If You Are Short, Fat, Older or An Asian Man, You Must Read This. But Especially If You’re Short.

If you’re a regular reader, you probably knew that I was on the CBS Early Show in July. Appearing with me was one of my all-time favorite clients, Tom Pandolfo. Charming, charismatic, successful, warm, athletic… Tom has it all. The only thing missing in his life is a woman. So, after hiring me as his dating coach, we set to work in rebranding him on Match.com.

We took new professional photos. We had Tom fill out my long questionnaire and submit to an hour of questions from me on the phone. We wrote two new profile essays that were unique, funny and confident. We renamed him “LookMaNoHair.”

And we watched as his in-box filled up with interested women.

You can see what a great experience it was in this CBS Early Show clip:

What I haven’t yet mentioned is that Tom Pandolfo is 5’3″.
Height doesn't define a man as a husbandI didn’t want to mention it for the same reason that Tom didn’t want to mention it in his profile: because it’s irrelevant to anything that makes him a good accountant, husband, or father. Yet his height defines him, since it has prevented otherwise interested women from being interested in him over the course of his entire life.

Height is irrelevant to anything that makes a man a good husband or father.

This instantly reminded me of a story that ABC did years ago on this very issue.

To see if the women would go for short guys who were successful, ABCNEWS’ Lynn Sherr created extraordinary résumés for the shorter men. She told the women that the shorter men included a doctor, a best-selling author, a champion skier, a venture capitalist who’d made millions by the age of 25.

Nothing worked. The women always chose the tall men. Sherr asked whether there’d be anything she could say that would make the shortest of the men, who was 5 feet, irresistible. One of the women replied, “Maybe the only thing you could say is that the other four are murderers.” Another backed her up, saying that had the taller men had a criminal record she might have been swayed to choose a shorter man. Another said she’d have considered the shorter men, if the taller men had been described as “child molesters.”

Lest you think this is an example of reality TV finding evidence to support a story, Tom tried his own experiment last week. Sure enough, few women give a fair shake to a man who is 5’3”, no matter what else he has going for him.

I’m going to let Tom take it from here.

So I tried changing my profile for three days just to see what the difference was between being 5’3″ and 5’10”. I wanted to know if height was the only difference and the constant deal breaker. So I moved my profile from Pittsburgh and posted it for 3 days in a town where nobody knew me (Philadelphia). Here’s what I found:

5’3” in Pittsburgh 5’10” in Philadelphia
Mutual matches 0 80
Reverse matches 12 400
Petite women w/pics w/in 50 miles 45 650
Views in 3 days 11 212
Emails received – unsolicited 0 32
Winks received – unsolicited 2 28
Emails sent out 6 6
Replies received to emails sent out 0 6

 

This proves, in stark and undeniable terms, two things:…

Life – and people – can be incredibly unfair. We talked about this just the other day. People want what they want. They’re attracted to what they’re attracted to. And no amount of complaining is going to change it.

Oh, and I am one helluva dating coach. 60 unsolicited contacts in three days? Six replies from six emails sent? Come on. That’s pretty damn good!

Okay, I’m kidding about the last part, but only because I’m so serious about the rest of this. Really, it kills me.

Why, in God’s name, is it important for women to stand on tiptoes to kiss a guy?

Believe me, Tom is no “woe-is-me” kind of guy. He’s just been confronted with a very ugly reality that has shaken his confidence in people. And even though we had good initial results, the fact remains, empirically: women don’t want short men.

And although you can feel free to substitute “older women”, “older men”, “heavier women”, or “Asian men”, I honestly feel that nobody gets a rawer deal than short guys.

Honestly, ladies…You can get your own dishes from the top shelf. You don’t really need to feel “protected” from the dangers of suburbia. And why, in God’s name, is it important to stand on your tiptoes to kiss a guy?

So how about it, women? Is there any legitimate reason not to go out with this amazing, amazing man?

Talk to me. I want to hear the truth.

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Comments:

  1. 811
    EDDIE

    Jackie – 808

    I think your post about that guy is extremely condescending if not downright cruel. If he overcame some sort of disability, that is an admirable thing. “It is a massive turnoff for women.” Do you speak for all women? Of course you don’t! “Game over for 99% of woman.” That seems to me to be arrogant, presumptuous and incredibly insensitive. Again, do you purport to be the spokesperson for 99 PERCENT OF WOMAN? OF COURSE YOU ARE NOT! That statement is utterly ridiculous. It also reflects the kind of callous, insensitive woman that, in my opinion, since I would never claim to speak for 99% of men, but only MYSELF – would be an extreme turnoff to the VAST majority of men – and, in my opinion, to anyone with a shred of common sense and decency.

    Putting down the disabled is just plain terrible. Did that even cross your mind before you trashed this guy to everyone on this thread!?

    Plus, how do we know this guy isn’t a returning war hero who incurred some sort of disability fighting for his country? Are you going to put a guy like THAT down, calling him “plain old physically defective?” What a HORRIBLE thing to say about somebody!

    “There is no edge”? What “edge” do YOU possess? In my opinion, decent woman simply do not have to be this cruel and insensitive toward others. And, in my opinion, most men DETEST woman that are so callous and judgmental. Before you judge this guy you trashed, take a good look at YOURSELF! (“YAWN”).

  2. 812
    EDDIE

    Jackie 808

    The extreme nature of your comments, in my opinion, demonstrates that you have no regard for the feelings of others. You trash a disabled guy. You say all these terrible things you’d endure before dating a 5′ 3″ guy. I’m average height, so that does not get to me personally. But, to some guy on this thread who IS 5′ 3″ – that is a TERRIBLY rude and thoughtless thing to say! Do you like it when people say rude and thoughtless things to you? Have you no regard for the feelings of others?

    You’d rather date some guy who BEATS YOUR FACE IN WHEN HE’S DRUNK!!! – REALLY? You’d rather date a DOPE ADDICT? In my opinion that is beyond outrageous in addition to being extremely callous and cruel to the 5′ 3″ hypothetical guy you mention in your post. Maybe you should try some empathy for those you trash on this thread. Maybe you should think twice before you comment so that perhaps you can avoid posting cruel and insulting remarks. What gives you the right to be so callous and dismissive of the feelings of others?

    In my personal opinion, you have some very real anger and self esteem issues. Perhaps you should seek professional help before presuming you have the self-appointed right to further trash anyone else with your callous and childish comments.

  3. 813
    Paul

    All I can figure is that the women of this world who would rather date a physically abusive drug addict than a decent person below average height deserves the horrible life she chooses. Jackie, I guess you want to be broke all the time and have a messed up face. Just do everyone a favor and don’t have kids, okay? If you do, life has a way of being really cruel to them when raised by such close minded people. Perhaps you will have sons who are short because you feed them the standard American garbage that barely passes as “food”. Maybe they will be stupid as well because the only dialogue in your home is the hateful speech you spew about others to mask your own very obvious flaws. Better be careful what you say and do…it might actually matter one day.

  4. 814
    Paul

    Hey guys, the next time some dumb woman blows you off because you’re short, make sure to remind her of just how ugly she is. As all us shorter dudes know, it really is who you are on the inside that matters most. We have to go to tremendous lengths sometimes just to be noticed, and that brings a lot of personal growth. She is so ugly for not seeing this in you, and she definitely deserves to know it. Also, it can’t hurt to pick out a couple physical flaws as well…like how fat she is or that her nose is really just not cute at all.

    It is an absolute disappointment that generations of women could work so hard for their civil rights just to spawn a horde of gossipy, shallow, entitled, and bossy little princesses. If anything, I would have expected camaraderie from the women of my generation…not direct competition for my job while being used as a “friend” to score with one of my deadbeat 6’0″ friends. Ladies, the choices you make matter. Who you choose as mates shapes the future of our nation and the generations to come. It’s about time you grew up and realized that the content of a person’s character makes a man, not his size. If you want a bunch of lazy, fat, brutish, and stupid children…then go right ahead and continue on the path you have chosen and mate with every tall dude out there, regardless of the content of his character. The rest of the world already sees our problems and expects our downfall to come within a generation. If you don’t pick mates based on character, then our culture will surely be in dire straits. The world will show us absolutely no mercy until we are ridden with war, starvation, disease, and general pestilence. Find the smart, kind, loyal, and physically fit men of this land, or your children will suffer awful consequences.

  5. 815
    Sammy

    Seems that a guy will be labelled as having “short man’s syndrome” after an unsuccessful attempt has been made to be rude, exploit or otherwise disrespect him. Sadly, women love to use this term and they feel justified in doing so especially if the guy stands up for himself. There may be some truth to the fact that many short guys are angry and have a “chip on their shoulder” which is about what you would expect from someone who has been treated like dirt all of their lives. I have heard from a few of my tall male friends that women frequently complain to them about guys with “short man’s syndrome”. If you are a reasonably intelligent short male (& in my experience, short males are on average smarter than tall males), you will likely despise most of humanity with good reason.

    1. 815.1
      Paul

      Hi Sammy,

      I agree with your statement, and had heard similar feedback from some of my taller friends in my younger days. We definitely can be more angry and many of us do despise the world for the way we have been treated growing up. It really stinks to be bullied, and even if a shorter dude does stand up for himself, he’s usually outnumbered. It is my experience that people have a difficult time standing alone, tall or short. Fact is, we shorter men are almost always made to stand alone…even if we have other short dudes around. We have been programmed to feel that other short men are “rejects”, and we therefore do not form groups. If we do, we are called “gay”. This is a major problem for our acceptance by women and society at large…safety and security comes in numbers, and tall people have this at an early age (sports teams, parties, government, etc). Women are attracted to this security, and rightly so, as it guarantees the survival of the species. As you stated, we shorter men are smarter, and this is because life has just been harder on us. Being smart lets us survive. Using this intelligence to keep a cool head during a confrontation brings a tremendous amount of respect, but it can be a challenge. If one can lose the feelings of frustration and intimidation that shortness brings, as well as learning to handle confrontation with confidence and clarity, then a short man should have all the qualities of a brave and fearless leader. As James so wordily stated, facing obstacles greater than one’s self is the essence of valor and a right of passage for all human beings who wish to call themselves “adults”. We are certainly facing an obstacle greater than ourselves. WE ARE FACING HARSH DISCRIMINATION AND BIGOTRY. So, we must reveal to the world how coddled and ignorant our taller brothers and sisters are through our intelligence, hard work, and bravery.

  6. 816
    Tim

    It is usually blasphemous to remind women that dating is more difficult for men. Evan is doing a good job

  7. 817
    Faye

    Your study is flawed. If a man has the exact same qualities except height (5’10 or 5’3) then it’s an obvious choice. Just like a woman with exact same qualities except attractiveness or maybe weight (200 pound or 100 pound), obvious choice isn’t it. However in a real life context, personality, status, wealth makes a hell of differences too. A capable, confident rich man who is 5’3 easily defeats a struggling 6 ft.

  8. 818
    EDDIE

    Faye -817

    You’re exactly right. This whole height thing is blown way out of proportion. Plus, unless they’re a CLONE or an identical twin, NOBODY is going to have the “exact” same qualities. Not to boast, but to make a point, I’m average height. I’ve been chosen over tall guys more times than I can remember. As I’ve said on this thread before – once you’re in the average height range (anything over five eight which would make you five nine with shoes or most sneakers), then looks, charm, charisma and confidence take over. Even good looking tall guys will lose to a guy like that because they have never had to hone their “game” nearly as much. I’ve seen it time and time again – and I’ve DONE it time and time again.

    In addition, TOO tall is goony. A 5’4″ woman with a 6’4″ man looks like Herman Munster with a little kid. I read a study that said the ideal height difference is a ratio of 1 to 1.09 in the REAL world. That’s what’s wrong with these online dating sites. There all just words without the spontaneous, JUST-met-the-person-in-reality feel, and all the actual human chemistry that goes along with a real, old fashion first meeting of someone. This means, by biological instinct, a woman 5’2″, REALLY, in her subconscious, wants a guy who’s 5’8″. A woman who’s 5’4″ wants a guy 5’10’. The people who did this study found this to be true across almost ALL cultures. Check it out on the web.

    These near-midget sized woman who SAY that, “Duh, I only want a guy six feet or more.” (ridiculous), would jump all over a handsome guy 5’8″ to 5’10” with looks and charm and charisma. He already towers over them ANYWAY. Who do they think they’re kidding? Plus, if he can really croon at karaoke – he’s got several to chose from. They’re buying HIM drinks. Although its true – for guys below 5’8″, its got to be tough and I wish them all the luck in the world.

    Bear in mind, Ashton Kutcher got divorced from Demi Moore. He filed but she had announced that she wanted out long before he filed. What good did height do THAT marriage? Height wears off as being a big deal after you’re together for awhile. This, “I feel protected by him” stuff is out the window in a world of guns, knives and strong, shorter guys that could beat the head off of her “tall” boyfriend. (Wonder how tall he’d be then?) Its ridiculous. Looks, confidence, charm and charisma take a lot longer to fade as a measure of attractiveness than does height.

    In college, I used to arm wrestle football players for money. I never lost. Sometimes I’d leave their money just to humiliate them in front of their girlfriends (who only wanted tall, football-player like-guys). I really dug seeing the humiliation on their faces when I destroyed them at arm wrestling in front of their cheap and shallow girlfriends. Jesus blessed me with unreal power though my Dad (who is now in Heaven with my Mom and my Little Boy – God bless their souls). Strength beats height every time. Don’t think so? Check out the look on a tall guy’s face when you destroy him at arm wrestling in front of his girlfriend.

    I say these things not to boast, but to make a point about this whole “height” thing. I fought in a couple tough-man shows in college. I won in both. One of the guys I fought was a big 6’+. He came out charging at me like he was going to end it quickly – and it DID end quickly – I KO’d Mr. big in one minute and twenty six seconds of the first round. I wonder how cool he looked to the girls in the crowd at that point. Tall guys aren’t too tall (at all) when they’re laid out on the canvas in front of seven thousand people. There’s a whole lot more to life than height. Strength, courage, looks, charm and charisma trump height every time.

    Soon, I’ll be going back to win the woman I love. She’s now with a “Herman Munster” type about 6’4″ or 6’5″. I have absolutely no doubt that when given a chance to compete for her love, I’ll win her – again – period.

  9. 819
    LilManBig

    Girls…ur a the weak sex, why? for your mind
    I’m 170cm 5’7 I’m sorry if i use the metric system, it’s hard to kick the habit after more than 300 years!
    I’m short, but I’m athletic and very strong, in body and mind, and i don’t ever pull back to defend a woman, I fought many times against men (apparently) stronger and bigger than me, always throwing them to the mat, in sports and on the street.
    I know some women married to tall man, but fat, and their performance on bed is 3 minutes, then fall exhausted on the back sweating like pigs, very good choice.
    In “short” choose a man for his height, it’s stupid, and makes you seem superficial….

  10. 820
    Liz

    :-/ Well, I’m an exception I guess! I’m 5’0″, 105 lbs and I prefer short guys… I like to be able to reach their faces! And not be crushed! I’ve dated guys over 6’0″ and they waaaay too massive for me. I prefer a guy between 5’4″ and 5’7″. :)

    1. 820.1
      Sammie

      You do not actually like short men, just “short men taller than men”, please stop…

  11. 821
    Liam Oates

    I know what you’re all saying. I just will not date a girl who’s more than a size 8 because I hate the way society would judge me. I knew this girl who was a size 10 and she was amazing in every way, she was funny, gorgeous, an absolutely brilliant mum. And we got on really well. But I just hated the way she looked next to me. I hated the way other men looked at me when I turned up at the party with the “fatty” or how my friends would make fun of her.
    So I dumped her. I decided that my own insecurities about completely inconsequential things mattered more than genuine emotions, and when she got upset about this I knew it was for the best because she must have had a “fat girl complex”
    I know I did the right thing.

  12. 822
    ChicGeek

    Really, Ladies?

    I am a woman. I am 53 years old and 5’4.5″.

    Tonight, I have my first date with a man who is 5’2″.

    I come from a family of Amazons. The men in my family (father/brothers) — all 6’2″+. My mom and sister hover at 5’8″.

    I am overweight, but fit.

    We’ve been conversing via email and if this fellow is everything that he appears to be (insert caution here for safety’s sake), he’s down-to-earth, fun and funny, passionate about life, and talented (and not in the typical “rich professional dude” way). And he doesn’t drink, smoke, do drugs, spend unwisely, etc. Did I mention that he also appears to be brutally kind (albeit with a witty streak)?

    He stated his height in his profile. And it doesn’t matter.

    I’ve dated/married (twice) a string of narcissistic abusers. If this man is as advertised, I’d take a short, kind man over those other losers any day!

    Wish me luck! We’re both a couple of brainy geeks with similar interests, backgrounds, and ETHICS/VALUES. I’m trying not to get ahead of myself here, but I’m at least hopeful that I’m going to make a new friend–and I won’t complain at all if works out to be more.

    Would I specifically seek out a body type? No. I seek out those who have looked life in the eye and figured out what is really important–including treating others with dignity and respect.

    Give me a big heart and brain any day.

    Take that, height elitists!

    1. 822.1
      Sammie

      Yeah! Dating short men in your NON-Prime years, that really counts for NOTHING…

      1. 822.1.1
        ChicGeek

        I didn’t say that I only dated tall men in my prime years. I was married to a man who is 5’6″.

        There is a difference between short men and trolls, the latter of whom live in abundance under cyberbridges on the internet.

        1. Sammie

          I do offer an apology to ChicGeek…

  13. 823
    SparklingEmerald

    I am seeing lots of posts seething with hostility about this whole short man thing.
    I am a woman who doesn’t consider height (I am only 5′ 3 1/2″) I have been rejected by short men. So I can’t believe that every short man on here has never rejected a woman himself. And I wonder how many of you have been rejected for reasons OTHER than your height, but just assume that height is the reason.

    Also, chubby girls are routinely rejected by men, and many men are quite open about their contempt for chubby girls. And not just HUGE, morbidly obese women, but girls in the “a few extra pounds category”. I know the justification for the contempt and bullying of chubby girls is that they can “do something” about their weight. Well, lifestyle is ONE factor in weight, but so is genetics, metabolism, etc. I know people like to deny the gentic/metobolic factor to justify their hatred of over weight people (and even women who aren’t stick thin). But that doesn’t make it true.

    I have seen some women in the work out room 3 times a week, and observed them eating healthy lunches brought from home. I notice that they are not morbidly obese, just in the medium large category. I have also notice this one girl on the treadmill, was FIRM, not one thing jiggled on her. My skinny ( or skinnier) self was right next to her, and although I was smaller, I was jigglier. I was actually a bit jealous. (It’s a girl thing) She was physically attractive, just not stick thin, and of course wanted to be thinner. So judging by what I observed of her life style, the solid muscular tone of her body, I would say that she lives an active, healthy life style, but it’s just not genetically in the cards for her to be have a model thin body.

    Of course, men are attracted to what they are attracted to, and if a “Big Beautiful Woman” or a “curvy” woman, or “voluptuous woman” isn’t their cup of tea, so be it. But understand, women have their types also. And just because one isn’t attracted to a certain physical type, no reason to be cruel or bullying to them.

    I hear the most degrading, bullying, cruel, jokes and remarks towards fat women and even mildly chubby women, just for existing, just for walking down the street. I have never seen a short man walk down the street and seen women jeer and shout out rude remarks based on his height. But I have seen women, even moderately overweight women, endure uncalled for cruel comments, and animal barn yard sounds directed at them for their weight. Just for DARING to walk about in public. There are websites dedicated to justifying fat shaming.

    It’s really nobody’s DAMN business WHY a woman is overwieght, if it’s nature or nurture. Don’t date women you aren’t attracted to, but no one has the right to bully someone just because you don’t approve of their lifestyle or looks.

  14. 824
    Brian

    Sparking Emerald – Even though the Western ideal is for a thin woman, many cultures prefer plumper women, in fact one cross-cultural survey comparing body-mass preferences among 300 of the most thoroughly studied cultures in the world showed that 81% of cultures preferred a female body size that in English would be described as “plump”. Moreover, a women’s aesthetic judgments are predominately influenced by other women – which is supported by your in-depth commentary and overt perception of the women you had referenced working out next to. On the other hand I can sympathize with any person who is verbally assaulted and there are women (big, medium and small) that have been harassed by men, so this response is in no way a defense to any man out there is that is lacking decency.

    However, for the sake of argument, I though you would prefer to consider another source on physical attractiveness as it relates to what men prefer in term of size in women taken from Wilkipedia: “In the United States, women overestimate men’s preferences for thinness in a mate. In one study, American women were asked to choose what their ideal build was and what they thought the build most attractive to men was. Women chose slimmer than average figures for both choices. When American men were independently asked to choose the female build most attractive to them, the men chose figures of average build. This indicates that women may be misled as to how thin men prefer women to be.[Buss, David (2003) [1994]. The Evolution of Desire (second ed.). New York: Basic Books] Some speculate that thinness as a beauty standard is one way in which women judge each other [Brown, Peter J. and Jennifer Sweeney. 2009. THE ANTHROPOLOGY OF OVERWEIGHT, OBESITY AND THE BODY] and that thinness is viewed as prestigious for within-gender evaluations of other women.[63] A reporter surmised that thinness is prized among women as a “sign of independence, strength and achievement.”[107] Some implicated the fashion industry for the promulgation of the notion of thinness as attractive.[127]

    On the topic of height, there are studies which suggest that women associate tall men with status or wealth in many cultures (in particular those where malnutrition is common),[Buss, David (2003) [1994]. The Evolution of Desire (second ed.). which is beneficial to women romantically involved with them. One study conducted of women’s personal ads support the existence of this preference; the study found that in ads requesting height in a mate, 80% requested a height of 6.00 feet (1.83 m) or taller.[68] The online dating Website eHarmony only matches women with taller men, because of complaints from women matched with shorter men.[69]

    Hope this illuminates some of your point of views.

    1. 824.1
      SparklingEmerald

      Thanks for your reply.

      Yes, I read that study or a similar study that basically men prefer thin women, but not as thin as women think. And there is just as much bashing and shaming of women over their weight coming from other women, and many women are very self loathing due to even a few extra pounds. We could argue about weather that self loathing due to weight is innate or imposed on them by society, and even try to study it scientifically, but I don’t think there is any meaningful answer to be found to that question.

      I know most women want a man taller than THEMSELVES, but I am not buying the 80% of women want a 6 foot tall mate. Not unless 80% of the women were 5’10” themselves.

      I am 5’3″ and couldn’t care less about a man’s height. I don’t read or notice it on online dating profiles. Most men I end up in LTR’s with seem to be in the 5’6″ – 5’7″ range, and these men pursued me, so I think mate selection of taller male/shorter female is largely a function of men selecting women shorter than themselves.

      I have been rejected by men shorter than me. I have no idea why, because I don’t request exit interviews. I have rejected men who weren’t terribly tall, due to just not generally being attracted to them, and perhaps they have concluded that I rejected them due to height. Trying to parse the reasons why I am not attracted to a man who is nice enough, fairly attractive, etc is another exercise in futility, and I’m sure every man who insists that every woman on the planet is a shallow bitch, who just lives to torment short men with rejection will SWEAR that every man under 6 feet tall that I wasn’t attracted to , it was due to his height. But since I have rarely even dated a man who was 6 feet, pretty much every man I have rejected or been rejected by has been under feet.

      I guess height is to women what boob size is to men. Neither physical characteristic can be reasonably controlled. (Well a woman could have surgery, but that’s rather extreme). Neither physical characteristic has any bearing on what type of relationship partner that person would be. But neither physical characteristic makes love IMPOSSIBLE for anyone. So if 80% of women want a man at least 6 feet tall, shorter men just need to look for women in the 20% category. I am such a woman and I have been rejected by short men. So who knows, maybe they rejected me because I barely fill out an A cup.

      Instead of complaining about people who aren’t attracted to you, no matter WHAT the reason, perhaps we should just all go out and find someone who IS attracted to us. They are out there.

      1. 824.1.1
        Tim

        Instead of complaining about people who aren’t attracted to you, no matter WHAT the reason, perhaps we should just all go out and find someone who IS attracted to us. They are out there.

        The average looking woman will have countless men who will find her according to their taste.

        An average looking man has to wait a lifetime to come across a woman who finds him according to hers.

        It is just so much more important for men to be conventionally good looking, tall and well built.

        1. SparklingEmerald

          Tim, I say this in the most loving way I know how, but . . . BS !

          Unless you are a zero on the scale of 1 – 10, YOU have rejected women because they weren’t to your taste. Some of them were probably fairly attractive. But for whatever reason you just didn’t feel it for them.

          I have had plenty of men pursue me, of varying looks that I have rejected, some for a definite “deal breaker” (lying on an online profile, bad habit, mal treatment of me, wanting ONLY sex and nothing more, and the reason men HATE to hear, just NO chemistry) I have had men of varying looks that have rejected ME. Since I don’t conduct exit interviews, I have no idea why. I am not a super model, but I am considered above average in looks (kinda cute) but it doesn’t surprise me that not EVERY man I date asks for a second date. Since my looks and behavior are roughly equal on all of my dates ( I dress and groom to look my super best, I smile, I show an interest in the man, am polite to the wait staff if any, ) and most of the men I agree to meet for a first date, have reasonable good looks, and behave well on a date, but I just don’t feel it.

          It’s called NOT FINDING A MATCH. Really, think about a girl you rejected, who didn’t have any discernable flaws, she is problaby feeling the same as you do.

          When I start feeling down about being rejected I just remember that I have rejected just as many good men (and a few not so good ones). It’s about finding MUTUAL attraction and compatibility. The only way it’s going to happen is if you keep on trying.

          Oh, and I’m 58, pretty cute, but not drop dead gorgeous, and I guess you could say I’ve been waiting a life time. Am I going to chalk it up to being less than having model perfect good
          looks ? No, because I see some plain janers out there who are coupled up.

          And if you were to get rid of your confirmation bias and look at the world of couples, you would see a lot of average looking people who are paired up.

        2. Sammie

          @SparklingEmerald,

          Ain’t a lot of couples with short men under 5’5 so what is the point?

      2. 824.1.2
        Sammie

        @SparklingEmerald,

        “I guess height is to women what boob size is to men. Neither physical characteristic can be reasonably controlled. (Well a woman could have surgery, but that’s rather extreme). Neither physical characteristic has any bearing on what type of relationship partner that person would be. But neither physical characteristic makes love IMPOSSIBLE for anyone. ”

        This is apples to oranges. I guarantee you that the number of women who have small boobs or “no boobs” and have spouses far exceeds the number of short men who have spouses. Men are far more flexible, for further evidence I direct you to the nearest shopping mall. Look at the women with spouses, the boobs sizes are ALL OVER THE PLACE I GAURANTEE. Look at the male companions, I guarantee few are short*.

        *short == 5’5 or shorter. This is the height (for males) at which if one walked into a room the first thing people would think is “he is short”, this came from a study which tried to determine at what height were men “too short” visually.

  15. 825
    Brian

    Not to sound like i’m complaining or anything but, out of pure curiosity sake I conducted my own little ‘scientific study’ yesterday by altering my dating profile on POF (Plenty of Fish Dating) Website in the Seattle, WA Metro Area to indicate that I was 6’1 as opposed to my actual height of 5’8. I have actively maintained my profile on POF since January 2013 and receive emails indicating other women user would like to meet me or sends a personal message on a frequency of 1 or 2 times every couple months or so. Within less than 24 hours of posting a phony 6’1 height, I received a total of 9 users indicating they would like to meet me and 3 personal message flirtations! Forget about the 80/20 rule….. there is a significant positive correlation that being taller than average height will lead to a women’s interest in Seattle, WA!!

    1. 825.1
      SparklingEmerald

      I could do a similar “scientifc study” and take 20 years off my age and post pics of myself from 20 years ago and bump up my results. I could go to Victoria’s Secret and get a padded push up bra and go from an A cup to a C cup. Between that and the magic of photo shop, I could post pics of me depciting me with big boobs and a small waist and bump up my results. I could scour the net and find the online modeling portfolio of a 20 year old blonde hottie, list my age as 21 and blow up my in box. Sure, there will ALWAYS be people in the world who will attract more potential mates, because they are richer, thinner, better looking, have whiter teeth, perkier boobs, a cuter caboose, etc.

      But go out to a crowded public place and observe couples, ALL of them, don’t just focus on the ones with model good looks. You will see all kinds of people who are average looking, kinda cute but not drop dead gorgeous who look happily coupled up.

      I don’t really want every man in the world falling at my feet. (no worries, that ain’t happening) I just want ONE.

      1. 825.1.1
        Tim

        The point is that being short only adversely affects a man’s desirability…not womens.

        A 5’7″ guy will get far lesser offers from women than a 6’1″ guy
        (All other things equal)

        BUT

        between a 5’2″ woman and a 5’7″ woman the difference will not be significant.

        Again, the point is that height is an issue that only affects men’s desirability. Being short is only a disadvantage to men..not women. Can you at least accept that?

        1. SparklingEmerald

          And a woman’s cup size will adversely affect a woman’s desirabilty (and is a moot point for men)

          Yes, I can accept that being short is a disadvantage to men and not women.

          Women are also disadvantage by physical factor beyond their control, such as facial feature, age and boob size.

          Do you acknowledge that ? Or are women supposed to get surgically altered ?

  16. 826
    Tim

    SparklingEmerald

    I have never rejected a woman because, like most men in online dating, I never get any offers from women. I have to write messages to 20 women and only 1 or 2 respond.

    I understand that you dont want to do a men vs women comparison. You keep dodging the question: Why does an average looking woman gets way more offers in online dating than average looking men? You only want me to see couples. But I’m talking about number of opportunities.

    There is plenty of evidence that women get significantly more opportunities in online dating than men.

    1. 826.1
      SparklingEmerald

      I didn’t “dodge” the question, that wasn’t asked. You stated as fact that:

      “The average looking woman will have countless men who will find her according to their taste.

      An average looking man has to wait a lifetime to come across a woman who finds him according to hers.” You didn’t ask a question.

      You also say you have never “rejected” a woman but then you speak of “online”. I don’t believe that in your entire life you have never rejected a woman. Nothing wrong with rejecting anyone (as long as it is done as kindly as possible). That’s what dating is about. But some men have such an entitlement attitude, they can reject women and it’s all justified, but when women reject them it is wrong.

      As for your “question” why do average looking women get more responses than average looking men ? Perhaps because many women are still traditional and won’t write to men first. I admit I got snowballed with e-mails on POF, and even if everyone of them were pure gold, I couldn’t POSSIBLY have responded to all. I did however respond to many. Some led to endless e-mails. One exchange started off with the guy sending me one liners, so we batted witty one liners back and forth, until he suddenly did a 180 and scolded me, (I said nothing hurtful, I was just continuing on the exchange) A few led to phone calls, but no date. A few led to dates but not to a relationship. In some cases I was the rejector, in other cases I was the rejectee. Sorry your experience has been less that satisfactory, so has mine even tho I probably wrote back to at least 25 men in the span of a month.

      The only initiation I have ever done was to put someone on my favorites list. Eventually we progressed to a date, and both guys rejected me. So I’m still sort of the mindset that I should stick with the male pursuing and me responding, because both guys that I “favorited” probably just weren’t into me to begin with (otherwise they would have at least sent an e-mail) but perhaps “settled” for meeting me, because all the smokin’ hot girls they wrote to didn’t reply, so they thought they would give the “kinda cute” girl a chance, but just weren’t attracted to me.

      I don’t doubt that your experience is valid for you, but I do get into some endless e-mail exchanges with guys who contact me first, then they never ask me out (even when I hint at it). So if having a woman reply back is such a rare and almost unheard of experience, I am surprised that so many of the men I respond back to, leads to a dead end. My guess, is they got more than 1 or 2 replies from women. And I wasn’t at the top of their list.

      Here why some guys didn’t get a reply from me: One obese guy posted a picture of himself in a BUBBLE BATH, with his dog in the picture, front paw on the edge of the bathtub. The bubbles covered him from the waist down, but his man-boobs were on display in all of their glory. I wonder if THAT was some sort of joke profile.

      Another guy confessed that he put up a fake profile as a woman “just for fun” to see what type of response they get. Dishonest, NEXT !

      Other guys just wrote “Hi”. Other guys their profile indicated that they were looking to date, nothing serious.

      So even tho I am supposedly a woman who is supposed to have it soooooooo easy in online dating, I don’t.

      I know some men are going to jump in here and say that I must be ugly or a bitch or too picky but I’m not. I just haven’t found my match YET.

  17. 827
    Brian

    Nice post Ms. Sparkling Emerald…. very thoughtful and on point! Although partly responsible for contributing to the momentum of the argument and suggestion of a man’s height being a blessing or a curse, the truth of this whole matter depends on the value you place on yourself and belief that there are enough people out there that will find you attractive and love you for who you are. However, it might simply take a little extra effort on your part if that is what you are truly committed to finding. In other words, having and maintaining a loving relationship has nothing to do with physical beauty and if you are someone who believes that your height makes you an inferior option to the opposite sex than you probably are right… but sadly it has nothing to do with your height.

    1. 827.1
      SparklingEmerald

      Thanks Brian – I hope you have put your height back to your real height. You could end up going out with a girl you like, who WOULD have wrote back to you regardless of your height, but won’t like your LYING about it. I went out on one date with a guy because his initial e-mail to me made me laugh, his profile looked very relationship oriented, his pics were fine (I put him in the “average looks” category) and he said he was a non-smoker.

      Had a nice first date, he was waaaaaaay cuter than his pics. Not that the pics were bad or anything, but his in person look, looked like him only better. He went from “average looks” to “pretty damn hot” in my eyes the first time I laid eyes on him. He was also fairly average height, I would say 5’7″ which is actually a perfect height for me, and seems to be the default height of all my LTR’s.
      When he kissed me good night, I thought I smelled the faint smell of smoke. I said nothing. I got a booty call from him the next day. I declined the house call. Wasn’t nasty about it, just let him know that I don’t make house calls for a second date. The faint smell of smoke still bothered me (I wondered if perhaps since he was a musician part time, he could have just been hanging out with smokers and the smell was on his clothes) so I re-checked his profile, to see if he pulled the old “change the smoking status on the profile before contacting a non smoking gal, then change it back once she responds” (yes, I’ve had a few men pull that crap) Well when I checked his profile, it was ONLY then that I noticed his height was listed as 6 feet. So, I just thought, hmmmm, he LIED about his height, he probably LIED about his smoking, and all the crap in his profile that indicates he is looking for a relationship is probably a LIE too. I stopped responding to his texts. (Nothing but X’s and O’s any way) Never heard from him again.

      Anyway, it wouldn’t surprise me if he THINKS I stopped responding to him because of his height, but that has NOTHING to do with it. (I was actually quite attracted to him, and this experience was a disappointment) I stopped responding to him because of his DISHONESTY and he treated me like a potential hump & dump.

      You said “the truth of this whole matter depends on the value you place on yourself and belief that there are enough people out there that will find you attractive and love you for who you are.” I have found guys that are attracted to me, as well as those who have rejected me, as well as mutual rejection. I am beginning to lose hope that there is any one out there who will love ME for me, that I can love back.

      I’m not picky, I’m not ugly, and obviously I must do SOMETHING right, since I do attract men, just haven’t attracted my match yet. I’ll give it one more year. It’s find a relationship in 2014 or bust. If not, I’ll call it quits, learn to knit. and adopt a bunch of cats.

      1. 827.1.1
        SparklingEmerald

        I will not respond further to you, as you are merely a troll who is not interested in intelligent discussion, but personal attacks. Evan has banned posters for nasty, hostility, so I advise you to use reason and logic in your posts and not rely on made up facts, swearing and personal attacks. Your need to personally attack me & the other women on this blog shows your utter lack of ability to intelligently debate anything.

        1. 2LiveChica

          SparklingEmerald,

          Honestly, reading your posts you seem to be trolling. A lot of the things you said go against conclusions drawn from many studies. Also as a chica, I know man are far more flexible than women, and your analogy using boob size can be easily dismissed by any at any social outing.

        2. SparklingEmerald

          So, posting something that you disagree with is now “trolling” ?
          I have been married to two men who were 5’6″-5’7″. I guess I was trolling, since according to studies I was going against the grain.

          Calling me a B**** and telling me F**** it is OK,and not trolling, my expressing an opinion you don’t like is trolling ? Ok got it. (I believe that little troll post was pulled, but my reply to it was allowed to stand)

          I’m just pointing out that men AND women have physical types they are attracted to. I know, the men who come on this board to tell us women that we are wrong about everything think that is a crime to point out that men aren’t perfect either.

          I am not trolling, I am expressing my opinons and observations. Sorry, I don’t choose who I date according to “the studies”.

          And if men are so flexible, chubby women and black women would not find it so difficult to find love. I’m not talking about morbidly obese women either, but a few extra pounds, and yes there is a genetic component to that, so don’t give me that crap that chubby women deserve to die lonely because they aren’t gym rats who eat nothing but celery.

          There have been studies that show that men are more attracted to women with an hour glass figure. There is some mathematical formula of hip to waist ratio that men find more attractive. Not every woman who’s weight is proportional to her height is going to have a perfect hour glass figure. So, through no fault of her own, she will attract fewer men. (Why do you think all fashion advice is geared toward creating the illusion of an hour glass figure). But attracting fewer men, doesn’t mean zero chances of finding love.

          And shorter men DO find love, it might be more difficult. There are lots of groups who find it harder to find love due to physical attractiveness.

          This whole article started about poor Tom, being short and can’t get women. But he talks about how he enjoys being dominant in the bedroom, so it seems to be, already has had a lot of sexual experience, and has probably humped and dumped a few women in his time. Later on he brags about he has gotten dates with the hottest women on match that are the envy of other men. So Tom, although short, is very attractive, so a blog post that is supposed to illicit pity for his plight, ends up being a testimonial that a short man can not only succeed with women, but can also be a player. Of course, it helps that he is very fit and attractive.

          I suppose you men won’t be happy, until we pass some sort of affirmative action quota for short men, requiring women to sleep with a certain percentage of short men. Of course, there will be NO equivelant legislation requiring men to date a quota of chubby women.

          (He’s been banned – EMK)

        3. SparklingEmerald

          This was supposed to be a reply to Sammie who called be a b****. I thought I put this right under Sammie’s post, but looks like I just tacked it on to the end of the comments. Brian, I do hope you don’t think this was directed at you. It was directed at a very hostile post from Sammie.

      2. 827.1.2
        Brian

        I already changed my height back to what it actually is, however I am not in a practical place in my professional life to actively pursue anyone at the present moment for a variety of reasons. Sad to say I work two jobs (one full-time) and I simply cannot afford to date in a city like Seattle. However, I figure I have plenty of time to concern myself with meeting a complementary mate as a top priority in my life.

        Hopefully, I don’t also end up adopting a much of cats, which in actuality wouldn’t be a catastrophic consolations considering I do love cats!

        1. faded jade

          Hi again Brian – Thanks for the respectful back and forth on this touchy subject. I’m glad you are putting your truthful height on your profile, but if you are, as you said in your own words “not in a practical place in my professional life to actively pursue anyone at the present moment for a variety of reasons.” than that will be a bigger obstacle to overcome, than any height barrier. I think women are getting less patient with men who are either emotionally unavailable or practically unavailable. If you don’t have the time, energy or desire to pursue a real relationship for WHATEVER reason, it won’t matter if your are five foot six or six foot five.

          I just gave notice at my second job, so I can be more available for a potential relationship. I have enough barriers already. My age, my twice divorced status, I’m not ugly, but I’m not a 10 either, I’m not fat, but I’m not model thin either. SInce I can’t change my age or my twice divorced status, and I think I’ve already made the MOST of my looks, I decided to change the ONE thing I can change, and that is to work at JUST ONE JOB. I have a room mate now, so I should be able to get by on just the one salary.

          So hopefully, I won’t have to buy the large print editions of crossword puzzle books and adopt 8 cats !

        2. Tim

           Faded Jade
          “I think women are getting less patient with men who are either emotionally unavailable or practically unavailable. If you don’t have the time, energy or desire to pursue a real relationship for WHATEVER reason, it won’t matter if your are five foot six or six foot five”
           
          But a  6’2″ (and reasonably attractive) man will still attract women on dating sites despite mentioning “not in a practical place in my professional life to actively pursue anyone at the present moment for a variety of reasons.”
          Most women have different rules, terms and boundaries when dating different guys depending on how attractive the men are.
          They don’t mind having a sexual relationship (hooking up) first if the man is really attractive and seeing ‘where things go from there’.
          With regular men they demand complete clarity about their intentions from the beginning.  
           
           
           

  18. 828
    Danny

    SparklinkgEmerald

    Chubby and even obese women can sexually attract men quite easily.
    Actually fat women have it better than fat men. Society considers fat men more undesirable than fat women. Fat men are considered physically repulsive and sexually irrelevant by women while fat women can still be sexualized. The BBW phenomenon is evidence of that.

    There has been some research on this and they found that women who have a large number of partners (and hence are able to attract a large number of men) tend to be overweight. While men who have a lot of sex partners are almost always conventionally attractive with lean fit bodies.

    So you can say that fat women on average have more sex partners than slim women.

    I would love to provide some links but they’re not allowed.

    1. 828.1
      SparklingEmerald

      Danny – I have no doubt that chubby women get humped and dumped a lot, but since for MOST (I didn’t say all ) women the goal is an eventual relationship, not a string of sex partners, there is little to no comfort in having several sex partners that did not lead to a relationship. There’s that DISGUSTING joke that I’ve heard men tell, that the thing that a Honda and “Fat Chick” have in common is that they are both to fun to ride until your friends find out. Disgusting, but unfortunately, how many men think.

      I remember many years ago, some radio station DJ’s tag line was “No Fat Chicks” and there were bumper stickers that said “No Fat Chicks” and “Save the whales, harpoon a fat chick”, so PLEASE, no bogus studies about how easy fat women have it in the dating world. Public humiliation of fat women is a sport amoung many immature men. And links are allowed on this website, so that leads me to believe that you are just making stuff up about a study that proves that men just love fat women.

      Unless you (men and women) have perfect good looks, no kids and are between the ages of 22-24, you aren’t going to get to have sex/have a relationship with every person you desire to. That’s life. My challenge is due to my age. (58) A younger woman’s challenge might be that she’s a single mom. A short guy has his challenges, an extremely tall woman has her challenges, over weight people of both genders have their challenges (and over weight people don’t seem to want to date each other)

      This seems to be turning into a “who has it worse” competition. Each group seems to think that they, and they alone, have dating challenges, and everyone else, including old fat women with moustaches has it sooooooooooo easy.

      Bottom line, if you aren’t coupled up and want to be, all the stats in the world about how easy it is for you specific demographic is to find love, is moot. You could link me to a study that says 58 year red heads of average build, and small boobs, who have been divorced twice are the hottest, trendiest thing on the dating scene, and I’m still alone.

      Once I’m in my next relationship, any studies that say women my age have a greater chance of being struck by lightning than finding love will be moot too.

      I see couples of every size, shape, color and level of attractiveness. Men & Women. You can try and dismiss that observation any which way you can, but if you REALLY think that your particular demographic means you will die alone, why are any of us even here ?

      BTW, my first husband was about 5’6″ and is on wife #4. He has always been a player (which is why he’s an ex) and has never had trouble bedding or wedding women. He wasn’t drop dead gorgeous but he had a cocky confidence that made him seem very sexy, hopefully I’ll never fall for that type again of any height. You can dismiss that observation all you’d like, but I doubt my ex is the only succesful short player on earth.

      1. 828.1.1
        Samual T Truth

        If a guy puts 5’9 on his profile, but shows up as 6’3, you know damn well the date would not be over. IT IS ABOUT THE GUY BEING SHORT!

        1. faded jade

          Hello again Sammie – Weren’t you banned for calling me a b**** and telling me to F*** out ? Because this sounds like the same old same old.

          Yes, I know that there short guys who get rejected JUST for being short, and then there are guys who get rejected because the are total jerks who just happen to be short. Rather than trying to stop being a jerk, they would rather believe that every woman on the face of the earth is evil, and just live every moment of their lives looking to torment short men. But the truth is, being a jerk, being a liar, being a user, will get men rejected regardless of their height.

          I’ve married 2 men shorter than 5’9. (They were both about 5’6″ or 5’7″) I am pretty short, so height means nothing to me, and I have even been rejected by a man I thought was VERY attractive, who was about an inch shorter than me.

          But I’ve told my tale of being a short woman who likes short men, and have been falsely accused of only wanting tall men, so I guess among the short JERKS, the confirmation bias is just too strong to overcome. Or the realization that they are being rejected because of their negative attitude and not their height is just too painful, so they come to this board and cuss out short women like me.

          FJ aka SE

        2. Tim

          Faded Jade
          We know far too many ‘tall’ men who happen to be liars, users and jerks who dont get rejected. And that’s ok because those men are physically attractive and they will attract plenty of women regardless of their character.

          Im not saying men should become jerks. Im just saying that ‘not being a jerk’  cannot cause attraction on its own.
          Please dont try to silence men when they say they get rejected only because of their appearance. Dont try to downplay the importance of being good looking to men. Women do that a lot.

  19. 829
    wendy

    Maybe my experience isn’t important because it was late teens/college age and there is little wisdom at that age… I am a 5’4″ woman.  I had quite a crush on a guy who seemed smart and very sweet; I loved talking to him. He was short – 5’1″.  But he wouldn’t go out with me because–so he told his friends–I was too heavy at 138 lbs.

  20. 830
    kLPantera

    The whole short thing is really simple:
    Majority of the time it’s the woman who feels insecure about the height issue. 
    If a woman needs a bigger male to feel feminine, then that woman really doesn’t feel like a woman. Her femininity is built externally as opposed to internally. It’s a profile of built on superficiality; it’s about as stable as building a house on mud.
    Myself as an example: I’m 5’5″ ambitious, confident, easy on the eyes, etc. I’ll stand next to 6’5″ men with as much confidence as I do next to a 5’0″ man. Same thing happens when it comes to women. Too many short guys let other’s insecure perceptions affect who they are and they waver.
     

  21. 831
    Jess

    I WOULD LOVE TO DATE A SHORT GUY. ALL I WANT IS A SHORT GUY. SHORT MEN WANT TALL WOMEN AND THEN GET ALL MAD THAT TALL WOMEN WANT TALL MEN. THEY AREN’T EVEN LOOKING FOR SHORT WOMEN!!! THE MAJORITY OF MEN THAT APPROACH ME ARE SKY HIGH TALL MEN BECAUSE THEY HAVE SOME SEXUAL FANTASY AND LOTS OF EGO. THEY THINK THEY CAN’T BE REJECTED AND ACT SO ARROGANT TOWARDS ME. THEY GET HANDSY RIGHT AWAY AND THINK I’M A LITTLE JOKE. I HATE IT. I WILL NEVER ACCEPT THE ADVANCES OF A TALL MAN AGAIN! HOWEVER I HAVE NEVER BEEN APPROACHED BY A SHORT MAN. EVER. THEY ARE TOO BUSY CHASING AMAZONS AND FEELING SORRY FOR THEMSELVES. BLACK MEN WANT WHITE WOMEN SHORT GUYS WANT TALL WOMEN. NO ONE IS HAPPY WITH WHO THEY ARE OR THEIR EQUIVALENT. MOST SHORT GUYS KNOW THAT MANY SHORT WOMEN ARE ETHNIC AND THEY WANT THEIR TALL BLONDES. MANY TALL MEN APPROACH VERY SHORT WOMEN AND MOST WOMEN PICK FROM WHO CHOOSES THEM. SO GET OUT THERE AND BEAT THESE TALL GUYS TO IT! HOW MANY SHORT WOMEN DO SHORT MEN APPROACH? NONE. ALL CAPS!!!!

  22. 832
    Karl R

    Jess, (#690.1, #735.1, #789.1, #799.1 and #831)
    I believe I can suggest some changes you might make which would improve your dating situation. As a man, I can offer some insight into what motivates men to date some women and not others.
     
    You have stated several impediments to your dating success (height, race, breast size). For the moment, forget those impediments. I believe that there are other things that get in your way even more. I don’t expect you to just take my word for it. I intend to back up my statements with logic and examples.
     
    Hopefully you will be able to keep an open mind and fully listen to what I say. If I can’t back up what I say with reason and examples, then ignore what I say. I only expect you to pay attention to the statements which I can actually support.
     
    Jess said: (#690.1)
    “try being a Black, short, flat chested woman. i don’t hate being any of those things i just hate everyone else.”
     
    If you hate “everyone else,” that means that you hate the men who might potentially date you. You hate their families. You hate their friends. You hate their coworkers. You hate the random strangers they might encounter when they are in your presence.
     
    This, more than anything else, makes you completely unsuitable to date. A person (man or woman) would have to be truly desperate and masochistic to endure the company of a misanthrope. Until you learn to like most people, and tolerate most of the exceptions, you are going to be rejected by any person who sees your attitude towards others.
     
    Jess said: (#789.1)
    “Why do short guys always have girl friends with ‘bubbly’ personalities?”
    Jess said: (#735.1)
    “Don’t even try to match my litany of woes. You can’t.”
     
    If I have to choose between having a light-hearted conversation with a person with a bubbly personality, or having to listen to somebody tell me their entire litany of woes, I’m going to pick the conversation with the bubbly personality every time.
     
    If I have to choose between a visit to the dentist and listening to  somebody tell me their entire litany of woes, I’m going to pick the visit to the dentist. It won’t be enjoyable, but it will be less miserable than listening to someone try to impress me with tales of how awful their life is.
     
    It’s not just short men who prefer bubbly personalities over litanies of woe. It’s anyone with two functioning ears and one functioning brain.
     
    Jess said: (#789.1)
    “Why do I have to put up with these evil, arrogant tallies!!”
    Jess said: (#799.1)
    “The majority of the guys that approach me are very, very tall. It is an ego, sexual thing. They want a rag doll to bounce around and they want their dick to seem huge.”
    “Tall guys all have the same generic personality.”
    Jess said: (#831)
    “THE MAJORITY OF MEN THAT APPROACH ME ARE SKY HIGH TALL MEN BECAUSE THEY HAVE SOME SEXUAL FANTASY AND LOTS OF EGO.”
     
    If I was to make an assumption about your personality based on your race, you would justifiably be able to say that I was prejudiced. I would be forming a preconceived notion of your personality based on an irrelevant trait.
     
    If I was to make an assumption about your maturity based on your height, you would justifiably be able to say that I was prejudiced. I would be forming a preconceived notion of your maturity based on an irrelevant trait.
     
    If I was to make an assumption about your ability to be a good girlfriend based on your breast size, you would justifiably be able to say that I was prejudiced. I would be forming a preconceived notion of your ability to be in a relationship based on an irrelevant trait.
     
    If I was to make an assumption about what trait mattered most in a man based on seeing you approach one man, you would justifiably be able to say that I was prejudiced. I would be forming a preconceived notion of what you want based on too little information. Each person has many traits. I would have no way of knowing which trait made that man attractive to you.
     
    Jess,
    You are prejudiced. You think men are arrogant, just because they are tall. (Some tall men are arrogant, some tall men are humble.) You think men are evil, just because they are tall. (Some tall men are evil, and some tall men are saints.)
     
    You think that any tall men who approaches you must have some kind of sexual fetish. You never bother to find out what actually attracted them.
     
    I’ve dated women of many different heights (4’11” to 6’0″).
    I’ve dated women of different races (black, white, Hispanic, Asian, mixed)
    I’ve dated women with different breast sizes (cup size A to I)
     
    If you make assumptions about my preferences based on seeing me with one woman, you’re almost certainly going to be wrong. A lot of people don’t worry much about height … unlike you.
     
    However, I can make assumptions about you being prejudiced, because I have heard you make one prejudiced statement after another. It’s the words out of your own mouth which tell me what kind of person you are inside.
     
    If you want to improve your dating life, it’s simple:
    1. Learn to like people.
    2. Stop focusing on the bad things that have happened to you.
    3. Let go of your prejudices.
     
    I have dated women who were black, women who were 4’11”, women who were flat-chested. I would never tolerate the company of someone with your piss-poor attitude.

    1. 832.1
      Jess

      First of all this is a forum where people are talking about their experiences. Obviously I am stating things here I do not always have the chance to express in normal life. This is a place where short people can talk to and about other short people about dating while short. Please stop trying to act like you are Evan when you are just a commenter. I am sorry to make general statements I honestly try not to do that. I said out of the men that approach me…the majority are tall….those men that I interacted with all exhibited these traits. I should not have to keep putting myself through that therefore I will no longer accept the advances of a tall man again. I cannot change them I can only change my own reactions. I do not ever talk about dating actually. I am 29yo female and most of the women I am around talk about dating, marriage, sex and male attention. I might get approached once every two years so I sit there and listen and make all the socially acceptable comments about their lives. I can not even begin to analyze why men don’t like me. Men have judged me to my face at work, on the bus in the bars. They have called me ugly, a stuck up bitch, too flat, too skinny, too dark, too old (I look younger than I am and when they find out my real age they say this). I have been stood up, cancelled on, rejected when I try to flirt, ignored, etc. I have never been on a date before. I have never even kissed anyone. Only just ‘hung out’ with about four people and they exhibited clear jerk signals or they called it off. I have experienced racism mixed with sexual harassment from White, tall men and older White men.  I have been through a lot so I have every reason to be bitter. I am not naturally bubbly and from what I have experienced many bubbly women are fake. I am just venting here. You cannot possibly know my ‘issues’ by the comments I have made here especially since you have not known me in real life. Based on my expereinces and the things these men tell me to my face I can make some conclusions. If you think my small height and baby face or race have not affected other areas of my life you are wrong. How can I let go of prejudice when people yell racial slurs at me from moving cars or White men show up to parties in blackface and I have to act like it dose not bother me lest I be a ‘difficult, PC liberal.’ When in highschool the boys my age asked out my little sister or friends because they were ‘light’ and would say this right to my face. This is a forum addressing a certain life experience but thanks for telling me I am a allowed to contribute. How about addressing the men who ignore their counterparts and chase their opposites whining all the way! But hey thanks for calling me a horrible bitch and that’s why men don’t like me. 

      1. 832.1.1
        Karl R

        Jess asked:
        “How can I let go of prejudice when people yell racial slurs at me from moving cars”
         
        People yell “Faggot” at me from moving cars. It doesn’t affect my dating life. I don’t date people who yell insults from moving cars, so it has no impact on my dating pool … or the attitude I take when meeting people.
         
        You let go by letting go. As soon as I’m certain that the people yelling insults aren’t about to stop their car, jump out and try to kill  me, then it’s no longer relevant to my life. (I don’t expect gay-bashers to take the time to determine my orientation before they try to kill me. They’re just not that good at thinking things through.)
         
        “or White men show up to parties in blackface and I have to act like it dose not bother me lest I be a ‘difficult, PC liberal.’”
         
        If you want to have a bias against the few men who are so socially obtuse that they wear blackface, go right ahead. If you choose to extend this grudge to any other person, you’re just limiting your options.
         
        At one Halloween party, someone decided to come as me. His Halloween costume was “Karl”. I could either decide that he intended it as an insult, or I could be flattered that I was the only person at the party with sufficient notoriety that I could be someone else’s costume. If he intended it as an insult, it backfired when I chose to be flattered.
         
        If a white man dresses in blackface, turn the tables on him. Tell him that his costume should be more realistic … and that he needs to stuff something down the front of his pants so he’s adequately “equipped” for the role.
         
        After you’ve turned it around so the joke is at their expense, let it go.
         
        Jess said:
        “When in highschool the boys my age asked out my little sister or friends because they were ‘light’ and would say this right to my face.”
         
        You’re 29. You’re no longer in high school. Why are you still venting about insults that happened more than a decade ago?
         
        I was unpopular in high school. I couldn’t get a date. I was massively insecure because of it. And if I kept dwelling on it for decades afterwards, I’d probably still be single.
         
        That’s the difference between us. When I left high school at the age of 18, I left it behind. You’re still dragging high school along with you.
         
        Jess said:
        “I have been stood up, cancelled on, rejected when I try to flirt, ignored, etc.”
         
        Welcome to the club. That happens to everyone. The rest of us may get stood up, cancelled on, ignored and rejected for different reasons than you do, but it’s the standard staple of the dating experience.
         
        Jess said:
        “I have been through a lot so I have every reason to be bitter.”
         
        Everyone has been through a lot. Everyone has a reason to be bitter. Most of us have learned that bitterness makes us unhappy and unpleasant to be around … so we leave the bitterness behind and get on with our lives.
         
        Jess said:
        “I said out of the men that approach me…the majority are tall…those men that I interacted with all exhibited these traits. I should not have to keep putting myself through that therefore I will no longer accept the advances of a tall man again.”
         
        If I took that attitude, I would have given up on dating completely in my teens or early 20s … long before I had my first success.
         
        I didn’t succeed at dating because the majority of my experiences were favorable/successful. I succeeded because I persisted when most of my experiences were negative.
         
        I’m a realist. If 90% of women found me unattractive, I dated among the 10% who found me attractive. If 99% of women found me unattractive, I dated among the 1% who found me attractive. If 99.9% of women found me unattractive, I dated among the 0.1% who found me attractive.
         
        I could afford to be unsuccessful most of the time, because I only needed to succeed once.
         
        I remember one woman whom I asked out over four years ago. I had no reason to expect it to turn into a long-term relationship. I had every reason to expect that the relationship would end after a week or two. But she was the best opportunity I was likely to have that week, so I asked her out anyway.
         
        Now she’s my wife.
         
        If you have two men pursuing you, go ahead and pick the one who you think has a better chance of being a great long-term boyfriend. However, if you have only one man pursuing you, you will improve your dating life by dating him long enough to discover with certainty whether he is arrogant, egotistical, evil (or whatever other traits you think he might have).
         
        Jess said:
        “This is a forum addressing a certain life experience”
         
        No. This is a blog which teaches people how to date more successfully.
         
        Jess said:
        “How about addressing the men who ignore their counterparts and chase their opposites whining all the way!”
         
        When they show up here, I tell them to stop whining, to expand the range of people they’re willing to date, and specific steps they should take to be more successful.
         
        And that’s exactly the same advice I gave you.
         
        Jess said:
        “I cannot change them I can only change my own reactions.”
         
        This is why I address my response to you by telling you what you can change. I’m telling you changes you can make to improve your dating life. When I address men, I tell them changes they can make to improve their dating life. (They’re not motivated to improve your dating life … just like you’re not motivated to improve their dating life.)

  23. 833
    Bip

    Tell Tom not to fear. I’m 5’11”, my husband is 5’5″. I wouldn’t have picked him up from a dating profile, for more than just the height thing- he also smoked when we got together, and I didn’t. However, he’s an amazing person- smart, funny, fantastic. And I’m madly in love with him, 6 years of marriage later. Dating sites kind of encourage the worst sort of shallowness in people. I’ve never had luck on them- always on meeting people doing other things that are interesting. 

  24. 834
    Jawwwarrrggge

    I stand a mountainous 5’5 however if you add all my inches I’m a whopping 6’3 you shallow heifers! There’s no Napoleonic complex with me I just won’t put up with the disrespectful people that think because I’m shorter that I am of lesser value.  Shorter people live longer, have more leg room on planes and fit easily into all those cute little sports cars you gals like without ever feeling like a sardine. I care less about how tall or short a potential mate is. My main concern is that she’s a good long term mate and that she treats me well. If your first thought is that I’m short then your not as serious about relationships as I am. Your focus is off and it tells me that you are only good enough for a night away from your cats. You don’t wear heels everyday nor will you wear them forever. Keep in mind as you age your going to shrink and with osteoporosis you’ll be around my height. Then I can look you in the eye as I have to deal with your hormones and menopause. I wish Men could exclude Women on perceived “physical detriments” without being called sexist, misogynistic or shallow like the Women do. You are sad Ladies…

  25. 835
    Elisande

    Honestly, tall women, don’t get a much better deal. I have to say that height has NEVER mattered to me (I am tall, though not outside the norm curve where I am from but definitely on the taller side) but the guys were JUST as standoffish as american women seem to be. Sigh.

  26. 836
    ShortAsianGuy

    I’m short (5ft 3), chinese and only really like white girls so I’m disadvantaged on so many levels haha, but my first girlfriend was white and 5ft 4 so no matter how grim the odds are, it’s still possible.

    It’s probably been covered but just to reinforce, confidence and personality key really. I think this article makes things look worse than they are because everything was done online where people can choose to ingnore you after first glance and impressions.

    In real life though if you engage a women in a conversation, just purely out of politeness they will at least give you a moment of their attention and that’s your chance. Personality will win them over more than you think.

  27. 837
    Brandy

    Tall men are great but short guys are better! I am 5’1″ because of this most men are taller than I am so I get the best of either world my Boo is about 5″5 and I love it!

    1. 837.1
      Rochem

      There are men shorter than you. Would you give them a chance?

  28. 838
    Elle

    I am a 6ft girl and I have the same problem with men. Only men who are 6’7 want to date me and I find that way too tall! I have never dated a guy taller than me. My shortest boyfriend was 5’6. We weren’t at all bothered about it but everyone around us were. We had stares and people point at us. He was also Chinese and I was White. We used to get teased that it looked like he was my kid. It was awful but that didn’t break us up at all. Other boyfriends I have had have been 5’7, 5’9 and 5’10. I have noticed that men lie about their height all the time. On dating sites they put up 6ft and then in real life they come up to my nose. I ask them if my height is a problem and they say it isn’t but then they obviously do have a problem with it because they remain awkward the rest of the night. The “idea” of a tall girl is appealing but actually, in reality most shorter men want shorter women. Petite women complain all the time about how they wish to be tall. They have no idea how lucky they are. No I don’t want a super tall guy all I want is someone eye level, like 6’1 or 6ft, my height but these men don’t look at a 6ft woman at all. The only men who look at a 6ft woman are 5’3-5’6 or 6’7.  I am now seeing someone who is 5’9, he’s great, I do wish he was more 6ft but it’s never going to happen so for his personality and the way he cares and treats me that is satisfying enough. I’m sure he feels the same way about me, he wishes I was his height or an inch shorter, but we can’t have it all. Take it or leave it. (Oh and even with a guy at 5’9 we get stares and people whispering and pointing at us all the time….sigh!)

  29. 839
    T

    short, tall, fat, skinny, handsome, pretty, ugly ect.. The way i see is.. It doesnt matter. Being with somebody because of looks wont last long, well it does sometimes.. I think it all matter how could to be comfort and support to each other. Love each other. Im 6’1″ asian, fit body with abs, handsome(based on people saying, used to be a model for a few month), funny, not a rich nor poor. I had muliple relationship with american girls. 8 out of 10 were pretty and gorgeous. It doesnt matter because at the end, none of them are with me right now. Im still learning about relationships and myself. I had rough time each break ups. I realized and learned that “looks” is not my first thing to concern anymore. I saw a lot of short guys get tall pretty girls because girls saw the value of each guys not just height. People judge by looks. They dont even look whats inside. People think im a player cause how i look. Its not fair. How dare them to judge? Are they perfect ? If they are perfect then im wrong . Tall or short.. You know you just want to be loved. Who cares what people think. Well all im trying to lay out here is just love yourself, then they can see how much value you have and they will fall for you. If you love a person, then you will accept who they are either short or tall.. Peace

  30. 840
    jackie

    I actually prefer a not-so-tall man because I’m very short and that makes it awkward for me during relationship. It also worries me for my future because I’ve known couples who were tiny short women with these tall tall men and their pregnancies were so difficult that they basically had their tubes tied afterwards. The notion of giant’s baby in my belly scares me. 

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