Should I Give Him Another Chance if He Rescheduled our First Date at the Last Minute?

Hi Evan,

This guy I had been talking to for the past couple of weeks called me last weekend. That day we agreed to go out that night. We planned to go out at 5:00. He left me a voice message around 3:00 saying that he was not going to make it at 5:00 and could he call me later. He has a heavy Dominican Republic accent so I couldn’t understand the whole message.  I don’t have is phone number but I do have is email address so, I emailed him saying I couldn’t really understand it. I waited for him to call for a couple of hours then I went out. He didn’t call me until 8:00. He left another message saying “I said could we make it later”. I didn’t call him back. He is one of my vendors where I work so I see him just about everyday. I saw him that Monday and he never brought up that night. I saw him on that Tuesday and again he didn’t bring it up. I also saw him on Wednesday. Wednesday night he called me.

I didn’t answer the phone he just said that he would see me tomorrow.  My question is: should I give him another chance? I would think if he really liked me that he would have been there at 5:00 the first time we agreed to meet. He never told me why he didn’t call until 8:00. Just some reason I couldn’t make it. We have been talking again but I’m not sure if I should waste my time. He asked me if we could try going out again and I told him yes.

Meighan

Dear Meighan,

Some random thoughts before we begin:

You were going out with a guy at 5pm on a Saturday night?

You were going out with a guy whom you can’t understand when he speaks?

You were going out with a guy who pretended for three days that he didn’t flake on you?

Okay, now that we have that all cleared up, let’s get to the meat of your question: should you give him another chance?

Yeah. Why not?

While I think it would be really easy to say from afar, “He’s just not that into you”, there’s nothing that confirms it definitively.

The fact is, he DID call you at 3 to tell you he couldn’t make it on time.

He DID call you at 8 to get together.

And he DID call you again on Wednesday to try and reschedule.

Sounds to me like a guy who is genuinely interested in you. Non-interested guys don’t follow up like that. They put you off until the very last minute and text you at 11pm to see if you’re around. It’s the least effort for the greatest return.

Still, I would proceed with caution, if only due to the fact that he was too immature to deal with the communication breakdown quickly. There’s nothing wrong with going out with an immature and unpredictable guy, per se. It’s getting your hopes up that is the great danger.

So for now, suspend judgment and see how he follows through on future dates – how quickly he calls, emails and texts to set up the next one. If he steps up and acts like a man, you won’t even remember that he screwed up on your first date.

Just don’t count on it.

 

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Comments:

  1. 1
    Jared Meyer

    I sense a significant incompatibility with regard to both communication and consideration in this story. Aside from cultural differences, which are okay when they’re accepted and appreciated, the lady had expectations regarding consideration that weren’t met by her suitor. Always give a person another chance if you’re prepared to invest in them. He or she who acts like the palm tree lives another day to enjoy life in paradise. He or she who acts like the oak may crack under pressure and perish. Timber! Dating is meant to be easy.

  2. 2
    Andrea

    I think she’s just not that into him and is looking for an Evan’s permission as an excuse to get out. The guy didn’t bring it up for three days, but neither did she. If she were interested she’d take his calls and try to remedy the situation.

  3. 3
    Lisa

    Hey the guy did call twice to reschedule. Maybe the reason he didn’t mention anything about what happened was because he thought the woman blew him off. Maybe he deserves some credit for trying again. And what is so hard about saying” hey sorry we played hit and miss with each other for Sat. night”? That at least would give him an opening to explain what the delay was.

  4. 4
    Bonita

    Seem’s like were going threw the same thing. play it safe go with what your heart says.

  5. 5
    judy

    I would give him a chance – just one.  It’s odd that he gave you no explanation, isn’t it? Particularly as you saw him.
    Normally men and women (ie men & women friends) have always said why.  Even saying it’s personal (it may be something he doesn’t want to talk about).
    If he does it again, forget it.

  6. 6
    hunter

    ..women have cancelled our first date, many, many, times….first dates are always, full of anxiety…..I wish I had two dollars for every time a woman has cancelled our first date, I would be wealthy…

  7. 7
    Lisa

    You don’t really have enough information to make a judgment call about him either way. If you want to go out with him, go out with him. Just don’t count on anything and see how it plays out.

  8. 8
    carby

    its such a dilemma. the successful woman- having emulated men to get to the power table y, knows that direct talk, strong body language and not hesitating to share her opinion is crucial if you need to get anywhere then is confused and confounded when these acquired traits dont reward her in the dating game. Men do like easy women- easy women who fit in around their schedules, dont question or challenge them or complain. Easy women who will bake cake and iron underpants with porn star moves who laugh at their jokes. Maybe a lot of women are better off single, instead of becoming frustrated or docile? It is men who need to learn to speak up about their emotions and be present with their women instead of self obsessed with their careers and ego. It is men who need to stop wanting to f**k everything that moves become ‘men are wired to chase/ need variety’ argument. It is men who need to stop obsessing over porn and sport and avoiding housework and childcare to become more compassionate, well adjusted human beings. Perhaps?

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