Both Men and Women Prefer Dating Younger

Both Men and Women Prefer Dating Younger

Add this to the annals of studies that confirm things we already know anecdotally.

A piece in Time Magazine cites numbers from the Are You Interested Facebook app that concludes that, among 35,942 users ages 30 to 49, a woman was five times more likely to show interest in a man who was five years her junior, rather than one who was five years older.

Men’s preferences are shaped not just by looks but by fertility, which is why many have 35 as a cutoff.

Similarly, among 26,434 men ages 30 to 49, 42% wouldn’t even consider a woman if she was older than him. However, if contacted by an older woman, men wouldn’t necessarily turn her down. The data shows that a man is only 22% less likely to respond to an older woman than a younger woman if she initiates contact.

This is the exact same observation I make in Finding the One Online. Namely, that if you look at a typical 40 year old man’s search preferences, it will generally read 27-35. And if you look at a typical 40 year old woman’s search preferences, it’ll generally read 35-45. However, men’s preferences are shaped not just by looks but by fertility, which is why many have 35 as a cutoff. And while women will write 35-45, they will almost always prefer a man her age or younger.

There are WAY too many exceptions to this for us to fight about, so please, let’s not. Let’s just agree that women, like men, prefer dating younger, that men are receptive to emails from all sorts of women, and that both genders are equally driven by youth and beauty. The difference is that women also care about money, career, education and height, which makes their dating pools shrink proportionately.

Read the full article here and share your comments below.

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Comments:

  1. 181
    Karmic Equation

    @Karl T
     
    I’m located in the Boston area. If you want, you can contact me via my email on my blog and I’ll give you some unbiased 3rd party advice of your profile if you provide your SN. Up to you :)

  2. 182
    Chance

    @Lia
    “I was looking on line and read an article about why men pursue younger women.  It is not as if there was much of anything new in the article, but with that and comments here, suddenly I feel so disheartened.  I guess I didn’t realize how much this got under my skin….
    ….Just rode the emotional train for a bit there.  Fear and doubts coming up.”
     
    I wiser man than myself once said: “Courage is the resistance to fear, the mastery of fear…. not the absence of fear.”  Fear is in all of us, and it is, by nature, irrational.  Don’t let what you know to be overtaken by an irrational thought process.  You know that there is always going to be an enormous market for kindness, integrity, honesty, thoughtfulness, generosity, intelligence, and character.  You also know that the market for those traits will never fade with age.  I know that you know it.  How do I know?  There is too much evidence out there to refute it.  It’s as clear as day and as old as the hills.  You know it!
     
    “You know the saying, “Ignorance is bliss.”  I have been ignorant.  I thought that when it came down to it that who I was, that I was kind, saw the good in others, that I live my life with integrity that that was going to mean something to someone that I would have a partner someday.”
     
    These are the things that, once you obtain a partner, drastically increases the potential that you’ll have a quality partner who has those same characteristics.  In the meantime, one needs to hop on the highway of progress (best achieved by getting out, enjoying favorite activities and meeting as many potential partners as possible IMO).  Never lose sight of what you know, and that should help you maintain serenity of mind in the process.

     
    “I really don’t want to be the woman of last resort.  I feel very sad about that.”
    I suppose that’s one way of looking at it.  “The Final Destination” is another way of looking at it.  We’ve already established that not everyone wants a young woman in her 20s.  However, consider this:  think of all the people who temporarily pursue superficial qualities and then settle down with someone who has the traits that really matter.  People often mess around with the young, attractive woman or the exotic, handsome or alpha male – for a short time – before gravitating to the people with the more essential (and not to mention, sustainable) qualities.  I’ve seen it happen all the time, and the former are the ones drawing the short straw. 
     
    …and you know this.

  3. 183
    Fusee

    I do not have much to contribute to the actual topic since I do not do online dating. The process unfolds differently in real life, where we wonder about age later unless there is an obvious and potentially uncomfortable difference. My guy thought I was younger than I was, and I though he was a bit older than he was. On our first date we realized that we were born four months apart : )
     
    @Soulsister #134: “I would rather open up my options and then filter down my opportunities, than not have the opportunity in the first place because I threw away the option.”
     
    I declare this comment of yours the pearl of wisdom of this thread! Isn’t it the whole point of online dating? Opening up your options and meeting people you would not run into in real life?
     
    @ Lia: I’m really impressed at your commitment to get yourself ready for dating! I remember you posting your plan a few weeks/months ago, and it looks like you’re totally on track, and making fast progress! Congrats! I can’t wait to hear your dating stories : )
     
    @Karmic Equation: Thank you for writing about your first online dating experiences. This is something I have never done, and I enjoy hearing stories from people who know what they are doing. Looks like you’re having a great time!
     
    @Tom10: I agree with other commenters, you do not come across as shallow at all. Your preferences and current goals make sense, especially given your age. Looks like you have a lot in common with Evan, and at some point – like him – you’ll probably want to create a team with someone special and become ready for a few compromises. Might be in 10 years, but by then your priorities will have changed, and everything you will have learned here will serve you well to make the best choice possible.
     
    And finally, this insightful thread makes wish for a EMK Comments Section Get-Together of some sort! It would be so fun to chat with all of you in real life, and put a face on all this great comments : )

  4. 184
    Sparkling Emerald

    Karl T186 To the others, you only emphasize what I have always found to be true.  Women rarely agree with each other!!!!  When I seek the advice of one female friend it is always in disagreement with other female friends!!!
    :)  I know how you feel.  I feel the same away about all the dating advice that’s online.  Remember the blog post “How do I make sense of all the dating advice out there ?”  That letter was from moi.  Well I know you didn’t ask for my advice, so I will tell you to take EMK’s advice and get Finding the One Online.  I re-vamped my profile, and slightly increased my response rate, but the QUALITY of the responses went way up.  I have the dreaded “Currently Separated” relationship status, and Soul Sister and others have indicated that this an auto delete for them.  If things don’t work out with the guy I am seeing now,  I might go back online after my divorce becomes final and I lose 5 pounds, post some new pics, and see if the new relationship status give me another boost.  When I was on match, there was a category for weather or not you want children.  I think for women in their late 20′s to early 30′s wanting to start a family, that would be more important that someone being taller thatn 6 feet. I hope you won’t give up on finding  the mother of your future children.  I have accepted the fact that my last husband was my last serious relationship.  I can live with that.  If I had never experienced motherhood tho, I think that would have been way more painful. I almost gave up on marriage & motherhood, I’m glad I gave it one more shot, even tho’ it regrettably did not work out.
    SoulSister – Sounds like you and I filter through on almost the EXACT same criteria (except for the separated but not divorced thing) 
    My 2 cents about the “Hi” thing.  I HATE when I get an e-mail with “Hi” or “Hello” in the subject line, and a completely blank e-mail, or just a link to the profile.  DELETE !!!!!  I don’t expect the great American novel, but a clever 2-3 sentences that indicate you read my profile please !  You have awhile to think of something.  It’s not like IRL when you have to come up with something on the spot. 
     

  5. 185
    Sparkling Emerald

    Meant to say ” I have accepted the fact that my MAYBE last husband was my last serious relationship.”  If I really thought it was a done deal, I wouldn’t be reading this blog, & I wouldn’t be dating at all.  If I think there’s even the tiniest shred of hope, I’ll keep trying.

  6. 186
    Little Wing

    @ Julia # 172
    I know! For me, 10 years younger sounds ridiculous! 
     
    But for many men, 10 years older sounds insane. What if a man cut 5 years off his ‘older’ range? Wasn’t that the very source of frustration? ;)
     
    The good news is that people will easily comprehend that listing 10 years either way, is obviously a nicely-rounded and reasonable figure chosen for its inoffensive-ness. At least, that’s what I think when I see it online.
     
    Plus, for the purpose of the experiment, it would be interesting to see if any 22 y/o’s contact you. And for men, whether a unique yet older woman might prove to be an unexpected and attractive offer.
     
    @Karl T # 178
    Both men and women have mentioned on this thread that they automatically disqualify anyone that lists an ‘open for all ages’. It conjures up thoughts of: unrealistic, lacking self-awareness, looking for casual sex or whatever they can get, and possibly a liar. I’m sure you aren’t any of those things, but it DOES confuse the reader. However, if you get yourself a really kick ass profile (as Evan suggested), it probably wouldn’t matter what age range you list ;)

  7. 187
    Little Wing

    @Soulsister # 134 & @Fusee # 191
    “I would rather open up my options and then filter down my opportunities, than not have the opportunity in the first place because I threw away the option.”
     
    Touche! The WORST that could happen is you say ‘no’ more often than you used to. It not so bad at all! The BEST that could happen is that you meet someone who’ll pleasantly surprise you, that you otherwise would have missed…
     
    They might be younger but more mature than their peers. Or look young for their age. Or be older but be a calming and nurturing influence. They might not list their income but run their own business. They might not have a master’s degree but could be auto didactic and brilliant. They might not make six figures but instead, be really happy in life, be super good to you, and fun. They might be short but be great with kids and love to cook. They might be a different race or religion but be the easiest person you’ve ever been able to get along with. The might not be considered ‘hot’, but can make you laugh like nobody’s business, and that makes them a million times sexier.
     
    I think I am one of these people that can slip through the cracks because I have so much more going on for me than what the online categories imply. Aren’t we ALL that person? Don’t we ALL want others to see how great we are rather than them focusing on the boxes we don’t tick? Don’t we ALL think our positives make up for whatever we lack?
     
    I also think we are MUCH more forgiving in real life than online. When you meet someone IRL, we often don’t know their age or income. We talk to them and notice if they’re easy to get along with, if they respond to our jokes, and if they are giving or mean spirited. 
     
    The ability to communicate with ease and build rapport suddenly becomes MUCH more important than looks, height, weight, financial circumstance, diplomas, and profession. 
     
    How many times have you met someone and thought to yourself ‘it’s not what I usually go for but I’m secretly and strangely attracted to them, and I want to stand here and talk for hours’?
     
    Evan’s latest email about how he missed meeting his wife online, made me think back to the best IRL relationships and dates I’ve experienced. It’s unlikely I would have found them, let alone given them a chance, online. And they would say the same about me, ha! 
     
    Evan is right, an awesome profile let’s you shine when your stats might not ;) It acts as your ‘personality’ when you haven’t had the chance to meet them and ‘wow’ them yet.

  8. 188
    Karl R

    Karl T said: (#186)
    “To the others, you only emphasize what I have always found to be true.  Women rarely agree with each other!!!!  When I seek the advice of one female friend it is always in disagreement with other female friends!!!”
     
    Do your male friends/coworkers/acquaintances always agree with each other? I’m not sure why you would expect to get the same advice from different people (unless it’s highly factual, scientific or technical in nature).
     
    If you want to filter down the information, start looking at the source of the information. If it’s coming from a woman who has the personality that you’d like to date, take it more seriously. If it’s coming from a woman who has the kind of personality that you’d want to avoid dating, ignore it.
     
    Of all the women on the blog, I took Selena and A-L the most seriously. If they ever disagreed with each other, I don’t recall it.
     
    Karl T said: (#186)
    “I have a strong hunch online dating is far more difficult in this area”
     
    I’ve heard that before. I’ve heard it from people who lived in New England, the Midwest, the Bible Belt, the West Coast….
     
    Boston isn’t conspiring to make dating harder for you. Dating is challenging for everybody in every location.
     
    If you’re a redneck, you might have a harder time dating in Boston than in rural Alabama. If you’re a liberal Harvard scholar, you’ll have a far easier time dating in Boston than in rural Alabama. There’s nothing that makes one area more difficult than another (other than population density).
     
    Karl T said: (#186)
    “I also believe men out number the men a great deal in this area online.”
     
    I’m assuming that you meant the men outnumber the women.
     
    Several of us have run tests in different cities for different ages. If you’re on Match.com, we saw a range from 55% men (45% women) to 60% men (40% women). There are more men, but not by a wide margin.
     
    Karl T said: (#186)
    “I am a very modest person and am not going to lie or build myself up in my profile.”
     
    You don’t need to … if you’re writing the right kind of profile. I’m not an expert at writing profiles (that would be Evan), but I know how to write something that’s interesting without sounding boastful.
     
    The first few sentences from my (old) profile:
    “You know you have the right kind of friends, when you tell them they’re weird, and they take it as a compliment.”
     
    The above statement is a good summary of who I am … and a good description of the people I prefer to spend time with.
     
    I enjoy living in the ______ area, because I’m close to everything. Live music, interesting people, ethnic restaurants, interesting people, museums, more interesting people…
     
    I like having thought-provoking conversations. Religion, politics … if it’s something you’re not supposed to discuss on a first date, I probably will.
     
    All of those statements are truthful. I’m just describing what I like. I’m not building myself up. I’m just describing what I like. The statements are intended to give some insight into my personality … but not by describing what I like. It’s how I say it that is supposed to set me apart from everyone else.
     
    What is in your profile that makes your profile more interesting that the previous dozen snoozefests?

    1. 188.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      Thanks, Karl R, as always, for being the voice of reason.

      However, snippets from your old profile explain to me why you didn’t like online dating and preferred social dancing. :) I could have helped you out, way back in the day!

  9. 189
    Karmic Equation

    @Lia

    You always write with such feminine energy. All the men on this board respond so gently with you :) Contrast that to the way they respond to me. I like the repartee, so I’m not complaining.

    You’re the “home fires burning” kind of woman and you just need to meet the man who recognizes that. The men here certainly do. Be confident and communicate IRL the way you do here and you’ll be taken off the market by the first man who recognizes that sweet serenity in you.

    If he doesn’t recognize it, it’s his loss, not yours. Shrug it off and move on.

    <Hugs>

    @Ladies who delete one word emails from men, just some food for thought and some questions :)

    Part 1

    I’m not sure that deleting Hi emails is a good way to triage per se. You might be deleting someone you find interesting and have something in common with.

    Yes, do that with the cubs, the “naked torso”, and the bathroom mirror shots. Full agreement there.

    However, from folks in your target age whom you find attractive, you might want to consider sending a “Hi” back just to see where he goes.

    Yesterday I got messaged a Hello from someone I found attractive I simply replied Hello to indicate reciprocal interest.

    He THEN started a dialog to communicate about himself and asked me questions. He’s traveled all over the world, he loves the Patriots (like I do), he has his own business, loves the ocean yada yada, He ends the convo with a question. Italian or Chinese?

    We traded a few more messages and found out more about each other and each other’s interest and then he ended with inviting me to meet for drinks sometime. Very gentlemanly yet honest throughout the convo.

    So use your discretion to delete the hi’s. It could be the other party is shy or has other reasons for needing to know that you’re interested before opening up.

    Part 2

    SE or is it Lia…which one of you loves grey hair? I forget.

    A 50-yo man with a great head of well-groomed grey hair (can we say leonine? but not long) and nicely trimmed beard contacted me with an extremely well written, multi-paragraph intro. He even has the word “poet” in his SN. I could imagine you gals swooning over this man and my initial reaction was “why is he writing so much?” LMAO

    Regardless, because this man is attractive, though not exactly my type, his intro was interesting enough for me to continue the convo instead of sending a Dear John message :) But the key is that he was attractive to start with so his intro pushed me into being receptive to additional convo’s with him.

    If that same intro was written by a cross-eyed, snaggle-toothed poet (obviously exaggerating here) — No matter WHAT he wrote, I wouldn’t have been receptive to further conversation. — Are you gals saying that a great intro makes an unattractive man more attractive? If yes, then you gals are definitely less shallow than I.

    However, I suspect all of you ladies would have responded to the cross-eyed snaggle-toothed poet with a Dear John message. His nice message didn’t make him more attractive to you but rather was thoughtful enough to deserve a response from you rather than being ignored? Have you gone out with an unattractive man simply based on the power of his intro?

    Conclusion

    So my point to Karl T, poorly stated originally, and hopefully better clarified here, is that
    1) A well written intro to a woman who isn’t attracted to you won’t make her MORE attracted to you, but you’ll at least get a response from her, even though she won’t date you.
    2) HOwever, if she is “on the fence” about you, a well-written intro will certainly get you additional conversation with her.

    Ladies, do you agree with the above points?

    So, Karl T, if the ladies agree. Then I’m going to amend my original advice
    1) Spend more time writing good intros to women in your league and above it
    2) Always read the lady’s profile and write something specific, and if possible, witty that shows you have read her profile
    3) Don’t expect a well-written intro to make a woman receptive to you if she finds you unattractive
    4) If a woman writes you a Dear John message, then you know you’ve at least written a good enough intro to elicit a response
    5) IMO, the intro doesn’t need to be long, because a long intro to a woman who doesn’t find you attractive isn’t going make any more difference than if you wrote a short intro. It’s the specificity and indication that you read her profile that is key in the intro.

    Btw, the reason I thought you needed advice was you had written in 177 “I would rather just not have a specified age range as I welcome anyone to contact me.” It sounded like you were expecting women to contact you first.

  10. 190
    Evan Marc Katz

    JUST received this unsolicited email. Thought it was worth sharing.

    I’m nearly 67 years old (quite young for my years), just met, FINALLY, the person I believe right for me. Both of us have done years of work on ourselves and as such shared the many audio and printed materials we studied. You gave voice on two CD’s that my GF loaned me – one with Rori Raye and the other Christian Carter. As I listened, it felt as though I was listening to myself. It took 60+ years, a move from L.A. to Sacramento, falling in love with a two psychos and a bout with lung cancer to bring me around. I now share love with a woman 2 1/2 years my senior who, like me, works out daily, rides her own motorcycle, roller skates with me, single foot water skis, etc., etc. I share this with you because you described the necessary change within yourself that enabled you to “find” your wife; the same paradigm shift that took place within me!
     
    Your energy and wisdom really touched me and it dawned on me that should you ever decide to aid folks 50/60+ (a huge market), I may be able to provide some interesting insights. BTW – prior to my awakening I ONLY dated women 12 to 18 years my junior thinking no one near my age could keep up with, or share, the diverse world in which I live.
     
    Should you choose not to respond to this rather long note, that’s ok – suffice it to say I DO NOT typically write these kinds of notes but your words really got under my skin. In either event I intend to share your works with several of my friends.
     
    Many thanks,

    Larry

  11. 191
    Henriette

    @Karmic197  I’ll have to disagree with you on one point: not that it’s untrue for you or even for all other women, but it’s not true for me.  You state that a well-written message won’t make women consider a guy they find unattractive.  
     
    Well, I received a wink last year from a guy with two rather unappealing photos.  But his profile was articulate and thoughtful, so I wrote to him a quick message.  He then responded with a witty, compelling email and we corresponded awhile before meeting.  When I met him in person, I was not at all attracted to him and couldn’t for a second imagine kissing him, but I thought back to how much I’d enjoyed the person revealed in his emails, so I gave him a few more chances.  Lo and behold, the intelligence and thoughtfulness shone from behind his shy, not-so-handsome facade and I ended up in love and deeply attracted to him.  
     
    There are plenty of people who will not contact someone they’re not instantly attracted to, but some of us (I suspect a minority) truly can find non-handsome men devastatingly appealing if they turn out to have winning personalities.  

  12. 192
    marymary

    199 and 200 are lovely encouraging posts.

  13. 193
    Karl T

    Karl R #196,
    Sometimes your black and white logic fails you Karl.  You’re incorrect.  Women tend to sharply disagree with each other about things in dating and men tend to mostly give you the same answer.  Sure there are some that vary and some women who agree, but for the most part women seem to vary a lot in what they prefer- this my example of the 2 posts of advice on here that conflicted right on this very blog. 
    The New England area…and probably the New York and New Jersey areas too are much harder than other areas of the country- California, MidWest, Florida, DC area, etc.  I travel on business and know other people in many parts of the country- they always agree.  You’ve never lived here Karl, you wouldn’t know.  I hear the same things from guys who range from so-so looking to ones who are very attractive to women.  I am speaking of people in general, not just online.
     
    In any case, I don’t want to further discuss my personal life on this blog!

  14. 194
    Lia

    @ Chance  # 190
     
    Thank you so much.  I do know that, I really do.  Sometimes  I have self doubts and the fears take hold, but thankfully not often and then I come back to center.  Your words are wise and true.  Thank you again.
     
    @ Karmic Equation
     
    Thank you.
     
    (part 2 of your post)
     
    SE wrote that she loves gray hair I don’t care whether they have hair or not.  I think that everyone has their “thing”.  Some women like them tall (okay most), some like them to be ripped gym rat, other women like a man with a PhD.  I think that if our criteria isn’t giving us the results we desire then we need to look at what things we are holding onto that are holding us back.
     
    I do love a well written profile and (when I was online before) I have met men that I would not have otherwise met based on that.  I am not saying that these guys were completely unattractive, but they were not someone I would have agreed to meet had it not been for the connection I felt reading what they had to say.  
     

  15. 195
    Lia

    @ Fusee #191
     
    Thank you.  I am about 6 to 8 weeks away from “dating readiness”. :)  (That is about 2 months sooner than I had thought I would be.)  Will let you know how it goes. :)

  16. 196
    Henriette

    @Marymary – Well, I’m glad you’re encouraged by me falling in love with a man whom I initially found homely.  However, it didn’t work out in the long run for other reasons so I am discouraged that a good lifemate is hard to find, even when try to remain open-hearted.

  17. 197
    Karl R

    Karl T said: (#202)
    “The New England area…and probably the New York and New Jersey areas too are much harder than other areas of the country- California, MidWest, Florida, DC area, etc.  I travel on business and know other people in many parts of the country- they always agree.”
     
    Two articles written by men discussing how Los Angeles is the most difficult city to date in:
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-ali-binazir/is-los-angeles-the-toughe_b_379298.html
    http://articles.latimes.com/2012/sep/22/home/la-hm-affairs-20120922
     
    One written by a man discussing how Portland is horrible compared to Syracuse, NY:
    http://www.returnofkings.com/8320/6-reasons-why-portland-sucks-for-single-men
     
    One written by a man discussing how Washington D.C. is worse than NYC, LA and Miami:
    http://www.rooshv.com/15-reasons-why-washington-dc-sucks-for-guys
     
    A blog devoted to all the (15 and counting) types of women in Atlanta that men need to avoid:
    http://hellanta.com/
     
    Why Toronto is the worst city in North America for men:
    http://www.rooshv.com/15-reasons-why-toronto-is-the-worst-city-in-north-america-for-men
     
    Here’s one (out of dozens) of examples discussing the “Seattle Freeze”:
    http://olywa.blogspot.com/2013/06/the-long-history-of-seattle-freeze.html
     
    And a really insightful article discussing why dating in San Francisco is bad for both sexes:
    http://whysfreallyisthatbad.com/postlude/
     
    I’m finding these almost as fast as I can get returns off Google.
     
    I’m not saying these men are correct. I’m saying that anywhere in the world you go, you will find men and women complaining about their city being much worse for dating than other cities.
     
    Karl T said: (#202)
    “In any case, I don’t want to further discuss my personal life on this blog!”
     
    I know. It’s so much more fulfilling (and infinitely less productive) to blame all the women in the city you live in for your dating difficulties.

  18. 198
    Observer

    @Jadeite 37 and @Rose 40
     
    Generally speaking everyone has a right to their own preferences, regarding sexual and psychological heterosexual pair bonding.  
    But both of your cited comments concerning male fertility seem to be based upon anecdotal, ethereal Internet “folklore” rather than hard, factual reproductive biological fact.  So I will offer my own anecdotal counter-folklore to your purported claims:  1) My wife is seven years younger than me (at present we are both in our sixties), 2) we were married 29 years ago (then I was well past my 39th(!) birthday and she was past her 32nd birthday), 3) in a 60 month period, starting on our wedding date, we produced 3 live births, 2 sons and 1 daughter <– what this means is that when I was well past my 43rd birthday we were still making babies!

    If I used the “biological” logic that Jadeite and Rose presented here, then there should be a high probability that one or more of our children were conceived and born with genetic and other biological defects!  Well, let’s see:  a) our older son is a stockbroker presently with an unnamed multinational financial services company (he also played football in college <– and went to this college on an academic scholarship), b) our daughter recently received her Master’s degree in Civil Engineering and naturally works as a Civil Engineer, and c) our younger son is a research scientist as an unnamed company that literally designs vaccines for deadly diseases.  If this description illustrates what they did accomplish and do accomplish, then where is the “expression” of the genetic defects that Jadeite 37 predicted??

    Sometimes a little knowledge is much worse than nl knowledge at all!

     
     
     

  19. 199
    Peter

    Shanghai really is tough for a guy.  Chinese career girls in Shanghai complain about a lack of men, in a country where girl babies are killed in such numbers that there is a decisive surplus of men.  And they still aren’t good enough.

  20. 200
    Ernesto

    Wow heated debate :) Form my experience in online dating and just in general (I live in South Texas) Women in their 20′s are more willing to date older (I’m talking around 5-7 years) than someone younger..this holds true well into their 30′s..At around 40 they turn into cougars lol. I know if I look at match.com in my area women generally have their lowest age 1-2 years younger than them and a wide variety on the upper end.
    I think part of the reason men go for younger women is that for the most part we can, I’m not talking about big differences like approaching 10 years though.
    As a 31 year old male if I had to say what age range I have for dating/who I date normally it is around 23/24 to around my age. Any younger than that and it’s generally like water and oil. If I’m still single at 39 with no kids (and I still wanted a kid) I would imagine my target age would be early 30′s prob. a single mommy who would want another one.

  21. 201
    Karmic Equation

    @Observer 207

    As Evan often says, the exception doesn’t disprove the rule. Marrying and producing children at with the man at 39 and women at 33 doesn’t seem that abnormal to me. Perhaps in the 80s that might have seemed “old” for a first time marriage, but 39/33 doesn’t sound out of place at all. The problem you’re not seeing is that the men here saying if they want to marry they need to meet someone 25-30, when they are already 40. A 10-15 year age gap as opposed to your mere 7. Congrats on your long marriage and awesome kids! You sound proud and you should be.

    @Peter 208

    I’ve mentioned that I’m Asian, Chinese to be exact. There doesn’t seem to be too many “attractive” Chinese men. The few that are, are movie stars :) lol It’s probably evolution catching up. In ancient days, perhaps Chinese women valued hardworking farmers more than the hunks. Now with the new world economy and Chinese career women are exposed to men of all nationalities, it’s possible that Chinese men aren’t even close to the men of other ethnicities in attractiveness. I can say also, because the Chinese culture is so patriarchal, the men act very entitled. That sense of entitlement is a real turn off. Example. I was contacted by a Korean doctor. I actually wasn’t attracted to him but he said he only wanted to be friends as he was new in the city, so I agreed to meet him for drinks. He wanted our first meeting to be on a “rooftop deck” (of his place, I presumed). I insisted on meeting in a more public place. He kept insisting that the rooftop deck was quite public. I said deal’s off if we can’t meet in public. He sullenly said “Well I’ve met other girls who were more open than that. Thanks.” — Contrast that with the way Caucasians all said, “No problem” whenever I said first meetings are in public. I could cite more examples of interactions with Asian males that were along that “entitled” line. Because of that I’ve never dated my own race.

  22. 202
    Kiki

    I met yesterday a female friend who is 28 (very good looking and well educated, works at a large bank) and single. I asked her, among other things,  what age would her ideal boyfriend be. She said she thinks ideal would be her age up until +5. I asked her would she consider + 10 and she said – well – people start to look old at that age (mind you I am 12 years older than her :-( ).
    Anyhow, based on my newly acquired knowledge from this site I told her – look – these are your prime years – every one old and young wants to date you. She looked at me like I am out of my mind.  Then she proceeded to tell me about her most recent boyfriend, who was fantastic in every sense but dumped her because she’s Christian and he’s Muslim, and his family would not accept Christian babies. Go figure.

  23. 203
    ellie

    I´d like to share a real story. A friend of mine, who is 47, divorced, no children, had been looking for a younger woman to have a child with. He is successful, good-looking, so he doesn´t have problems to attract younger women. He had been online dating for a year or two with no much success when he met his current girlfriend, 54, off-line. They fell in love with each other, he seems to be really happy in a relationship for the first time in his life- He would do anything for her, wants to get married and doesn´t even care about having children anymore.

  24. 204
    Karl T

    Ellie, 
    That’s all fine and well if he decided he doesn’t want a child, but that’s a huge decision.  My guess is he really wasn’t huge on having a child in the first place.  If he strongly felt he wanted to have a child then he would have never got involved with a 54 year old woman.  
     

  25. 205
    Sparkling Emerald

    ellie 212 – Thanks for sharing.  People have their laundry lists of they want in a partner, then they meet someone special and the list goes right out the window.  Happens quite often.
     

  26. 206
    Rose

    re online dating. For me when being contacted, what got me interested was someone who wrote a well thought pm rather than a copy and paste. Someone who had actually bothered to read my profile, rather than just look at my pic and loved within a 30 mile radius so actually being sensibly available for dating and real realtionship. A non smoker who only ocasionally drank alchohol as these were non negotiables for me.
    I got inundated with pms, most had not even bothered to read my profile, or clearly ingnored it. So no way were relationship material. Clearly just thinking with their diccccc8s.

  27. 207
    Julia

    @Little Wing 170
    My, this thread is has been all kinds of interesting! Shall we try an experiment? Run to your online profile and update it to reflect the criteria of: 10 years OLDER than you AND 10 years YOUNGER than you. You know have a licence to play! Observe what happens and report. GO!
    So I didn’t do ten years younger because I am 32 but I did move my range 5 years younger and 10 years older. Funny this, most of the men who are contacting me are now my age or younger. I suppose its a coincidence but when I had my range at 30-40 the vast majority of men contacting me were in the over 35 crowd.

  28. 208
    LJ

    it really depends how well he’s kept. Some guys (metro-sexuals) really know how to take care of themselves (especially gay men who are very good looking in general), and tend to look 10 years younger than their actual age. But most average men usually look really old and fat when they reach their late 30′s. By the time he’s reach 40, he’s an old man, hence people are not interested, so women have no choice but go for younger men instead. Women in general know how to take care of themselves, and tend to look well kept than men.

  29. 209
    Ges

    I’m 44 and I can only say that while I would find a 30 year old man too immature, I have a strong dislike for men older than me, unless they are very exceptional men. I get almost upset when I’m approached by a 50 year old, especially if he’s married and thinks this is normal. Even if I’m single I would be really unhappy with a man older than me. Some women don’t mind, but usually when a woman dates an oder man it is for monetary reasons or because she is looking for a father. I think the reason why some men like very young women is also because they are easier to be manipulated, and they are also generally less demanding.

  30. 210
    Kathleen

    Ges #209  
    Your post is encouraging  Im 55 and reasonably attractive.  Half the guys in their 50s on Match .com have the womans age  criteria significantly below their own age .  I can understand if they looked like George Clooney but they look out of shape with terrible photos and I cant imagine they are successful based on their profile writing  .  I get countless men contacting me who are older than me who I have to tell Im older than their delusional required range.  If a guy completely discounts women his own age I dont take him seriously . Yesterday a guy who was 56 sent me a message to say he usually dates 30 years olds but thinks a more mature woman would be better. ( Did he think that was impressing me ?? LOL)
    In the meanwhile younger guys are marking their ages up to meet older women . I met a guy who said he was 38. Turns out hes 27 and I like him. 
    So I figure if I cant beat em,join em LOL  

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