If You Are Short, Fat, Older or An Asian Man, You Must Read This. But Especially If You’re Short.

If you’re a regular reader, you probably knew that I was on the CBS Early Show in July. Appearing with me was one of my all-time favorite clients, Tom Pandolfo. Charming, charismatic, successful, warm, athletic… Tom has it all. The only thing missing in his life is a woman. So, after hiring me as his dating coach, we set to work in rebranding him on Match.com.

We took new professional photos. We had Tom fill out my long questionnaire and submit to an hour of questions from me on the phone. We wrote two new profile essays that were unique, funny and confident. We renamed him “LookMaNoHair.”

And we watched as his in-box filled up with interested women.

You can see what a great experience it was in this CBS Early Show clip:

What I haven’t yet mentioned is that Tom Pandolfo is 5’3″.
Height doesn't define a man as a husbandI didn’t want to mention it for the same reason that Tom didn’t want to mention it in his profile: because it’s irrelevant to anything that makes him a good accountant, husband, or father. Yet his height defines him, since it has prevented otherwise interested women from being interested in him over the course of his entire life.

Height is irrelevant to anything that makes a man a good husband or father.

This instantly reminded me of a story that ABC did years ago on this very issue.

To see if the women would go for short guys who were successful, ABCNEWS’ Lynn Sherr created extraordinary résumés for the shorter men. She told the women that the shorter men included a doctor, a best-selling author, a champion skier, a venture capitalist who’d made millions by the age of 25.

Nothing worked. The women always chose the tall men. Sherr asked whether there’d be anything she could say that would make the shortest of the men, who was 5 feet, irresistible. One of the women replied, “Maybe the only thing you could say is that the other four are murderers.” Another backed her up, saying that had the taller men had a criminal record she might have been swayed to choose a shorter man. Another said she’d have considered the shorter men, if the taller men had been described as “child molesters.”

Lest you think this is an example of reality TV finding evidence to support a story, Tom tried his own experiment last week. Sure enough, few women give a fair shake to a man who is 5’3”, no matter what else he has going for him.

I’m going to let Tom take it from here.

So I tried changing my profile for three days just to see what the difference was between being 5’3″ and 5’10”. I wanted to know if height was the only difference and the constant deal breaker. So I moved my profile from Pittsburgh and posted it for 3 days in a town where nobody knew me (Philadelphia). Here’s what I found:

5’3” in Pittsburgh 5’10” in Philadelphia
Mutual matches 0 80
Reverse matches 12 400
Petite women w/pics w/in 50 miles 45 650
Views in 3 days 11 212
Emails received – unsolicited 0 32
Winks received – unsolicited 2 28
Emails sent out 6 6
Replies received to emails sent out 0 6

 

This proves, in stark and undeniable terms, two things:…

Life – and people – can be incredibly unfair. We talked about this just the other day. People want what they want. They’re attracted to what they’re attracted to. And no amount of complaining is going to change it.

Oh, and I am one helluva dating coach. 60 unsolicited contacts in three days? Six replies from six emails sent? Come on. That’s pretty damn good!

Okay, I’m kidding about the last part, but only because I’m so serious about the rest of this. Really, it kills me.

Why, in God’s name, is it important for women to stand on tiptoes to kiss a guy?

Believe me, Tom is no “woe-is-me” kind of guy. He’s just been confronted with a very ugly reality that has shaken his confidence in people. And even though we had good initial results, the fact remains, empirically: women don’t want short men.

And although you can feel free to substitute “older women”, “older men”, “heavier women”, or “Asian men”, I honestly feel that nobody gets a rawer deal than short guys.

Honestly, ladies…You can get your own dishes from the top shelf. You don’t really need to feel “protected” from the dangers of suburbia. And why, in God’s name, is it important to stand on your tiptoes to kiss a guy?

So how about it, women? Is there any legitimate reason not to go out with this amazing, amazing man?

Talk to me. I want to hear the truth.

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Comments:

  1. 871
    thomas samaras

    I have studied longevity and height for about 40 years and I have published in about 40 medical, nutritional, and scientific journals and books. My work has found a longevity advantage for shorter people. A number of biological mechanisms are at work to promote longevity for smaller people. These include:
    1. Fewer cell replications allow a reserve of cells for use during old age.
    2. Insulin and other growth factors are lower and low levels are related to greater longevity.
    3. Smaller left ventricular mass of the heart is related to reduced heart failure and all-cause mortality.
    4. Lower levels of C-reactive protein, homocysteine, and glucose reduce mortality.
    5. Lower blood pressure.
    6. Lower damage to DNA.
    7. Lower free radical generation with reduced cell damage.
    8. Higher sex hormone binding globulin (low levels have a variety of harmful effects.)
    The above assumes similar economic status, lifestyle, and body proportions. Height is about 10% of the longevity picture. Therefore, tall people can offset their tall height by improved nutrition, lower weight and lifestyle habits. However, I found that we lose about 1.3 years per inch of increased height.

  2. 872
    CPTAlon

    I think the key for short men is to simply know what kind of women are the most likely to go for you without compromising your certain standards you want in a mate. For me like most men a fat woman was out of the question. As I gotten older I have realized what kind of women would more than likely go for me and the ones that will never go for me. Knowing how to read someone and knowing everything about them is importent. Knowing what kind of men the woman has dated in the past is an excellent way of knowing what kind of person she is. A woman is not going to fall in love with anybody just because you are a nice. A lot of young women don’t even want a nice man. Knowing how to read someone is a man best weapon in the dating sceene.
    You have to know how to read people, because a women will lie straight to your face, just to not seem shallow because they are always accusing men of mostly being shallow. To admit to their own shallowness exposes them to being the hypocrit that they are. Short women especially short successful women usually will never date a short dude. So that cute little thing that’s 4ft 11 in, is also going to be looking for a man that is 6 feet tall. So even though she is under 5 feet tall she still sees a man who is 5ft 8in tall as too short for her. That’s like a woman 6 feet tall saying a man 6ft 8in is too short for her. But a tall man will alsmost never experience something like that. Some will say how come short men can’t just date short women. Well if it was that simple than this would not be a topic because for every short man there are about 2 short women, the problem is short women are even more less likely to date a man under 5ft 10 in. A tall man giving short men advice on dating is absolutely rediculous. Their experience is complately different from ours, in their head everything simple just do this and that. What they do not understand is that things are not simple for short men. If we stand up for ourselves then we must have a napolian complex, but if a tall man stands up for himself he is considered assertivc and confident. And there are numerous other examples. The cards are just simply stacked against us, so as a man we have to adjust fire and deal with the situation.  We don’t whine about it like fat women do. We just adjust to the situation the best way we can. I mentioned broaden your horizon and date wiomen from other countries and cultures that are not as height obsessed as American women is one option, but the bottem line is to know how to read people.   
     

  3. 873
    Jade

    Geezzz took me nearly an hour reading all this comments lol, well I’m short barely reach 5’0 the reason why I end up with this page is I was looking on how to help my kids grow taller as they are short like me, their dad is 6’2, yes I’m guilty I like taller guys, to be honest maybe because I’m short, that’s why I’m more attractive to taller guys, some of my tall friends doesn’t really care, maybe cultural background has a great impact on preferences, true I agree with one above, it’s like a sheep, but then don’t we all do that?? We always follow the trend! Grr personally I don’t like short guys it’s doesn’t attract me as I said the only reason I say is that maybe because I’m short that’s all the reason that I can think of, or maybe acceptance? it is in human nature that we are all not satisfied of what we got, like curly haired wanna have straight hair and vise versa. So yeh I think I can blame it on that. But then when we learn how to accept and love the we are I think it will just go with flow and you won’t come across of being pushy which I have notice that most short men I met, they talk big a lot. woman loves down to earth male but large accomplishments and I think hight won’t matter then.

    1. 873.1
      CPTAlon

      Jade, thanks for your honesty. It annoys me when people say just date short women.  They don’t understand that short women are the least likely to date a short man. There is a reason why tall women complain that short women are taking all the tall men. Society always wants to blame the short male for his situation, even though it is not possible to grow yourself taller. Rejecting men because they are short is one thing, but why do people have to make matters worse with ridiculous theories such as Napoleon complex. No intelligent psychiatrist would even entertain that crap. Do people assume derogatory things about fat women just because they are fat? or any group of people. Short men are the most discriminated group of people in America but no one talks about it.  Jade if your husband is 6ft  2in I doubt your kids will be short. They should grow to at least 5ft 10in or even taller. 

  4. 874
    The Short Guy

    Being 5’5″ I completely understand Toms situation. Yes there is something to be said for what attracts us to one another. To the lady that is “creeped out” by guys that are “eye level with the fun bags”, I get it. What I don’t get are the short women that say I am too short. I mean really if you are 5′ even and say I am too short then there is something wrong. Yet I hear it all the time. Another thing I don’t understand is that a man is vilified if he expresses a preference with women. I am a shallow pig if I don’t date fat women or I only date blondes. But a woman is a saint if she talks to you but won’t date you.  Someone said we have a Napoleon complex. Well I don’t think we all do but I will agree that we are bitter towards women. Years of never measuring up will do that. With that said, I don’t blame women for there choices I blame our society and media. Women have been brain washed to believe taller is better. Just as they were taught anorexia is  better than healthy. Not to mention the peer pressure from their girlfriends. 

    1. 874.1
      CPT Alon

      Yeah imagine a man who is 5ft 8in being told by a woman who is just 5 feet tall saying to you that you are too short for her. You talk about women always saying men are shallow the hypocrisy is almost mind boggling. They always have excuses for their shallowness, but saying we are shallow for not being attracted to fat women.  I have a neice who is just 4ft 8in and started dating this young man who was 5ft 3in. Her shallow friends would not let up on the sittuation, telling her she needs to dump him immediately.  They were saying that they looked like a couple of kids together, She bow down to peer pressure and dumped him, and the young man did nothing wrong.  So if a short dude gets dumped with no logical explanation then your height may had something to do with it.

  5. 875
    mmm:/

    Girls these days are so shallow why doesnt a short guys feelings matter in a relationship… no matter how awesome you are as a shorter guy odds are you’ll wind up alone.
    I really hate that cause who doesn’t want to find love and settle down and if something as insignificant as height makes the opposite sex view you as insignificant then whats the point in trying I mean surely on those grounds alone, depression, suicide and discontentedness must be a huge problem in a community of below average height guys.
    Yet women disregard that these men are people to, are more than happy to screw them over with no regard for the impact on there life and join in trying  to climb over other women to snag a tall guy that will probably treat her like crap.

    1. 875.1
      CPTAlon

      Well said.

    2. 875.2
      RustyLH

      Do you have a peer reviewed article that proves that short men don’t get any love? See, I am going to have to disagree with this notion. I will admit that online dating may not work for short guys, but my present belief is that online dating doesn’t work for a lot of people. I think both sexes shoot themselves in the foot when it comes to online dating. It totally changes how we approach it.

      Evan was able to show how it does not work in glaring detail. We window shop, as if we are buying a car. We look at the member profiles as if they are detail pages a car review magazine. Well, when approached in that manner, anyone with any characteristic that is not considered a first choice, your chances start to diminish quickly. Men with only a high school degree, or no job will be overlooked. Women with 3 or more kids will find it difficult, especially if they are fairly young. Overweight men and women will find it difficult. People who don’t write anything in their profile essay, or write a very weak one, especially men, and especially people who are not very beautiful. Because it is window shopping, very beautiful faces and bodies presented in pictures allows the person to get away with more faults. Not all faults, but more than those who are not attractive. In short, we become kids in the candy store.

      Try this…buy a piece of candy that is liked by a child you know, but not one of their favorites. Just buy it and give it to them. Notice of the seem happy with this gift. Likely they are. The next time, take them to a spot where there is a lot of candy, including candy that seems more appealing to them. See how hard it is to get them to choose that same candy. More often than not it is a hard sell.

      So I think that online dating is very hard, and short guys are discriminated against because of their height. Online profiles are an inhuman set of stats. I have seen many many short men with very beautiful women. I am pretty sure that most of them met through more traditional means.

      But note that I mentioned I have seen some with very beautiful women. OK, well it is obvious that those women were able to look past something that is not what most women prefer and see him for the person he is, and love him. Can short men meet a very overweight woman and see past her problem and see her as a person?

      You may say, “but there’s a difference! She can do something about her weight! A short man can’t do anything about his height!” Excellent point. So if you meet a great woman who happens to be too fat…you can help her become a much smaller woman. You can look at it differently than the woman with the short man. YOU can actually do something to help the fat woman become healthier and slimmer. The woman who marries a shorter man has to accept the fact that he is shorter and will always be that way.

      1. 875.2.1
        Karmic Equation

        Ok. What did you do with the other RustyLH?
         
        This was a very compassionate and well-reasoned post.
         
        Well done :)

        1. RustyLH

          Sorry, not feeling like myself. Must have been something I ate. ;)

      2. 875.2.2
        CPTAlon

        I think Rusty is finally getting what I have been saying.  But the last thing you said is definately not realistic. I known guy friends that have hooked up with fat women with the intensions of talking her into losing weight. Dude that does not work at all. Fat women have a tendency of looking for that one man that is OK with her being fat. If you accept a woman while she is fat she will assume you like fat women. And in her eyes that makes you a good person. As soon as she finds out you want her to lose weight then she will flip out.

        There you go again giving advice. Now I would admit most of what you wrote was thoughtful, but encouraging a fat woman to lose weight is like pulling teeth and she will be insulted as hell for the mere sugestion.  

        1. Julia

          Most people (and yes, fat women are people) want to be accepted as they are and not asked to change. If you don’t understand that you will likely to continue to fail in dating. That goes for the woman who tries to change her bad boy into a caring and sweet man as well as the man who tries to change a fat woman into a size 4. You will find out that people will resent when you try to change them and will likely leave.

        2. Karmic Equation

           

          I’ve always been a little chubby all my life, but not chubby enough to interfere with having a fulfilling romantic life.
           
          So I’m thinking, how would I feel if a guy I *JUST* started to date started suggesting I lose weight. I definitely would be highly insulted.
           
          However, with online dating presenting me with really good looking men, most of whom are fit, and some of whom I’d like to meet, but who want to meet someone equally as fit, I went on a self-improvement streak…so that I could get what I want…which is dates with attractive/fit men looking to date attractive/fit women.
           
          That said, I did go on a date with a guy with a “slight pooch” who had stated in his OKC answers that “even slightly overweight was unattractive” — And this guy only had pics of himself with nice head of black hair. When I met him on the date, he had completely grey hair, so god only knows how old his pics were.
           
          So if a guy like that had the nerve to talk about my weight a few dates in, I would have a hissy fit (and I’m not one prone to having hissy fits).
           
          The point of this is that “Those who live in glass houses, shouldn’t throw stones.” Do you live in a glass house? Think about it.
           
          OTOH, It’s so ironic — and sad — though. Men who aren’t shallow and willing to meet heavy women, getting attitude, when suggesting a woman lose weight, when his INTENTION is take her great personality and package it into a more appealing body. Then the woman gets insulted and angry and the guy shuts down his good intentions…and vows never to date another heavy woman. Everyone loses.
           
          I guess, ultimately, if you don’t like the shape the woman is currently in, don’t date her, no matter how great her profile. And if you do date her, accept that she’s always going to remain that shape.

           

        3. RustyLH

          And once again we jump of the cliff of self righteous indignation.

          I have yet to meet a fat woman who likes being fat. Most however feel like there isn’t anything they can do about it. Baloney. No fat people ever came out of a P.O.W camp or concentration camp. That sounds crappy but it is to make a point. People aren’t forever locked into a fat body. It’s an excuse to say, “This is just how I am, it’s genetics, I will always be this way, and there’s nothing I can do about it.” Other than rare medical cases or drug reactions, when we are fat it comes down to one single formula. More calories in than calories burned.

          So, people LOVE to assume here and completely missed my point. Here was my point. If a woman has a man courting her who seems to have everything she wants, but he is short, she has to determine whether that is acceptable to her. No matter what she does, he will never be taller. In fact, with age, people tend to shrink.

          On the other hand, if a short man finds himself to be the object of affection for a woman who is taller (which he may not mind) and also fat (which he may mind). But, she has everything else he wants. She’s kind, pretty face, soft spoken, patient, attentive, etc..

          OK, so does he say, “Hey, you seem to be a pretty good catch, but you are fat. Lose some weight and we can have a relationship.” Is that what he says? No, obviously not. No..what he does is assume that she is simply leading bad life style where her weight and health are concerned. If he is also fat, he isn’t going to be able to help her. If he leads an active lifestyle, and eats right, he can teach her this. At some point, he tells her that leading a health life is important to him, and he needs it to be important to anyone he’s in a relationship with.

          If she is willing, her life will be richer, happier and more rewarding, even if she doesn’t marry this guy. her new lifestyle will be better, if she carries through with it. Maybe she will be doing things like riding bikes, hiking, swimming, playing tennis.

          The idea isn’t to be a certain number on a scale, or a certain size of clothing, it’s to be healthy and fat is not healthy and no doctor will tell you it is. Of course going off the deep end in the other direction, starving yourself is even worse. The idea is to eat good food in sensible portions and lead an active life. In some way, we have to find a way to move our muscles, exert them, and simply move. Our bodies were meant to be in motion. But more and more our jobs and entertainment has us sitting on our butts.

          There is absolutely nothing wrong with this. Most guys in decent shape are likely this way due to eating right and being active. If a woman who is not eating right and not active finds herself attracted to him and wanting to be a part of his life, she should not be offended when he wants to INCLUDE HER in his life. His life is active and eating right. If she has a problem with being active and eating right…if this offends her, she needs to learn not to be attracted to guys who eat right and are active.

        4. CPTAlon

          Unfortionately that’s the way most American women think espcially fat women, they can’t help it,  it’s genetics. I don’t know how many times I heard that BS and then I rolls my eyes. That’s why a lot of men are saying to hell with women in America.  My woman who is not American, she stays in shape by swimming and laughs when she hears American women say they can’t help it, its genetics. It’s that laziness talking to them. I would just say OK bye!!

  6. 876
    thomas samaras

    I’ve researched the benefits and disadvantages of shorter height for about 40 years. Most work has been based on science and not social bias. From a scientific point of view, shorter, smaller bodies have many advantages. Shorter people are stronger in relation to their weight, have greater endurance, have quicker reactions, and are more agile. They are also easier on the earth because they need less food, water, energy and resources. In the future, I hope we can view each other based on our personal qualities rather than how tall or short we are. Height has no bearing on an individual’s worth. For more information on human height, see: http://www.humanbodysize.com 
    Also a book, The Truth About Your Height,  has a lot of information on height and its ramifications. 

  7. 877
    antz

    Wow ok where to begin. So I decided to see what women really think of the shorter guy and wow. A majority of you women are really really horrible. Let me tell you why…First off I’m 5’3, I’m a Pacific islander but considered an Asian, and I’m overweight…yeah I have it really bad for me but clearly I can tell you women who I see that are dissing short men should be ashamed. For me I’m not really interested in a relationship right now because I’m busy with work and classes I’m doing. I’m a pharmacy technician and that keeps me busy by filling YOUR medication for your toes every time you tippy toe just to kiss your man. I also take classes not for a better job but to be with God since I’m Christian and I learn plenty top have faith, and hope, and love for one another. Something that people now a days are lacking because their ego is so far up their ass that they can’t even see straight. People in my situation ate different ladies. Guys like me, rare types like me, hold back and appreciate what we have cause at least we don’t lie or feel insecure about ourselves so that way we know how to talk to our woman. Why ladies must you feel bad about yourselves and be with the bigger guy than the guy who understands cause he knows from experience? I read all your comments shallow women and I’ve never seen so much preferences you must have. Do numbers need to be that important to you because last I checked, love doesn’t have a decimal. Now for the ones who care, Thank You!! At least you’re understanding and have a heart and that’s what really matters. Women who can’t see let alone understand, will never get it. Preferences are more important to them which makes me wonder, “What the hell is wrong with you people?” If a skinny man can love a woman who is overweight, why can’t a woman love a man who is short? In my family I have a cousin who is my height and his wife is 5’9. And they have two beautiful kids!! You ladies well are shallow really need to wake up and smell the coffee.

  8. 878
    PattiS

    I’m madly in love with a guy who is 5′ tall. I’m 5’7″. We met online, and I approached him because I thought he was very good looking and so many things resonated with me from his profile, I couldn’t help but send him a message. I didn’t really know how things would go, or if the height thing would bother me, but really, I like the way he makes me feel. I feel more like we have a more equal relationship, and overall I feel more confident, because he’s such an honest, supportive guy. We do have to deal with a lot of BS comments from the peanut gallery about our height difference, but if anything it makes me love him more, because he’s always had to deal with this baloney his whole life, and has remained a funny, kind and confident man.
    I can say until I’m blue in the face, “ladies, you need to try the shorter guys!” but I know it won’t make much of a difference. But seriously, think of who you are and what you want out of a partner. Do you want someone to protect you, or someone to bring out your strength?

  9. 879
    Irony of the times

    It’s a sad reality for very short men like myself (5’4″) that we have been somewhat eliminated from the reproductive and dating gene pool.  I have personally tried many dating sights and an interesting fact for me is that all the attractive, very short women I have selected to contact will not respond to an email from me.  I’ve been told I’m attractive, successful, intelligent, funny, fit and happy, but seem to have been automatically sorted out with no regard for what truly determines a happy life in the long run.  As with many short people, I come from “short stock”, short parents, grandparents, on and on, so I think it is reasonable to assume that this “sorting out” reflects a new process going on in the minds of the very small females.  Simply put shorter men had an easier time because they were much less regarded solely by height requirements. 
    Short people have existed and successfully procreated for centuries but there seems to be a new deal-breaker mentality among the majority of very short attractive women.  Specifically, it’s my opinion,  that they feel that short men have no place in the selection process based solely on there height. 
    It’s obvious after my on line experiences that women do the selecting, that’s the bottom line.  I am just saddened that it seems that the selection process seems very different in these times than it was in generations past, otherwise there would not be a “short gene.” 
    Beware short dudes: Media and every corporation on the planet agree, we (very short men) don’t exist, its no wonder short women can’t see us.  Just look for a very short man in any commercial, you won’t find one, and media impressions dictate that all couples that are, attractive couples have a tall guy in the driver seat. I’m not mad at short women just sad for the awesome guys who have so much to offer, but who are so quickly dismissed.  Keep a sense of humor about it boys because until women again begin to see us as valuable we belong to a dying breed, ironically, the same breed that produced the very small women we are attracted to and whom find us so unattractive.

    1. 879.1
      RustyLH

      It certainly is not fair. And the reality is that short men do have the advantage in some aspects of life, that women should not overlook. For instance, I would have loved to race motorcycles and racing at the Isle of Man was a dream for me. But when you are 6′ and very muscular, tipping the scales at 200+, you aren’t going to have any future in motorcycle racing. The average weight of those riders is about 130 to 150 lbs. John Mcguinness has won 21 times at the Isle of Man. The hold races for 1 week a year and he will enter roughly 3 or 4 each time. This year he set the lap record and placed first in the TT Zero which is relatively new at the Isle of Man. TT Zero is the race for electric powered bikes. Lap record for the fastest bikes is 132Mph while he set the record for electric bikes at 117Mph. That’s just incredible and I would have loved to race these motorcycles. Like McGuinness, I would have wanted to race Supersport (600cc), Superbike (1,000cc), Senior TT (1,000cc) and TT Zero (electric). But because of my size, it is impossible.

      My point is that being bigger is not always an advantage and women should understand that.

      1. 879.1.1
        CPTAlon

        Rusty you’re not a bad guy after all. Just please don’t assume that someone may feels inferior to tall men, I honestly have not met a short man that thinks of themselves as inferior to anybody.  

          I still stand by my comment that the  so-called Napolian complex is a myth started by predjudice people a long time ago. 

        and you’re right it’s not fair but we as men have this nack to adjust to alsmost anything and deal with it without whining. 

          

  10. 880
    Vi

    Honestly, at 5′ 2.5″ I care more about who is inside the “shell”.  No one gets to pick their body type – all you can do is work with what God handed you via your genes.   Of course you want a partner who is attractive to you and much of that is bone deep and not very rational. But  what a lot of women don’t realize is that a tall guy is not necessarily any better at defending you by virtue of this height.

    There are good people and assholes of every possible physical dimension, never mind gender.  
    I dated a wonderful sexy guy my height who could kill people with his bare hands (black belt and awards in judo) – but he had a kind heart.  

    You don’t know what a man will do with his power unless you know who is inside.   If he is bigger than you, charming, fearless, and he romance love-bombs you and you think he is the bomb  but instead he happens to be some kind of well-hidden psycho he will be able to harm you more easily if he is larger!!  

    I don’t think the women are being shallow with these preference but I do think they are being foolish as hell. Ladies & gentlemen, the first order of business is – can you trust the guy or girl? Not how tall or wide he or she is.    

    1. 880.1
      CPTAlon

      I agree with a lot of what you are saying.  There is this Kick boxing fighter who fights at the heavy weight division but he is only 5ft 7in. His name is Melvin Manhoef, this dude walks all over much taller opponents. Mike Tyson did the same thing as a boxer during his prime at just 5ft 10in, which is short for a heavy weight boxer.  So to assume someone is weeaker based solely on height is a bit rediculous.

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2yQb5nx5-w8

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5TMR_Cf_pPs
         
        

  11. 881
    Sad Guy

    You know i always get upset when woman say that being a short guy is the equivalant of a woman being fat. Or the a woman having a ‘preference’ of wanting tall guys is the same as a man having preference of wanting a slim and not a fat girl.

    Newsflash: Short men cant change being short. Women can change being obese, they can diet and do exercise. You are just saying thins to not try sounding shallow, but you are.

    And remember the ‘woman movement’ and feminism has made it ok for women to be a few kgs over weight or even fat. There is the whole fat acceptance thing and there are even fat female models. Funny how there is no such thing for fat males and its ok for females to make fun of fat males but men cant do the same for fat females….

    How would females feel (and how would society react) if men started saying that they had a preference for women with big breasts or women with big asses, and that women with small breasts/no breasts and no assess were not attractive or, a more extreme view: they were not ‘real women’. Not very nice is it?

    1. 881.1
      RustyLH

      I agree. Comparing fat is not the same thing. Maybe comparing big breasts to small breasts but they even have that covered with breast implants. But if those were outlawed, it would be the same, and in fact I remember a time when women who were flat chested did have the same valid complaint. They used to stuff their bras to make up for that, but then it made them paranoid to get undressed in front a man that they got into a relationship with. Now they just get implants, but then some men don’t like them at all. But it’s still not the same thing. Maybe if they come out with some kind of gene therapy type thing that allows shorter men to go through another growth spurt, it would be the same thing, but as of right now, there is nothing shorter men can do. The problem is, I don’t see it changing. Even though women now earn their own money, you can’t get women to stop caring about how much money a man makes.

      But here’s a serious question. Are all women rejecting you? Or just the ones that you want? Are you expecting the most top shelf women, the younger much hotter women to accept you? I think this goes along with much older men/women and much younger women/men. The older person can hope to get a top shelf younger person, but the odds are against you. You may not see it as fair, but the reality is, that top 20 to 30% of women who are truly hot, and not total losers/psychos, have many many options. But if that is what you want..hold out for it. You might get lucky. My grandfather did when he married my mother’s mom. And he really was a jerk due to his lack of height. Made him not only a drunk, but a mean drunk. It wasn’t until he had killed a significant portion of his brain cells that he forgot why he was angry and became a nice old man. Unfortunately the booze killed other parts he needed also and he died younger than he should have.

      However, I think people should stop operating on myths that you can be a total loser and still get the hot women if you are 6′ tall. I am 6′ tall but I am going through school right now. Trust me…I am not very appealing to women right now. They want a man bringing home the bacon, not man in school.

      I myself would suggest looking overseas. But be realistic. Don’t think that as a 5’4″ guy that is 45 you can get the 5’11” tall Russian 22 year old supermodel type, and think that she will stick with you once you bring her here. And she won’t put up with being locked down either. They do take all women into a room without you present and advise them that if you abuse her, she can get citizenship if she leaves you, and she is made aware of who to turn to if she needs to.

      I talked to one beautiful girl from Brazil and she told me how a very well off guy wanted to marry her, but he made it clear he was going to control her freedom. She wanted no part of it. It was clear why he wanted to do that. He knew he was punching above his weight, and was afraid that when he brought her here, she would be hit on by younger, more attractive men, and that she might leave him for one of them. So he wanted to lock her down to prevent that. She wanted no part of that.

      Anyway, so long as you are honest about your height, you will still find women from those countries that will look past it, because many men there are of similar height. They are used to it, and have probably dated men of your height.

  12. 882
    Super Glue

    To me the craziest thing about this is that women on the internet seem to consider any male below 6″ to be short. Yet the average male height in the US is 5’9.5″ and worldwide it’s more like 5’6″. At the same time over 65% of US women are obese… and men are not attracted to fat women. Before our species goes extinct: Men please start wearing stilts and women stop eating so much!

  13. 883
    RustyLH

    Actually the numbers are not that bad, at least not in the overall.
    http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/databriefs/db131.pdf
    However, it might be more fair to note that the women who are not obese are more likely to be married, so the rate among single women might be that high. But that may not be true at all. If I were to guess, I would say that the rate among single women is higher, but not that high.
    However, the obesity rates are nearly identical for women and men.

    1. 883.1
      Super Glue

      OK. I guess I should have used the term “overweight” instead of “obese”. I’m pretty sure that 65% of Americans are overweight including both men and women as you pointed out. I probably notice it more in women because I am a man and I must admit that large women turn me off. It’s significant enough that I noticed a big difference since moving from the US to Europe a few months ago. I don’t see so many large women here. Occasionally I will see a group of large women looking a little out of place and then I will hear them speaking loud American English. It’s so disappointing.

      1. 883.1.1
        RustyLH

        I was stationed in Italy (Sicily) for a while.  My ex and I were talking to this women who was about average for an American woman.  She was not anywhere near her healthy weight.  We had only been on the Island for a couple of weeks when met her that day.  She told us about her 16 or 17 year old son raving about how beautiful and sexy the Italian women were.  She then said he got an odd look on his face and then said, “I wonder what Italian men think of American women?” and then she repeated the gesture that he had done which was not flattering.  In short that he figured they thought American women were all fat pigs.  Not totally true, but as you noted, a large percentage of American women are very fat, while very very few European women are.  At least in most European countries that is the case.  I wonder about England though after watching a video from last year’s Isle of Man TT race.  Most of the women in the video were overweight, while most men were not.  Here is the video and if you want to see the crash, go to HD and go full screen.  It happens at about 8:18 into the video.   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YsN_iJK-WSk
         
        I think it is a combination of many factors.  They insist on eating more natural food, and eat less of it.  They don’t drink as much alcohol though do drink more wine than most American women.  But they also walk significantly more during their day.   And they spend more time outside and less time inside watching TV.   Italians are very sociable and spend a lot of time outside in the markets and the community squares hanging out with friends and talking.

        1. henriette

          Okay, Evan.  Time for me to take a break from this site.  I’ve learned a great deal but since I’m not currently dating, it won’t kill me to step away a while.  Thank you for trying to help women better understand men; I look forward to consuming your latest book! 

          I’m not even American nor have I had so much as one ONS but comment after comment after comment repeating that American women are seen as fat, entitled, slutty pigs grows tiresome.  (By the way, I lived in Europe for years and do commenters imagine that American men are seen by European women as some kind of stylish, sexy prize?  Bwahahahah)   Honestly, these sorts of “insights” just make me never want to re-enter the dating world.

        2. Evan Marc Katz

          How about you ignore Rusty and stay on the site? Your contributions are very valuable to me, and you’re smart enough to not let one guy poison you from the pool of incredible men out there… or from your daily EMK fix!

        3. RustyLH

          WOW.  Maybe take notice that in my first response to him, I corrected his incorrect numbers and offered a site that showed that men and women are obese at near identical percentages, in the U.S.   But yeah, I’m the bad guy.  Never mind that I read repeated excuse for not dating older men, that the majority have beer bellies, bad hygiene, bad manners, etc…  Yeah, there just aren’t any guys over 40 worth having according to many of the comments I’ve read here.  But the world is ending if I express my opinion, and offer proof that what I am saying is true.
          The reality is, as you have pointed out Evan, if we are having dating issues, we are the problem…we are the common denominator…we are the ones who must change.  But, change is painful, so most people don’t want to change, they want others to change, which isn’t likely to happen.  And while I am pointing, there are 3 fingers and a thumb pointing back at me.

        4. Manh

          Rusty, sorry you had to deal with some mentally challenged meat heads.  I love arguing even though it drives me crazy to find all these stupid ppl.  So ive found a nice saying in the internet.  “Dont argue with stupid ppl.  They will pull you down to their level and beat you with experience.”  Im actually 13 and yet to reach 5’0 feet tall meanwhile my friends are all 5’4 and 5’6.  I resorted to class clown and because i will not come off cool being at least 3 inches below evry1. I do get picked on and even bullied (thats pretty rare tho) for bein short and i have to resist the urge to tell them theyre fat or dumb (its pretty sad how stupid some ppl are) because then i would just be as bad as them.  And although im only 13 (ppl date in 8th grade) it dosnt help with girls… Except i might come off cute to older girls but i dont wanna be a f*kin puppy dog… So yeaa.. Bein short suks. :( 
          PS  CPTAlon, learn how to read. 
          PSS i Know theres ALOT of errors but i dont really care 

      2. 883.1.2
        CPTAlon

        I was overseas for 4 years and came back to the US. The number of fat women have gotten larger, to the point where its noticeable since the last time I was in the States.   I figured it can’t get any worse but it has, and 20 years from now fat women will be 90% of the population. The smart man will be looking overseas for his mate.  I think this is why these escort services are getting more and more popular with the dudes. There is a huge shortage of decent looking women these days.

  14. 884
    procrastinator

    I am a 5’8 girl and I am currently quite interested in this much shorter guy, who also happens to be two or three years younger (I am just about to turn 22), and and you know what? It is ME who feels insecure in  approaching him, because he probably wouldn’t want a much taller girl (he literally is at about the height of my shoulders, if he even goes that far…). And there is nothing ‘unusual’ about my appearance – I am a UK size 8-10 girl with 32DD bra size and, as I’ve been told, a pretty face. So yes, short guys can attract tall and conventionally attractive girls…

  15. 885
    Anothershortguy

    Tall women are not discriminated against in the dating world. I’m so sorry all of you out there but I know for a fact that lots and lots of short guys absolutely adore tall women. Our situation makes anyone else seem lucky.

    I am 5’5″ and I have been rejected thrice because I was “too short to date”. Women feel like they’re taking a kid out for a date. I’m not ugly, I’m not manly, I don’t care for sports and I love the theatre and share interests with so many women out there. In the end though, I must be a kid, just because I’m short, don’t curse, don’t drink, don’t smoke and my beard doesn’t grow well (so I shave often to prevent any patches of facial hair). 21 years with no girlfriend is just sad (Not that I show it on the outside). That would make me pitiful. And yes, maybe the fact that I hide it does give me a “Napoleon complex” but I’d rather hide it and not be pitied than the alternative.

    No point here. Just ranting XD. 

  16. 886
    starthrower68

    We just can’t internalize the criticism of others.  While I agree that each is entitled his or her preferences, it’s of little use for us to internalize their criticisms and feel bad about ourselves because we may not meet their standards. :-)

  17. 887
    Blandine

    I’m 5’11” and a former model. I dated a guy who is 5’8″ from 27 to 37, during the height of my modeling career. I was also very attracted to a guy who is 5’6″ at most at one time, but he didn’t give me the time of the day – he had too many ladies to choose from! I am currently 39 and dating a gorgeous 35 year-old man who happens to be 6’1″, but my love for him has nothing to do with his height. I have no idea why a woman would eliminate shorter men from her dating pool. Ladies, there are some wonderful (shorter/ older/ younger/ bearded/ whatever else) men out there, and you have no idea what you are missing. Open up your minds and you may be pleasantly surprised!

  18. 888
    Pista Riz

    Relax. Height is just a numbers. Any numbers of the height can do anythings like riding a big motorcycle.  When it comes to find a jobs are definitely not about height ,it comes what you have experience previously . Sometimes people still whining about weight because it just so sensitive to them. I do skate , ride, swim , drive. Nothing wrong. Just to be happy always. 

  19. 889
    Derp

    Women have a lot of requirements, that’s why I don’t get when society pressures single men. If you aren’t a certain height, a certain race, a certain age and a certain income level women have no interest in relationships with you.

    If you’re a short man and need a woman for social events just hire an escort. Plenty of people do that. The rest of the time just enjoy your life.

    And if it’s really important, just move out of the US. You see most people are short around the world, except for a few places in Europe. But European women don’t care about height, and the rest of the world doesn’t care because they are short themselves.

    Once again you have a uniquely American female entitlement and demand. Let these women spend their lives alone while you find someone that is right for you.

    1. 889.1
      CPTAlon

      My sentiments exactly. There’s a whole world out there. If a young man of any height limits his pursuits to American women he is missing out on a whole lot.
       Fat women are now the majority in America, it would make sense to look else where for a mate. 

  20. 890
    Disgruntled

    Having spent 8 years with a 6′ “Barbie” twin and countless meaningless others……Short men under 5’5″ should just resign themselves to die old and lonely.  Women are evil and worse than men!!!  Thanks to their attitudes towards shorter men…. I push for MORE breast/ovarian cancer. I enjoy hearing about every rape/murder of a woman on the news.  I hope every frickin’ serial killer runs into you and leaves your skin on the door step.  Women need to be subservient kitchen dwellers.  I didnt always beleive so, but women have taught me much!!! Women deserve NO rights, NO respect!!

  21. 891
    Gia

    I’m 5,2 & petite. My man is cuddly & stands at 5,5, I adore him & he’s the sexiest man alive. 

  22. 892
    randomguy

    even if every woman would suddenly be shrunken to 4’0″ and men left the way they are women would still go for 6’0″ or more
     
    and they wouldnt care if the 6’0″ beat them or treat them like shit, these women will just keep smiling like everything is okay, they would rather live an abusive life with a tall poor guy than a short educated and nice middle class to high class guy
     
    and what is this bullshit about women being treated unfairly for their looks, what are you talking about you mean they are treated unfairly for what make up theyre wearing? if u take make up off all women in existence they will all look like the so called 1/10, 2/10, 3/10 scoring men make, height isnt something guys can put on and off grow a brain
     
    why do u think racism and sexism was such a big issue? because its demeaning people and not giving people a chance just because something they are born as, something they cannot change, i guess it would be okay to kick women off their jobs because we’re going to make the assumption their lack of testosterone means a lack of drive, their femininity will weaken the competition of a company u see how impertinent that is in line with how u women act?

  23. 893
    kdoe

    I always like shorter men.  Maybe coming from Fla. where on the east side men are shorter, Italian, etc.  I think they look sexy and compact.  I feel very feminine because they love my tall curves.  I’m 5’7″. <3

  24. 894
    Buttercup_Snowflake

    I think you folks are *way* over-thinking this. To me, it seems simple:

    If you are not attracted to someone, don’t date him (even if he really likes you)

    If he is not attacted to you, don’t date him (even if you really like him)

    Realize that some people are more attractive than others (just like some are smarter, some are better athletes, some have musical talent, etc. ) Someone who is highly attractive is probably going to have more dating opportuntites than somone who is average or perhaps unattractive.  Life’s not fair. 

    Focus on what is in your control, and be the best version of yourself you can be. Maybe you will acheive your dating goals, maybe you won’t. 

    I wish you the best of luck in getting what you want!

    Cheers :) 
     

  25. 895
    Sam

    I agree, us short men have it very hard. Especially very short men like myself, standing at 5 feet. Many women have come and gone like the wind in my life. I’ve had to lie about my height just to get a FRIEND. Even if I want to just be friends with a girl I always get rejected after they found out how tall I am. I had an online relationship that went on for about a year and after she asked me about my height, I told her, and what did she do? She just stopped talking to me. Even after all the things she said to me such as: I love you, you have an amazing personality, you have a gentle heart. It’s total bs how I’m treated just because of one thing! I do not hate women, but the media. Us short guys can actually protect better than some tall men.

    1. 895.1
      JennLee

      Sam, I do feel bad for you. Life is not fair. But I think this issue has been framed the wrong way. They compare it to a woman being fat, but I would compare it more to women being extremely tall, or very ugly. This makes the issue much different, because this is no different than a very ugly woman trying to find love. I do feel bad for you, but I am also at a loss as to how it can be fixed. I am honest and will admit things that may not be popular. I would not end a friendship with you if I thought you were a great guy, but I will be honest about the fact that I would lose any romantic interest.

      Maybe there is a lot of truth to what some men claim when they say that we women care just as much about looks as they do. Maybe we really do but also just want to add a few more requirements, such as having a great job. I say it because I know that i could not be with a man who is shorter than me. I just don’t get turned on. I don’t feel safe.

      I agree with you to an extent. A shorter guy may be able to better protect than some tall guys, but I think we have to be honest and say that this is when a smaller man spends a significant time learning to fight, and then compare that to taller men that do not learn to fight. If you are 5 foot tall, would you want to get in the ring with a 6 foot tall MMA fighter who isn’t just taller but also the same basic proportions? In other words if you are muscular, he would be also. I know that my impression would be that you would be at a disadvantage. Perception does affect reality. Would other men feel they can cause problems because your woman has a small man who can’t protect her? Would they feel free to say disrespectful things? I have dated shorter white and Asian guys those just barely taller than me. And I have dated some much taller white guys who were over 6 feet and very muscular. When out with the shorter guys, I have had some disrespectful things said to me by black men. The tamest being, “Hey girl. Why don’t you ditch that guy and be with a real man like me.” This is of course also disrespectful to the man I am with. These guys never said a thing in return, and I am not sure I would want them to. But when I am out with the bigger men, nothing has ever been said. Not one time.

      I also know that there is simply a different feeling that I personally have when I cuddle with the bigger guys. It just feels different on a mental level in addition to the physical difference. How am I supposed to change that? I think it would feel very different with a man who was shorter than me. If you dated mostly very beautiful women, and then found yourself in a place where your only relationship prospects are women who are very very unattractive to you, can you honestly tell me that you could just cuddle up with her and feel just as satisfied and content as you did when you cuddled the very beautiful women?

  26. 896
    Kathryn

    I understand being attracted to mr. GQ. When I was youmg that’s what I chose. After all I was a model and needed a match. After failed relationships and a failed marriage with 2 children at 26 I met a man that I at the time describe as old fat and bald, haha! He had a gentleness about him and a strength at the same time. He loved God and he enjoyed my kids. After God worked on my heart I could see so many qualities about him that took my breath away.  We waited till our wedding day to have sex and I was not dissapointed, the other meN In my life had nothing on him! I had never been appreciated and loved in so many ways for my beauty and my heart. All these years he has only had eyes for me.  The real deal is not superficial, he was a treasure in disguise. 20 years later, next to Jesus and my children, my husband is the best thing that ever happened to me.  

  27. 897
    Ahsen

    You can’t control what highet you’ll be without messing up your body. It’s genetically determined, and is dependent on your proper growth. So, if you’re determined, go take some evil chemicals, or buy a stretching rack. Easiest? Wear high heels.

  28. 898
    Garret

    Online dating is likely not a very good option for much shorter men. There is too much spread sheet/resume type elimination in online dating. Women suffer this too. And frankly, there is far too much whining over this. I see a lot of whining that this is not something that a man can easily change. Short men feel it is unfair to hold their height against them because they were born with it. It is genetic. Well, how many ugly women have they bypassed. How many women who have developed great qualities, but have an ugly face? Without risky, expensive surgery, women are stuck with the face that they have. And other things, such as very small breasts, flat butt, bad skin, their race, etc… Women suffer this same thing.

    So my question is, do high achieving, yet very short men simply feel that they “deserve” a very beautiful woman? That’s a ridiculous notion and one brought to light by Elliot Rodgers. When it comes to a mate, there is no such thing as “deserve.” This isn’t like buying an expensive sports car. Things like a big house, expensive car, expensive suits, Rolex watch…those are the things you are entitled to for being a high achiever. A woman in the top 30% in beauty is not one of the things you are entitled to. Heck, you aren’t even entitled to a woman at all. Nobody is entitled to a mate…period.

    Think about this as you covet one of the more beautiful women. There is such a thing as cuckolding. If I am not mistaken, the term comes from a species of duck that is famous for doing this. The female finds a mate with the best resources. A nesting site that is better than what others offer. Then she goes out and finds a mate with better genes. Then having eggs fertilized by that genetically superior duck, she goes back to the nest and lays eggs. The “spouse” duck is tricked into tending the eggs of the other male duck. This happens in real life. with people. What’s that old saying? “Mommy’s baby, daddy’s maybe.” A documentary showed how a woman subconsciously controls when she orgasms when sleeping with both, giving the genetically superior man an advantage.

    The point here is that you should be careful what you wish for. Also, there is a bit of a message to women on this blog to learn to stop pricing yourself out of the market, and maybe men should do the same thing. It’s OK to want the best you can get, but maybe you are insisting on more than you will ever get, and even if you get what you are after, it might come with a price tag you aren’t willing to pay…hidden costs that don’t surface right away.

  29. 899
    LittleRed

    Actually… I can’t get  my dishes from the top shelf. I climb on a chair/ brought myself a stool for my uni flat.  If I don’t go food shopping with a friend, I have to enlist strangers for help reaching stuff… It’s the  same for clothes shopping – I went 4 years without wearing jeans because I could not find a pair that was short enough once I could no longer fit the child’s section and as a teenager couldn’t afford to get them hemmed (I have short legs for a short person so petite section stuff is still too long most the time).  These are every day hassles of being a short woman.
    I can’t be bothered to read all the comments, so I’m sorry if this point has been made before. But I hate being short… I hate how if I go dancing with my friends… I’m the most likely to get sexually harassed because of how unthreatening I seem. I hate how, if I don’t want to gain weight,  I’m restricted to eating about 1400-1500 calories a day. If I want to lose 1 pound of weight a week, I have to eat no more than 1000 calories a day… which is hard to get the correct amount of nutrition within. Contrast this to an average woman who could lose that 1 pound a week, eating what I have to eat not to be fat.  Sure there are harder things in life than being short and I’m all about trying to reach self acceptance. But if there was one thing I could change about myself that is out of my control, It would probably be my height.   So why would I condemn my children to the same life full of every day annoyances if I could possibly avoid it?  If I procreate with a taller than average man, chances are a daughter would be a few inches taller than me, and the son would be taller than if created with a short or average guy.  As you have stated in your article men seem to suffer even more with the consequence of short height in their love life… and I believe also in their careers.  

    Saying this, my brother is short, 5ft 6 and he has had no problems in either love life or career. I think the third variable between the poor outcomes for men with shortness and worse career and love life prospects is confidence. My brother is very confident, which probably came from the fact he excelled academically, in sports and socially.  His current girlfriend is also 5ft 6. 

     I think short guys probably are more successful in non-online dating, meeting people at work etc where their personalities really have a chance to shine as the more we like someone’s personality the more attractive they appear to us.  
     

    1. 899.1
      Corey

      Please stop with the confidence crap. We all know that has a little to nothing to do with it…

  30. 900
    British Gal

    There was some excellent scientific research undertaken about 3 years ago which showed the men were vastly more attracted to women between the heights of 4′ 10″ and 5′ 2″ (around 60%), and that the next most attractive group were the women over 6′ tall.  So men DO discriminate on height also.  I know that as a petite 5′ woman, I’ve never wanted for attention from males and that hasn’t changed even in my 40’s.  Most of the men who have asked me on dates are 6′ and over and yes, that is very nice :)   But I once had a lovely guy of 5′ 3″ tell me after I started dating someone that he had been very interested but had never come forward because he knew that I liked tall men – the shame is that I would have dated him, he was lovely.  Having said that the shortest I’ve dated has been 6′ tall …. Until now …. I met a guy with the “IT” factor …. The thing that all women really want …. The guy who makes your insides flip because you want him so much, whose strong enough that I totally can lean on him (if I really wanted to), but also who intelligent enough that I respect …. He’s 5′ 8″ …. I wouldn’t swop him for anything. 

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