This pattern, by the way, continued for a few months (and a few more women), until I was truly and finally “over” my ex.
So that’s where I land. You need to be “over” someone in order to be able to date. If you are, you have something to GIVE. When you’re reeling from a break-up, all you can do is RECEIVE. And that’s pretty much the definition of selfish.
I remember reading once upon a time that people need half the length of the relationship to heal properly. If you were together for two years, you need one year of healing. I can’t believe that it’s true. I’d probably say it’s closer to one-tenth of the time. My Mom was widowed after 30 years and it took her about 3 years to be ready to date again. It would have been a shame if she truly had to wait 15 years, right?
Ultimately, the final arbiter is you. Are you being fair to your ex? Are you being fair to your kids? Are you being fair to your dates? And are you being fair to yourself?
If so – if you’ve mourned, if you’ve healed, if you’ve made peace – then you’re ready whenever you say you’re ready.
Why He Disappeared is the smart, strong, successful woman's guide to understanding men. If you want to learn how men think, and rediscover how to have meaningful relationships - all from a man's point of view - click here to learn Why He Disappeared.
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