I’m engaged to be married to my fiancé. We’ve have been together for 2 years now. My issue is that I want to completely trust him, but he makes it very hard for me to do so.

When the subject of past relationships comes up, he always has a different response as to the number of partners he has had and the seriousness of the relationships.

Also, I’ve found many nude or nearly nude photos on his computer of women he has dated. He also never deleted any women’s phone numbers in his phone after months of us dating. When I asked him why, he said it’s because he doesn’t want to answer when they call.

After we were already engaged, a woman he had a short fling with sent him a provocative photo which he then forwarded to a friend, I guess to prove the fact that she was still not over him.

I don’t feel in the least intimidated about these women, because I’m very secure in myself and in my appearance, but it bothers me that he even would go so low as to associate with and actually sleep with them.

I know this is just the bad part of our relationship but this is basically the main negative. He is, however, the man I fell in love with and actually thought was my soulmate very early on in our relationship.

What do you think? –Evelyn

Dear Evelyn,

I think I need a little more information about you and your fiancé to be able to give a thoughtful and well-informed answer. Continue Reading »

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It would be tempting to say, “because they can”, wouldn’t it?

Really, it doesn’t seem to be that complex. As noted in this Time Magazine article, modern-day men of power — Donald Trump, Bill Clinton, Eliot Spitzer, John Edwards, John Ensign, JFK, FDR, and most recently, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Dominique Strauss-Kahn — are noted for their serial wives and philandering. No need to get started on the rock stars and athletes who fit the same profile. What do these people have in common?

Three obvious things: Power, money and opportunity, which means access to women and considerable travel.

Cheaters not only think they won’t get caught, they think they’re above the law.

What the Time article also notes is something I hadn’t considered before, the point in life at which unusual privilege was first conferred. Continue Reading »

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Dear Evan,

What is it that men get out of looking/gazing at beautiful women, nude or otherwise?

I have read on other websites that men actually get a chemical “high” in their brain when they see an attractive woman and that is why they are so drawn to look at other women even when they are in love with another. I’m wondering, from your perspective, what you think it is. Are men sexually “turned on” when they see a beautiful woman naked and automatically fantasize about having sex with her or is it more of just plain old admiration for the beautiful female form with no arousal? And, if it is sexual arousal, does that happen only in seeing a naked woman (magazine, strip joint, porn) or does that happen when you see a beautiful clothed woman as well? I have always been very curious about this as I think it is very different for women. –Cat

Dear Cat,

Thoughtful and provocative question, and I’m going to attempt to tackle it even though I’m no therapist, historian or biologist.

First off, I want to acknowledge that everything you wrote, in my estimation, is true.

Men, regardless of relationship status, get a chemical high in seeing attractive women. Continue Reading »

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My boyfriend – who is over 60 – has had more dates than anyone I know and still receives notifications of women who have emailed him constantly. He has told me about some of them and still hears from many of them. Since we have dated for almost two years, I asked him to cancel his online dating account. I cancelled mine.

How do I know this? My girlfriend who is on Match.com looked at his site for me (which is still posted) and said he had been on that day, just a few hours ago, which was while I was gone. Is he addicted? Is this normal human behavior? –Barb Continue Reading »

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Evan,
My boyfriend and I have been together for four years and we have a very strong and healthy relationship. We have lots of fun together and we can always solve the problems that arise in our relationship. A few months ago, Luis decided to start studying strategies to be a dating coach. I support him, because I believe in him, but I’m very worried because I know he trains approximation strategies in certain circles of women. I am very afraid that in this research he will eventually find someone else. I have always supported him and we talked a lot about this issue. He is sincere with me, but at the same time I am very fearful that our relationship will be compromised…
What do I do in this situation? –Sofia

Dear Sofia,

There’s some information left out of your question that makes it difficult to give the most accurate dating advice. Continue Reading »

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An article in the New York Times this week claims that an equation can predict the success or – more likely – failure of a celebrity marriage.

And guess what? Celebrities…they’re just like us. Prone to making rash, impulsive, bad decisions based on attraction and short-term thinking. Continue Reading »

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So I’ve been dating this girl for about a month and things are going great. We have not had any problems and we both see a long future for the both of us together. We actually met through a dating site and we were talking a few weeks before our first date. The problem I am dealing with is that a couple days after our first date, I actually had a one-night stand after a long night at the bar. I feel bad about it every time I think about and I feel even worse every time the girl I’m dating brings up the fact of how she can trust me and how she loves how honest I am with her. So my question to you is, when would be the appropriate time for me to tell her about this, and if there is not an appropriate time, than what should do I do so this doesn’t eat me up alive every time I think about? (I feel this is one of those things where telling her would be an easy way for me to feel better, but would end up doing more harm than good in the end.) –Jason

Jason,

Your radar is right on the money.

You’re considered honest and trustworthy by your girlfriend.

You care about her and see a potential future with her.

You feel bad that you were with someone in the time that you knew her.

You want to get this guilt off your chest and aren’t quite sure how she’d take it.

Yep. Your heart’s in the right place.

The only difference between you and me is that I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong. Continue Reading »

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In a new study called “Let My Fingers Do the Talking: Sexting and Infidelity in Cyberspace” by Diane Kholos Wysocki and Cheryl D. Childers reveal that women are more likely to send nude photographs or sexually explicit text messages than men.

About two-thirds of women surveyed sent “sexts” compared with about half of the men.

“Cheating is alive and well, and sexting is on the rise,” said Dr. Kholos Wysocki, whose first study of sex on the Internet dates to 1992, back in the dial-up days. “But I don’t believe the Internet is causing people to cheat. There seems to be something going on with marriage that’s the bigger social issue. Before, people would just get a divorce. For some reason, people are staying and cheating instead.”

The study results are base on an online survey of 5,187 adult visitors to the Web site AshleyMadison.com, an “infidelity” service aimed at married men and women, as its basis for analysis. Conducted in 2009, the survey asked 68 questions about users’ Internet use, sexual behaviors and demographics.

Have you sent explicit photos via text message? Have you cheated on a spouse or carried on a “sexting” affair? Read the full text of the article here and share your experiences in the comments.

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Evan,
This may be an age-old question. My boyfriend is best friends with his ex-girlfriend. They dated for two and a half years, broke up 5 years ago, have many mutual friends. They met in graduate school and went through some hard times together, so I understand why they stay friends.

However, they are way too close. They talk on the phone 2-3 times a week, meet up for lunch/dinner. My boyfriend once told me she’s so important to him that if we ever get married and have a house, she would be invited to our house for holiday dinners. The first time I met his mom, she could not stop talking about the ex. She told me their entire dating story, why they broke up, how the ex-girlfriend’s parents still think my boyfriend is the best guy for her (oh yeah, the mom is also good friends with the ex girlfriend’s parents). Of course, I was annoyed but maintained my cool. I did have a discussion with my boyfriend after this incident, and he thought his mom was inappropriate. Continue Reading »

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According to these fascinating statistics over at Online Dating Insider:

32% of men earning over $300,000 a year cheat.

32% of men earning over $300,000 a year cheat.

Only 3% of them eventually marry the other woman.

And 75% of THOSE couples get divorced.

But the real news is that, in our post-feminist era, where men and women are given equal opportunity, we’ve pretty much turned into one big, confused, gender.

For years, it was assumed that men were the only ones with wandering eyes, high libidos, and the biological imperative to seek variety. Now, women cheat 60% as often as men do.

Keep pushing, ladies! I’m sure you can catch up!

You’re already making strides when 56% of all Hustler video sales are to women.

That’s equality!

Check out the entire graphic, then discuss.

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