How To Be a Great First Date (And Deal With Sex!)

You may not know this, but I don’t get out of the house much.

I wake up, help take care of the kids, get into my home office at 9am, grab lunch at 1, coach until 5, play with my daughter until 7, have her in bed by 8, eat with my wife until 9, and have maybe two hours to read or watch a movie before bedtime.

It’s domestic bliss – built so I can have true work/life balance – and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

But every once in awhile, one of my good friends from the dating industry wants to get together. In these cases, I ALWAYS say yes. I’ve done lunches with Jonathon Aslay, dinners with Carol Allen and Rhonda Britten, and video interviews with Allana Pratt. But my longest-standing friendship in the dating industry, from way back in 2003 when I first started, is with Julie Ferman of Cupid’s Coach.

Julie is a matchmaker based in Southern California who has two things that many matchmakers don’t: high integrity and the ability to effectively coach her clients. She really cares – and because she really cares, she put together a big video interview series that I’d like to share with you.

My segment – about how to be a great first date (for both men and women) was originally a half hour but was edited down to a very tight ten minutes.

I think you’ll really enjoy it.

Your comments, as always, are appreciated.

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Comments:

  1. 1
    Selena

    I loved the video clips you shared here a few years back.  This is the best yet.  I’m still smiling.

    How about making these a semi-regular feature here on your blog Evan? (longtime reader asks hopefully :))

  2. 2
    Kathleen

    Great interview! Thanks for sharing Evan 

  3. 3
    JD

    Thank you for finally saying ‘love happens when you least expect it’ is a myth! I always hate when people say that because then I feel doomed – I’m always looking for love! Not that every guy I meet or date is ‘the one’ but I want it so naturally I’m looking for it. 

  4. 4
    Ruby

    You sneaked some much-needed dating advice for men in there. Nice.

  5. 5
    marymary

    Ruby
    yeah even my beloved did not have the gumption to ask me out with a date, time and venue. I had to shove him in the right direction. And this is someone who is extremely competitive on the sports field, so it’s not like he was a wimp.  
    however, I had known him as friends for six months so I was kinda comfortable in taking the lead. if he was a stranger, maybe not so much.
    he did grab the bill though, no hesitation. It’s not about the money, it’s a signal that you’re  a date and not just a buddy.
    i enjoy Evan’s videos, he comes across as funny and warm.

  6. 6
    Selena

    “he did grab the bill though, no hesitation. It’s not about the money, it’s a signal that you’re  a date and not just a buddy.”

    And why is there always so much controversy on the internet about something this simple and obvious.

  7. 7
    David T

    Ugh.  The whole “if he/she does this it means that” conversation is tiresome. The only reason this one is a “controversy” is because everyone has their own interpretation and while there might be a clear plurality in agreement about what it means, their are lots of people who think differently.
     
    Here is a brainstorm to avoid the confusion: “Am I his date?  Am I his buddy?  Will I come off as needy if I ask?”  Just talk to each other! Sheesh. The fact that there is confusion over this means relying on any interpretation is fraught with peril.
     
    I pick up the bill if someone is my guest (i invited them out or it was my idea to get takeout, etc.) whether they are a buddy OR a date. If they want to pay, I let them, though in the guest case, if I didn’t make it clear I am buying at the outset, I will decline their offer at least the first time.  If they asked me out, I will usually offer to pay. If I know I have significantly more disposable income, I will more insistent about paying regardless of the invitee/guest situation, and if one of my few wealthy friends invites ME out, I might not even make the token offer to pay, and just graciously accept the gift.
     
    I don’t read anything into who pays. I used to get into some spirited “I insist” discussions over this with some of my friends.  Now I just try to Let It Go if they get spun up during bill paying.

  8. 8
    Lilly

    Damn Evan! Those eyebrows….theyre kind of archy. Just saying. Lols, love the video!

    1. 8.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      @Lilly – You’re insulting my eyebrows? Really? That’s really useful information. Thank you for that thoughtful unsolicited opinion on my appearance.

  9. 9
    marymary

    David
    it was the first date. I don’t drink so it didn’t even cost much. Im not going to order lobster and champagne. It,s just a courtship ritual  that cost twenty quid. Less than the sequin miniskirt I bought for it :0)
    From what you’ve written I doubt even your good self would go on a first date and let her split it or pick up the tab. It,s just not romantic. I don’t think there are a lot of people who think differently unless they’ve been burned. 
    I’m less comfortable with him continuing to pay, which he still insists on. I get round that by cooking. My father was a chef. And buying tickets to events beforehand so he can’t argue.

    evan 
    didnt notice the eyebrows, but good hair

  10. 10
    London lass

    Great video Evan: you communicate your ideas in such a relaxed, lighthearted way and your points make so much sense.

  11. 11
    Clare

    @ David T # 7

    I appreciate your perspective, and from reading your posts I think you’re probably sensitive enough that you don’t get it wrong.

    Just remember, women are told over and over again that a guy’s level of effort shows whether he’s interested in her and values her.  In the absence of mind-reading abilities, it’s often all we have to go on.  So yeah, if a guy doesn’t pay for the first 2 or 3 dates, I’m going to assume he doesn’t like me that way, or at least, not enough. It’s also, as I’ve said before, just kind of a turn-off when you’re trying to assess whether a guy is trying to win you over and you’re suddenly put in the awkward position of having to pay.

    When things get a little more established and we’re more sure of each other, I always offer to pay, and reciprocate.

    A woman having to make too much effort early on is not usually a good sign.

  12. 12
    Susan61

    Agree with London lass.  Well done, Evan!  The video was entertaining and informative and you were funny, articulate and a pleasure to listen to!
     

  13. 13
    Jackie B

    Damn Lilly! That comment….it’s kind of bitchy. Just saying. Lols

  14. 14
    Amy

    I think lily was kidding…

  15. 15
    Richelle

    Evan – love the video! Love you and your entire site! You have to find a way to tell every single/eligible man in the world to be this way…or at least the ones in the US!

  16. 16
    JB

    Once again this video shows how videogenic Evan and his material are. I’ve seen Evan guest in other “experts” DVD series as well as some “shorts” of his own but for some reason he doesn’t want to do a comprehensive DVD version of his books and his teachings. I think he’d help a lot more people and make a fortune.

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