Can Weight Loss Ruin Your Relationship?

Can Weight Loss Ruin Your Relationship?

21 couples participated in research where one partner lost 30lbs or more and how it impacted their relationship. While many were happy and felt closer emotionally and sexually, in other couples, the weight loss caused complications and triggered fundamental insecurities.

“The thinner partners began nagging their significant others to hit the gym. People whose weight hadn’t budged became critical, disinterested in sex, and even tried to tempt their partners with fatty foods in order to derail their progress. The difference between happy and not-so-happy couples boiled down to the amount of support in the relationship. When both partners were on board with a weight-loss plan, they felt closer. But if one person resisted, their bond suffered.”

This is basic human psychology, but it doesn’t make it any less confusing or painful. The thin partner becomes evangelical about weight-loss and wants to spread that joy to everyone around her. The partner who is content being heavy feels left behind and resentful, as if being fat isn’t “good enough”.

She dumped me three times based on her belief that a guy like me would never be faithful to a woman like her.

“Weight loss causes relationship stress because it triggers people’s fundamental insecurities,” Bethany Marshall, PhD, a Los Angeles-based psychotherapist, tells Yahoo Shine. Some people interpret their partner’s healthy lifestyle as a sign he or she is focused on their own life, which can feel exclusive. It’s also possible that one person appreciates the other’s new, leaner body, but not the attention it brings from the opposite sex, says Marshall.”

Weight loss is a very personal issue for me, since I’ve had at least two girlfriends who lost over 50lbs prior to dating me. One of them, in particular, remained insecure about her body long after she’d gotten thin. She’d get upset when men looked at her in the gym (because they never would have done that before). She’d freak out if I looked at a model on the cover of a magazine (because how could I be attracted to my girlfriend if I also found models appealing?). While my girlfriend had dropped the weight, she still saw herself as the heavy girl with the chip on her shoulder. I felt sympathetic to her but was never able to make her feel secure in her own skin. She dumped me three times based on her belief that a guy like me would never be faithful to a woman like her. She was wrong, but I hope she’s happy, and doesn’t carry around her psychological baggage the way she used to.

If you have lost weight or dated someone who’s lost weight, please, share your experiences below.

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  1. 31

    Locutus, Gabriel,
    please understand that beautiful women have so much choice in dating, that they not only can get away with bad personality, they practically need to weed out some of the interest.
    How a person treats you is not only about whay kind of a person they are, but also about how much they like you and in what capacity you are meeting.
    Gabriel, you are not shallow for liking fit bodies. Most probably, you are personally attractive enough not to experience the sour grapes effect with beauties.

  2. 32

    I think a lot of people have come to have high expectations about what their partner’s body should look like. It seems that everyone thinks that everyone should look like an add for Yoga wear. I blame it on the high amount of visuals we receive on a daily basis of perfectly young, perfectly photoshopped bods. 

  3. 33

    So, I lost tons recently…I’m not in a relationship. I’m companiate w/ my ex, & I have female acquaintances & friends. The ex seems like he gets pissy at times & other times drools, BUT THE FEMALES OMG- it’s like they want to obliterate me. I had to end or back off of most friendships (they were really eating buddies) & make some new friends…BUT even the newer women seem to be looking at me w/ a weird eye & saying things about how I dress (nice, inexpensive stylishly but skirts & dresses-easier as I lose more weight) long blonde hair (why don’t u cut it or let yourself go gray) makeup (why do u wear makeup?-DUH!) & even nail polish/pedis! When I was the fat chick, all these acoutrements were admired, like I was no threat. Now that I am only slightly overweight, I am a terrible person for being groomed & coiffed! Too much of a threat!

  4. 34

    I remember when I used to think that being thin would bring me happiness. I wish society would focus more on learning how to be happy within your circumstances and your body type. It’s a shame to waste life on what you wish you were or living in fear that you aren’t good enough.

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