If You Are Short, Fat, Older or An Asian Man, You Must Read This. But Especially If You’re Short.

If you’re a regular reader, you probably knew that I was on the CBS Early Show in July. Appearing with me was one of my all-time favorite clients, Tom Pandolfo. Charming, charismatic, successful, warm, athletic… Tom has it all. The only thing missing in his life is a woman. So, after hiring me as his dating coach, we set to work in rebranding him on Match.com.

We took new professional photos. We had Tom fill out my long questionnaire and submit to an hour of questions from me on the phone. We wrote two new profile essays that were unique, funny and confident. We renamed him “LookMaNoHair.”

And we watched as his in-box filled up with interested women.

You can see what a great experience it was in this CBS Early Show clip:

What I haven’t yet mentioned is that Tom Pandolfo is 5’3″.
Height doesn't define a man as a husbandI didn’t want to mention it for the same reason that Tom didn’t want to mention it in his profile: because it’s irrelevant to anything that makes him a good accountant, husband, or father. Yet his height defines him, since it has prevented otherwise interested women from being interested in him over the course of his entire life.

Height is irrelevant to anything that makes a man a good husband or father.

This instantly reminded me of a story that ABC did years ago on this very issue.

To see if the women would go for short guys who were successful, ABCNEWS’ Lynn Sherr created extraordinary résumés for the shorter men. She told the women that the shorter men included a doctor, a best-selling author, a champion skier, a venture capitalist who’d made millions by the age of 25.

Nothing worked. The women always chose the tall men. Sherr asked whether there’d be anything she could say that would make the shortest of the men, who was 5 feet, irresistible. One of the women replied, “Maybe the only thing you could say is that the other four are murderers.” Another backed her up, saying that had the taller men had a criminal record she might have been swayed to choose a shorter man. Another said she’d have considered the shorter men, if the taller men had been described as “child molesters.”

Lest you think this is an example of reality TV finding evidence to support a story, Tom tried his own experiment last week. Sure enough, few women give a fair shake to a man who is 5’3”, no matter what else he has going for him.

I’m going to let Tom take it from here.

So I tried changing my profile for three days just to see what the difference was between being 5’3″ and 5’10”. I wanted to know if height was the only difference and the constant deal breaker. So I moved my profile from Pittsburgh and posted it for 3 days in a town where nobody knew me (Philadelphia). Here’s what I found:

5’3” in Pittsburgh 5’10” in Philadelphia
Mutual matches 0 80
Reverse matches 12 400
Petite women w/pics w/in 50 miles 45 650
Views in 3 days 11 212
Emails received – unsolicited 0 32
Winks received – unsolicited 2 28
Emails sent out 6 6
Replies received to emails sent out 0 6

 

This proves, in stark and undeniable terms, two things:…

Life – and people – can be incredibly unfair. We talked about this just the other day. People want what they want. They’re attracted to what they’re attracted to. And no amount of complaining is going to change it.

Oh, and I am one helluva dating coach. 60 unsolicited contacts in three days? Six replies from six emails sent? Come on. That’s pretty damn good!

Okay, I’m kidding about the last part, but only because I’m so serious about the rest of this. Really, it kills me.

Why, in God’s name, is it important for women to stand on tiptoes to kiss a guy?

Believe me, Tom is no “woe-is-me” kind of guy. He’s just been confronted with a very ugly reality that has shaken his confidence in people. And even though we had good initial results, the fact remains, empirically: women don’t want short men.

And although you can feel free to substitute “older women”, “older men”, “heavier women”, or “Asian men”, I honestly feel that nobody gets a rawer deal than short guys.

Honestly, ladies…You can get your own dishes from the top shelf. You don’t really need to feel “protected” from the dangers of suburbia. And why, in God’s name, is it important to stand on your tiptoes to kiss a guy?

So how about it, women? Is there any legitimate reason not to go out with this amazing, amazing man?

Talk to me. I want to hear the truth.

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Comments:

  1. 841
    Devon

    As a short guy, what gets me isn’t that girls dislike short guys. It’s that they deny that they dislike short guys. That’s just rubbing salt in the wound. 

  2. 842
    bruno

    The median height in US is 5′ 9.5″ for men, and 5′ 4.5 ” adult women. Thus, I would predict median difference to be 5 inches. But, it is an absolute joke to think that all women can find a guy 5 foot 10 inches or taller as this is only 40% of all men. You need to know the stats. Even if one in five women want men at least 5 foot 10; that means 80% of women seeking 40% OF MEN. THIS IS A TWO TO ONE RATIO! No wonder so many women are single and looking. They are better off single since men under 5’10 will not get their respect. Just make prostitution legal so the Short guys don’t have to support disrespectful women. And then let the women get pregnant by tall guys and live on welfare.

    1. 842.1
      bruno

      Meant to say “even if one in five women don’t want a guy 5 foot 10 inches or taller…”

  3. 843
    Lm

    I’m 5’7 and I get them ladies like waffles coming to me! It’s the looks and the confidence that really plays the big part on this. I never say that I’m short even though I know I’m short Since 5’7 translates to 170cm which is about 6” or 15cm below the required height of being a model but guess what that didn’t matter for me! Now I know that anything under 5’7 is going to be tough to work with, even though I had a friend who was 5’4 and men he just had them girls rolling. I guess it’s the looks.

  4. 844
    shashank

    You must make a thread for Indian guys cause women refuse to date Indians even if they are tall,rich,successful and good-looking

  5. 845
    Kris Kemp

    I’m 6’0 and broad shouldered and I’ve asked girls about why they are disinclined to date men who are petite or shorter than them, usually in the height range of 5’10 or less.

    (Granted, I’ve seen a lot of girls, especially hipster girls, with hipster guys who are 5’10 or even less. Usually, however, these girls are the same height or less tall than their boyfriends.)

    The girls I’ve spoken with have told me that they like guys who are taller and/or bigger (somewhat bigger in body size) than them because:

    1. They feel safer with a guy who is taller and bigger. It’s critical that a girl feels safe around you.
    2. When they are with a guy who is smaller than them, it makes the girl feel fat. Whether they are fat or not is not the issue. It’s that they feel fat, so they prefer a guy who is bigger and taller than them.

    Guys do not need to take it personally if a girl does not feel attraction for him because he is 5’10 or less. If that happens, find a girl who is same size or shorter, who will like you. There are plenty of girls in the world. Or, find a girl of any height who will like you, regardless of your height. There are plenty of girls like this in the world, too.

    If you are a short guy and you desire to be with a tall girl, then learn a skill that will make her feel safe and comfortable around you. Maybe take karate lessons. Learn boxing. Buy a concealed weapons permit.

    Let’s get into NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) for a bit.

    There are means values and there are ends values. Means values is what someone wants. Ends values is how-getting-what-they-want will make them feel.

    If you ask a girl what type of guy they want, they will usually answer:

    1. Tall
    2. Dark
    3. Handsome

    Those are the means values. Now, take it a step further. Ask the girl how these characteristics/traits make her feel. These are the ends values. They’re likely to answer:

    1. Tall – safe, protected
    2. Dark – he has a mysterious side, makes me wonder about him
    3. Handsome – makes me feel pretty, since he chose me

    So, go for the ends values. Make a woman feel safe, protected, that you have a mysterious side, so she wonders about you, and be as handsome as you can make yourself, so you make her feel pretty, since you chose her.

    Get it?

    Most women want to feel a connection with a man. They want to feel comfortable and safe with their man. If you can make a girl feel comfortable and safe around you, then she is likely to stay with you. So, go for the ends values.

    I hope this helps!

    Kris

  6. 846
    Wes

    For give me Kris Kemp, but what you’re saying here is typical, especially considering your height puts you right at the highest desirable bracket that women prefer. You’re just reiterating the same ignorance and prejudice towards shorter guys that a boatload of insecure women carry daily. It sure doesn’t shock me coming from a 6’0 guy who thinks he can relate to the daily injustices that a short guy endures. Sorry dude, not to play the race card but you being 6’0 trying to speak up or speak out against short short guy discrimination is like a white person trying to understand what’s it’s like to be discriminated as a black person. I think it’s absurd to think that you could provide insight and voice of reason to what a shorter endures. You’re 6’0. Good try though.

    BTW, it’s nice to know that there are some women on this planet who are confidently feminine in their own skin regardless if they are short or tall themselves. It’s nice to know that there are some women who don’t seek relationship happiness through caveman ideology. If a girl feels that a tall guy is a better protector based on the illusion of his height, then good for her! If a girl feels fat or gigantic when she’s standing next to me, that’s her problem. What’s holding her back from getting in shape and losing weight? If a girl refuses me because I’m not tall enough when she wears high heels, that’s her problem and definitely not mine. If a girl refuses me because she can’t deal with the idiots who feel the need to publicly shame her about being taller than the man she’s with, she can join the rest of the fools. I like women who don’t channel the focus of their attraction for a guy solely based on him being tall or taller than she is. I like women who are mature enough to recognize other attractive features a man has without making such a fuss about his height. Come to think of it, if I was a tall guy like yourself I wouldn’t want a woman liking me just because she needs my tallness to feel better about herself or to feel feminine at the same time. I see nothing but daddy issues coming out that.

    I do agree with you to a certain point about one thing. I strongly suggest that short guys get in the gym and get in shape for THEMSELVES, not to impress some girl who likely has height issues.

  7. 847
    ilikeshortguysomg

    I like short guys. I just realized that I’ve like guys shorter than me since I was in 1st grade. And my crush now, wow. He’s beautiful. I’m 5″6 and he’s 5″4. I used to be 5″4 too until I got a spinal surgery. But point is, I’m loosing weight in hopes that I’ll be able to marry a short man. Just so I’m not taller and heavier than him. Although  my crush now is a chubby guy but still.  I’m a 16 year old girl by the way. And don’t tell me I’m not supposed to change for a guy because I obviously know I won’t get a date till I loose the weight. It’s being truthful.

  8. 848
    Sha

    This is ridiculous.  Nothing wrong with having different tastes.  
    It sucks to be the underdog, but I believe there is someone for everyone.  Notice I said some ONE.  Why does anybody need a LOT of people to like them.
    NOBODY should be criticized for liking what they like.  You don’t HAVE to date anyone you don’t like, and it does not matter WHAT the reason is.  You should be careful who you give your heart to.
    I think mostly dating is wasted, anyway.  I think we should wait for the right person and not waste so much time on everyone else.  That is just exhausting.
    If you’re a short man, etc. there has to be a woman out there who is right for you.  She may be shorter than you, or not care about your height.  Either way, why waste your time on everyone else?
    We should be focused on finding the right ONE (not many), or should I say, LETTING that person come to you without trying so hard.  Same story for everyone who has found love.
    Don’t be rude to people just because they don’t like you.  That is just ridiculous.

  9. 849
    Torsh Johansen

    Sha: Although I agree with a good portion of what you say, “There’s someone for everyone” is NOT a good argument against it.  We all know you mine as well be saying “But your favorite basketball team won is going to the tourney.”  It’s moot.

    People who are low-grade picks — seen as unattractive by something they can’t help is the problem.  Of course anyone can find SOMEONE — that’s never been a complaint, nor is that concept satisfying by ONE iota! :)

    It isn’t about finding a workout partner — you’re talking about acceptance & level of being wanted.  Additionally, being short also goes well outside the dating arena.  There is less respect — unconscious but strong — in the real world in many venues.

    But I agree, it is what it is — deal with it.  It’s nobody’s fault when you’re talking about raw attraction — totally agree.

    However, given that, there will be folks to have a hair trigger calling BS on those who go beyond just raw attraction, but also attaching stereotypes like: “Short guys act like this; short guys can’t do that” or making fun of guys & looking down on them because of it.  That will rightfully get complaints and make the concept of lacking raw attraction hurt even more.

    But, in biology, in life — it can end up being a good thing if the guy isn’t TOO super-short (like around 5’2″ or less).  It can make him improve himself to be better at certain things moreso than the average Joe — and other facts in attraction to make up for it so he’s not out of the game, the game’s just more difficult.

  10. 850
    Karl R

    Sha said: (#848)
    “I think mostly dating is wasted, anyway.  I think we should wait for the right person and not waste so much time on everyone else.  That is just exhausting.”
     
    That’s hilarious.
     
    Men and women don’t come with tattoos on their foreheads that say “the right person.” You meet someone, then discover whether they’re the right person by dating them.
     
    Sha asked: (#848)
    “Why does anybody need a LOT of people to like them.”
     
    When more women liked me, I had more dating opportunities. When I had more dating opportunities, more of them were with high quality women. When I had more dating opportunities with high quality women, I got into serious relationships more quickly. By getting into serious relationships more quickly, I more quickly found the woman I married.
     
    It’s not surprising that my dating life improved (and I got married) after my career took off and my income skyrocketed.
     
    Sha said: (#848)
    “We should be focused on finding the right ONE (not many), or should I say, LETTING that person come to you without trying so hard.  Same story for everyone who has found love.”
     
    That’s naive. I wouldn’t be married to my wife if I followed that kind of advice. It’s highly likely that I’d still be single.
     
    I found the right one by pursuing lots of women.
     
    Sha said: (#848)
    “It sucks to be the underdog, but I believe there is someone for everyone.”
     
    One of my uncles was single for his entire life. (He died in his late 60s.) Apparently, there wasn’t someone who was interested in dating an unemployed, abusive, alcoholic schizophrenic who lived with his parents.
     
    Sha said: (#848)
    “You don’t HAVE to date anyone you don’t like, and it does not matter WHAT the reason is.”
     
    Actually, it does matter. If you avoid dating people like my uncles (because they’re horrible to live with), that’s a good thing. If you rule out people for superficial reasons, you’re making your own search harder/longer without gaining any benefit.

  11. 851
    Sue

    I love this- amazing new perspective. Guys, start accepting and validating a woman who is tall, or broad or not bony- mayb then women will start accepting men of average height.  So funny! Short men kill themselves to get really petite women so they can feel big and r upset cause the big guys take the same chicks to feel even bigger. What a joke.
    my ex was 6’4- I’ve dated a great 5’8- and been with a super sexy 5’3 once. He was probably the sexiest, even with a small Johnson. All of them appreciated my 5’6 165. who knew life was a two way street
    short guys- really average guys 5’8 and under- man up. B confident. B proud  open your eyes for real women who will b happy to b with u. Stop over competing for Prince’s back up dancer.  face your own shallow insecurities (like we all need to do) and u will c the field is wide open. Get some game. Give a compliment. Buy a drink and some flowers. Sheesh.

  12. 852
    Vera

    I’m being 100% honest here: I’ve had crushes on a wide range of guys, the shortest being a good 3 inches shorter than me (I’m 5’6″), and the fattest being (I’m assuming) over 300 lbs. I don’t know about other women, maybe me and my friends are just weird (or desperate lol) but when we gossip about guys we barely even mention what he looks like. I had a massive, obsessive crush on this really ugly guy, he was 5’5″, had terrible acne, and had kind of a “pug” face (squished looking), and yet I saw him as the most gorgeous creature on earth. There was just something about him; he was wickedly funny and self deprecating and confident and the kindest person, even to the weirdest people. I was too shy to ever ask him out, but I wish I had. I guess my point is that I don’t know exactly how people fall in love (or lust lol) but once they do, they find that person beautiful.
    He also played guitar. No woman can ever resist a funny guy who plays guitar.

  13. 853
    Wes

    Sue 851
    Man up and be confident eh?  Love that one.  Stop overcompensating?  Love that one too!  So typical, trite and ignorant really.  In all seriousness, I’ll take a pound of salt with a grain of sugar when you say things like that Sue.  Woohoo!  Good for you for dating across the height spectrum.  Can I ask how long it took for you to realize how insignificant a man’s height is with the respect to the content of  his character?  When did looking good in high heels next to a man become unimportant to you?  Some women have it tougher than others by virtue of their own dating choices.  They think with their eggs and not with their hearts.  They base everything that is feminine in their lives dependent on needing a tall man.  When it doesn’t work out they blame the rest of the species and crap even harder on the guys who don’t measure up.  They only wise up to the world of short guys because there is no other option.  When all they see is TALL, it doesn’t leave much room for anything else of consequence in a relationship.
    FYI Sue, game is for athletes but I do know that dating sometimes can be a stupid game that both sexes play.  Compliments, gifts, flowers, drinks, etc, etc, etc, etc, are only acceptable when the guy in question has the favourable, required good looks and everything else on her checklist of qualifications are met.  Guys who fall short of her physical criteria are creeps.  There are some women who don’t give two cents about a guys height.  A good chunk of them are tall as well as short.  More of them should make a better effort to vocalize or illustrate their intentions to the shorter males who they find attractive.  I know some tall women who accentuate their stature and welcome the opportunity to date a shorter guy.  Same thing goes for short women who prefer to be closer in eye level to a shorter guy.  These women need to do a better job at showing the guys that it’s OK to approach.  There’s no shortage of taller women complaining about men who gawk and stare without ever making any attempt at conversation.  This is true for some guys and not just the short ones.  Gawking and staring albeit in a polite but subtle way is sometimes the best way to enjoy a tall woman without getting rejected and more importantly to avoid the dreaded creep stamp.

  14. 854
    Malachi The Knowledge 1

    LMAO…….. With all the knowledge out there available to women in the United States of America many of them will still pick the guy that is 6ft.+ that ONLY represent 33% of the men in the U.S. It stand to reason, that particular height of men will have MANY women to choose from his stable to mate  and play with. Don’t feel bad when that TALL man drop you like a bad habit for a more Alpha female. By the laws of nature women are more emotional than men making choices(bad ones) based on that!Especially here in the Egotistical U.S.A .  What about the other 64% of men that are 6ft. and under that may have a lot to offer in a relationship as a MAN. The 5’6  men and under suppose to pick you up after the taller men left you with a broken heart, children, and GOD forbid a bad STD’S.. Life is about “BALANCE”, women have to ask themselves are they balance within LIFE & LOVE…???

    1. 854.1
      General Tso

      The percentage of men 6ft+ in the U.S. is 14.5%.

  15. 855
    howtheweather

    I’ve always had the opposite problem. I am 6’6″ tall,  in good shape, full head of hair, great job with good income, humorous, and easy going. I am always told I am too tall to date.   So my personal experience makes me to believe women don’t necessarily prefer tall me, but men within a certain height range to them.  

  16. 856
    Charles

    For all the short guys out there, forget all the big, fat, dumb American women. Screw them and their standards. They’re just products of a decadent society. If you want to find real girls who are nice, sweet, pretty, sexy, who won’t judge you for superficial things like your height and weight, you guys need to go to the Philippines. Not only are they ten times more beautiful than American women, they’re also kind. I just got back from there. I’m a short, chubby, Asian guy. It’s been nearly impossible for me to get a girl in America. They never welcomed me. So, I’m like whatever. I heard the Philippines is the promised land for unwanted guys like me, where girls there are nice to guys like me. After visiting there, I realized it is the truth. First of all, I can’t even begin to tell you how many beautiful girls there are over there. They’re real women who know how to treat their man, taking care of him, loving him, and adoring him. I met my girl online. The thing is, she’s 24 and still a virgin! That’s something almost non-existent in the US. This girl and her family made me feel like a king. I can’t get over how pretty she is. I would never be able to score a cute hottie like her back home. And like I said, Filipinas know how to treat their man. She listens to everything I say without giving me the kind of gender equality attitude trip some American chick would give me. She’s so nice. She instructed all her sisters to call me “manong gwapo,” meaning “handsome big brother.” For the month I was there, they were always busy hand-washing my laundry, cleaning my shoes, bringing me cold drinks, cooking for me, cleaning the house, or just hanging around me and listening intently to my stories. I never felt so loved and appreciated. Even when I’d be in town or at the mall, I noticed girls always smiling and greeting me. I heard a group of girls comment about me “He’s handsome. But I think he has a girlfriend.” Hehehehe. My girlfriend knew what was going on, and it made her nuts but also proud of me at the same time. I felt attractive for once in my life. Many Filipinas prefer short, chubby guys. You know I’m going back there soon to be with my girl again to bring her with me back home. Anyways, if you’re short, fat, old, Asian, going bald, or whatever, forget these fat American girls. It’s time to go to the Philippines 

    1. 856.1
      please

      don’t bring her to the US, that’s a terrible, terrible idea in the long-term. super happy for you, though.

  17. 857
    Jana

    I would jump at the chance to date any of the accomplished, short, fictitious men from the ABC News story.  I am an attractive, ivy educated, petite (5’1”, size 0-2), young female.  I am in the prime of my life and feel lucky to have my pick of quality men.  I used to think that a man’s height mattered.  However, as I have matured, I have realized that height is the LEAST important quality of what makes a man a good man.  A while ago I met two men around the same time and dated both of them for a little while until I had to choose between the two.  They were both of the same race, around the same age, and even had advanced degrees from the same school.  Both had very respectable jobs.  Man #1 was cute, bald, short (under 5’6”), and had an average fit body.  Man #2 was strikingly handsome – full head of thick hair, very tall (6’3”), very athletic body (pecs and visible abs), former college athlete.  Women would stare at Man #2 when we would go out together.  Guess which one I chose?  Man #1.  He was more exciting, had a better personality (kind, generous, funny, easy-going), and quite honestly I think he worked harder at courting me.  I think he had learned throughout his lifetime to compensate for his height – not that he ever needed to – and so he had worked very hard professionally to create an attractive lifestyle for himself and his mate.  And it worked on me and his ex-girlfriends (who have all also been very attractive, educated women… in fact, his most recent ex-girlfriend is 5’8”).  So for all the women out there who ignore accomplished men simply because of height, you don’t know what you’re missing.  I’m no longer dating Man #1 but I’m on the look out for another man just like him.

    1. 857.1
      Jean-Erik

      Short man == cute
      Tall man == strikingly handsome.
      Jana you perpetuating you-know-what…

  18. 858
    Damion

    I’m 5’2 and I feel like because of it I have no sexual value to the opposite sex. My life has already been hard and I won’t go into it, but I did not have a normal upbringing. I have had to have surgeries at a very young age and that has stunted my growth and given me a shorter life expectancy. I have had very little luck when it comes to women, even women shorter than me. It almost seems like women who are shorter are more attracted to very tall men, which leaves me “short and dry.” Regardless of my life issues, I have been on web sites, tried pick up artistry (which takes your heart out of it, for the increase of physical contact), which is all wrong for me as I have a huge heart to give. The more I look the more it makes me undesirable as I get more and more frustrated with just wanting a freaking date. The fact that women are attracted to tall muscular men, goes back to caveman wiring, where these men WOULD be the best bet of survival against a harsh and dangerous world, but that no longer holds sway. It’s a world where a small insignificant looking person could be worth billions, and have more “power,” than 5000 iron pumping lumberjacks. I agree that you can not change who you’re attracted to, but I also know that people can change that for you. I have been in the presence of people I was in no way attracted to, and just spending time with them would make me want to take them to a secluded hideaway and make them mine for eternity. Also how many times has everyone been crazy attracted to someone until they opened their mouth, and then it was like a toxic dump that just made you wonder what you could ever have been thinking.
    The point I’m trying to make is attraction is just the single first step to a relationship, past that everything can and usually does change. How do these insanely hot people get cheated on? Or get in relationships that are terrible and make them wish they were never alive? Looks are not everything when it comes to attraction, it’s just the usually knock you over the head obvious part of it, when attraction goes so very much deeper. I’m not asking girls to date guys they have no  physical attraction to, I’m just saying that guy who’s cute but short, might show you a world you never knew existed. Don’t just give him a chance, give yourselves a chance, happiness isn’t always given to you in the form of “what you want,” sometimes happiness is there in “what you need.” We need to be loved and cared for, and beauty and looks fade, so it has to be stronger than, “well he’s hot at least.” Is that going to be a good father to your kids, will his or her “hotness,” feed you? Also is it even right to hate how the world judges you for your looks, then you go and judge the world for their looks? Physical attraction is hopefully the first step to love and living a life with someone who gets you, and never once in a 60 year anniversary speech have I ever heard the words, “She’s a horrible person, but her looks kept me with her all these years, even though they left her 30 years ago.” Or, “He cheats on me, he lies to me, he’s never treated me nice, but he’s tall.” So why is height a factor if he’s dateable, seems like such an insignificant factor, specially for this time and age.
    One final thought from a lesson I learned about relationships by screwing it up by just being me. We have what we want in our head, our dream relationship or life, but so often do we come in front of ourselves and block us from true happiness because of what’s “in our heads.” Sometime WE are our problem, we either think we knows whats right, or we fight for a dream, that should have the word “pipe,” put in front of it. I was dating a younger girl than me, and about a year into the relationship, I wouldn’t put stock into anything she said, mainly because she was younger, and I being about 10 years older than her thought she was just immature. For the most part she was, but that didn’t excuse the way I treated her, or the fact that every word out of her mouth bothered me. The fact is, it was none of that, it was a living situation that I wasn’t ready for, the over exposure came too quickly. I loved her, and was planning on marrying her, but I had to understand I was the reason things were falling apart. I had to overcome myself and what I “knew,” to be “right and wrong.” Well I did know, according to me, but I was just one part of the relationship, what was right and wrong according to her was different, and I had to make room in my life and mind for her “truths.” It wasn’t easy, it took a bit for me to have a conversation that I wasn’t mentally beating the inside of my skull while having, but it did happen. I got over myself and my “realization,” of what was important thoughts and responses to have. We didn’t last, but the next two and a half years were pretty great, not without it’s challenges, but most of that was external. I bring this up, because I equate it with most women’s need to be with a taller man. Is it yourself stopping you from dating shorter men, because “you know you won’t be happy with them?” The fact is you don’t, none of us do. The reason you don’t look at shorter guys is such a small reason, that unless you are truly shallow, will not actually matter. I don’t think women who want to be with taller men are shallow, I just think they are unfortunately limiting themselves to a much smaller dating poole. With a smaller amount of catches, the less chance you’ll find something that will feed you for a very long time. Dating is about love and attraction, and attraction is so complex that it is way more than what he or she looks like on the inside. 
    Me, I’m a 36 years old, 5’2 and powerful. I love writing and being and feeling youthful. I watch movies and and television and have some really amazing friends. Have I given up, sometimes it feels like it, but I’m never down for the count. Right now, I’ve been working out, slimming up and getting that beach body back into shape. I’m currently in school working on my computer science degree, while I write fantasy on the side. Am I with someone, no, will I be, no doubt. I’m not done till I’m dead. Ladies, if you’re taller than me, look out, cause I’m gonna sweep whoever I can off their feet. I may be short, but I will catch you, ;^). 

  19. 859
    Joshua

    If you’re a shorter guy, then taking advice from taller guys and women won’t work. Like anything else, if you want to be successful, you have to look toward people who are successful LIKE YOU. 
     
    You should check out AtEyeLevel.co – The Site For The Successful Shorter Man
    AtEyeLevel.co is the largest online community for men below average height. The site focuses on strategies for success both socially and in the workplace, fashion, relationships, height discrimination, self-defense, entertainment, and more. All are welcome and encouraged to participate.

  20. 860
    ian

    This article is garbage. I am 5’3.5″; Half-Asian. 21 years old.
    This article is depressing, rather.

    I am highly idealistic, stubborn- with a Napoleonic complex and extraordinary ego- and I despise being alive. It is more than just attracting women. Assuredly, I can say that we are all products of society, and so it is nobodies fault that we (I) live in this predicament.

    I’ve chosen to go down the non-traditional path, to blaze my own way through. And this, I’ve learned, is attractive to nobody. I’ve developed a romantic disposition towards death.

    Without a single muse, I am left to flounder in my thoughts; pulled into my dreams, sleep, leaving nothing but ashes in my wake. Bridges burnt behind my memories pace.

    I am 125 pounds, physically fit, but no matter. Death calls me by my name. The effort I place in building attraction in a singular potential muse, may very well be the dirt flying up from within my grave. The earth beckons me in, I would say.

    I should probably move to Europe, or perhaps somewhere in Asia. The noose that I know to be life, lays on the tabletop, today.

     

  21. 861
    steve

    Some great recent posts here. In response to Ian – hang in there, you are obviously a thoughtful & intelligent guy. Yes, it’s true, most women are extremely shallow (actually most people in general are). Intelligence, humour, honesty & talent are not highly valued by society even though people will not admit to that – appearance is everything and it is more obvious than ever these days.
    My advice is to stop looking for love, find something you are passionate about and maybe a quality mate will seek you out. If you devote most of your energy into looking for a woman, you will likely become very disappointed and bitter. I know it sounds flakey but you need to find happiness within yourself. Cheers

  22. 862
    Napoleon

    Here’s the secret; women really really really don’t know what they want. Of course, men and women both want that type of guy they see in their preferred genre of movie or magazine. Even when presented with real information they still hold onto an image of their “type”. For example, a lot of the top level male movie stars are under 5’10.

    This sort of “test” the writer talks about is only applicable in superficial settings. The two most common settings are online dating, and at the club/bar. However, in these settings us short men (yes, i’m short…Indian and 5’6) can’t really blame the women. They have their defense up and are only willing to drop it for a damn good reason. They see us short guys and that wall becomes an Everest. It’s just how it is. Your %’s are never going to be as good as a tall guy…but if you still like online dating and the club/bar scene then all it takes is effort. You might just have to talk to a lot more women than a taller guy. Sucks, but if you can find the diamond in the rough it all makes it worthwhile.

    In other settings, like work, a trade show meetup, a mutual interest club, etc these “tall/handsome/perfect/just my type” shields are not up as high, unless you are just a weirdo and trigger them. People like connections. Imagine your friends; they are not the people you would of chosen out of a lineup but rather a result of timing and opportunity. Similarly, with women if you can create an emotional, or fun, or flirty connection they easily can be attracted to you.

    As a short Indian guy who is at best “cute” I’ve dated a girl from every race varying between 5’3 and 5’11 and I can safely say it was almost always due to reasons other than the bar/club/online dating. Don’t get me wrong – i love partying and I went out 3x a week from 18 to 25 (now 28). I had confidence and talked to women all the time when I went out but I must of had less than a 2% success rate. In other settings, my general confidence and personality had a chance to not be “shielded” and I’d say of the women I met that I desired I ended up hooking up, or dating close to 50%.

    Short version: Online dating sucks for short guys. Do more real world stuff. It’s easy to say no to someone online, but much harder to say no to someone in person who you’ve enjoyed the company of and created an emotional/flirty connection with.

  23. 863
    Andrew Silverstone

    Asa short guy myself (5’5″), there are some things you can change, and some things you can’t. Took me a while to figure it out but i’m over that shit now.

    Ultimately, it only matters inside your head but if you want to appear taller and command more of a presence, get in shape, fix your posture, look people in the eye and wear a well fitted suit.

    For an instant win you can always wear heel lifts. For a while I used them but now i just wear regular converse ;)

    If you wanna know – these are the ones i used, pretty good stuff. Altitude Shoes (www.altitudeshoes.com) or something similar.

  24. 864
    Daniel

    I’m 5’6 guy, and there’s not a day in my life that goes by that I don’t hear a joke, or a remark about my height. From people at work, friends (apparently) people anywhere else. I get constantly ridiculed and put down, the funny thing is I never put other people down. I don’t lower ( no pun intended) myself to that level. But it still persists, sadly I don’t know what to do. I sometimes feel like I am not a real person and I don’t belong. And I’ve been through a lot in life, but still it seems that all people care about is putting me down for my height. Perfect example, I was at work this past December and I was talking to a co worker, a female, whose father happened to work there also and was playing Santa for the kids for this Christmas party. Well I asked her how the party went, because I didn’t attend it, and she said everything went great. Well, another co worker was there, a guy maybe 5’9, or 5’10 and tries to be sarcastic by saying, “I heard you missed the party because they were short an elf!” I just smiled and kind of just shook my head. It’s just stuff like that, hurts badly. They’ve never walked a day in my shoes. I’ve also gotten when go out to eat with friends or acquaintances in front of other people, “get him a high chair,” or “he needs a kids menu,” things of that nature. It sometimes makes me hate myself. It’s funny because we always try to act in society how we don’t discriminate about race, weight, bullying, sexual orientation, etc. etc., but no one ever mentions putting people down because of their height. To me, I constantly get put down, it’s like adult bullying. But, what can I do, I’m short piece of crap. But I do want to thank all the people that like me for me, and don’t see me as height, but a person.

  25. 865
    Shepherd

    I guess I’m a weirdo or something, but I don’t get the whole tall guy=hot concept one bit. I like men of short to average height, but I couldn’t tell you why. I am a quarter inch shy of 5’8 and the men I’ve been into have all happened to be about my height, give or take an inch. I’d have no issue at all with a guy notably shorter than me, though. Also, my boyfriend of a little over a year is Asian American (I’m white) and he’s effing incredible on all counts. He sweeps me off my feet on the daily! I may be a statistical outlier, but short dudes and Asian guys, take heart! I love ya! And I’m sure there are women out there who could adore you just the way you are.

  26. 866
    SparklingEmerald

    I too, don’t get the height thing, both my hubbies were 5″6″.

    However, I went out on 2 dates with a really tall skinny guy, when we walked arm in arm, his boney hips were poking me in the ribs, and it felt very awkward. We just didn’t fit together.

    So I guess 5’6″ is my “sweet spot”. I have actually, I have been very attracted to guys my height and even an inch or two shorter. And they have rejected me. At first I just took that as part of dating, but after reading this blog, and learning that guys under 6 feet are the most love lorn men in the world and no woman (but me apparently) wants to date them, I feel like total crap. To be a reject among rejects. I guess they would rather be alone forever than to give me a call after an evening of flirting and asking for my number. But I make good target practice I guess. I thought I was still pretty cute for my age, but I guess not.

  27. 867
    Eloquence Inc

    So this guy is only looking for PETITE women within a 50 mile radius but wants us to feel bad for him not getting any play because he’s SHORT?  Please he is looking for his shallow bits, so are the women.  I am sure there are plenty fat girls that would have given him a chance, but he didn’t even want to see them show up in is results much less. Moral of the story everybody has their preference, if you want to be given a chance, give some NEW kinds of people a chance.

  28. 868
    Short

    I am a woman at 4 ft 9 and I am incredibly short. Not a day goes by where I am not mocked. I am too short for a tall guy, so of course I love the short guys, there is someone out there for everyone, know matter how tall you are. 

  29. 869
    Robert

    I’m 5’7″ and is a pain for me, many women don’t even like to have a guy who is close or equal to their height. I’ve been told that I have all these good qualities like smart, caring, blah, blah, blah, but I can try my damnedest to get a date and still lost to the 6’2″ guy who is s douche and dumber than a box a rocks.

  30. 870
    CPTAlon

    I can relate to this but I didn”t experience any issues until I got divorce from my wife. I met my wife in highschool and we got married shortly after graduation. It was the best move I could have made thinking back on it. My wife was unusual in a good way. She perfered men the same height as her, I didn’t realize how unusual this was until much later in my life.  We were both 5ft 6in tall and we were married for 15 years. Now as a result I was sheltered from the descrimination that other short men had to face, in the single dating sceene since I was married for so long. Once I got divorce this new reality set in for me, I didn’t realize how bad it was until I entered the dating scene.  I found out the hard way that most good  women out there just don’t want a man under 5ft 10in and some don’t want anyone under 6 foot no matter how successful you are. I thought being successful, no kids and a good attitude was a shoe in to find someone decent but to my shock, no matter how good my profile was on paper the one area that was a deal breaker every single time was my height.  Short men need to avoid those online dating sites, those sites only benefit men that are at least 5ft 10in and if you are 6 foot or taller its even better for you. What I did was simply broaden my horizon. I am not saying to date fat women, that would be disgusting. But broaden your horizon as far as race, religion, nationality, and a different culture.. ect. Very very religious women seem to be less likely to be shallow which  is one avenue you can choose. Women from certain countries have a tendency to not be shallow about height  also. My new woman is very beautiful, from a different culture and a different country and its working out great.  There is an enormous amount of good things to say about her. The most stress free relationship I ever been in.  My job has me traveling all over the world which made it easier to meet women in other countries. Just travel don’t confine searching for your future mate in America. American women are obsessed with height that’s why tall losers with no job can find a professional woman but short successful men rarely can.  So just broaden your horizon outside of the US.

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