Hi Evan. I read what I purchased from you faithfully and followed everything you said. I am a 36-year-old East Indian woman living in New York City. I would say that less than 10% of the people I write to write back to me. No one is really writing to me. I did EVERYTHING you said.

That’s my feedback–it’s not working for me. Is it because I’m Indian? Is it because I’m 36? Is it because I’m in New York City? If you can help, I’d appreciate it. –Mellie

Mellie,

First of all, I want to give you credit. You’re doing something.

If you’re writing to men who state that they’re looking for women 24-32, you can’t be too surprised that they’re not writing back.

Unlike most of the lookie-loos who read free blogs and newsletters and don’t try anything different, you put your money where your mouth is and invested in Finding the One Online. And now you want to know when the payoff is going to come.

I hear ya. And I don’t blame you in the least.

However, there are a few variables that might be affecting your experience…and I’d just like to point them out to you.

Since I don’t know you at all, I’m just going to be objective and theorize why you might not be doing as well as you’d like.

1. You’re not as attractive as you think.

In this famous OkCupid blog post, OkCupid takes great pains to illustrate that while women think that 80% of men are BELOW AVERAGE in attractiveness, men actually have a fair appraisal of women’s attractiveness. And while they still write disproportionately to the best looking 33% of women, normal women still get plenty of attention online. I’m not saying you’re unattractive – I have no idea what you look like – but if you were expecting men to be knocking down your door, take a look at the most attractive women in New York City between the ages of 25-35. I think you’ll see why you’re not getting as much attention.

2. Your age and race do matter.

Not to only have one source, but OkCupid also did a post on race. And what they observed is that yes, in fact, the percentage response that Indian women get from white men is less than they’ll get from men of all other races. It’s not my place to judge, but everyone’s entitled to his/her preferences. Write to more Indian men and your response rate should go up by 15%.

As far as age goes, I think it goes without saying that men prefer younger women if they want to start families. Check out the preferences of the men you’re writing to online instead of just writing to the men you prefer. If you’re writing to men who state that they’re looking for women 24-32, you can’t be too surprised that they’re not writing back. No more than a man who is 55 should be too surprised that you’re not replying to his query.

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If you KNOW you want to get every single bonus I’m offering with FOCUS Coaching, click here and get it before it’s all gone:

http://www.evanmarckatz.com/coaching/group-coaching/focus.php

For the rest of you, keep reading:

It’s funny how I’ve been working on this all summer, yet I’ve been jamming these last few days to get things just right. It’s like my wedding, but more stressful.

But this morning, a calm has come over me – and that’s the exact feeling I want you to have after joining FOCUS Coaching. I’ve already given you a few priceless tips about how men think. The time has now come to give you everything else you need.

So, to make things as easy as possible, if you know you want to order, click here:

http://www.evanmarckatz.com/coaching/group-coaching/focus.php

Once you’re on that page, skip to the bottom, click on the order form, and, within minutes, you will learn everything about attracting and choosing the “right” men.

However, if all the special reports and emails and blog posts haven’t illustrated what you stand to gain by joining me in FOCUS Coaching, that’s fair. I want you to feel super comfortable before you do anything.

Take your time, read the long page, consider how it applies to your situation, look at the benefits and the testimonials, and sleep on it.

It’ll all still be here tomorrow.

The only reason to have a sense of urgency is because there are bonuses available to the first 100 women who join FOCUS Coaching, and that offer will probably be gone by the time you’re done deliberating.

So if you want to truly maximize this limited time offer, and get all your questions about men answered in FOCUS Coaching, just click here:

http://www.evanmarckatz.com/coaching/group-coaching/focus.php

You will get a lifetime of value for a price that can’t be beat.

Thanks for your patience with me. I hope it was worth the wait.

Warmest wishes and much love,

Your friend,

Evan

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A new study of 5,000 married couples shows that Americans tend to walk in “political lockstep” throughout their relationship.

In an article to be published in a forthcoming issue of the Journal of Politics, researchers examined physical and behavioral traits in thousands of spouse pairs in the United States. They found that political attitudes were among the strongest shared traits – stronger, even, than qualities like personality or looks. The only attribute that scored slightly higher than political views was the frequency of church attendance.

People “placed more emphasis on finding a mate who is a kindred spirit with regard to politics, religion and social activity than they (did) on locating similar mates in terms of physique or personality,” according to the article. We did expect to find a strong political bond between husbands and wives,” said political scientist John R. Hibbing of the University of Nebraska-Lincoln and a co-author of the study. “But we were surprised that political concordance seems to exist from the very early years in the marriage, instead of the folk wisdom of mates growing more alike politically as their relationship goes along.”

Lead study author John Alford says that “It suggests that, perhaps, if you’re looking for a long-term romantic relationship, skip ‘What’s your sign?’ and go straight to ‘Obama or Palin?’” Alford said. “And if you get the wrong answer, just walk away.”

My wife and I don’t share the same political orientation. What about you? In your experience, how much do politics matter in relationships? Read the article here and weigh in by posting a comment below.

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First of all, I wanted to tell you how grateful I am that you frequent this blog. I’ve been writing here for about four years, and while I’ve never considered myself a “blogger”, I take great pride out of the community we’ve created together. We’ve weeded out most of the disrespectful people and have been left with commenters who are bright, thoughtful and engaging. Somehow we still have questions that we haven’t covered before, and somehow we still have original debates that I haven’t seen anywhere else.

And because we’re now getting 80,000 people a month coming to visit, I recently decided that I wanted to provide even more content, advice, and thinly veiled sarcasm than ever before. Yes, I want my blog to be a place that you visit every day, along with the New York Times, ESPN, Facebook, and various celebrity gossip sites (wait, that’s me!)

So, from now on, here’s my content posting schedule:

On Mondays, I’ll be tackling readers’ relationship advice questions. Click on the blue “sign up” button to the left to get my blog sent to you by email.

On Tuesdays, I’ll be sending out my regular newsletter with original dating advice and special offers. Click here to get on my private mailing list.

On Thursdays, I’ll be offering dating and relationship tips that I’ve considered as a dating coach that aren’t based on reader questions.

On Sundays, I’ll be posting a Your Links for Love to send you to interesting and relevant articles that caught my eye during the previous week.

In all, you should be reading this stuff a minimum of 4 times a week and commenting at least twelve to fifteen times per day on the blog.

In no time, you’ll be at least 30% less productive at work, but at least you’ll have a firm grasp on how to make better relationship decisions.

Seriously, I LOVE doing this and appreciate your kind words and enthusiasm about me, my wife, and my products.

And in 2011, I’m hoping that I’m still going to be as prolific as ever, despite the inevitable sleepless nights that come with being a new dad.

Oh, and if you’re a blog reader who didn’t know that I was going to be a father, you should REALLY be subscribing to my Tuesday newsletter. Seriously, y’all. The rest of the world knew about a month ago.

Anyway, if you don’t want to miss a thing, sign up in the blue box on the upper left side of the blog to get my Monday, Thursday, Sunday posts. And click here to get my special Tuesday newsletter.

Have a wonderful weekend.

Your friend,

Evan

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There are less than 24 hours to go before you can get your copy of Why He Disappeared. Before you do, I want to thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

Your questions and comments these past few weeks have been invaluable, and have really informed what you will see in the final product.

Although I hate to be so anal about the details, it’s important to me that everything in WHD is PERFECT – the eBooks, the audio, the bonuses, and, most importantly, the page on which you can download all of this material. Continue Reading »

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In an email I sent out yesterday I talked about the cost of pain and suffering. I mentioned that we will pay lots of money for pleasure – a car, a vacation – but are not as generous with ourselves when it comes to removing pain. If you’ve ever balked at $200/hr therapists before, you know what I’m talking about. You’d have to go to therapy every single week for 2 straight years to come close to buying a cheap car. Yet you’re more likely to get the car. Continue Reading »

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This is the third video based on the questions YOU wanted answered in my 1500 question survey. Last week, I told you that you don’t ATTRACT the wrong men, you ACCEPT the wrong men. I got a lot of really great feedback on that and hope that you’ve already made the mental adjustment to stop thinking you’re a bad man magnet and instead realize that you’ve been way too accepting of unacceptable behavior.

Today’s tip might be a little more challenging because instead of telling you to dump the bad guys, I’m going to ask you to open up to a whole new way of viewing the pursuit of love. It may be counter-intuitive, but I am confident that it will make a big difference for you. You ready?
 

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This is the second video based on the questions YOU wanted answered in my big survey. Last week, I shared with you the revelation that men are about feelings, not just looks. And that the reason a man will want to marry you has everything to do with how he feels when he’s around you. Make him feel good, and he’ll want to say. Make him feel bad, well, you know the rest.

That idea was not to say that you’ve done anything wrong – you might be the sweetest, most loving, perfect girlfriend ever. I just think it’s surprising to women that men are really driven by their feelings – namely, how they feel around you.

Which is a perfect segue to today’s video, in which you will definitely find yourself nodding your head. After you listen to what I have to say, I’m confident you are going to save yourself YEARS of wasted time in the future.

Continue Reading »

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720 women (and a coupla guys) have filled out my survey so far, and the results have been astounding. So many interesting, heartfelt, vulnerable questions, which, if I didn’t have a day job as a dating coach, I would love to answer, one by one.

Many of the questions come from a genuinely curious place and there are simple, straightforward answers: Continue Reading »

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I know: it sounds like an email from Africa, but keep reading…

I have to admit, I’ve been a little bit of a hypocrite recently. It’s embarrassing to admit that, since I run around giving advice for a living, but it’s true.

I’m always telling you to be bold. To take chances. To get rid of your fear. To open up to the unknown. To enlist the help of others. To not be afraid to fail. Continue Reading »

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