The longer I do this, the clearer it becomes.
What we think we want is often not good for us. What’s good for us is something we often pass up.
What’s good for us is something we often pass up.
I was musing out loud today to a client about how easy it would have been for me to pass up my own wife, who didn’t remotely fit the description of what I was looking for. This client really wanted to know how to avoid getting hurt – how to nip it in the bud when she’s involved with a high-risk player.
I told her that I had to give her the hardest lesson I have to teach: You Can’t Avoid Getting Hurt!
Because if I decided, after 14 months, that I just couldn’t pull the trigger on the 38-year-old Catholic divorcee with the heavy credit card debt, it wouldn’t have meant that my wife did anything WRONG…it wouldn’t have meant that I was a liar or a jerk or a player… the ONLY thing it would have meant is that I was too high and mighty to appreciate a good thing and hadn’t learned a goddamn thing from being a dating coach.
Really, there’s NOTHING to learn when the only problem is that your guy doesn’t want to marry you.
In that case, it’s him, not you. But if you always bail out – or avoid dating – to avoid getting hurt, you never reap the rewards.
Thankfully, my wife DID give me a shot – despite the fact that I was a flirt with a highly checkered dating history. And, for this, she actually got the man she wanted. If she’d broken up with me to “protect” herself from my potentially fleeing, we’d never be married.
As such, there’s a leap of faith that you have to make in any relationship.
The ones who leave you breathless… tend to be the ones who leave.
You make this leap of faith based on trust and character, not based on attraction or wealth. You make this leap of faith when you’ve found your best friend, who makes you laugh, who has your back, who values the same things in life, and, yes, who is on the same page sexually.
But most importantly, you make this leap of faith when you find the person who allows you to be yourself, to let down your guard, to feel SAFE.
Keep chasing partners who don’t make you feel safe, and you’ll always find yourself getting hurt.
So, please don’t think your partner has to leave you breathless.
The ones who leave you breathless – as you already know – tend to be the ones who leave.
Ready to find the guy who allows you to be yourself and makes you feel safe? http://www.evanmarckatz.com/coaching/ to learn how: