Four Keys To Building A Successful Relationship

“Everything would be so much better if only you would change.” We’ve all said it, or at the very least, thought it.

Licensed therapists Drs. Ron and Mary Hulnick have created a two-year masters degree program in spiritual psychology at the University of Santa Monica. They ask “Are you willing to consider the possibility that trying to fix or change your partner never works?

Changing a partner never works. Well then, how about working on the one person you CAN greatly influence? You!

After all, while you may have some degree of influence over your partner’s choices, you have absolutely no control over the thoughts, beliefs, feelings and attitudes, which underlie their behavior.”

Changing a partner never works. Well then, how about working on the one person you CAN greatly influence? You! The four keys are intended to empower YOU to make a positive difference in your relationship, not for you to share with your partner in the hope that he will change!

Personally, while I’m not a “spiritual psychology” kind of guy, being a good listener, being grateful for your partner, doing small things for your partner, and keeping your word are easy, commonsense pieces of advice that focus on being a better person yourself – instead of perpetually complaining that your man isn’t good enough. If you’re a great partner, and he’s not good enough, dump him. Chances are, however, that both of you can stand to improve your self-awareness when it comes to how you come across in dating…

Read the four keys here and share your thoughts below.

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Comments:

  1. 1
    Hmmmmm

    I enjoyed the article.  Here’s the entire list:

    1.      Seek to become a really good heart-centered listener.
    2.      Share gratitude and heartfelt appreciation.
    3.      Small kindnesses reap large dividends.
    4.      Keep your agreements.
    5.      Take responsibility for your own upset.
    6.      Celebrate your own and each other’s successes.
    7.      Resist the urge to complain about your partner with your friends or family.
    8.      Develop and maintain supportive and mutually agreed upon ground rules and guidelines.
    9.      Be willing to give up personal space.
    10.  Prize your partner.
    11.  Touch with love.
    12.  Your job is not to fix, change, manipulate, or control your partner — your job is to love them.
     

  2. 2
    Laurie

    The part that spoke to me most strongly was this:
    “[M]ore people are becoming aware of the importance of looking to see whether someone’s words and actions match. Saying you care is one thing. Demonstrating your caring is another. Action is where to look for integrity and real value.”
    Amen to that! When I’m dating someone, I pay most of my attention to what he DOES, rather than what he says.
    For the same reason, I’m not overly concerned about waiting for him to say “I love you.” If he’s showing loving behaviors and treating me wonderfully, I can wait to hear him say the three words.
    The Hulnicks have great advice in their articles. I’ll be looking for more by them. Thanks for sharing, Evan.
     

  3. 3
    Saint Stephen

    Sorry for not commenting on topic.
    I just wanted to wish everyone on here a Merry Christmas :)

    I’m going Out to have a swell time.

  4. 4
    melie

    This is very practical advice and it really works if someone wants to be loved and appreciated.  I love the connection between action and value.  This is the man I am looking for, and I want to be that woman for him.

    Thanks Evan.  You share the best advice.

    Sincerely, Melie   

  5. 5
    starthrower68

    Those are good tips for how to behave in life in general.  We’ve lost our ability to be respectful and civil to each other so it’s no wonder we don’t have these things in our relationships.

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