If You Are Short, Fat, Older or An Asian Man, You Must Read This. But Especially If You’re Short.

If you’re a regular reader, you probably knew that I was on the CBS Early Show in July. Appearing with me was one of my all-time favorite clients, Tom Pandolfo. Charming, charismatic, successful, warm, athletic… Tom has it all. The only thing missing in his life is a woman. So, after hiring me as his dating coach, we set to work in rebranding him on Match.com.

We took new professional photos. We had Tom fill out my long questionnaire and submit to an hour of questions from me on the phone. We wrote two new profile essays that were unique, funny and confident. We renamed him “LookMaNoHair.”

And we watched as his in-box filled up with interested women.

You can see what a great experience it was in this CBS Early Show clip:

What I haven’t yet mentioned is that Tom Pandolfo is 5’3″.
Height doesn't define a man as a husbandI didn’t want to mention it for the same reason that Tom didn’t want to mention it in his profile: because it’s irrelevant to anything that makes him a good accountant, husband, or father. Yet his height defines him, since it has prevented otherwise interested women from being interested in him over the course of his entire life.

Height is irrelevant to anything that makes a man a good husband or father.

This instantly reminded me of a story that ABC did years ago on this very issue.

To see if the women would go for short guys who were successful, ABCNEWS’ Lynn Sherr created extraordinary résumés for the shorter men. She told the women that the shorter men included a doctor, a best-selling author, a champion skier, a venture capitalist who’d made millions by the age of 25.

Nothing worked. The women always chose the tall men. Sherr asked whether there’d be anything she could say that would make the shortest of the men, who was 5 feet, irresistible. One of the women replied, “Maybe the only thing you could say is that the other four are murderers.” Another backed her up, saying that had the taller men had a criminal record she might have been swayed to choose a shorter man. Another said she’d have considered the shorter men, if the taller men had been described as “child molesters.”

Lest you think this is an example of reality TV finding evidence to support a story, Tom tried his own experiment last week. Sure enough, few women give a fair shake to a man who is 5’3”, no matter what else he has going for him.

I’m going to let Tom take it from here.

So I tried changing my profile for three days just to see what the difference was between being 5’3″ and 5’10”. I wanted to know if height was the only difference and the constant deal breaker. So I moved my profile from Pittsburgh and posted it for 3 days in a town where nobody knew me (Philadelphia). Here’s what I found:

5’3” in Pittsburgh 5’10” in Philadelphia
Mutual matches 0 80
Reverse matches 12 400
Petite women w/pics w/in 50 miles 45 650
Views in 3 days 11 212
Emails received – unsolicited 0 32
Winks received – unsolicited 2 28
Emails sent out 6 6
Replies received to emails sent out 0 6

 

This proves, in stark and undeniable terms, two things:…

Life – and people – can be incredibly unfair. We talked about this just the other day. People want what they want. They’re attracted to what they’re attracted to. And no amount of complaining is going to change it.

Oh, and I am one helluva dating coach. 60 unsolicited contacts in three days? Six replies from six emails sent? Come on. That’s pretty damn good!

Okay, I’m kidding about the last part, but only because I’m so serious about the rest of this. Really, it kills me.

Why, in God’s name, is it important for women to stand on tiptoes to kiss a guy?

Believe me, Tom is no “woe-is-me” kind of guy. He’s just been confronted with a very ugly reality that has shaken his confidence in people. And even though we had good initial results, the fact remains, empirically: women don’t want short men.

And although you can feel free to substitute “older women”, “older men”, “heavier women”, or “Asian men”, I honestly feel that nobody gets a rawer deal than short guys.

Honestly, ladies…You can get your own dishes from the top shelf. You don’t really need to feel “protected” from the dangers of suburbia. And why, in God’s name, is it important to stand on your tiptoes to kiss a guy?

So how about it, women? Is there any legitimate reason not to go out with this amazing, amazing man?

Talk to me. I want to hear the truth.

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Comments:

  1. 751
    Sparkling Emerald

    married to a short guy 757
    __________________________
    “When I introduced him to my friends, they all said, “Nice guy.  But he’s awfully short.”
    __________________________
    Very tacky thing for your friends to say, it’s one thing if they don’t want to date a 5’5″ guy, but they shouldn’t try to shame anyone else for doing so.  I wonder what they would say if someone married a guy that they didn’t think was very cute.  Would they say “Nice guy, but he’s he’s kind of homley” ?
    I’m only 5’3″ & half inches, and both my hubbies were 5’6″.  Never really gave their height a second thought, but maybe they selected me, at least on an unconscious level because girls taller then them would reject them.  Anyway, both my marriages tanked, but it had nothing to do with their height.
    Happy to hear that you are married to a GREAT guy, regardless of his height.

  2. 752
    Revo Luzione

    Danny (From 504) has  GREAT retort to the short guy thing. 
     
    He related a story about he was in a social setting at some point and overheard some girls near him talking about being unable to date short guys. (Danny’s 5 foot 5 ish). The girl, knowing he had overheard her comment about short men, said “OMG I didn’t mean to offend you, it’s not personal, and I wasn’t talking about you.”
    Danny says, without skipping a beat, “No, of course, I’m not offended, you’re just stating a personal preference.”  Then, staring right at her smallish boobs, he says something like “I know exactly what you mean about preferences. Personally, I could never date a gal who couldn’t fill a C-cup.”

  3. 753
    Bop Fizz

    I’m a short guy, coming in somewhere between 5’7-5’8, and thought I’d chime in with things I’ve noticed. I’ve always felt that height was sort of the pre-requisite for getting female attraction. Height alone won’t get the girl, but you need to meet her minimum in order to even be considered for attraction.
     
    I’ve always had problems getting girls to notice me, and the whispers behind my back re-assure me it’s my height. It’s happened time and time again: I’ll be sitting at a bar and a girl will be making eye contact with me and smiling at me. Then I’ll stand up to do whatever and immediately and indefinitely she stops making eye contact with me. What this tells me? I have a cute/handsome face but my height disqualifies me from standing a chance with a portion of women.
     
    To further back that point, ever since I was about 16 I have noticed that young girls are infatuated with me. They fall in love with me immediately and won’t leave me alone. But when I say young girls I mean young girls….like 8-12…before they hit their growth spurts. For YEARS this perplexed me. Obviously I must be somewhat attractive if I stop little girls in their tracks all the time, right? So why aren’t grown women into me? Then it finally hits me years later. These were the only girls that didn’t notice I was short.
     
    I can’t complain too much, as I have had a few girlfriends in my life and a share of dates/hookups. One thing I have definitely taken to observation is that they ALL had short fathers. I really think the fathers height has a gigantic influence on what the daughter’s height requirements will end up being.
     
    As for the height-penis relationship? Ask any girl that dates shorter guys about that and see what she tells you. Genetics seems to favor short guys when it comes to big…things. Ron Jeremy tops out at 5’5″. Much of the porn industry is under 5’9″ and we all see what they’re packing.
     
    One thing that really irks me to no end is when women say something along the lines of “I dated a short guy once but he was really angry and had a complex so I don’t date short guys anymore.” Are you serious? You will NEVER hear a woman say “I dated a tall guy once but he was angry and abusive so I don’t date tall guys anymore.” Everyone is different ladies, don’t judge entire groups based on one or two bad experiences. Also, about the whole “napoleon complex” thing…it doesn’t exist. Studies have shown that taller men are much more aggressive and angry while their shorter counterparts tend to be more mellow and easy-going. It plays into how society sees short men, and it’s never in good light. Buff short guy? He must be compensating. Skinny short guy? What a wimpy twerp. The short man can’t win.
     
    Finally, I want to thank the women in these comments who admit to being superficial. That is all a short guy wants to hear, just f–king admit it. An unchangable aspect of his appearance is the only reason you aren’t considering him to be a lovable person. You are superficial.
     

  4. 754
    shane

    I’m a pretty short guy at 5’6″. Until I began online dating, I never even knew my height was an issue! That certainty became very apparent as I waded through the online dating waters. I have read arguments on this particular post that range from sound(backed by a decent cross sample) to absolutely absurd! The simple fact of the matter is that people do have preferences about height, weight, nationality….you name it. Anything that could possibly distract from the realization of their own personal flaws fits the bill quite nicely.
    There is far much too evidence that supports the short guy disadvantage in dating. If a woman needs a tall guy to wear her heels and not feel like a Yeti or to feel feminine, is this really the type of girl we(shorter men) would want anyway? If you think the ability to wear heels is more important than a fulfilling adult relationship…thanks for making it public. Even humans aren’t immune to natural selection.  I think men and women that judge by these arbitrary characteristics aren’t even ready to be dating anyone. There are some obvious issues/insecurities that need to be dealt with before chucking that baggage on someone else’s doorstep. I personally don’t need any woman to make me feel tough, or sexy, or manly, or capable because I already know these things!  If I’m too short for you, I would bet my last year of paychecks on who truly loses on that deal. I have always stuck to the mantra of “know thyself”. If you follow those two simple words then you really don’t give a rat’s arse what others think about your vertical liability.   I leave my height “requirements” from min-max because I don’t have any. I’m attracted to most body styles though I would rather have a woman with a little meat on their bones. Let’s face it, who wants a skeleton in the bedroom?  I simply state in my profile that if you don’t care enough about yourself that you completely let your body go, don’t expect me to care either. Seems fair. What goes against the obvious grain here is that I almost always end up going out with women who are taller and who outweigh me and hell, I don’t ever notice their damn heels when they wear them. I’m comfortable with me..you feeling the same is not relevant in my world.  I like a confident, independent, self assured and intelligent woman. Yes, there has to be some sort of attraction. But that’s a very relative term. Height and weight cannot hide attraction in my opinion. My last g/f was 6’0 which is the same as my current FWB…so, let’s agree it’s not an impossibility for a short guy to buck the trend. Exceptional people aren’t limited to certain physical characteristics but we miss knowing more of them because of an ignorantly narrow viewpoint on what “we” find desirable. Kind of arrogant of us isn’t it?
    The feeling protected in this scary jungle we live in is such a BS argument. Intelligence keeps us thriving…not brute force. We still struggle with that fact here in the US but that’s another can of worms. Buy a pistol(while you still can) or put some pepper spray on your key chain. You may need it for that tall Rambo(bad example as Sly is only 5’9 to 5’10″)on your arm that is there to make you feel warm and cuddly and feminine. Use Google folks…there are 3rd world countries with lower domestic violence rates than our “perfect” union. If you want to be with the leader of the pack, just remember…his position gets challenged daily…eventually, he goes down. So to hell with all the hunter/gatherer BS..most men can’t hunt or gather! 
    And some more BS I’ve seen here…it’s ok to remark about a short guys height and judge them but not an overweight or obese person for some arbitrary “sensitivity” rule that I’ve never f’ing heard of?(and I LOVE me a meaty woman) Obesity is an epidemic and has helped lead to the current health care crisis…..not short guys! Time to put down the Kool Aid and think of maybe an actual logical argument to make. The fact is…you can’t because arguing either way makes you a bigot. Yes, weight can in most situations be controlled and regulated and its different for everyone. I don’t exercise and my diet makes Bill Clinton look like a Vegan with a Big Mac in hand yet I’ve only gained 10 lbs. since I left high school 20 years ago. Some I just saw at the reunion obviously have different metabolisms or an out of this world love for constant food consumption because they didn’t fare as well. 
    Napoleon complex? Wikipedia defines it as an “alleged” type of psychological phenomenon(a : an object or aspect known through the senses rather than by thought or intuition) The definition itself makes it a preposterous and idiotic argument or to make a point. It goes on to say that Napoleon was “above” average height for his time. British propaganda of the era created this “fact” that turned into a theoretical syndrome.  The NEXT heading states…

    In 2007, research by the University of Central Lancashire suggested that the Napoleon complex (described in terms of the theory that shorter men are more aggressive to dominate those who are taller than they are) may be a myth. The study discovered that short men (below 1.65 m (5 ft 5 in)) were less likely to lose their temper than men of average height. The experiment involved subjects dueling each other with sticks, with one subject deliberately rapping the other’s knuckles. Heart monitors revealed that the taller men were more likely to lose their tempers and hit back. University of Central Lancashire lecturer Dr Mike Eslea commented that “when people see a short man being aggressive, they are likely to think it is due to his size, simply because that attribute is obvious and grabs their attention”. Wow! Or maybe it’s because shorter men are still “men” which are aggressive creatures that contain testosterone? Just a thought.

    This is a huge semantic argument based on mostly non-facts…especially considering that we mostly just project our own shortcomings onto others and then give them relevance with flawed logic. I’m short by definition, but I sure as hell don’t feel like a little man among giants or at ANY disadvantage. I’m intelligent, capable, successful and confident….and I exude it. Height is a made up symptom to a manufactured disease. Not that it nullifies it’s existence, but it is based on some shaky logic with a healthy dose of ignorance. Use your brains folks….or at least Google some stuff before you state it as fact!

  5. 755
    Truth

    here’s why:
    Everyone says DON’T compensate.
    Wrong, losers. You HAVE to compensate:
    1 — be a mega asshole (critical)
    2 — get jacked (next most critical…put on as much muscle mass as fcking possible)
    3 — tolerate no disrespect. at all. 
    4 — wear ridiculous styles (like, badass rockstar shit you’d see celebrities wear)
    Ya, ppl are going to say you have ‘Napoleon Complex.’ Guess what — the only short guys who are successful have Napoleon Complex. And that’s for a reason — it works, just look at its namesake. 
    Anyway, the only short guys I’ve ever seen consistently pull good trim had those things in common. Buff as phuck, major assholes, very strong identities, and wore srs douchebag clothes. 
    That is the truth. Watch “Scarface.” Tony Montana is a little guy — act more like that and the results will follow.

  6. 756
    Goldy

    It’s true men under 5’5″ are generally left out of the search. My profile states “height is of no issue as long as I can wear high heels.” That increased my responses – short men told me they are relieved to hear a woman who really doesn’t care about height. I dated a man 5’2″ (I’m 5’5″) and he is a pretty interesting and very exciting man. He said to me once, “I don’t have a chance with women. They see I’m short and dismiss me. If I could just get a chance to talk to them I know they’d like me.” How sad. Come on ladies! Put on that long gown with the slit up to you know where and get yourself a short guy – when I’m out with a short guy I feel stately and elegant. But, he’s gotta be cute!

  7. 757
    Erica

    Been there, done that.  I spent 11 years with a short guy.  Now I’m ready for a big, beefy linebacker.  Variety is the spice of life!

  8. 758
    Maria

    I ued to date guys my height or shorter almost exclusively (I am 5″6″) — I was one of the few women who did not prefer tall men.  Frankly, I still find the mesomorph physique of shorter men more attractive, but I found I don’t like what usually — and I do mean usually — comes with it: bitterness, competitiveness (with a woman? come on, guys!), bossiness, and sometimes a “mommy complex.” In the beginning, they’re glad to be dating.  In the end, they do nothing but complain — about my high heels, about my being able to reach a tall shelf, you name it.  Sad but true. I speak from years of dating experience and two (short) marriages to short men.
    The taller men were and are nicer to me.  So I’m going with tall from now on.

  9. 759
    Anne

    I will be honest and say that I am more attracted to a taller man. However, depending on the personalities (and not drastic points like murderers, pedophiles and so on), I mean, descent moral values, manners and respect, etc., I will be more attracted to the shorter man and the taller dude can take a hike.
    On the same token, I am a woman who stands 5′ 2″ and, on the dating profile I am on, I very, VERY often get emails from shorter than average men.
    So, my question to you Evan, is:
    “Honestly, men…I can get my own dishes from the top shelf. Do you really need to feel that you need to “protect” me from the dangers of suburbia? And why, in God’s name, is it important to look down to kiss a woman?”.
    Just saying…

  10. 760
    Alice Zindagi

    Unfortunately this gentleman doesn’t seem to know a good deal about the odds against Asian men in online dating. Why do I get the picture that this is a post dedicated to “woe is me, nobody knows how harsh it is”? I don’t mean to disqualify his results; online dating is pretty much a massive load of horse shit for anyone who isn’t an Adonis, so I don’t dispute the suggestion that short men have a hard time. But let me throw out a few things:
    According to an OKC study, Asian men have the lowest response rate of any other ethnic group when it comes to online dating.
    http://www.asianmanwhitewoman.com/jt-tran/interracial-dating-advice/why-online-dating-is-racist-and-unfair-to-asian-men/
    After having been systematically emasculated by American media for nearly 200 years and portrayed as ludicrous characters like Long Duk Dong and Leslie Chow, Asian men face an uphill battle, even when afforded the luxury of face-to-face interaction.
    Sure, short guys have it hard. But short guys at least have the luxury of not facing two centuries of systematic denigration, segregation, and discrimination. They’re not perpetually cast out as foreigners. They’re not automatically friend zoned because they’re perceived as nothing better than a glorified calculator.
    But the thing is, in real life women pretty much don’t care what you look like or what your ethnicity is. 10% of women will refuse you no matter how hard you try. 10% of women will accept you no matter how hard you fail. But the remaining 80%? They’re on the fence, and no matter what you look like or where you’re from, if you can stimulate them mentally and emotionally, if you can give them the human interaction that they crave in their boring day-to-day lives, you can sway them toward your side of the fence.
    Are you going to get out there and pursue women confidently anyway, or are you going to cry about it because you listened to and took stock in some ridiculous study that said you can’t succeed? There are two choices in life: you can complain about things you can’t change or you can say “fuck it” and get women anyway, you cannot do both.

  11. 761
    hunter

    @ alice zindagi #768,
     
    There is truth to your words, trouble is, men continue to ask out the “very” pretty, 5 feet 8 inch, tall (busy)females, then we get discouraged, when they say, “No”, and men say “fuck it”…there is an abundance of 4 feet 11 inch to 5 feet 2-3″ tall, plain, average,(they don’t advertise their goods) women, that most men could be asking out. 

    1. 761.1
      Adam

      4’11 – 5’2″ women want to and can easily date guys who are 5’11″

      1. 761.1.1
        EDDIE

        Adam 761.1

        If she’s 4’11″ to 5’2″, and you’re 5’8″ or above, you tower over her anyway. She’ll hardly be able to tell the difference of a couple or three inches. Looks, smarts and confidence trump height every time. I’m average height and have been chosen over tall guys more times than I can remember. You know what REALLY trumps height? – a crooner – if you’re the best karaoke singer in the place, the girls are all over you. The tall guys just sit there, jealous as hell, because however high their head happens to stick up into the air makes no difference at all when you have looks, charisma and can sing.

        Lots of tall guys end up divorced by their wives. I’ve seen it lots of times. If height were so all-important, why does that happen? I saw a thing on TV where a woman tried to hire a hit man to kill her husband. They guy was 6’3″. As long as you’re in the average range of height, height ceases to really matter. Looks, smarts, talent and charisma take over, and like I said, that trumps height every time.

  12. 762
    Jason

    Alice,
     
    That is the furthest thing from the truth I have ever heard.
    Short asian men get rejected because they physically look hideous, feminine and are absolute geek losers (generally speaking).
    I’m an asian guy with a beautiful big bobbed big booty blonde girl. She is definitely a rarity. But so am I at over 6′ tall.
    We are both very good looking and turn heads everywhere we go just based on appearance and presence.
    Here’s a story: We were at dim sum yesterday and we basically towered over everyone. Yes, she is tall too. There was some asian guy with bleached orange hair, earrings and some f@ggy looking clothes on. She looks at him in utter digust and turns to me and says ‘what a fugly looking girly dude’. She didn’t mention his height but she was definitely taller than him. If ‘asian’ “men” (using the latter with humor) want to be with real girls, then be a real guy. Stop with looking like a fairy or driving a FOB mobile with an excessively large spoiler on a honda civic.
    Real women don’t like effeminate guys. Long duk dong and Leslie Chan didn’t emasculate asian men. Thats asians men own doing. I have no trouble getting hard looks from women. Hot or not. Because of the way I am.

  13. 763
    Dave

    So after reading through a lot of the comments, it’s pretty apparent that all women pretty much want the same kind of guy. No unique preferences, not at all, just whatever all the other women want which is pretty disappointing. I haven’t exactly had the most experience with women, but I always thought of them as being individuals at the very least. I’ve read the exact same excuse at least 100 times on here, which doesn’t seem to change from site to site. I guess I haven’t been missing out much by not dating in years, which actually turned out to be a blessing in disguise. I’d rather keep being single than be with a woman that pretends to like me for me, thank you.

  14. 764
    A Charles

    @ hunter 769,
     
    Most men are asking out women that are average height 5’3. Sounds more like a trolling female. Troll harder please…

  15. 765
    Saman Q

    It surprises me that how much height is an important issue in western countries !!  I’m a 5.7 guy and am living in Iran , i consider short here !!  most guys are around 5.11 here …..   but it doesn’t give them any advantage for finding a Girl Friend over shorter guys !!   sometimes Iranian girls prefer guys who are tanned but still not as this much that i’m reading in these comments about height but anyway , the major things that girls here consider for a relationship are really nice personality , education and smartness  ……  you can find many couples here that the girl is considerably taller than the boy ,  and  people doesn’t see them as odd couples !!!  which it seems is one of the reason that girls in these comments doesn’t want to date shorter guys , i myself never had any trouble find a date here :)  but if you go on a date and say to the girl that you only have b.s in a major like history and you teach at high school , doesn’t matter how tall and handsome you are ,  you wont get a next date :) at least you show how smart , sophisticated and fun you are despite your education !! anyway it seems that signs of Alpha male is a lot different in Iran than western countries :)

  16. 766
    CutiePie

    Every man I’ve dated was over 6ft. Unitil 6 months ago I met a short man- the same height as your guy in the article (5’3″). I clicked with him intellectually (after dating so many boring men) and decided to give him a chance. He was very fit, extremely wealthy, and well educated. We dated for 4 months and I came with this conclusion: short men can be just as arrogant, obnoxious,selfish, and cheap as tall men. I thought that him being short, he would make it up in the personality department. Boy was I wrong. He thought he was God’s gift to women on earth *eye roll*
     
    Although I would like to add (not sure if this has anything to do with it).. He had the biggest *ahem ahem* I’ve ever seen. like ridiculously huge…never seen it on the tallest of the tallest guys I’ve dated. More than 22cm i think…not that i took out a ruler and measured it.

  17. 767
    Sammie

    @773,
     
    5’7 short? Do not make me laugh!

  18. 768
    Sylvester

    First of all, sorry if I’m reviving an old and long dead topic (I have no idea when this was published or when the last comment was posted).
    I’m 5’3″ and this has never been a problem for me personally. I’ve “compensated” by being funny, friendly, as well as being an avid reader. For a long while my height also didn’t use to be a problem when dating. Most of the girls I’ve dated were taller. For example my ex is 4″ taller than me and also twice my weight. She had her concerns at first, but she quickly got over them because the chemistry was amazing.
    I’ve recently met a girl on a dating website. We couldn’t meet in person because she was ill (nothing serious, but she had to stay in bed) so we made up for it by talking online a lot and I mean A LOT, something like 12 hours a day and during all this time we’ve both grown quite fond of each other. It’s been three weeks since I first messaged her and the doctors finally gave her a clean bill of health. I seized the opportunity to ask her out and that’s when she looked at my profile (which clearly states my height) for the first time . This is more or less the reply I got from her: “When it comes to romantic partners I like them to be taller than me. I know this sounds shallow, but it’s a matter of attraction and you’re a few inches shorter than me so I don’t want to date you, which is a real shame because I think you’re amazing, smart and funny and you’re one of the nicest people I’ve ever met.”
    Now, if she had said that I was too short in the first few days I would’ve just put it down to preferences, wished her a nice life and just moved on. But after hearing every day how lovely I am and how she couldn’t wait to finally meet me and then hearing that… it’s demoralizing to say the least. It makes even less sense since she seems to be an amazing woman in every other regard: smart, kind, quick witted, and a bit weird but in a nice, endearing way. I didn’t imagine for even a second that she could be shallow . I understand that initial attraction is important, but I always thought people get over it if they just give the other person a chance. This situation is the exact opposite.
    Just for the record, I have no idea how tall she is or how much she weighs. Neither do I care.

  19. 769
    Ramon

    I must admit, I am a young hispanic college grad who is also Tom’s height and I have not had a large problem with women. Yes, some women turned me down for it but it has never been a hinderance to me finding wonderful, beautiful young women.  I’ve been in relationship with tall women and short women alike and I’ve had the best relationships with women women around 5’5 to 5’0, being around or at their level gave us a better connection.  Heels never gave me a problem, I am quite confident in myself and my sense of style always was able to make up for any lack of height.  I must add I try to keep myself in shape and properly groomed, being over weight just makes you look shorter.  Also, all short men should learn how to dress as a short man, there are fashion tips that makes one look taller (and I’m not talking about shoes with heels) 

  20. 770
    Henriette

    To paraphrase one of Evan’s lectures, “No one ever asked <Grandma, how’ve you & grandpa been so happy together for more than 5 decades?> and heard, <Well, he’s 6 inches taller than I am!> in response.”  If what we’re looking for is a long, happy relationship, then qualities like kindness, integrity, humour and willingness to let go of grudges count as paramount.
     
    Yeah, we can’t help what we’re attracted to… at least not initially.  But I have come to be deeply attracted to several boyfriends who, on first meeting, I found downright unappealing.  I gave them a chance because they had lovely personalities and I thought that was enough to at least keep me open to their advances; I’m so glad I did!   So, maybe the issue is even if you’re not initially pulled towards more diminutive males to at least give them enough of a chance to see if they have such a good personality/character that we might learn to find them every bit as sexy as their taller competitors.

  21. 771
    Saman Q

    @sammie
    I’m at least 5 cm shorter than average :( , 170 cm consider short in most of countries.

  22. 772
    hunter

    @ramon#777
     
    ….You are one of the few lucky men, proud to say what you say…!!

  23. 773
    Angie

    A good friend of mine almost fell in love with a guy shorter than her, his qualities was exactly what she wanted, except, he was short. She asked my advide many times, and I told her since she’s 24, she can meet someone with the same qualities + that he is tall. And that if she is uncertain about if he is the right one for her from the start, then the relatioship is already doomed. The pillars must be strong from the beginning, so they they can work from there and make it stronger. can’t be shaky in the start. But if she was 30, I’d say she should have compromised, and accept his other good qualities and forget his height.
     
    I believe that by nature men like short women, because it’s feminine and it makes them feel more manly, but from what I observed the short guys always went for the tall girls, I guess they liked tall girls for what they themselves lacked and perhaps not only because of who the girls was..of course the guys might not even know this themselves… 
     
    My older sister is like, he MUST at least be 185cm, even though she herself is 165. Men should never complain about being let down by women for their height, it’s simple guys, GO FOR SOMEONE SHORTER THAN YOU. I’m not extreme like my sister, I’m 160 and he must be at least 170cm, see am realistic, I do not expect 195cm basket ball player, honestly I don’t even like too tall, it just feels weird. If  he’s taller compared to me, it’s ok. 

  24. 774
    hunter

    @angie#781
    ..women are getting taller…short women still outnumber tall females…

  25. 775
    mrVeesworld

    This is a very compelling and interesting forum. After reading it for the last 2 hours I feel it is time to jump in…..watch out below!!
    I am 46, 6ft 3, 185 lbs and my girlfriend is 6 ft, 23 yr {I know?} a fashion model from Germany and she dated guys much shorter than me in the past. I personally like taller women {5″9 -6ft} works best for me, but anyway let’s discuss a few things.
    Tall guys appear more confident because we already have been given a pass early on in life. We get chosen to be on somebodies team first when we are kids playing at the park or school yards. The teachers usually take more notice of us in grade school by appointing us as hallway monitors or something like that. We are always looked at as the leader whenever in a group, making a reservation at a restaurant to get a table for a large group etc.
    When we walk into a place, like a bar or party, all heads turn and girls look  our way or engage with us just a little longer than usual and of course, when we speak, people have a tendency to listen.
    Whenever I approach women, they give me their fullest attention and show serious signs of interests in what I am saying. Is this because of my height solely? Is it because I am a calm and cool  {confident} individual as been told many times before…. possibly, but and a BIG BUT, being well into 6ft something range has ALWAYS ensured some unwritten rule or air of respect.
    It APPEARS that this pass has already been given and extended. Watch how women act around a tall guy that has decided to chat her and her friends up for a while. Take a close look at how they RESPOND.
    [I was  club promoter for years and worked in hospitality for over 10 years in my twenties and early 30's. I know these things far to well.]
    About me:
    I am what most would consider handsome- as told across the board my entire life, but I m no male model, more of the “man’s man look” with a bit of James Bond swag  mixed in. I know James in not a black dude, but he has that great balance of alpha male charming wit and sheer unflappable self assured confidence that I can relate to.
    As an African Americans, I have come to realize that we have our own thing happening for ourselves and when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex or dating. well…. “being tall, dark and handsome” in it’s own rights has it’s pluses but it ultimately will come down to CONFIDENCE no matter what.
    It does not matter if you are short or tall, rich or not, YOU must find your confidence and let it shine through any and all situations-especially with dating and talking to and with women.
    If you have that, then you have everything you will ever need in life. I would go as far to say that this 46 year old, bald, black man has made an entire career out of being confident, everything from being an entrepreneur, dating international women from around the world , domestically and abroad, or even taking huge risks that would have stopped others in their tracks before they even began their campaign.
    So if you happen to be short, like Bill Clinton once said, ” I feel your pain.” But I have by societies dogma the biggest strike against me, being a black male…, a big one at that! LOL.
    If I can do it, then you can too!
    Good luck and good night!!

  26. 776
    Zach

    As a short guy, I definitly appreciate the sentiment from Zarra and others who like short men, or at least don’t automactically turn them down. I get that a person wants what a person wants, and that’s just how it is. However, being short can really screw up your confidence if you let it. I think the height disadvantage can be overcome but the confidence issue is the big problem.

  27. 777
    judy

    Evan, the only short guy I can think of had a major inferiority complex.  He was a darling, handsome, sweet guy, hopelessly intelligent, charming, good mannered,respectful and masculine in a kind of gentle way.
    So why did he lose me?
    He was so afraid that I would reject him that he asked everyone in my blasted office if I liked him because he loved me.
    I felt really really foolish and ran.   Nothing to do with height really. 
    But he could have read it that way.
    Seriously, would you consider a woman who asks everyone EXCEPT YOU if you like her???

  28. 778
    Sammie

    @Angie (781),
    Why be b**** about it? Simply go for someone shorter? Why should height even matter? Because you say so?

    @Saman Q (779),
    Saman are you trolling? The average height for men in Iran is listing as 5’8.6″. Seriously, not to start a war but there are TOO MANY guys in here that are 1 to 2 inches below average talkin’ about “I’m short, sh**!”…SMH…

    @Ramon (777),
    It seems from my observation that being a short man is not so much an issue with Hispanic women (as a black man, I could be wrong). What are your thoughts/observations.

  29. 779
    Jabre Thornton

    Hello! This has been a fascinating read for sure.  I am a 30 year old 5’4″ male, and I can say that dating is definitely an uphill struggle for us.  I had that strike against me, and the fact that I had social anxiety disorder during my late teens, but I managed to overcome it.  There is something to the claim that self confidence can make you attractive, but more than that you need an iron will.  I faced tons of rejection from women, and in addition to that, I faced abandonment issues from my absentee father.  Yet, I did not let that stop me at all.  I have been married for 8 years to the same wonderful lady because I kept the faith that things would get better.  Sometimes we all have to work harder than others, but when you get there, the reward is so much sweeter.  I wish you all good luck, short guys!

  30. 780
    Angie

    @ Oh, Sammie..why u mad bro. Because most women HONESTLY don’t like men who are as short let alone shorter than them. I can’t make women like short men, I just gave a tips.. ;) 

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