Hi Evan. I read what I purchased from you faithfully and followed everything you said. I am a 36-year-old East Indian woman living in New York City. I would say that less than 10% of the people I write to write back to me. No one is really writing to me. I did EVERYTHING you said.

That’s my feedback–it’s not working for me. Is it because I’m Indian? Is it because I’m 36? Is it because I’m in New York City? If you can help, I’d appreciate it. –Mellie

Mellie,

First of all, I want to give you credit. You’re doing something.

If you’re writing to men who state that they’re looking for women 24-32, you can’t be too surprised that they’re not writing back.

Unlike most of the lookie-loos who read free blogs and newsletters and don’t try anything different, you put your money where your mouth is and invested in Finding the One Online. And now you want to know when the payoff is going to come.

I hear ya. And I don’t blame you in the least.

However, there are a few variables that might be affecting your experience…and I’d just like to point them out to you.

Since I don’t know you at all, I’m just going to be objective and theorize why you might not be doing as well as you’d like.

1. You’re not as attractive as you think.

In this famous OkCupid blog post, OkCupid takes great pains to illustrate that while women think that 80% of men are BELOW AVERAGE in attractiveness, men actually have a fair appraisal of women’s attractiveness. And while they still write disproportionately to the best looking 33% of women, normal women still get plenty of attention online. I’m not saying you’re unattractive – I have no idea what you look like – but if you were expecting men to be knocking down your door, take a look at the most attractive women in New York City between the ages of 25-35. I think you’ll see why you’re not getting as much attention.

2. Your age and race do matter.

Not to only have one source, but OkCupid also did a post on race. And what they observed is that yes, in fact, the percentage response that Indian women get from white men is less than they’ll get from men of all other races. It’s not my place to judge, but everyone’s entitled to his/her preferences. Write to more Indian men and your response rate should go up by 15%.

As far as age goes, I think it goes without saying that men prefer younger women if they want to start families. Check out the preferences of the men you’re writing to online instead of just writing to the men you prefer. If you’re writing to men who state that they’re looking for women 24-32, you can’t be too surprised that they’re not writing back. No more than a man who is 55 should be too surprised that you’re not replying to his query.

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If you KNOW you want to get every single bonus I’m offering with FOCUS Coaching, click here and get it before it’s all gone:

http://www.evanmarckatz.com/coaching/group-coaching/focus.php

For the rest of you, keep reading:

It’s funny how I’ve been working on this all summer, yet I’ve been jamming these last few days to get things just right. It’s like my wedding, but more stressful.

But this morning, a calm has come over me – and that’s the exact feeling I want you to have after joining FOCUS Coaching. I’ve already given you a few priceless tips about how men think. The time has now come to give you everything else you need.

So, to make things as easy as possible, if you know you want to order, click here:

http://www.evanmarckatz.com/coaching/group-coaching/focus.php

Once you’re on that page, skip to the bottom, click on the order form, and, within minutes, you will learn everything about attracting and choosing the “right” men.

However, if all the special reports and emails and blog posts haven’t illustrated what you stand to gain by joining me in FOCUS Coaching, that’s fair. I want you to feel super comfortable before you do anything.

Take your time, read the long page, consider how it applies to your situation, look at the benefits and the testimonials, and sleep on it.

It’ll all still be here tomorrow.

The only reason to have a sense of urgency is because there are bonuses available to the first 100 women who join FOCUS Coaching, and that offer will probably be gone by the time you’re done deliberating.

So if you want to truly maximize this limited time offer, and get all your questions about men answered in FOCUS Coaching, just click here:

http://www.evanmarckatz.com/coaching/group-coaching/focus.php

You will get a lifetime of value for a price that can’t be beat.

Thanks for your patience with me. I hope it was worth the wait.

Warmest wishes and much love,

Your friend,

Evan

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A new study of 5,000 married couples shows that Americans tend to walk in “political lockstep” throughout their relationship.

In an article to be published in a forthcoming issue of the Journal of Politics, researchers examined physical and behavioral traits in thousands of spouse pairs in the United States. They found that political attitudes were among the strongest shared traits – stronger, even, than qualities like personality or looks. The only attribute that scored slightly higher than political views was the frequency of church attendance.

People “placed more emphasis on finding a mate who is a kindred spirit with regard to politics, religion and social activity than they (did) on locating similar mates in terms of physique or personality,” according to the article. We did expect to find a strong political bond between husbands and wives,” said political scientist John R. Hibbing of the University of Nebraska-Lincoln and a co-author of the study. “But we were surprised that political concordance seems to exist from the very early years in the marriage, instead of the folk wisdom of mates growing more alike politically as their relationship goes along.”

Lead study author John Alford says that “It suggests that, perhaps, if you’re looking for a long-term romantic relationship, skip ‘What’s your sign?’ and go straight to ‘Obama or Palin?’” Alford said. “And if you get the wrong answer, just walk away.”

My wife and I don’t share the same political orientation. What about you? In your experience, how much do politics matter in relationships? Read the article here and weigh in by posting a comment below.

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And because we’re now getting 80,000 people a month coming to visit, I recently decided that I wanted to provide even more content, advice, and thinly veiled sarcasm than ever before. Yes, I want my blog to be a place that you visit every day, along with the New York Times, ESPN, Facebook, and various celebrity gossip sites (wait, that’s me!)

So, from now on, here’s my content posting schedule:

On Mondays, I’ll be tackling readers’ relationship advice questions. Click on the blue “sign up” button to the left to get my blog sent to you by email.

On Tuesdays, I’ll be sending out my regular newsletter with original dating advice and special offers. Click here to get on my private mailing list.

On Thursdays, I’ll be offering dating and relationship tips that I’ve considered as a dating coach that aren’t based on reader questions.

On Sundays, I’ll be posting a Your Links for Love to send you to interesting and relevant articles that caught my eye during the previous week.

In all, you should be reading this stuff a minimum of 4 times a week and commenting at least twelve to fifteen times per day on the blog.

In no time, you’ll be at least 30% less productive at work, but at least you’ll have a firm grasp on how to make better relationship decisions.

Seriously, I LOVE doing this and appreciate your kind words and enthusiasm about me, my wife, and my products.

And in 2011, I’m hoping that I’m still going to be as prolific as ever, despite the inevitable sleepless nights that come with being a new dad.

Oh, and if you’re a blog reader who didn’t know that I was going to be a father, you should REALLY be subscribing to my Tuesday newsletter. Seriously, y’all. The rest of the world knew about a month ago.

Anyway, if you don’t want to miss a thing, sign up in the blue box on the upper left side of the blog to get my Monday, Thursday, Sunday posts. And click here to get my special Tuesday newsletter.

Have a wonderful weekend.

Your friend,

Evan

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There are less than 24 hours to go before you can get your copy of Why He Disappeared. Before you do, I want to thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

Your questions and comments these past few weeks have been invaluable, and have really informed what you will see in the final product.

Although I hate to be so anal about the details, it’s important to me that everything in WHD is PERFECT – the eBooks, the audio, the bonuses, and, most importantly, the page on which you can download all of this material.

Yesterday, I made a special video which answered the top concerns you had about Why He Disappeared. If you haven’t seen it yet, take a look below:

http://www.evanmarckatz.com/whd-questions-answered.html

So please pay really close attention so you can get all the benefits of WHD while supplies last. (I’ve always wanted to say that!)

Keep in mind that the only reason I’m talking about “limited” supplies is not because I’m going to run out of eBooks (obviously), but because this bonus-filled offer will take place for a short period of time, never to return again.

And if you want to get your private dating question answered by me personally…

Or if you want to be in on my exclusive Why He Disappeared teleclass…

Or if you want to get the bonus eBook and audio for Why He Disappeared Online

Or if you want to access two insightful interviews to help you further understand men…

You DEFINITELY want to be in front of your computer tomorrow, April 27th, between the hours of 8am and 9:30amPDT (11-12:30pmEDT).

Because that’s when I’ll be sending out a very special email to the women on my advanced notification list to be able to purchase Why He Disappeared BEFORE everyone else on my list can get to it.

Since there are special bonuses for the first 25 and first 100 women to get WHD (and 20,000 women on my mailing list), you don’t want to delay.

If you haven’t yet signed up to be on the advanced notification list so you can reap all the benefits of this limited time offer, you can do so underneath the video below:

http://www.evanmarckatz.com/whd-questions-answered.html

Tomorrow’s the big day – the day you’ve been waiting for – the day that you will learn, once and for all, the answer to the question that’s tormented you:

Why did he disappear?

With much love,

Your friend,

Evan

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In an email I sent out yesterday I talked about the cost of pain and suffering. I mentioned that we will pay lots of money for pleasure – a car, a vacation – but are not as generous with ourselves when it comes to removing pain. If you’ve ever balked at $200/hr therapists before, you know what I’m talking about. You’d have to go to therapy every single week for 2 straight years to come close to buying a cheap car. Yet you’re more likely to get the car.

Anyway, I wanted to be clear about something I said in that email about the pain of being smart, strong, successful…and single: I’m not assuming that you’re waking up miserable every morning because you don’t have a relationship. Absolutely not. In fact, I’m assuming the opposite. I’m assuming that you’re a generally happy woman with a healthy sense of self-esteem, a great bunch of friends and a good job. I’m assuming that you’ve loved and lost and been hurt by a number of men. Finally, I’m assuming that you’d prefer to find a happy, healthy, nurturing, fun, passionate relationship that lasts forever.

If I’m wrong – if you’d rather be alone than to have a happy, healthy, nurturing, fun, passionate relationship – then my new book, Why He Disappeared isn’t for you. I think it is for you, but there’s one thing holding you back. You’d rather be alone than to risk getting hurt again. And if that’s the case, you’ve already got your own wish.

There’s no risk in staying alone – you can continue to live this way forever – but there’s also no reward. There’s no one to wake up next to you. No one to comfort you directly after a hard day at work. No one to surprise you with a weekend away or homemade pancakes. No one to provide you the love, support and companionship that you desire. And sex! Don’t forget about regular sex with a man you truly care about and who cares for you. If you don’t put yourself out there, if you don’t learn to understand men, if you just leave things the way they are now, nothing is going to change. You’ll read my emails one year from now and your love life will be the same.

If you don’t put yourself out there, if you don’t learn to understand men, if you just leave things the way they are now, nothing is going to change.

If you’re not content with the way that sounds, you’re going to love Why He Disappeared – The Smart, Strong, Successful Woman’s Guide to Understanding Men and Keeping the Right One Hooked Forever. It’s coming out on Tuesday, and because this is the culmination of a full year of research, writing, and lots of ups and downs, I really want to make sure that you’re getting tremendous value out of it.

At this point, you’ve already contemplated the cost of your own pain. How it would feel better to have an amazing relationship than to have an amazing car, and so on. So how much would it be worth for you to know the secrets of the male mind: what we think, why we do what we do, and what you can do different? Because with the limited time offer that’s coming out Tuesday, I’m going to give you a 130 page eBook which you can read on your computer in seconds. If that’s all I were giving you, the peace of mind and years you’ve saved alone would be worth thousands of dollars. But – as a new husband – I’m really focused on trying to be a giver, not a taker.

So, stay tuned to this blog on Sunday, when you can see a video which lets you know everything else that comes with Why He Disappeared (WHD), including audio downloads, bonus interviews, and extra eBooks. Because I’m loading this offer with invaluable content that will forever change the way you view, understand and interact with men, I would highly encourage you to sign up on my previous blog post to get on my early notification list. If you’re on this list, you will get an email notifying you of the release of Why He Disappeared BEFORE everyone else gets it.

Based on the hundreds of emails and comments I’ve gotten, I think those bonuses are going to be gone before Why He Disappeared even goes out! So sign up on my previous blog post to put your name in and keep your eyes peeled for one last video from me on Sunday. Remember, it’s not a matter of choosing between being alone and getting hurt. There’s another path, and I can’t wait to share it with you.

Have a great weekend.

With love,

Evan.

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Today’s tip might be a little more challenging because instead of telling you to dump the bad guys, I’m going to ask you to open up to a whole new way of viewing the pursuit of love. It may be counter-intuitive, but I am confident that it will make a big difference for you. You ready?
 

You Have to Assume the Best In Men, Rather Than the Worst in Men

You’ve been hurt by men before. You’ve been hurt bad. You’ve vowed to learn from the experience and protect yourself from that ever happening again.

And to protect yourself from being hurt by a man, you:

Choose not to date at all.
Try to make him earn your trust.
Pull away from a guy at the first hint of trouble.
Tell him your relationship goals on the first few dates.
Want to clarify where things are headed in the first few months.

Those are all perfectly rational. The problem is: the only thing you’re protecting yourself from is the possibility of falling in love.

Let me explain.

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That idea was not to say that you’ve done anything wrong – you might be the sweetest, most loving, perfect girlfriend ever. I just think it’s surprising to women that men are really driven by their feelings – namely, how they feel around you.

Which is a perfect segue to today’s video, in which you will definitely find yourself nodding your head. After you listen to what I have to say, I’m confident you are going to save yourself YEARS of wasted time in the future.

You Don’t Attract the Wrong Men. You ACCEPT The Wrong Men.

What happens when you find yourself incredibly attracted to a man? Well, there’s the feeling of chemistry and everything that comes along with it – the obsessive highs that come with wanting to be with him, the joy of feeling incredibly connected, and, what you may forget, the willful blindness that allows you to overlook his flaws.

That’s one of the most miraculous things about chemistry: it allows you to focus only on the good and ignore all the bad.

This was incredibly apparent to me when I read your questions in my survey and received hundreds of comments from women attributing your relationship failures to attracting the wrong men. First of all, let’s get one thing straight…

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720 women (and a coupla guys) have filled out my survey so far, and the results have been astounding. So many interesting, heartfelt, vulnerable questions, which, if I didn’t have a day job as a dating coach, I would love to answer, one by one.

Many of the questions come from a genuinely curious place and there are simple, straightforward answers:

“Where do I meet quality men?” (everywhere, including online)

“What qualities are men really looking for?” (fun, attractive, easygoing, nurturing)

Why do they profess to like independent women but chose women who rely on them for financial and emotional support? Why do they want a woman who is needy? (men want to feel important and needed; independent women don’t provide that feeling)

But, to me, the juiciest question I received out of all of them – and I got it two or three times – is one that has been asked periodically on this blog:

Why are women expected to change the way they operate in order to be “successful” in relationships, but men get a pass?

Sigh. If you’ve been reading for awhile, you know how strongly I feel about this subject, how I’ve taken to the comment boards to defend myself, how it genuinely pains me when readers misunderstand the role of dating advice.

Dating advice is for the person who asks the question. It is not for the man who is the cause of the “problem”.

So let’s all get on the same page with this:

Dating advice is for the person who asks the question. It is not for the man who is the cause of the “problem”.

Therefore any woman who asks me whether her boyfriend should change will be met with one of two responses: given that you can’t change men (and yes, this is a given), you should either a) accept him, or b) leave him. Sometimes, there’s a c) discuss your feelings with him, but mostly my advice is of the “stay or go” variety.

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I know: it sounds like an email from Africa, but keep reading…

I have to admit, I’ve been a little bit of a hypocrite recently. It’s embarrassing to admit that, since I run around giving advice for a living, but it’s true.

I’m always telling you to be bold. To take chances. To get rid of your fear. To open up to the unknown. To enlist the help of others. To not be afraid to fail.

And here I am, nearly a year after starting to write my new eBook, and I am stuck.

I’m concerned that I’m leaving something important out.
I’m afraid I’m going to mess up on the technological portion of things.
I’m worried that you’re not going to absolutely, 100% love every word of it.

As a result, I realized, I’m in the exact same position as you are, and I’m making the same excuses for not moving forward.

I talk to my friends who have eBooks and downloadable products: Rori Raye, Christian Carter, Carol Allen, David Wygant, Lisa Steadman, and I wonder how they were able to get such big projects off the ground.

If you’ve ever talked to your friends about men, spent hours agonizing about it and browsing dating websites, and refused to settle for anything less then the perfect man, then, well, you know exactly what I’m talking about.

I spend countless hours poring over the same written material, adding chapters, cutting lines, showing it to friends for notes.

I obsess about the graphic design, the sound, the font, the price, and come to no definite conclusions. And I remain in the same place, dying to share this important material with you, but paralyzed at getting it finished.

If you’ve ever talked to your friends about men, spent hours agonizing about it and browsing dating websites, and refused to settle for anything less than the perfect man, then, well, you know exactly what I’m talking about.

So today, I’m going to break my pattern. I’m going to take a big step forward. I’m going to do something different. Here’s how:

I’m going to ask for YOUR advice,

Because if I’m going to put out the BEST eBook on why women’s relationships with men fail, I better make sure that it addresses YOUR top concerns.

And because your time (and thoughts) are valuable to me, I’m going to give you a gift: “How To Write a Profile That Attracts The People You Want to Meet” audio, for FREE! Listening to this product will be sure to get you writing a profile that will attract the kind of attention you’re looking for. PLUS, you’ll also be put on a special advanced notification list where you’ll be the first to know when this new product that you’re helping create is ready, and tons of other great stuff coming down the road.

Believe me, I know what it’s like to get stuck, and sometimes you just need a little outside perspective. Thanks so much for providing it to me.

Just click the link below, answer just 5 questions, and when you’re finished you’ll be sent to a page where you’ll get INSTANT access to the audio material.

http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/QJDT83P

Thank you so much for your opinions and thoughts, and for helping me develop a product that will benefit you. I feel grateful to have friends like you who want to contribute to my life.

Warmest wishes and many thanks,

Evan

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