My Girlfriend Broke Up With Me. I Slept With Someone Else. Have I Done Something Wrong?

My Girlfriend Broke Up With Me.  I Slept With Someone Else. Have I Done Something Wrong?

I dated my ex for 16 months. We broke up with no hints of getting back together. 2 weeks later I had a one night stand with someone I don’t know. 1 week later, my ex calls and indicates we should try to get back together. In subsequent discussions, she asks me if I had slept with anyone. Being an honest man, I reluctantly told her yes. She is furious and hurt and is accusing me of cheating and lying to her. I want to be with her, never wanted to be without her (she pushed the breakup), and am disappointed that I hurt her, BUT, do not feel like I cheated or lied. Where do I go from here? Lay low and see if time helps or go all in again and try to win her over again?

Thanks.

Brian

Dear Brian,

You did nothing wrong.

You were broken up.

You had no hints of getting back together.

You did what pretty much any guy would do after a sixteen month relationship.

That doesn’t mean you’re out of the woods yet, but it does mean you’re technically “right”. The problem is that having truth and logic on your side matters very little when discussing emotional issues. This, by the way, is the main reason that I blog. I try to inject a little male logic into the largely feminine realm of relationship discussions. (This does NOT mean women are illogical – I’m just making a generalization here). I don’t actively hope to change the world, but I do hope to observe the world AS IT IS, as opposed to how it SHOULD be.

She probably wanted you cry your eyes out for a few weeks, paralyzed, unable to imagine yourself in the presence of any other woman.

Your girlfriend is caught up in how it SHOULD be. After a long, serious relationship – one in which she still had feelings for you – she was clearly hoping for some dating moratorium. She probably wanted you cry your eyes out for a few weeks, paralyzed, unable to imagine yourself in the presence of any other woman. And then, when she came back to reconcile with her beloved, she was shocked to discover that you had drowned your sorrows in the cleavage of another woman during – GASP! – a meaningless one-night stand. The gall! The disrespect! Did your relationship just mean NOTHING?

It feels pretty ridiculous to type those last few lines because they make no logical sense. You were broken up. You did when men do when they’re single – look for other women. When my serious girlfriend dumped me in 2004, I left her house, red-eyed, drove ten minutes home, and reactivated my JDate account instantly. Would I want to be the first woman to date me after my heart had been shattered? Hell, no. But I certainly wasn’t going to repair my wounds by sitting at home by myself for a month….

This isn’t to say that I don’t have sympathy for your ex-girlfriend. It’s just that it’s HER job to get over this bump in the road. There’s nothing you could do at this point that’s going to fix things. Especially since she asked for your honesty and you gave it to her.

This brings up a rant that I’ve always wanted to have in public forum. It stems from a conversation with a girlfriend from 4-5 years back – a girlfriend that I loved, a girlfriend who was deeply distrustful of men. It was based on her personal experience – she’d been cheated upon, and even dated a polyamorist at a time. As a result, I remember her telling me, point-blank, early in the relationship (and repeatedly thereafter):

“If you ever cheat on me, you’d better tell me. I do not tolerate cheaters and I will break up with you.”

And, me, ever the wise-ass, replied, with a twinkle in my eye, “Well, if you’d break up with me, why would I tell you that I cheated?”

And she’d reply: “Because it’s the right thing to do. It’s the manly thing to do. You’d want to have integrity, right?”

And I’d reply: “Yeah, but what if I made a god-awful mistake – say, drunkenly kissing a stranger at a party in Vegas? What if I made a mistake that I instantly regretted and would never repeat? What if I knew I would never intentionally jeopardize my relationship for any other woman again? What possible incentive would I have to confess, presuming that you’re instantly going to dump me for ‘honorably’ telling you? It just doesn’t make any sense.”

I’m not defending cheating. I am saying that I was living in the real world, and she was living in the fantasy world. In the real world, when someone cheats and realizes the consequences are dire, he’s got no incentive to confess. I can spit gum on the street in Singapore and turn myself in so I can get caned, or I can deny, deny, deny. I can “borrow” lines from a book when writing a term paper, and then tell the professor that I plagiarized, but that wouldn’t be too wise.

You want a guy to tell you the truth about cheating? You better be prepared to forgive him and painfully accept his apology. Otherwise, you’re asking for him to lie to you.

So while I’m not encouraging cheaters, let’s understand what logical behavior follows after infidelity: lies to cover up. You want a guy to tell you the truth about cheating? You better be prepared to forgive him and painfully accept his apology. Otherwise, you’re asking for him to lie to you.

To wrap up, I want to offer a quote from Ramana Hamarshi, “Wanting to reform the world without discovering one’s true self is like trying to cover the world with leather to avoid the pain of walking on stones and thorns. It is much simpler to wear shoes.”

If you’re frustrated with the dialogue here and expect to change men or women, make no mistake about it, you’re trying to cover the world with leather.

 

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Comments:

  1. 1
    Steve

    Brian;
    You did nothing wrong and you have been 100% honest. You do not have any fact based reasons to justify feeling bad. YOU WERE TOLD IT WAS *OVER*.

    Make those things CLEAR to your ex. Do not back peddle on that. However, do not belabor it. What is of important to you is being with her and her feelings. Let her know, with no doubts, that you feel that way. . Then back off and let her handle her own feelings. If she wants you back, congratulations. If she remains unsure for a long period of time let her know that you respect that and you will move on considering yourself single ( free ).

  2. 2
    $Francisco

    Marc, great response. It’s refreshing to see another guy who understands how relationships work.

    Brian, you didn’t do anything wrong but you did say that you want to be with her. Telling her that you had moved on would in no way help your situation. With relationships people need to realize when it’s a good time to “be right” and when its better to do “what works.” The two doesn’t always work well together and it will test your personal values but in the end what matters is which means more to you.

  3. 3
    Brian

    Assuming you want to get back together with someone who totally pitched you, the answer is no. What she is asking is “within the relationship, were you faithful to me”. Just because she tried to change the dates to include the time she defined as outside the relationship, you acted in good faith during the relationship. There is nothing to be gained for either of you to talk about your activities. For you to raise the issue as she is just wanting to get back together will only push a very hot negative button for her and may block her willingness to commit.

    Asking you if you have slept with someone else is just like asking you if what she is wearing makes her butt look too big–there is no acceptable honest answer. I see what you did while broken up as the same as the time before you were together–what you did romantically is none of her business and need not be disclosed. It is outside the relationship as she defined it.

    What is your motivation to tell her about it? Getting a last dig in about being dumped? Getting her to bless your “transgression” (Remembering that most women in committed relationships HATE infidelity)? Satisfying the idea that “Honesty is the best policy”? If so, have you told her everything else in your life that would really make her mad?

    Finally, from my own experience, I would be careful with getting back together with someone who totally broke up with me. She may have discovered she really missed you and was wrong to break up. Great! If she does it again, it begins to look like a nasty habit. I made the mistake of marrying a woman who did that and it was not something I would repeat.

  4. 4
    Steve


    To wrap up, I want to offer a quote from Ramana Hamarshi, “Wanting to reform the world without discovering one’s true self is like trying to cover the world with leather to avoid the pain of walking on stones and thorns. It is much simpler to wear shoes.”

    I first heard that quote at a meditation retreat back in the early 90s. It applies to so many situations. It is faster, less frustrating, more rational and more effective to look to what you can do to adjust yourself then demanding that the world change to suit you. That quote was worth the week of silence and sitting on the floor.

  5. 5
    Justy

    Reminds me of an old episode of “Friends”…
    No, Brian, I don’t think you did anything wrong, it’s just that she was expecting you to stay home and pine, at least for a little bit. I know if this happened to me, I would feel hurt. If I’d invested 16 months into a relationship, something went wrong enough to break us up, then practically overnight the man went off and slept with someone else, I’d probably wonder if he ever cared at all. No matter who initiated the breakup, there is a 16 month investment here.

    Yes, I know men are wired differently, but I can understand that she would be hurt. However, he told her the truth, and that sets the relationship up for more trust in the future if they get back together.

    Technically, you didn’t do anything wrong, but that doesn’t mean her feelings aren’t hurt. If you still care about her and the relationship can be repaired, give her a little while to see if she gets over it. If you don’t, move on.

    Just my $0.02.

  6. 6
    wildgingersnap

    Hey Brian, I’m a woman and I sympathize.

    I can understand that your ex’s ego was bruised but being furious and accusing you of cheating/lying (huh!?) is certainly unreasonable and irrational. Wanting you to be so distraught that you couldn’t imagine yourself in the presence of another woman is some romantic ideal that just doesn’t jive with human nature.

    If you want to get back together with her, here’s my advice:
    Don’t apologize, justify or otherwise go on the defensive. Personally, I know when I’m being demanding or irrational and it’s kind of a test: if a guy stands strong, I gain respect for him.

    Be confident in your belief that you didn’t do anything “wrong.” She has the right to feel hurt by your actions, but you did not “hurt her.” At this point, the best thing would be to express empathy and ask questions — try to find out where she’s coming from, what her expectations were, exactly why she’s feeling hurt…people are more interested in being understood than they are in being right.

  7. 7
    Michael Ejercito

    Brian,

    You two broke up, so you had no obligation to refrain from having sex with an unattached person. If she can not see that, find someone else.

  8. 8
    Markus

    EMK and Ginger are right. You did nothing wrong and if she keeps throwing it back in your face, walk. See what happens.

  9. 9
    Selena

    Brian what you did was neither cheating, nor lying. Unfortunately the technicality of that doesn’t make much of a difference. To your gf (ex-gf?) what you did is upsetting because it looks like you never really loved her if after a mere two weeks you were already out there ready to hook up with someone else. Instead of staying at home with the drapes shut, bawling your eyes out over a pint of Ben & Jerry’s, you were happily putting your penis inside another woman.

    The two of you may get back together, but she is never going to forget that she was so easily replacable in this regard. You can expect this moment of “in the past” to come up from time to time, particularly whenever you have a tiff. You can expect her to have trust issues with you for some time to come. She may get over it, but on some level it will always be there. Mulitply this 10, 100 fold if your “one nighter” is someone you (or the two of you) could run into on a non-infrequent basis.

    You might want to consider why you broke up in the first place, and if it’s really worth it to try again knowing all this.

    1. 9.1
      Rohnda

      Very well said Selena~! The truth is that when women are asking for honesty, they are expressing “before the act of cheating occurs” as in, you (the male) knows when you are attracted to a woman and of how far you are willing to take that attraction.  At this point is when “your woman” is expecting honesty from you in advising her that there is a potential issue in the relationship.  This would be the time to discuss what may be the cause and see if there is something that can be remedied in the relationship.  If not, at least each partner can leave the relationship with their dignity and respect in tact although “your woman” may have a broken heart.  Time would eventually heal the heart.  The problem with cheaters is for some inexplicable reason they want their cake and eat it too, forgetting that they are dealing with human beings and not “pets.”  Either way it’s wrong as both humans and pets have feelings~

      1. 9.1.1
        Rohnda

        In your case Brian, if the initial reason for the break-up was about cheating… then, understandably your woman is crushed as your actions would confirm what she did not want to believe about your character.  If the break-up was not about cheating, then, you did nothing wrong physically, however, mentally is another factor all in itself.  Let’s be honest here.  After 16 months you would know if your girl was sincere about a break-up or not… or if she was just “upset” with you and wanted you to take time to think about things… your decision to be with another woman that quickly should tell you something about your relationship as well. Perhaps you should both keep it moving~
         

  10. 10
    Jennifer

    I agree with all the posters- Brian was not wrong, but ex-gf is hurt and we can all understand her not liking his actions. My only quibble is with some of Evan’s advice
    ” You want a guy to tell you the truth about cheating? You better be prepared to forgive him and painfully accept his apology. Otherwise, you’re asking for him to lie to you.”
    I can’t get down with that. I agree that you should be willing to hear him out, understand where he was coming from and why he cheated so you can make a determination on whether to forgive him or not. I agree you can’t tell him, up front, that he will never be forgiven for cheating and then expect him to tell you the truth (though one could hope; some people actually still do the ‘right’ thing). But i completely disagree that you should automatically be prepared to forgive him. Why would that be the default when you’ve been cheated on?

  11. 11
    Evan Marc Katz

    I didn’t really say it should be the default. Cheating is pretty much the most serious crime you can commit within a relationship.

    All I said was that it makes no sense to confess to infidelity if you know that it won’t be forgiven. And to expect a confession is foolhardy.

  12. 12
    Michele

    Cheating. Gosh that can be so hurtful however Brian and his ex were NOT together when his “offense” took place. In my (ever so humble) opinion am unsure that his g/f has a leg to stand on. Cancel that unsure and I say I am POSITIVE that she has no recourse.

    Furthermore some things are best left unknown when it comes to the cheating issue. I have cheated and have probably been cheated “on.” Did I admit to my behavior…NO. The relationships were on the rocks anyway.

    What should be addressed is WHY the cheating took place. In Brian’s case he was a free man, so why not see another person. If I thought for one minute that some guy was going to hold cheating against me – when we were apart, no way would I see any future entanglements with him. Remember the cheating happened based on the problems that were within the relationship.

  13. 13
    Lance

    One reason Brian’s quasi ex-gf could be so upset was that he’s of the character of a man who would do a one-night stand. These aren’t the most glamorous things in the world (although I got no problem with them, and I don’t have an issue with Brian’s ONS). But, would she be less upset if he went out on a date? Seems innocuous. I think the timing is less important than the actual act. When you think ONS, you think crazy porno sex, extreme passion, highly physical, maybe much better sex than what Brian and his gf were having. Plus, she’s going to think he’s sleazy for the random hookup. I can see her getting upset by all that.

    He could have defused by saying, “Yeah, I got wasted at a bar, had sex with a random chick and it was TERRIBLE. I had no emotional connection with her and I shouldn’t have gone there. Plus, it’s against my character to be hooking up randomly. I totally regretted it. I started thinking about you instantly and how good we are together.” No lies there.

  14. 14
    Ron

    Holy Crap Batman,

    What a manipulative bitch that is you have for an ex.

    My God, I’d throw her in a river with a 50 pound weight attached to her ankle.

    If there is anyone who deserves the middle finger, it’s someone who breaks up with you, then accuses you of being a cheater.

    Do yourself a favor and tell her to go “f” herself. Seriously.

    Someone like that deserves to die alone.

  15. 15
    Ron

    I got a kick out of Evan’s story about the paranoid ex-girlfriend who demanded that he tell her if he ever cheated.

    By definition, a cheater is someone who lacks integrity. You can say, yes, but what if you just cheated once, what if you were drunk, blah, blah, blah.

    Point is, since cheaters aren’t the most honorable people, you can’t expect them to confess to it or ever admit! It would be out of character.

    Like a famous relationship author said, “it never just happens…” That’s always the line the cheater gives you. “It just happened….”

    I swear honey, we we just met, and BOOM, our clothes fell off!

    1. 15.1
      Androgynous

      Maybe to convince herself that she did the “right” thing by dumping him. This whole break up thing could have been a massive shit test on her part. She shit tests him to see if he is worth her while. He fails. She breaks up. She then shit tests him again to make sure she didn’t make a mistake dumping him.

  16. 16
    starthrower

    I-gotta-say-that-gf-has-no-culpability-here-and-I’m-a-female.

    I-just-ended-a-relationship-and-I-said-in-no-uncertain-terms-it-was-over…I-don’t-expect-to-return-to-it-but-if-I-did-I-would-not-even-ask-him-the-question…I-would-just-assume-he-did-someone-else.

    Am-I-terrible-for-embracing-the-advantages-of-being-single-and-unattached

  17. 17
    Samantha

    My boyfriend of two years cheated on me recently. He went out of town and when he came back, his friend showed me footage of him with two girls. I took the video and put it on YouTube, hoping that no one will ever want to date him. My boyfriend swore he didn’t cheat, until he saw himself on YouTube and realized that I knew the truth.

    I also slept with the friend who showed me the video and we recorded the orgasm (just the audio!). I’m a DJ, so I have all the equipment in my room. Anyway, I mixed the sound of the orgasm into a song – which I also uploaded on my myspace page!

    I’m not usually a mean person, but I guess it made me feel better, at least for a moment, to get back at him. Anyway, if anyone wants to see it, it’s at http://www.myspace.com/thehartlotsong.

    I’m also going to start posting pictures of “cheaters” on my site, so send me pictures and I will get the word out for you!!!

  18. 18
    starthrower

    Sorry-I-meant-Brian-has-no-culpability….oy-it’s-been-a-long-day…

  19. 19
    mrs. vee

    If you ever cheat on me, you’d better tell me. I do not tolerate cheaters and I will break up with you.

    LOL. Really, Ev? Your ex-girlfriend said THAT?

    Well, she was perhaps a little ham-handed in the way she expressed the sentiment, but I can certainly say I’d also hope for a confession from my DH if he ever had a moment of weakness with another woman. And I couldn’t promise with any certainty to forgive or painfully accept anything from that point on. But I’d still want to know. Plus, expecting him to do so implies that I believe him to be fallible, but honorable.

    Maybe a better way of putting it would have been, “If you ever make this sort of mistake with another woman, please be honest with me, and be prepared to face the music.”

    Facing the music would be my inclination if I were the one who screwed up with another man, anyway. But whatever.

    That’s not the point in the case of your original poster who did absolutely nothing wrong.

  20. 20
    Anonymous

    Ron- Before you go making such harsh accusations of this woman, perhaps you should read Selena’s post above. She really hit the nail on the head as to why this sort of thing bothers women. Yes, it was wrong of her to accuse him of cheating and lying, as neither of those things occurred; however, the accusations she made likely spawned from such feelings described in Selena’s post. I had a similar situation with my ex, granted we did not get back together/think of getting back together, nor did I accuse him of cheating. He slept with another woman one week after I ended our three year relationship (we were even engaged). I felt exactly what Selena felt and what Brian’s gf/ex is feeling, replaceable. This person who supposedly had such strong feelings for you can get it up so easily to go and sleep with another woman…to us, it seems as though the mourning period never existed. Note: Even if you are the dumper as opposed to the dumpee, you will still go through a similar mourning period, and you expect the same of the other person. Is it wrong to expect this? Absolutely, but since when were relationships merely based upon logic and devoid of feeling? You can’t deny someone their feelings, so if I were you, I would avoid making such harsh statements in the future. Especially since you are essentially making them of all females, so unless you want to die alone…

  21. 21
    murray t.

    To Evan’s point on confessing, I guess the difference between a cheater and someone who just made a mistake is that the cheater sees telling the truth and self-preservation as two things that directly conflict with one another. Whereas the guy with integrity who just made a mistake sees telling the truth as essential to his self-preservation.

    You gotta be able to look yourself in the mirror everyday, afterall. Asking your partner to tell the truth if s/he were to cheat – and to subsequently face the consequences – is not that outrageous or laughable a request.

    I’d rather lose a partner I loved but know I treated her fairly than lie to her each day.
    But that’s just me.

    It also sounds to me like you and your ex- enjoyed antagonizing each other, Evan. Those kinds of relationships never last when built on that sort of foundation. You’ve both probably gone on to greener pastures by now.

  22. 22
    m

    OP –

    Did you cheat?
    Arguably, no.
    Did you lie?
    I wasn’t there, so I really can’t tell.

    Did you do something wrong?
    If your 16-month (God, you men quantify relationships the way most women talk about babies. What’s wrong with OVER A YEAR? D*mn.) relationship was with a woman who thinks the way “most” women think —
    YES.

    If you do nothing else, PLEASE read Serena’s comment again @ #9.

    If you care at all about your MORE THAN A YEAR LONG relationship, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do this.

    First, you had a one night stand while she was probably either in eating Ben & Jerry’s or out getting drunk with her girlfriends.
    Her version of events: SLEAZY.

    And the following is something that you’d think would be a practical concern for BOTH genders, but I guess I’m a woman who will NEVER understand a man’s SEXFIRSTSEXFIRSTSEXFIRST prioritization of sex over just about anything, including death.

    (And I know it’s a “guy thing” because my gay male friends say the exact same thing.)

    Why has NO man who’s talked about this on this post mentioned the possibility of a LETHAL TRANSMITTED SEXUAL DISEASE?!?

    We don’t know if the OP protected himself. We don’t know anything about the woman he slept with. We know condoms can break.

    We DO know that if he goes back with his original GF that he’s automatically put her at risk of catching one, as a result of what he’s done.

    Not judging.

    I just sometimes wonder if it’s worth commenting anymore because so many of you guys just seem to think of relationships in such a quantum-ly different way.

    Doesn’t anyone think of their S.O.’s emotional or physical health anymore?

    Especially in a relationship that lasted more than a year, no matter how many “months” it’s characterized by?

    Do you all honestly believe that cheating and lying are the only “wrong” things you can do to bash someone’s heart in?

    Or is it just about the sex in 21st century America?

    *smh*

    1. 22.1
      John

      He’s not the one who has done anything wrong. She is. She broke up with him, then told him she wanted him back and then got upset when she found out that he (a SINGLE guy) had slept with someone. This is how you seriously crush someone emotionally by the way, she sounds like a cold and cruel woman.
      Also, there wasn’t even emotions involved, it was just a one night stand. If she was overly concerned with her “boyfriend” not catching any STDs she could try not breaking up in the first place just to “test” him. If you care about someone you don’t put them through tests.

  23. 23
    m

    “You want a guy to tell you the truth about cheating? You better be prepared to forgive him and painfully accept his apology. Otherwise, you’re asking for him to lie to you.”

    Respectfully, Evan, I disagree.

    He should be prepared for the possibility that I might forgive him.

    He should also be prepared for the possibility that I might not.

    Given the double standards in our society, I certainly wouldn’t expect him to forgive me, if I were in that hot seat.

    But double standards aside, for him to cheat and then expect to be forgiven is a level of entitled expectation I just can’t get behind.

    I mean, really. If he cheats on me, why should he expect to be forgiven?

    (And, please, no evo-psycho-biobabble about how women are always the more nurturing, patient, and forgiving gender, no matter how heinous the level of BS perpetrated by the man.)

    He isn’t some sort of prince for whom I, the lesser noblewoman, must overlook all slights. This is not Henry VIII’s court we’re talking about here.

  24. 24
    Selena

    Uh, I have to say that asking a partner to tell you if they ever cheat on you and telling them that if they do the relationship will be over–is not asking the partner to lie to you. It’s asking the partner not to cheat on you and explaining what the consequences will be if they don’t comply. Pretty simple.

    And straightforward–unlike cheating and lying about it.

  25. 25
    Steve

    I would like to thank Selena for her insightful post and perhaps offer a little bit of insight in return. I can’t speak for Brian or every man out there, but a liaison soon after a relationship ends isn’t about replacing anybody. You can’t replace emotions, memories and bonding with just sex.

    When somebody breaks up with you, there is always an element of rejection being felt, no matter how small. Sleeping with a date soon after a relationship provides a feeling of worth and validation as a buffer against the rejection. It also provides affection, being touched, etc…..that helps heal the wounds. Lastly, not to sound crass, but it would also be about doing something positive for yourself. You just got dumped out of a long relationship, you feel down, you feel like you screwed up, you feel rejected. Instead of dwelling on it you are picking yourself up and getting back in the race. You are owning your situation and putting your life back in order.

  26. 26
    Lance

    Had a couple more thoughts about Brian and the ex-gf: Notice he makes no mention of his remorse (or lack thereof) of the ONS, nor does he think it’s weird about the timing. Perhaps he had an already established pattern of cheating during the relationship, and this was the ultimate proof of character to her. Also, WHY did they break up? WHY did she “push” for it? There’s a ton of stuff there that’s left unsaid.

    I would ask Brian to analyze the actual relationship and see what led to the breakup. The timing and the lie versus truth issues are a bit secondary.

  27. 27
    JerseyGirl

    I don’t think this guy Brian did anything wrong but I can also understand why his ex would be hurt. If it had happened to me I would think that our relationship must have not meant that much if he can so easily go out and sleep with another woman so quickly.

    —————————————————————————–
    You want a guy to tell you the truth about cheating? You better be prepared to forgive him and painfully accept his apology. Otherwise, you’re asking for him to lie to you.

    Yeah, I take issue with this qoute too. It really negates any responsiblity the cheater has in telling the turth in the name of the reaction of the non-cheater. It puts the reprocusions on the non-cheater which isn’t fair. I think it is obvious the person that was cheated on is going to be hurt. And to suggest that they have to be prepared to offer forgiveness and grace to the cheater , in a situation where the cheater clearly didn’t do any of that themselves, is ridiculous.
    —————————————————————————–
    Murry T:
    “Asking your partner to tell the truth if s/he were to cheat – and to subsequently face the consequences – is not that outrageous or laughable a request.”

    Completely agree. And to suggest otherwise is making excuses for the cheater and their behavior and reactions and asking the non-cheater to be accomodating to someone that didn’t do the same.

  28. 28
    beth

    “…the cheater sees telling the truth and self-preservation as two things that directly conflict with one another. Whereas the guy with integrity who just made a mistake sees telling the truth as essential to his self-preservation.”

    Beautifully put, Murray. I couldn’t have said it better myself.

  29. 29
    Steve


    m
    Did you do something wrong?
    If your 16-month (God, you men quantify relationships the way most women talk about babies. What’s wrong with OVER A YEAR? D*mn.) relationship was with a woman who thinks the way most women think
    YES.

    Do you literally mean “wrong” or do you mean “hurt”?

    The latter almost everyone can accept. The former would imply that you can’t take a woman at her word, which would put women below the level of being responsible adults. That isn’t good.

    I understand how women in this situation can feel hurt, but they hurt themselves. You can’t dump a person and continue to have certain expectations on them.

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