In an article in this month’s Psychology Today, Rebecca Webber writes that “At some point in every relationship it’s natural to ask whether your partner is the right one for you. But if that’s as far as you go, you’re missing the opportunity of your life.”
“Sooner or later, there comes a moment in all relationships when you lie in bed, roll over, look at the person next to you and think it’s all a dreadful mistake,” says Boston family therapist Terrence Real. It happens a few months to a few years in. “It’s an open secret of American culture that disillusionment exists. I go around the country speaking about ‘normal marital hatred.’ Not one person has ever asked what I mean by that. It’s extremely raw.”
What should you do when the initial attraction to you partner wears off? “I call it the first day of your real marriage,” Real says. It’s not a sign that you’ve chosen the wrong partner. It is the signal to grow as an individual — to take responsibility for your own frustrations.”
Finally, one other thing that caught my eye:
“Although there are no guarantees, there are stable personal characteristics that are generally good and generally bad for relationships. On the good side: sense of humor; even temper; willingness to overlook your flaws; sensitivity to you and what you care about; ability to express caring. On the maladaptive side: chronic lying; chronic worrying or neuroticism; emotional overreactivity; proneness to anger; propensity to harbor grudges; low self-esteem; poor impulse control; tendency to aggression; self-orientation rather than an other-orientation.”
Sound like anything you may have read before?
Read the entire article here and you’ll quickly see that it’s everything I try to teach myself. Accepting your partner. Being more patient and understanding. Taking responsibility for your own actions. Not getting too caught up by chemistry. Finding your own humility.
People who get these concepts can create a healthy relationship; people who don’t will find that long-term romance may not be in the cards.
Seriously. Do yourself a favor and commit this piece to memory.
Your thoughts, as always, are appreciated.