer, before they know whether they really want to stay in a relationship with someone or not. So we split but remained friendly, and I went about dating others and even had a loving relationship with a man I knew I wouldn’t be with forever. He and I kept in contact and, yes, sometimes slept together. The time away from him was actually helpful, because it helped me clarify for myself what I really wanted.
About a year and a half later, I got a long email from him, explaining “why he disappeared” (there were things happening in his life he wasn’t ready to share with me back then) and that he still loved me. He hoped he hadn’t messed everything up by his actions, and he hoped I would take him back.
And I did. And we’ve been together — living separately as we each have kids still at home — ever since. It was a risk I was willing to take because he’s a good man.
So, do people change? We’re always changing. Sometimes the reason people don’t commit has a back story someone may not be able/willing to share at a particular time. That may or may not be this man’s story, but you have to ask yourself — what do I really want, when do I want it and from whom?

By: jennyana

jennyana — Thu, 02 Dec 2010 01:28:26 +0000

#14 Honey.

You’re right about that. Sometimes people can click the first time they see each other. Congratulations on your future wedding.

#16 Denise

Thank you. Believe me, it wasn’t easy, but I realized that I was doing something wrong when it came to dating. I had no problem getting second or third dates; my main problem was that I got into relationships in where I wasn’t treated right and just stayed there because I thought they could change.

I do want to be in a loving and committed relationship. I know it’s not easy finding the right partner, but I keep trying. This year brought a lot of changes in my life: new country, new job, new friends, first time living alone, etc. I’m working on my profile because next year I’ll try online dating for the first time.

Finally, sometimes men do act differently from what we expect, but there’s nothing we can do about it. For example, I met a man when I moved here at the beginning of the year. For the first months, nothing happened. Out of the blue, last month he asked me to see a movie with him. I went and had a great time and told him so. I wasn’t expecting nothing more. Well, we ended up going out two more times. I always made sure we both had a good time and thanked him for the date. I started to like him and see him in a different light. Right now I haven’t heard from him for the past three weeks. At first I was a little disappointed because I was beginning to like him, but what can I do? He always told me that he had a great time. I don’t regret going out with him; he was a perfect gentleman and a very nice person. I’m sure that if he was interested he would have pursued me, but that is not the case.

By: Brit

Brit — Wed, 01 Dec 2010 18:10:47 +0000

Yes, there is no doubt that this older man does not want a committed relationship. It’s really not that hard to figure out whether a guy is interested in you or not. If he is interested, he will try hard. What counts as trying hard may vary from person to person but once you get to know a person, you can tell if he is trying hard or not. If he is not, then … yes … he is just not that into you. Move on.