First Date: Do You Want To Come Upstairs?


Upstairs by shawnwines

Loved this. I have more embarrassing sex stories than anyone I know – but I can’t share them here due to the very public nature of this blog. But give me three drinks at a cocktail party and you’ll be highly entertained for a solid hour.

What’s YOUR most embarrassing sex story? It’s funny if the other person did something stupid; funnier if you did.

Look forward to your tales of debauchery.

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Comments:

  1. 1
    Shoshi

    That was really funny :-) Thanks. Very refreshing indeed

  2. 2
    Precious

    OMG that was hilarious!!!!!!!!!!  Loved it!!!!!!!

  3. 3
    KIMBERLY

    SO FUNNY.  Shared with my 86,000 followers on Twitter. (that should amp up your blog readership)..  FUNNY because so true…the longer I date and the older I get…the closer these conversations actually happen!!  As a matter of fact, before I “slept with” my last guy/bf/date…;)…I told him if he wanted a BJ…he had to “shave his balls” to be blunt AND see me before 7pm AND make me dinner or take me out to a nice restaurant….I also told him what I wanted done to me….

    So this is pretty damn close to truth!!! 

  4. 4
    ValleyForgeLAdy

    I love the earthy honesty of this video!  However, it really illustrates what happens when the interaction is totally based on physical chemistry.   There is no consideration of emotion or any concern for intellectual or cultural compatlibility.   That is why it is so important to slow down the sex until you know if you even like the person.  There is little worse than having mind blowing sex with someone who is totally wrong with you outside the bedroom.  I am what they call a Hot Older Woman and I still hear from men that I had sex with 40 years ago.  Flattering  but now I am looking for meaning in my love life.   I hit the gym hard to keep the body at a size 4, take hormones to keep my D cup breasts perky and take a very looooong look at any man before they get to touch my sexual equipment.    I am holding out for love AND mind blowing sex.   That is my story and I am sticking to it. 

  5. 5
    JB

    All I can say is “Classic”…..LOL

    If it were all only THAT simple…….LOL

  6. 6
    (h)eynonnonnymoose

    Funny and sad at the same time.  Most funny to me was the mock sincerity of the exchange.   Great acting!
    My best stories have to do with location.  Let’s see…how about under a Maypole at midnight and on a grand piano.  The latter wasn’t so great and neither was the relationship that spawned both activities.  Ah, well.  Hopefully, we learn from our past.
    Well said, ValleyForgeLady!  :)

  7. 7
    kujo

    OK that was good but really–all that for a necklace and bracelet?

  8. 8
    Ruby

    ValleyForgeLady #4
     
    Actually, I don’t think the relationship in the video is solely based on physical chemistry, since only the man feels attracted to the woman. Her attraction to him isn’t physical, it’s based on his market value, and the goods that he can provide. He’s okay with it, as long as he gets what he wants: sex. It’s not a relationship, it’s a business transaction. Funny, but very cynical.

  9. 9
    ValleyForgeLAdy

    Ruby………….

    I think this was written by a man!  I don’t know any woman who would get into this kind of deal.  This is a fantasy that men have about what they need to do get their sexual needs met.   Women fantasize about a possible emotional connection when it is not even on the guy’d radar screen.

    Any woman with a job and any inegrity is not going to whore herself for jewelry and meal at good restaurant.   We can do all that for ourselves with our girl friends.

    We fool ourselves into thinking that there could be any future with these horny guys.    The guys think if they put out with the American Express card and some form of Bling that they get access to our lady parts.

    All this rubbish is what makes relationships so rocky!  The key is slowing things down to really get to know the person.   Men who can’t do this are just a waste of time.  And women who “put out” are stupid.   I know since I have been guilty of this faulty thinking.   In the old days, a guy would tell he thought I was hot and I mistakenly thought the had potential. 

     Now when I get told that I am smoking hot….I smile and say that is like telling Bill Gates that he is rich.   How about getting to know who I am?           

  10. 10
    eeeej

    I once dated a chef at sea-food restaurant, and guess what I found on his hmm… member during our first sex and my first BJ on him? A fish scale  :)

  11. 11
    helene

    A friend of mine recently bought me a book called “crap dates” which is hilarious and awful at the same time – I think it was compiled from tweets or something so all the stories had to be really short, which somehow gives them a huge impact – here are 2 of the best:

    “We got in his car. He took me on a burglary. I was 18″   

    and

    ” We met at his flat. He opened the door wearing a dressing gown and an electronic tag and said “Shall we just stay in?”

    And one of my own:
    “He was egyptian. He was so bad in bed I actually said :Have you ever done this before? Then he had a panic attack.”
         

  12. 12
    henriette

    I actually wish that people were this straight-forward in dating.  It could make things a lot easier/ clearer.
    Embarrassing sex stories?  Well, how about the fact I dated a guy who kept talking about how small his willy was, asking if it was the smallest I’d ever seen, asking me about the size of my exes’ willies as well as those of my friends’ boyfriends.  Bwahahah!  I was mortified… on his behalf.

  13. 13
    Venus

    Ew – a necklace and bracelet  isworth that!?

    My worst was a guy I felt a lot of chemistry for. We had the exclusive talk but didn’t know each other well enough. He tried to have sex with NO foreplay – not even kissing. Ugh! Worst if my life. Somehow he’d fathered two kids. 

    Not quite a sex story but one of my dates went to the toilet and told me when he came out that his bum was sore – that was enough to ensure he did not get to third base! 

  14. 14
    AnnieC

    @10 and 11

    Too funny!!  

  15. 15
    Olia

    I just wish I could be so brave to say what I really think sometimes.. 
    Here is another hilarious video on the same subject: “I am not drunk enough” with english comedian Catherine Tate..

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AFc3OWZWyxM

  16. 16
    susan

    laughing my head off at the fish scale…that is the best ever….

     

  17. 17
    Tick

    I was 20 she was 19…Walking around a national forest in Indiana. I got the urge; thankfully was always available and willing… it was mutual lust.  Found a secluded place on the grass. Laid my jacket on the ground  & enjoyed ourselves.  I went back to my apartment and she went to her parents house 50 miles away.  Two days later I spoke to her and was told during the first night back, her mother had to remove a tick from her back all the while telling her mom she did not ‘know’ how a had tick ‘fell’ from the oaks and into her shirt.  

    Dodged a bullet with her Mom; never had sex again in the grass (at least with her).  Did date the girl for another two years… but that is the funniest story.

     

  18. 18
    Sabrina

    I was on date #3 with the Worst Kisser Ever (more like biting down on my lip and holding it there).  I went to use the rest room and when I came out, he had stripped down completely naked except his black socks, and was wearing a red condom.  Ew!
     

  19. 19
    Joe

    @ kujo #7:

    Well, we did establish that the woman isn’t very bright…

  20. 21
    henriette

    @Marc 20… is the story of Tammy, true?

  21. 22
    Ho11z

    ValleyForgeLady – what supplements do you take? I’m 49 and you sound like a good role model for me :) :)

  22. 23
    MAXINE

    Loved this video! hilarious!

    My story involves no sex but was quite strange.  Always had great conversations with a out of state business associate.  We both agreed to having a date when he came back to New York.  Since the office was not that far from the hotel, he did not rent a car.  I drove to his hotel to pick him up.  When I went to his room, he opened the door (he was behind the door).  He was completely naked! He asked if I wanted to eat first or “F” first.  He said Sex first always made the meal taste better.  I said  “of course” but I had to get this super sexy perfume from my car.  That was six months ago – haven’t spoken to him since.

  23. 24
    David T

    @eeeej 10        
    Now there is a man who really gets into his work! :D

  24. 25
    Lori

    I didn’t laugh at all. How sad…

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