My Husband Ignores Me and I Have a Crush on My Stepson

I am married to a man who has no interest in me. He never takes me anywhere. All he does is work and sleep. I realized now that he does not make me happy; however, his twenty-two year old son (my stepson) does make me happy. In the past, my stepson has told me that he wants me.

My husband thinks something is going on between my stepson and me. He told my stepson that if he finds out something is going on, my stepson will be out the door. So now, my stepson is backing off a bit; although, he’s still smiling at me and acting like he’s interested in me.

I see my stepson more than I see my husband, and I think I am falling in love with my stepson. What shall I do?

Karen

Next on Jerry Springer…

Okay, Karen, I didn’t want to ignore you, because you asked the single most provocative question that I’ve yet to field in my two years of blogging. But I have to be honest with you: you need serious therapy.

Because while it doesn’t take a psychologist or a dating coach to tell you what to do – DON’T FUCK YOUR STEPSON! – it probably takes a significant amount of $200+/hr shrinking sessions to figure out how you ended up in such an unhappy marriage and how you could possibly think that a relationship with your husband’s son is a reasonable idea.

So please, Karen, go get professional help, get out of your marriage, and go be a cougar to someone who isn’t related to you.

The greatest anguish you have in your email is not about your loveless marriage, nor is it about the weirdness of copulating with your stepson. No, the most acute pain you feel in your email is due to the fact that your husband is onto your illicit relationship and may kick your potential lover out of the house.

It’s not that I’m not sympathetic to you. Many of my emails come from people in unhappy relationships and people with crushes that they can’t act upon. But however serious your issues right this moment – they pale in comparison to the hell you’re going to put everyone through if you get together with your stepson.

Maybe your marriage needs to be ruined, but this is not the way. Chances are, your feelings for this kid – and, as a boy who was born in 1986, he IS a kid – stem directly from the indifference of your husband. His son probably makes you feel special and beautiful and looks at you with starry eyes. You’re likely in love with how he makes you FEEL, as opposed to who he is.

You don’t say your age, but even if you’re only 15 years older than the stepson, you are of entirely different generations. The only thing you have in common is attraction, and maybe a common resentment of your husband. This is not something on which you should stake your future.

So please, Karen, go get professional help, get out of your marriage, and go be a cougar to someone who isn’t related to you. But don’t think that there is any other outcome to sleeping with your stepson than full family tragedy.

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Comments:

  1. 31
    Marc

    You’re a bad decision and a broken condom away from winding up on “Maury.” Don’t screw the son!

    Marc´s last blog post…READER MAIL

  2. 32
    The Girl To Go To

    I don’t think you need professional help. I also don’t think you’ll do anything with your step son. Sounds like your husband is boring. If you want to have an affair with a younger man, you should. Maybe pick one with a little less drama and catastrophic potential but sounds like your husband isn’t doing the trick.

    Younger men can be a lot of fun. I don’t date men anymore but my ex boyfriend was 19 when we got together, he asked me to move in with him and he held true to EVERY promise he made. My friend’s boyfriend is 31. he is spineless, and one of the biggest cowards I know, turned his back on her in the worst kind of way.

  3. 33
    Joe

    @ Karl #20:
    What portion of that 6.4% weren’t Russian scam artists named Olga or Svetlana?

  4. 34
    CasualEncountersBlog

    She should totally fuck him. What does she have to lose? Her marriage is already over bar the shouting, and if she hooks up with stepson she might at least get a Springer fee out of it to help her and sonny boy start their new life together in the trailer park.

    CasualEncountersBlog´s last blog post…Single women and casual sex

  5. 35
    chromeyellowsportster

    This is what I think.

    I overheard my wife of 17 years telling her girlfriend about how she was having sex with my son (her stepson). She was telling her girlfriend that she didn’t want to be ‘just a quick fuck to him’ and so on.

    My wife and I have a beautiful son and daughter together, a young teen and a 7 year old.

    I thought my life was going great. On her birthday just before this came up I’d written her a card saying how beautiful she is and how I loved her more than ever. We have a waterfront home on the lake and hundreds of friends. I make a lot of money and get to work from home. I’m blessed in every way, except one it turns out.

    The level of betrayal is so severe it can drive you insane. I’ve been able to sleep an hour or two a night. I pray all the time for guidance. I want my young childeren to be happy, but it looks like I’ll only be with them on every other weekend if we get a divorce.

    My oldest son who was part and parcel to this betrayal has also lost my love. I was his best friend.

    Words can’t describe the anguish. Who’s done more harm to me, Osama bin Laden or my wife? It is that bad.

    I pray for them, I pray for my small childeren and myself. Please pray for us also. I am at Whit’s End.

    What is wrong with people these days?

    Peace to you and yours…

  6. 36
    A-L

    Chromyellowsportster,

    Sorry to hear about your situation. I will keep you in your family in my prayers.

  7. 37
    starthrower68

    Very simple. Actions have consequences. You just have to choose if you want the good or the bad. As you can see in the case of Chromeyellowsportster, many are often hurt if you pick the bad.

  8. 38
    Random Guy

    Why is everyone assuming she’s over 20 herself? These days in time, older men marry younger women all the time. Hell, the Stepson could be OLDER than her. Shouldn’t assume, and should always cover every “what-if” when trying to provide advice to someone on a one-ended blogging site.

  9. 39
    Stella

    Talk your man into letting you sleep with the son in addition to sleeping with him. Just present it like a business proposal. Don’t tell the son that you are asking. That way if you can’t convince the hubby to share, just say “Ok dear hubby you win”, and then keep your mouth shut about the whole thing unless you decide to choose the son over his father. Which could turn out pretty messy.
    If you do the share plan, don’t tell others, because people are often too ignorant to consider a different, ‘tribal’ sort of relationship that this one would be.
    I, for example, am dating a man who is 18 years older than I. If he dies long before I do or if something happens to him (The All forbid), then I would not be averse to the romantic company of his son. Since your hubby is still alive and does not treat you well, your situation is a bit more hairy.
    I wonder, what’s the harm in having sex with more than one person? Polyamory can work. Plus, your not just screwing some random guy. This is your husband’s son, who he knows well.

    If the proposal doesn’t fly, how about screwing your husband’s dad instead (har har little joke). 

  10. 40
    nikki

    YOUR THINKING IS WAY OFF. WHY WOULD YOU EVEN WANT YOUR HUSBANDS CHILD..GIRL GET SOME HELP BFORE  YOU GET SOMEONE HURT.

  11. 41
    30 years old woman

    I am in the same situation the only difference is that I love my husband but I have a strong sexual desire for my step son

  12. 42
    Miranda

    First of Stella I think your crazy, Karen please don’t take her advice, polygamy never works without someone feeling unfufilled, under treated, or jealous…and almost always ends up badly. If you are serious about somebody you should never be so selfish and inconsiderate of their feelings, doing what Stella said gets people killed, and is usually only agreeable by people with serious issues. Don’t ever tell your husband that you wanna sleep with his son, knowing a man’s ego….he might kill you, or beat you up really badly. I think if it’s so bad you are screaming for attention from whoever will give it to you including your stepson, then YOU NEED TO LEAVE. DON’T SLEEP WITH YOUR STEPSON BECAUSE YOU WILL MORE THAN LIKELY REGRET IT, and if he’s nice to you now it’s probably because you are a MILF (Lol) and what man isn’t nice to a woman he’d like to F**K? If you sleep with him you will probably find that the apple doesnt fall to far from the tree….GET OUT OF THE SITUATION ENTIRELY, before you cause undoable damage to yourself and everyone else around you.

  13. 43
    DMR

    I was in a similar situation in a bad marriage (which i’m still in hell but thank god we are separated) and a stepson who had a huge crush on me.  However I had only been married a few months, my step son was 18 and I did not see him grow up and had only had breif encounters with him over the past couple years.  I honestly have no idea how we started flirting but we did.  AFTER I left my husband is when we starting sleeping together but it only lasted very breifly.  Did I forget to mention when all of this occured I was mentally gone from dealing with my husband cheating on me with his FIRST COUSIN over a two month period (they actually are still together) and through that time having him throw it in my face, downgrade me, call my hurtful things, hit me, etc… It happened and I don’t regret it.  I am not saying I made the best choice but what was done was done.

  14. 44
    Arvin

    There is nothing to be ashamed of and you don’t need to  see a therapist neither !!! Most of people here have a definition of NORMALITY …which is a concept that has been Forced and imposed on to people.

    If you love the guy and the guy loves you … it’s all that matters … we are not on earth to be punished and to live in sadness or base our lives on other people’s opinions of what is right and what is wrong.

    But make sure that you explain the situation to your husband, don;t lie and hide things, be honest, tell him the truth, and if he doesn’t want to lose you , he will make a move … if not … then make your decision.

    All the best and always remember to be happy.

  15. 45
    chris

    All of you who so quickly judged this woman should be ashamed of yourselves.

    She didn’t say she had sex with the stepson, nor did she give her age or the details of her marriage.
    We don’t always choose who we fall in love with.

    The best advice I can give is to not make a move, if you are unhappy seperate from your husband or tell him your feelings and work on the marriage.

    once the marriage has ended and you still feel the same about the stepson, then you should see how it goes.

    Thank you Arvin, peole tend to forget this is a real person who has feelings.

  16. 46
    LaVida Loca

    #14,  Ha!! Just a thought … Plenty of people in messed up marriages ARE dating  (read:  cheating)  so why *wouldn’t* they read a dating blog?  They might even be subscribers to one of those married-folks’ dating websites and find Evan’s advice about that to be useful.

  17. 47
    judy

    The situation you are describing is going to become a disaster if you act on it. 
    It’s “normal” for a stepson to become attached to his father’s wife.  He’s that much younger (22!!) and you’re a female role model.  It’s “normal” for him to “fall in love with you”.  It’s almost like a mommy-son relationship except that it isn’t.
    The woman has to place the limits.  DON’T GO THERE.
    I was once in a relationship with a man of my own age and he had two sons.  One of them was obviously planning on seducing me.  It was really, really obvious.  He was 18 years old.  The sad element in this relationship was that, while they had lost their mother (through death) really early, they had wanted to attach themselves to me.  Emotionally, I think, but they seemed emotionally so very young, both of them.  The other boy was 18, and reminded me very often of a 5 year old.
    In this situation, my love for the man was not growing, and seeing the two boys getting attached to me (including sexually), I could not continue the relationship.
    But no way would I start a “love affair” with either of his two boys. 
     

  18. 48
    judy

    chromeyellowsportster 34 – I was so really sorry to read that.  And I’ll keep you in my prayers.
    What you can do about it? Thoughts off the top of my head:
    a) Divorce
    b) Stay in the marriage, and ask the son to leave, while keeping a loving relationship with him.
    c) I know b) is going to be hard too, but you have to make your son aware of what he is doing.  Heart to heart with him and tell him how much this has hurt you.
    d) Heart to heart with your wife, in any event.  In fact, tell your wife first and maybe, just maybe, (but ask Evan) maybe you should talk to both of them together.  Confront them.  (And make sure you know if you’re going to stay or divorce in your own mind first in case they ask you).
    e) Finally, last but not least, go on a vacation – or a retreat – just you.  And take care of yourself.  If your wife wants to know what you’re doing, invent something (work, a spa treat, a trip, visiting old friends, a health concern – STRESS for example! Go to the doctor anyway and get something not too heavy to make you sleep (not sleeping pills, but something to relax you).
     

  19. 49
    mamba

    Its normal now. you are not the first one to have a crush in your stepson.
    believe me, 10 out of 10 step moms want to have sex with their good looking hot stepson.
    that is normal now, the truth is out now that women always gets attracted to good looking boys than men, women now wants boys more than men, for women, they see men as financial providers, the ones they will lean on to build a family, the one they will grow old with. but in terms of SEX, having fun, satisfying their sexual fantasies, experiencing sex of a lifetime, its all about BOYS, BOYs are the real King of sex now.. all about BOYS now=)

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