My Extra 15 Pounds Are Ruining My Dating Life

Hi Evan, I have been enjoying your blog for quite some time and have found it really helpful on many levels. My question is to do about weight, which I know you have written about before. A couple of years ago I gained 17 pounds due to a medical condition that altered my metabolism. I still have a normal BMI and am not considered medically overweight, however I am heavier than what I consider appropriate for my frame. I am fairly tall and have an hourglass shape so I carry it pretty well.

My problem is that ever since I gained this weight, my dating life has gone totally downhill. I do my best to follow all of your advice, and as a result think I make a good date. I was always very attractive and still consider myself so, but most of the time the men I meet on Match are not interested in me past the first date and I feel the weight is the problem. Before I went up a couple of sizes, I was always able to date the men that were interesting to me. Now the reverse is true. The only men who are interested in me now are the ones most women wouldn’t want to go out with. I don’t feel I have been overly picky, but lately I can’t even seem to attract Joe Average.

The men whom I do end up dating are highly critical of my body, even when their own looks are nothing to write home about. I am already eating like a bird and exercising 6 days a week just to maintain where I’m at now. My health is improving, but I may never be able to get back to where I was. I think I have a lot going for me otherwise: two graduate degrees, a great sense of humor, and a job that I am successful at. I’m 39 but people usually think I’m several years younger. I’m not fat by any means, but it seems that it wouldn’t matter whether I weighed 150 pounds or 200, the result would still the same. Is this where we’re at now; that 15 extra pounds on a woman narrows her choices down to a pool of short, bald and unattractive guys with little to offer in terms of education or personality? I’m not sure if I can accept this. Do you have any advice for me? Thanks! –Liz

Dear Liz,

First of all, allow me to express my sympathy for what you’re feeling right now.

Second of all, allow me to tell you, indisputably, that it’s all gonna be okay.

Okay?

Let me reassure you that, even if you haven’t found him yet, there is a man who will be thrilled with you – the extra 15 lbs and all.

Very well then, let’s take a look at your observation – that men, in general, tend to be interested in thinner women, and that your dating life, in general, has been impacted by these additional 15 pounds.

I wouldn’t (and couldn’t) dispute your version of events.

What I will do is dispute that this is the entire picture. Take a look around at these ballpark statistics that I stored in the back of my brain over the years:

50 million women in the U.S. are married.
The average weight of an American woman is over 160 lbs. (Seriously!)
Women in marriages weigh 15-20 lbs more than single women.

Does this seem like an atmosphere where it’s impossible for a smart, funny, pretty woman to find a man who appreciates her? No, it does not.

So let me reassure you that, even if you haven’t found him yet, there is a man who will be thrilled with you – the extra 15 lbs and all.

However, I think it’s really important to be able to view issues from all sides. My loyalty as a dating coach is to truth and reality – not to what’s fair or what’s right.

I’d like to take a second for you to consider the plight of James. James is 39, never married, but he’s good marriage material. For years, James was a mortgage broker outside Miami, until the real estate market collapsed. At the height of his career, he was pulling in $175,000 a year. Four years later, he can’t even find work in his chosen field, and is being forced to reinvent himself – at the bottom rung of another career path. He’s now making $65,000 a year without benefits.

Do you think that James’ new financial situation will impact his love life?

Do you think that women should see him as an equally viable option on his middle class salary as they did on his upper middle class salary?

Do you think that James has to resign himself to accept that perhaps he can’t get the cream of the crop woman – thin, curvy, educated, cultured – on $65,000/year?

It’s lazy dating advice telling you to lose weight to attract more men.

I’m not passing judgment either way, but I will point out that it’s a pretty similar comparison – one which illustrates, in stark terms, that life simply isn’t fair.

Do lots of women judge men on their financial status? Absolutely.

Do lots of men judge women on youth and beauty? Yessir.

Therefore, all you can do, Liz, is to be conscious of this, and make the best of your circumstances. It’s lazy dating advice telling you to lose weight to attract more men. Would it give you more options? Sure. More confidence? Absolutely? More hope? No doubt about it. But you’re already doing the best you can.

And if you’re already doing the best you can, there’s nothing to learn, nothing to lament, nothing to complain about.

The man you’ll marry is ultimately the one who will love you and accept you at your current weight. The man who doesn’t love and accept you…is clearly not your husband.

And that is the exact same thing I’d tell any man who complains that women only want rich men. Either make more money – or find the woman who doesn’t find money to be as important.

I’m quite confident that things will turn around for you – the second you stop looking down on the men who do like you for you.

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Comments:

  1. 31
    Steve

    Liz ( the original poster );

    The men whom I do end up dating are highly critical of my body, even when their own looks are nothing to write home about.


    If you are online dating you can reduce the number of those experiences by putting pictures in your profile that are representative of how you look now.  Don’t mix them with pictures of how you used to look or that may confuse people.
     
    If you still end up in that situation simply don’t tolerate it.  Politely tell the person that they are being rude, end the date and leave.

     
    I think I have a lot going for me otherwise: two graduate degrees, a great sense of humor, and a job that I am successful at.
     
    Women get turned on by resumes, men not so much.


    Is this where we’re at now; that 15 extra pounds on a woman narrows her choices down to a pool of short, bald and unattractive guys with little to offer in terms of education or personality?
     
    Evan already made this point in a gentle way, but do you see the irony in your quote Liz?  No disrespect, most of us would think in the same hypocritical way.



    I’m not sure if I can accept this.

     
    You don’t really have a choice.   Nobody has an obligation to be attracted to you.  If you don’t accept reality all you will do is make yourself upset and possibly demotivate yourself into not trying, which means you will not get what you want.



  2. 32
    Sheyna

    Well she can lose the weight, ugly guys with the personality of used sand paper will remain thus. 

    But I do think it behooves us all to take a more charitable view of our fellow human beings. Some guys are a little less like sand paper and perhaps just a little rough around the edges.
     
    That analogy fell neatly into place. 

  3. 33
    Jennifer

    I think the posters that said this is mainly a matter of the OP’s perception are correct.

  4. 34
    helene

    I have to say, there are a few things that just don’t add up here. The OP says “before I went up a couple of sizes, I was always able to date the men that were interesting to me.” She also say’s she’s 39, and gained the weight a couple of years ago. If that’s the case, why, in the preceeding 37 years, and despite being able to date whoever she wanted, has the OP not yet found a partner?? This suggests to me that there are other reasons why the OP is not forming a lasting relationship, that were already a problem before the weight issue arose. Secondly, if you have a normal BMI, ypu have a normal BMI! Given that – what?  – about 60% of adult americans are overweight, this means you are in the top 4 out of every 10 american women. How can this possibly be a problem??! It also strikes me that with the worry about the weight, the OP is overlooking a different but unfortunately relevant factor – she’s older now. Getting beyond childbearing age. This is unchangeable, and all of us have to adapt to the fact that with every year that passes, the dating pool gets smaller. Not sure where this leaves us, but I think the OP has some figuring out to do – by focusing on the weight she may be missing other factors that are preventing her from connecting with suitable men.

  5. 35
    Ruby

    Helene #34

    Just because the OP hadn’t found a partner by age 37, doesn’t mean that something is wrong with her. If that were true, then many, if not most, of EMK’s readership would be in that “defective” camp as well. Plenty of attractive, smart men in Liz’s age range could be interested in her.

    That said, I also have to wonder if the OP has changed her photos to reflect her current weight. It does seem like obese people are saying they only have a few extra pounds, and those who are carrying a few extra pounds are calling themselves average, etc. But on the other hand, if it were more acceptable to be even a few pounds overweight, perhaps people wouldn’t be fudging those details.

  6. 36
    Jadafisk

    “You don’t really have a choice. Nobody has an obligation to be attracted to you. If you don’t accept reality all you will do is make yourself upset and possibly demotivate yourself into not trying, which means you will not get what you want.”
     
    She does have somewhat of a choice. If she doesn’t want to lose weight, but she is willing to be more proactive (better profile content, searching and sending to attractive prospects), she can find the type of man she’s used to, especially if her own preferences aren’t entirely cookie-cutter.

  7. 37
    Laine

    I dont think this is about a weight problem, but rather a reflection on internet dating. I think we can all presume the responses and interactions we have online are to do with our weight or the fact that we are divorced, or still single at 40..whatever:)  but from my own experience  the men who contact me are the same calibre as most women on here are complaining about. I consider myself to be good looking, have a slim figure a well written fun profile with an array of pics that show my face and full body shot. I felt overwhelmed at the amount of reponses I was inundated with and at the same time annoyed that a guy who couldnt spell, was unemployed and who had no teeth in his head was writing to me. And then I realised that I didnt receive approaches from men like this in day to day life. They would not have the opportunity or social skill to navigate getting my attention in the real world. The internet has given them this access. It has also given the same access to the guy who maybe right for me. So rather than get upset I just reject them politely and thank the Universe I have so many options :) I only rarely come across a guy who I get excited about online, but when I do, they are the ones that I converse with. I am open to meeting all types of men, but the one thing I have learnt about online dating is that I need to feel a keen interest to meet them. And when I meet them it how I feel in their presence which determines whether I go on another date with them.
    So to the OP I would say whether you are thin, fat, mobidly obese. gorgeous, plain, confident, insecure..the same men will contacy you on line for one simple reason. You are a woman! :)

  8. 38
    JZ

    Good luck with your dating. 
    1.  I know weight can hurt.  I lost my relationship when I gained 15 pounds for medical reasons. 
    2.  What helped my weight:  Lifting weights increased my confidence and improved my body composition.  Swimming lifted my mood and helped me lose weight.  Eating more fat and eliminating grains almost entirely helped me lose weight (the diet in Female Body Breakthrough). 
    3.  I value every date as a person.  Dates confide in me, and they like me even if we don’t go past a few dates.  It’s the zen thing.  One ex-boyfriend said after our first date that he felt good around me because I treated him like a person.  I’m guessing other women treated him as the sum of his high-profile career, attractiveness, and popularity.  Based on this first date, he told his supervisor about me and postponed a major business trip by 3 weeks so we could get to know each other. 
    4.  All men have problems, even the super attractive. Bipolar disorder, abusive tendencies learned from parents’ abusive relationship, having been homeless are among the problems among the highly attractive men I’ve dated.  Currently I’m dating a guy who is more than a foot shorter than another guy I was dating around the same time, and he makes me very happy. 

  9. 40
    Darren Miller

    If I’m honest I don’t think it’s the guys who have the issue with her weight, but Liz herself. She explains how she believes she is a great catch and she has all the qualities a guy is looking for in a woman but her weight lets her down. She said that she is tall and the weight gain isn’t noticeable, so she is likely to be the only one who sees extra weight.

    Liz mentioned she is dating through Match.com, so if her profile picture is recent, the guys she meets are aware of her size.. I think that she is a bit insecure and unconfident with her weight and these feelings are transferred to the guys.
    Liz needs to be confident in her own body. Guys are attracted to confidence and if you feel sexy about yourself, the guys will see it. Do not let weight be an issue. There are plenty of guys out there who are not attracted to the skinny, straight up and downs. Be proud of your curves girl!

  10. 41
    AS

    I would have to agree with #9 Donna in that men are visual. This has been proved time and time again by experts. And whilst women are more likely to give men a chance that they do not immediately find attractive, men are less likely to change their first impression.

    I guess if you are not happy with your appearance and you are actively doing something to change it, rather than just keep complaining about it or using it as an excuse, then you are on the right track…

  11. 42
    AQ

    Liz Sweetie – dating is hard even if you are skinny and drop dead gorgeous. And then there are those dating dry spells. 

    Take a big deep breath, keep exercising – even more hours on the weekend and clean out your closet. If you are trying to fit into old clothes that are too small you will hate yourself. If you get rid of all of those and go on a shopping spree to get better clothes and lingerie, you will be transformed.

    Get some good pix that show you right now with what you love to do – natural light does wonders.

    Then do what Churchill says – when you get into he11 keep marching!

    Patience. Patience. More patience.  

  12. 43
    Ellen

    I was blessed with a fast metabolism, but as I’m probably one of the older members here (58) let me share my secrets of keeping it off:

    * you CAN eat what you want but in small bites, infrequently
    * portion control- I can’t emphasize this enough.
    * MOVE. Even on the weekends I’m mostly on the go. I do get 1-2 naps though. I’m immobile for 1-3 hrs. at a time, then I go, go, go.
    * buy a big bike. No ten speed nothing- a three speed, tops. This will work you biggest muscles- the thigh/calve ones which burn the most calories
    *watch your liquid calories like a hawk
    *been to India three times and folks, it’s not our “metabolisms” most of the time, but calorie expenditure, what we eat. Sorry!!! Few, few people there are overweight. The rich sometimes are as they eat better I guess. lol
    * lift weights. Start small, then build up to at least 8-10 lbs barbells
    *play some tennis always for your butt/bosom. End of story.
    * use your office chair as a piece of Nautilus equipment. Be creative.
    *do the yoga pose called “the plank”. Hold 1-3 minutes- daily- works your core without doing situps. I have a slight “six pack” thanks to it.
    *Finally, lately I stand at my computer at home rather than sit ’cause Lord! I sit in front of a computer five days/week as it is!
    *THE BIGGEST TIP AFTER AGE 50- IF A CANDIDATE, TAKE BIOIDENTICAL HORMONES RIGHT AFTER MENOPAUSE (OR BEFORE IF YOU ARE SEVERELY DEFICIENT). Testosterone alone (and the bike mentioned above) helped me lose 7 lbs in a month. Testy makes your system HUM!!! I went from thin to skinny. Back to thin now (skinny makes my facial wrinkles pop too much so I always keep on 5-8 lbs around my tummy).

    As a result of the above I’ve only been overweight twice in my life, and that fairly mildly (freshman year was the worse), briefly.

  13. 44
    morgan

    lux aeterna @ 13
    Loved your contribution and pseudonym.

    Karl R @ 16
    Always great to hear your perspective.

    m
    x

  14. 45
    Christine

    This post really struck a nerve with me because I’ve gone through the same thing with my own weight gain and being a heavier girl.  I sympathize with the writer.  I was a size 0 during my college years.  Since getting into my 30s I gained a lot of weight and am a relatively larger girl now, fluctuate between a size 2 and 4–and clothes don’t really fit me the same way anymore.  I’m not overweight by any means but just not the waif I used to be, and may never be again.  However, I can also say that more men are actually attracted to me now at my heavier size than they were in those skinny days, so I’m encouraged that it’s not really a liability unless you make it one.  Just keep the faith and keep going! 

  15. 46
    starthrower68

    There are men that like skinny women and men that like heavy women. It’s not useful to take ownership of their preferences. I’m losing weight because I want good health. Yes, I will like the way I look and probably enjoy the attention as a result. But we need to be where we feel comfortable and healthy. I don’t feel healthy where I’m at and decided to do something about it.

  16. 47
    Jack

    I don’t think its just the weight that is the problem.  If she is 39 and has the weight for the past several years, then I think AGE has something to do with her options as well.  What are her goals – does she want Marriage or just a medium-term boyfriend?  Is she a divorcee with children and doesn’t want any children or to get married again?  From a single man’s point of view who wants children and marriage, a 39 year old woman is not as desirable as a 30 year old.  Also, a lot of good looking men over 35 have probably gotten married, so the dating pool of desirable men is thinner. 

  17. 48
    starthrower68

    @ Jack #47,

    You are stating what YOU prefer.  39 year old women with children still manage to get married.  A woman who is finished having children would not be wise to try to snag a man who still wants children.  And good looking men over 35?  Good looking to whom? You? Another subjective judgement call. What may be desirable to one woman may not be to another.  

  18. 49
    Nicole

    @Starthrower #46, thanks for saying that. 
    You have to love that a non-overweight woman who shows is up body snarked and body shamed by so many other women when she a)likely looks no different than she did before and b)when she’s admitted to having a medical condition that has altered her metabolism.  I hope she shows up to thank all of the non-doctors who offered dieting advice to her, or suggested that they just needs to work out harder and eat even less. And she should thank the women whose only contribution was to brag that they were still as skinny as a 14 year old model and can still get any man that they want.  I’m not even sure how that is germane to the discussion or helps the poster, except maybe it just goes along with the fact that people feel morally superior about being the skinniest person in the room even if no fat people (who are of course deserving of their scorn) are in the room. 
    My guess is that the men who are criticizing her body would do that to anyone that they felt needed to be “better,” and they probably would have done that to her 17 pounds ago.  That’s just how some people are.  Those guys are not guys that anyone needs to be with.  If you show up “perfect” then they will dump you for changing.  And change you will.

    I personally think that the original advice she got was the best.  Even if she wasn’t a smidge heavier, she’s going to keep getting older and some men will use the supermarket feel of online dating to exclude her (although really, most of those 45 year old men who want to date women who are 30 and younger will remain alone too).  Now is a good time to separate the wheat from the chaff and find someone who excepts the fraility of the human condition and the fact that her face and body will change (and this is true even if she never gains another ounce).

    As for advice that she look for fat men.  Here’s a newsflash for the people who insist that women lie about their bodies.  Fat men frequently describe themselves as average or something even athletic and toned online, and even the ones who cop to being heavyset, stocky, or bigger have no shame in checking the “slender” only boxes online.  A man is not any more accepting of a woman being heavier just because he’s heavier.  Again, I’d blame this on the way that you “shop” for people online.  It seems probable to them looking at hundreds of pictures that they could hit the jackpot, even though in real life, they might approach a very different type of woman (and of course, in real life, people who have charisma can make up for things that might count against them online).

    And a man being skinny or good looking doesn’t really tell you what kind of woman he’s looking for or who he finds attractive or whether he is nice or not.  As Starthrower pointed out, men want what they want. They don’t ALL Want the same things, although some people are arrogant enough to think that they can speak for all men.  

    Some men need other people to want it, and sometimes they don’t.  So no, not all fat women or women who are heavier wind up with ugly guys (although as has been pointed out, the OP is being hypocritcal with her own looksism as she complains about that trait in other people), and not all women who are fat and have conventionally good looking husbands pulled a switcheroo and gained a lot of weight after marriage.  Not all good-looking men are jerks, and not all ugly men are nice and think that personality matters most.   Although you’ll be better off picking a man who is okay with all of the ways that you might change as you age anyway (just as you’ll be okay if his belly gets bigger and his hair falls out).

    I think any older person needs to be accepting of the effects of aging and the fact that the body is going to change inside and out.  You are going to change a lot physically in your 40’s even if your weight is the same.  Look, you reach an age where beauty isn’t your main selling point or pull anymore.   Learn to deal with it, use your other positive attributes, and find other people who can also deal with it.

  19. 50
    Miranda

    H Liz,
    I’m thinking that your problem is that you are subconciously uncomfortable about it in some way and it’s coming through on your dates now. You don’t have to be totally insecure about something for it to be clear in your subconcious and guys can feel it when you arennot sure about yourself. I’m just saying, if you didn’t kind of think you were less attractive because you gained the weight you wouldn’t be near starving yourself and working out 6 days a week like a mad woman to try and keep it off. I dont want to offend you in any way but think about it, this means subconciously you’re not okay with it…and thats what’s destroying your dating life….not your weight. Wether it be you changed the way you dress, or lost that little spark you once had in your smile, you’re just not as confident, so it’s more than just the weight that makes these great guys shy away….and the rejects keep pouring in. I think you should try a little harder at accepting yourself, your don’t sound too insecure, but maybe get some new sexy and chic clothes for your new size, maybe get a haircut, and getting more comfortable in your new skin will help. Guys will only seem uncomfortable with it, if YOU are. Trust me, I was 20lbs skinnier when I first saw my husband….and it wasn’t until after I gained 20lbs and started loving and being comfortable with myself (not worrying about my weight) almost a year later from that day that he asked me on our first date. I married him, and he’s a great guy! It’s not your weight honey…believe it or not it’s you, so just do whatever you need to do to love your new skin, stop worrying about it, get sexy, and see how things change. Best of luck. =)

  20. 51
    Jack

    @48 – I think this woman can still have kids at 39, if that is what she wants, but Men are going to prefer women around 30 if they want several kids. 
    This woman needs to decide what she wants in a husband.  Also, Men aren’t born to be good husbands or boyfriends, they learn to be good husbands and good boyfriends, and this involves a Woman training these men with a lot of patience.  Likewise, a strong, smart woman also needs to learn to be a good wife to catch a husband.

  21. 52
    starthrower68

    @ jack 51, whether you agree with it not, women can have babies without a husband or even a boyfriend and she would even be able to have more than one.

  22. 53
    Jason

    She should try dating Black Men, who are more appreciative of full figured women.  Inter-racial dating can work and should be promoted in society!

  23. 54
    starthrower68

    @ jason #53, we’re taking a bit of a bunny trail here and i agree there is nothing wrong with interracial dating or marriage, let’s be more concerned about who we can have a healthy mature relationship with rather than picking someone based on race because that group might be more accepting of our bodytype. we run the risk of minimizing people to a physical trait that doesn’t define who we are. 

  24. 55
    Jason

    @54 – Liz seems to be looking for answers, and broadening her options by race, religion, etc. may help.  She seems superficial or concerned with wealth, and if she wants to meet a rich doctor, she should hang out near hospitals, or go to nursing/med school or become a pharma rep.  But at 39, there are simply just less single 40 year old Men than there are available 30 yr old men.  She simply can’t be as picky.  What are her dealbreakers?  Also, maybe she over-estimates her attractiveness physically or in personality.  Maybe she should give Short, Bald Men a chance.

  25. 56
    Jadafisk

    53. NOT as a last resort for people who have become less attractive to their preferred group. Some people are tired of fielding the results of this.

  26. 57
    Terri

    Liz:  At what point did these men become critical of your weight?  Telling you to your face that you are overweight is – as others have pointed out – just plain RUDE!  How did you respond to these remarks?  I cannot imagine a man being that obnoxious on a date. 
     
    When I owned a brick and mortar dating service some years ago in South Florida, some of my male clients who were not in shape and not very desirable in appearance or employment, proved very critical of some of their appropriate female matches, i.e. matching a 4 with a 4.   It was much easier to work with men and women in the reasonably attractive and in fair shape categories, i.e. matching a 7 with a 7. 
     
    Men who looked like Danny DeVito (only not as funny) would look in the mirror and see Brad Pitt.  I found that men were a lot less realistic about how they looked and felt a higher sense of entitlement then did my women clients. 
     
    For a women who is tall to be 15 lbs. overweight is no big deal.  Play up your other assets – hair, jewelry, great clothes – and you should have no problem in finding men who will think you are a great catch! 
     
     

  27. 58
    Liz

     
    Hi, I’m Liz, the OP, and I just wanted to thank everyone who contributed their comments. I weighed them carefully, including Evan’s, and found them all very helpful. A lot has happened since I sent in my question. The first thing is that I stopped starving myself and gained another ten pounds. I decided that given my medical condition, there was only so much I could comfortably do and for so long, so I simply began focusing on being healthy rather than thin. Reading the comments, I had to acknowledge how poor my self image had become, and that I needed to stop being so hard on myself. To be clear, though, I was not upset because I was no longer attracting the caliber of men I once had; I was upset because I was being rejected by men who were holding me to standards that they were in no way meeting themselves.
    The second thing that happened is that shortly after this blog post went up, I met the most incredible man. I can’t say that this was due to any attitude adjustment on my part, as changing the lens in which you see yourself through can take time, but the realization that although I thought I was following Evan’s advice, I really wasn’t. Yes, I had become a much better date and had honed my dating skills overall, but as a friend pointed out to me, I kept dating the same guy wearing different pants. I always ended up with the “sensitive” artist with whom I had the intellectual rapport that I’d always found so exciting, but who was also narcissistic, critical, and self-obsessed.
    I accepted a date with my boyfriend based on the fact that I found his profile funny and nothing more. I went into that meeting with zero expectations and found a man who was thoughtful and gentle–a man who radiated kindness. I’m embarrassed to say that in the past I would have written him off for not being my “type”.  Too rugged and outdoorsy. Too introverted. Too blue collar. But I’m constantly surprised by the so many things we do have in common.
    A week after we started dating, he took his photo off his profile. A week later he hid his profile altogether. He does all the things Evan says a guy does when he cares: he shows up, he communicates consistently, he makes me a priority. The irony is that he’s a gym rat with an athletic body but has no problem with mine. He tells me I’m beautiful every day. It’s only been a few months for us, but this is more success than I’ve had in years. It’s something that finally feels healthy. I chose differently, but I also attribute this success to the fact that, for the first time, I played with my cards closer to my chest. I didn’t let my emotions all hang out. I stopped the subtle pursuit and let him come to me. I did nothing and it worked.
    Evan, it’s been a long, hard road but I finally got the lesson.  I haven’t felt this calm and hopeful in a long time and I have you and your stuff to thank. You’re the best!

  28. 59
    Melody

    I think she’s obsessing too much about the weight. It makes her upset and it probably shows.
    I’m over-weight by more than 15 lbs. No, I can’t date every guy. Yes, more unattractive guys than attractive ones ask me out. But I still do get asked out by attractive men. And the only time I don’t get asked on a second date is when I don’t want them to either.

    I’ve also discovered I can reel a cute guy in from across a room if I smile a lot (it doesn’t even have to be at him). 
     
    You just have to be confident.

  29. 60
    donna

    Jason #53m- Interesting Response. It appears that you are saying that black guys are the answer to a fat girl’s dreams. It also appears you saying that black guys don’t care how you look as long as you are not black? Do you speak from first hand knowledge or observation?

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