Newsflash: Older Men Don’t Want Women Their Own Age

Was just on CBS Early Show and had a blast, as usual. Julie Chen was super nice and made getting up at 3:30am well worth it. As for the “debate”? Well, it’s morning news, so there’s only so deep you can go. Too bad we didn’t have a full hour to really get in there. I had about three anecdotes about clients lying about their age that I didn’t get a chance to use.

1) My 54-year-old male client who had electric chemistry with a woman on a first date. After an hour of making out with her, he was fully smitten. Called her the next day, where she confessed that she wasn’t 54 herself. When asked how old she was, she said “Let’s just say I’m in my sixties”. They never would have met had she told the truth up front.

2) My 71-year-old female client who is on a crew team but has never confessed her age, because she doesn’t want to feel “different” than everyone else. She likes fitting in and sees no need to call attention to her age.

3) Just yesterday, my 44-year-old client, who, upon hearing about my upcoming CBS appearance, started to rail against guys who lie about their age. Yet when we logged onto her old JDate profile, she audibly gasped. “Ohmigod. I guess I lied about my age, too”.

So while I would never go and call myself an “advocate” of lying, I would say that we should reserve judgment. There’s a difference between a serial fabricator and a woman who is insecure that telling the truth will lead to age discrimination. At least that’s what I would have said, if I had more time.

But the best part of the interview was the one in which I didn’t speak (ha!) It was when Julie asked the male anchors whether they’d date an older woman. Their non-answers speak for themselves.

Check out the clip here!

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Comments:

  1. 121
    Karl R

    Sparkling Emerald asked: (#120)
    “What motivates you to come to this blog and constantly put women down.”
     
    Just a couple months back, two or three men were claiming that I was always siding with women and putting men down. The only thing that’s different is the sex of the person making the comment.
     
    But to answer the first part of your question, I initially came to this blog looking for dating advice. I strongly agree with one of Evan’s fundamental beliefs: “You can’t change other people. You can only change yourself.”
     
    (Unsurprisingly, the people who claim that I’m biased against men/women are almost always those claiming that the opposite sex was the problem. I always point out that they’re mistaken. You’re somewhat unique in that you’re making that claim after Helen claimed men were the problem.)
     
    Some of the most valuable information I picked up over the years came from other posters: Selena, A-L, Helen (the one who is married, not the one currently posting to this thread). Their insights didn’t lose value when they got engaged/got married.
     
    But my motivation for showing up has definitely decreased since I got married. I now mostly post here when I’m bored.
     
    Sparkling Emerald said: (#120)
    “well Helen said the story was to illustrate that men like younger women, and she told this in response to a woman who is no longer looking for a man, not a woman who was chasing a fantasy man.”
     
    Henriette (#103) told the story in response to Helen (#101). And Helen (#94) likes to “date guys in their 20s early 30s.” She is “not at all attracted to men [her] own age and older”.
     
    If you think Helen needs hope instead of reality, then you tell her the hopeful story. Don’t chastise Henriette for giving her a dose of reality.
     
    Sparkling Emerald said: (#120)
    “I ask a question to clarify the meaning of ‘intentional relationship’ and you give me a lecture to not care about what other people think.”
     
    Do you care about what other people think? (I don’t recall that particular response, but I usually don’t make my responses in a vacuum.)
     
    If I go to an auto-mechanic to get a broken taillight fixed, I expect him to inform me if he sees that the rear axle is cracked. In fact, I will consider the information about the rear axle to be far more important than my original request.
     
    I wasn’t the one advocating “intentional dating”, so I wasn’t going to be providing a definition of it. But if I cared at all about what other people thought, I wouldn’t have married a woman who is 16 years older than me. (Given a comment that Lori Gottlieb made expressing her first impression of Evan’s wife, I’m guessing Evan would recommend against caring what other people think too.)
     
    Basing your dating decisions on what other people think, that could be disastrous. Not knowing what “intentional dating” means … you can find a husband/wife without that piece of information.
     
    Sparkling Emerald said: (#120)
    “Another poster talks about a guy who put her on a pedestal, describes behavior that EMK calls the pedastal principal, and you lecture her that the guy was NOT putting her on a pedestal.”
     
    Take a look at this thread (where Evan talks about the pedestal principle):
    http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/how-to-get-the-exciting-guy-to-like-you/2/
     
    He tells women that they should try not to judge men for being “really, really, really excited about you.”
     
    It’s almost like I paid attention to all of Evan’s advice, instead of just half of it. (And I also dated some great women, because I overlooked it when they were excited, nervous, flustered and tongue-tied on the first date.)
     
    Sparkling Emerald said: (#120)
    “Women state that they aren’t attracted to men shorter than them, and you call their ‘behavior’  stupid.”
     
    Were those the women who claimed tall men made them feel safer and better protected? Perhaps you can answer the same question I asked one of them: 
    At what height do men become bulletproof?
     
    That thread was full of some of the most idiotic rationalizations that I’ve ever heard.
     
    Some of the women admitted that their preference was based on an irrational attraction. I didn’t call them stupid for feeling that way. They’re self-aware enough to realize that it’s irrational. Many of them are aware that it limits their dating pool (without providing any benefit in return), so they’re aware of (and accepting) the consequences of that irrational behavior.
     
    There’s nothing to criticize about that. Everyone does it, including me. I’m attracted to women within a certain range of waist-hip ratios. There’s no rational justification for it. It did not benefit me. All it did was rule out some terrific women, which slowed down my dating.
     
    But I didn’t try to claim that it was something wrong with those women. And because I was aware of how it worked against me, I did what I could to reign in my bias.
     
    Sparkling Emerald asked: (#120)
    “Do you think you are performing some sort of service, coming to a blog for single women, telling us how wrong and stupid we are ?”
     
    If you’re doing something wrong (or something stupid), do you feel like you’re doing yourself a service by ignoring any person who points it out to you?
     
    Let me draw a parallel to my job. I have two brand-new analysts who started working for me. At some point they will be assigned to review my work. I expect them to point out any time that I’m wrong (despite their lack of experience). I expect them to tell me if they think there’s a slight possibility that I might be wrong (which is more likely, given their lack of experience). If they point out something that might be a mistake (and they’re incorrect), then they may have cost me 15 minutes of my time. If they don’t point it out (and a customer or competitor notices it first), then it could be very costly to our company.
     
    If I point out when you’re doing something wrong, it costs you nothing. If I say nothing, then your dates will be the first people to notice your mistake. Which outcome is more likely to hurt you?
     
    Sparkling Emerald said: (#120)
    “Maybe we just haven’t met our match yet.”
     
    For some women (like starthrower68), that’s absolutely correct. She has made some decisions that slow down her search. She has rational reasons for her decisions, and she accepts that consequence of her choices. For her, it’s just a matter of time. I don’t always agree with her, but any advice I could possibly offer her is trivial compared to what she already knows.
     
    The difference between starthrower68 and Helen is blatantly obvious, even if neither has been successful yet. Look at the difference between them, and you’ll figure out why I find the statement, “Maybe we just haven’t met our match yet,” hilarious.

  2. 122
    Sparkling Emerald

    Karl #121 – Thanks for your response, I couldn’t help but notice that you completely ignored the fact you accused me of wanting to end up with some “fantasy man”,(drop dead gorgeous, rich, athletic, tall, etc.)  and I have never posted anything that REMOTELY said that. In fact, I have often posted quite the opposite.  
     

  3. 123
    Helen

    The problem is that men and women want very different things from marriage/relationships – hence the gender wars!

  4. 124
    Sparkling Emerald

    Helen 123
    The trouble is most women WANT marriage/relationships and most men DON’T, hence the date coaching industry :)
     

  5. 125
    Kat

    Somewhere in the comments someone said (I think maybe it was Karl R?) that no amount of attractiveness or wit would make him tolerate crazy or mean. I think you’re the exception to the rule, there are a lot of men that tolerate craziness if the woman is really hot – happens all the time. I don’t find that to be a noble thing & it’s very superficial, but it is reality. In the grand scheme of dating, initially it is all based on the superficial. Part of the superficial is age/aging. It goes both ways but men as a whole are much more visual so that’s just the way it goes. But it all goes back to the basics, people have different tastes & attractions. Some men like older women, some like younger, some like tall, some like short, some like big boobs, some do not. Some women don’t date shorter men, some do, some like bald, some don’t, etc etc etc. Isn’t only dating a certain age range the same thing? Women get so riled up about older men wanting to date younger women, just like short men get so riled up about women having a tall height preference. It is all based upon personal preference. All you single ladies out there that are 40+, you will find that guy that is into YOU, not your age, or cup size or hair color, but YOU. He’s out there, so don’t waste your time fretting over the 40+ to 50 year old men that only date 30 yr olds, there are plenty of men out there that enjoy dating women their own age. The End.

  6. 126
    Karl R

    Helen said: (#123)
    “The problem is that men and women want very different things from marriage/relationships”
     
    Men and want almost the same traits in a spouse.
    http://www.livescience.com/3326-modern-men-women.html
     
    Sparkling Emerald said: (#124)
    “The trouble is most women WANT marriage/relationships and most men DON’T,”
     
    That’s a bit of an overstatement. More women want to marry, but the difference is rather small.
    http://articles.chicagotribune.com/2011-02-22/travel/sc-fam-0222-men-women-love-20110222_1_single-women-single-men-men-and-women

  7. 127
    JGirl

    “All you single ladies out there that are 40+, you will find that guy that is into YOU, not your age, or cup size or hair color, but YOU. He’s out there, so don’t waste your time fretting over the 40+ to 50 year old men that only date 30 yr olds, there are plenty of men out there that enjoy dating women their own age. The End.”

    Thank you Kat!!!  This is so true.  I used to get all upset when men my own age wouldn’t date me..but then I realized that there are so many great guys out there that WILL date women their own age!  
     

  8. 128
    Peter 61

    @SE I think that most women don’t want the men that are available, who tend to be the leftovers or the divorced. 

  9. 129
    Karl R

    Kat said: (#125)
    “I think you’re the exception to the rule, there are a lot of men that tolerate craziness if the woman is really hot – happens all the time.”
     
    In the short-term, that’s true. Both Evan and I have ex-girlfriends who met that description. But eventually we decided that “really hot” wasn’t worth it.
     
    Some men figure it out slower. Both my brother and my brother-in-law have repeatedly made poor decisions in their personal relationships. That’s why they have ex-wives who meet that description. They may been slower to figure it out, but they eventually concluded that “really hot” wasn’t worth it.
     
    It’s not just limited to men. My wife has two ex-boyfriends who she dated for years. But eventually she decided that “really intelligent/funny/hot” wasn’t worth it.
     
    Mean and crazy people aren’t destined for long, happy marriages. There aren’t that many masochistic people in the world.
     
    Kat said: (#125)
    “All you single ladies out there that are 40+, you will find that guy that is into YOU, not your age, or cup size or hair color, but YOU. He’s out there,”
     
    I agree with that statement. It’s true for men and women. You want to look for the people who are into you.
     
    So when you find the person who is into you, what happens then? What if he’s 12 years older than you? Would you date him, or kick him to the curb? What if he’s 5’5″ instead? Would you date him? What if he’s a bit overweight? Would you date him?
     
    There will always be someone out there who is into us. But that doesn’t help us if we refuse to date them (specifically if we screen them out for the wrong reasons). Your own criteria can get in your way far more than anything else.
     
    Kat said: (#125)
    “don’t waste your time fretting over the 40+ to 50 year old men that only date 30 yr olds, there are plenty of men out there that enjoy dating women their own age.”
    JGirl said: (#127)
    “I used to get all upset when men my own age wouldn’t date me..but then I realized that there are so many great guys out there that WILL date women their own age!”
     
    This is the kind of thinking that’s going to slow down your search.
     
    You’re angry about the men who date younger women. The thought that reassures you is that there are men your age who date women their own age.
     
    In the last 25 years, my wife has date one man who was her age or a little older. The rest were younger than her. When she was my age, she was dating someone ten years younger than her. It’s entirely possible that she wouldn’t have dated me if I was the exact same age as her.
     
    Do you think I should have dumped my wife because she didn’t date men her own age (or older)?
     
    In my opinion, it would be foolish for me to rule out someone who is terrific, and who is into me, just because she has some crappy selection criteria.
     
    My wife likes men who are highly intelligent, very funny and younger than her. All of her partners have those traits. But in order to get those traits, she ended up overlooking some serious personality flaws:
    – The man who treated everyone like his inferior.
    – The insanely jealous one, who repeatedly accused her of infidelity.
    – The neurotic, who let his narcissistic mother jerk him around like a marionette.
    – The widower, who she suspected had repeatedly cheated on his late wife.
     
    Since my wife didn’t compromise on her preferences, she ended up settling for some rather crappy boyfriends. And she spent a few decades being single.
     
    And my wife didn’t compromise on her preferences with me. If she had been willing to, she probably could have ended up with someone nicer than me. I’m definitely not the nicest guy in the world … but compared to my wife’s ex-boyfriends, I seem like a saint.
     
    I certainly could have refused to date my wife because she won’t date men her own age. I also could have kept dating until I found a great woman my own age who was interested in me. Either of those choices would have added time (possibly years) to my search. And I find it unlikely that I would have come out ahead in the long run (though I might have come out about equal).
     
    Instead of getting angry about other people’s unwillingness to compromise, consider using it to your advantage.

  10. 130
    Rose

    It feels a red flag to me if I hear people labelling ex’s as Crazy, bitch, slut. asshole, jerk etc. This would not feel a good sign to me and my instinct would be to get my energy away from them.
    Unless it is done in playful banter.

  11. 131
    Sparkling Emerald

    Kat 125 “All you single ladies out there that are 40+, you will find that guy that is into YOU, not your age, or cup size or hair color, but YOU. He’s out there, so don’t waste your time fretting over the 40+ to 50 year old men that only date 30 yr olds, there are plenty of men out there that enjoy dating women their own age. The End.”
    Absolutely, and not only is there someone for us who will love us for US, not our age, cup size or hair color, but there is a guy WE could love for HIM, not his age, his income, or his height.    Doesn’t matter what MOST guys want, I don’t want a harem of men, I want just ONE. He’s out there and he’s looking for me.  The day he finds me will be a happy day for BOTH of us.
    PS – I don’t care if he’s into women HIS age, as long as he into ME at the age I am now. (and hopefully years down the road :) )   The older you get, the age gap shrinks anyway.  I never would have dated someone 10 years younger than me when I was 25, that would be absurd and illegal.  And when I was 15, no man ten years my senior would have been interested (or willing to risk jail time) to be with me. But at my age 58, 10 years in either direction is a drop in the bucket.  I could even push that out a few more years, as long as there were no major health issues or life goal differences (for example, a man 15 year my junior who wanted children, or a man 15 years my senior wanting a retired woman)
     

  12. 132
    Sparkling Emerald

    Peter 61@ 128 @SE I think that most women don’t want the men that are available, who tend to be the leftovers or the divorced. 
     

    Peter, at my age, ALL the available men are either “leftovers”, divorced (or widowed).  I certainly don’t want a married man.  That leaves the “leftovers”, (I’m assuming by that you mean the never marrieds)  the divorced, and the widowed.  I would be cautious about a man in my age range who had never been married, honestly, if he’s in his 50’s and never been married, I WOULD wonder if he has commitment issues, but one of my male friends who’s a little older than me has never been married, but he has lived with a woman for over 20 years, so he isn’t a complete commitaphobe.  (we are both mutually not attracted to each other, so the friend zone works fine for us, however, I would have no qualms about setting him up with one of my single gf’s if I thought I saw a match) But a man who has NEVER been married or NEVER had a serious girlfriend (like my cousin), well,  something’s off.  (He was a player)  I’ll gladly take my chances on the divorced or widowed, I’m 1 and half times divorced myself, so it would foolish to reject other divorcees.  I’m not sure where you are getting that most women don’t want the available men, this a blog for women literally PLEADING for advice on how to get the available men. (and a few women who claim to not want men, and a few men telling us that we don’t deserve one)  Who do you THINK we want, men who are already attached to someone else ?

  13. 133
    Peter 61

    SE@132
    You are clearly realistic.  I suppose my comments were directed at Evan’s archetypal client of a 35 career women seeking to tick the husband box and finding that not only are the (fantasy) men who match the list of 150 criteria are not around but even averagely decent men have mostly disappeared, relatively to the proportion of those married to her less high achieving friends.

  14. 134
    Helen

    LOL the one’s who didn’t marry the 35 year old career woman didn’t exactly disappear, they are on online dating sites looking for a bit on the site because their wives wont “put out” or have “let themselves go” after having babies.
    Australian author Bettina Arndt has written a book on the subject of married men who do not get enough/any sex from their wives. After reading the book I can understand the men’s situation – many need regular physical release every day.
    But I also can see the women’s point of view having being married myself. After a while sex on demand can become a chore for the woman. Add to that, household chores and other factors like abuse, lack of manners and hygiene,  children who wake up through the night, never going out to dinner…being woken up for sex when tired, resentments building up like a massive tsunami etc.
    There is also another factor that no body likes to talk about, the  possibility that women become bored/tired of their husbands. Could it be that many women, like men, are not designed to be monogamous? Could this be the reason that so many cultures have draconian rules about women having sex before marriage?
    While marriage is great for bringing up children, it is not so great for sexual contentment.  When I was married, for the last 15 years of marriage I did not feel like having sex with my husband, I only did it because I felt I had to. Other married women I spoke to feel the same. In fact, I had no sexual desire for anybody for many years. That was until I separated from my ex and have found that my body went back to normal.
    I do not wish to remarry, I just want to enjoy the rest of my life! Yes, I know, that makes me an evil Western slut!!!
     
     
     
     

  15. 135
    Julia

    @Helen
    There is also another factor that no body likes to talk about, the  possibility that women become bored/tired of their husbands. Could it be that many women, like men, are not designed to be monogamous?
     
    There is actually very recent reports on this. Some new studies are showing that women might be less inclined towards monogamy than thought before, maybe even more so than men. Women tend to get bored with a sexual partner quicker than men do. I think that it probably has more to do with the societal view that sex should be about male orgasm and for many, women’s pleasure comes second. I even see men saying foreplay isn’t necessary for sex. This is a very selfish view of sex. I think communication needs to happen very early in the sexual relationship and if your partner isn’t interested in your pleasure and satisfaction, its a very valid reason to leave WAY before marriage happens.

  16. 136
    Helen

    For many men foreplay is a chore just like sex is just another chore for many married women. Many men – and women – are lousy at it. I wouln’t be surprised that men choose inexperienced/chaste women so that the woman would think lousy sex is the norm. I think the idea that women are monogamous is a myth. The think is that its not socially acceptable to admit to it.
     
    Also, many people of both sexes need to google: gym, nutrition and PT.

  17. 137
    Peter 61

    @Helen 136.  Such men are missing out.  I find sex much better if the woman is enjoying it too.  For some women, foreplay is a chore because it extends sex.
    Weight loss is tough.  It’s almost impossible just through exercise but exercise brings its own benefits.  High testosterone after 50 can be delivered naturally. :-) Resistance training and high intensity sprinting works for me.
    I think most men are quite monogamous, given even slight encouragement, certainly after marriage.  Most are not given slight encouragement.  Mating in Captivity (Esther Perel) covers such ground.  It reveals the problem but in my view doesn’t really get to the reasons or achieve useful recommendations but it does show that a lot of people nevertheless cleave to monogamy.

  18. 138
    Karl R

    Helen said: (#136)
    “For many men foreplay is a chore just like sex is just another chore for many married women.”
     
    How many is “many”? There are 300 million people in the U.S., so 0.1% of the population is still a large number, but that would still make it relatively rare.
     
    In addition, what’s your source of information?
     
    Helen said: (#136)
    “I wouln’t be surprised that men choose inexperienced/chaste women so that the woman would think lousy sex is the norm.”
     
    Would you marry an ugly man just to guarantee that you’re the best looking woman he’s ever dated?
     
    If a woman (or man) can’t tell the difference between great and lousy sex, they certainly won’t be providing great sex to their partner. According to you, these men prefer to pay a very high cost (receiving lousy sex for the duration of their relationship) just to hide their own sexual incompetence, rather than actually learning how to become better at sex (which is rewarding in itself).
     
    That doesn’t make much sense.
     
    Most of the individual men (on this blog) who have stated a preference for inexperienced/chaste women have also stated a belief that these women are more likely to be faithful. From the studies I’ve seen, there is some correlation, but not as much as they assume.
     
    Helen said: (#136)
    “I think the idea that women are monogamous is a myth.”
     
    15% of wives have cheated on their husbands (compared to 21% of husbands cheating on their wives). That’s according to the National Opinion Research Center’s General Social Survey for 2010.
     
    I wouldn’t claim that women (collectively) are monogamous, but it certainly seems like most women (and men) are capable of monogamy (as individuals).

  19. 139
    Helen

    Karl R 138
    Most married women I know don’t like having sex with their husbands. They are sick of them. One co worker, in her 30s said one day “I am dead from the neck down!”. Another friend said that even though she loves her partner she couldn’t be bothered with sex and would never remarry if anything happened.
    Here’s the link to Australian author Bettina Arndt ( I dont live in the US)
    http://www.bettinaarndt.com.au/news/one-for-the-team/  she is an advocate for men whose wives will not have any/enough sex with them.
    It’s true that more men than women cheat, statistically, but then again, women may be more secretive about it, men are more likely to feel like more of a man when cheating and brag about it to their male friends.
    I do not want to be with a man who expects me to be chaste and inexperienced while he puts his d!$% in every hole! We have a mutual dislike here!

  20. 140
    Karl R

    Helen said: (#139)
    “Most married women I know don’t like having sex with their husbands. They are sick of them.”
     
    So your sample is made up of the people you know well enough that they’re willing to discuss the issue with you? That’s not exactly a representative sample of the population.
     
    Helen said: (#134)
    “When I was married, for the last 15 years of marriage I did not feel like having sex with my husband, I only did it because I felt I had to.”
     
    That’s the same husband who abused you and insulted you on a daily basis? (#112)
     
    If my wife insulted/abused me, I wouldn’t want to have sex with her either. That would have nothing to do with marriage in general, male libido or men’s level of desire for their wives. It would have everything to do with my low tolerance for that kind of behavior.
     
    Helen said: (#134)
    “Australian author Bettina Arndt has written a book on the subject of married men who do not get enough/any sex from their wives.”
     
    There are also wives who don’t get enough/any sex from their husbands. My mother-in-law was delighted when my father-in-law was prescribed testosterone injections (which boosted his libido). One female coworker asked advice on how to find free porn on the internet (she and her husband were close to 30). Other female acquaintances who voiced similar complaints had husbands in their 20s to 40s.
     
    I’m sure Bettina Arndt could find more than enough material to write a book about the women who don’t get enough/any sex in their marriage.
     
    There are lots of couples with mismatched levels of sexual desire. Regardless of who has higher/lower libido, this will usually be a cause of stress between them. There will be other couples where other problems in the marriage (like verbal abuse) cause one partner to not want sex.
     
    Bringing this tangent back on topic:
    These problems are a lot more important than whether my wife is my age, older or younger. For anyone who is looking for a long-term relationship (or marriage), you might want to strongly consider prioritizing libido and personality instead of age.

  21. 141
    Peter 61

    From Wikipaedia ” The US National Health and Social Life Survey in 1994 (Laumann et al. 1994) found that 2 percent of the married respondents reported no sexual intimacy in the past year. The definition of a nonsexual marriage is often broadened to include those where sexual intimacy occurs less than ten times per year, in which case 20 percent of the couples in the National Health and Social Life Survey would be in the category”  I was in the 2% for 18 years before breaking, including access to commercial sex.  However, it had nothing to do with an older male losing his drive.  My wife was older than I.  Now I have a younger woman, around at least sometimes, I have plenty of libido.  I propose that bad sex is usually about a bad relationship much more so than an older man and a younger woman or indeed vice versa.

  22. 142
    Iyke Xbo Emmanuel

    Why white women “love” black men? by WEHNAMTop reasons why white women love black men “yoknyamdabale”1. “Rhythm in Bed” – Black men have good sex
    2. “The skin” – Black skin feels great on white skin

    3. “Treat them right” – Black men cater to white women and treat them right

    4. “Confidence” – A black man’s presence is amazing

    5. “They are healthy “ – Black men take good care of their skin

    6. “European men are very feminine”

    7. “Never a dull moment” – Black men are entertaining

    8. “Good looking” – Black men are sexy

    1. As it relates to reason # 3 white women claim that black men treat them right and give them respect. Are black women missing something because most of the cries I hear from them is about how, black men are disrespectful and treat them like shit. So if white women generally are claiming that black men treat them with respect, is it safe to say that black men consider white women more valuable than black women? Or we could say, some black men internalized self-hate, that they don’t see their black counterpart as equals to whites.
    2. Are black men only good for sex? Because 99% of the white women in the clip agreed that black men scored high in sex.

    3. Are these claims by white women relevant today?

    4. Are white women and black men in interracial relationship promoting racist- white supremacists stereotype about black men? Limiting them to sex objects with no intellect to create and lead ….  

  23. 143
    Helen

    In response to Karl R 140 questions:
     ‘So your sample is made up of the people you know well enough that they’re willing to discuss the issue with you? ”  Yes
    “That’s the same husband who abused you and insulted you on a daily basis? (#112)” 
    Yes it is, the reason I stayed until my son grew up is that he threatened to take my son away, he was from another country and when children are taken to other countries you may never get them back. Another reason is that I brought more resources into the marriage due to inheritance, being an only child. I am not stupid, I had valid reasons for staying so long.
    I am not a fun of Bettina Arndt, as she tends to be pro men and anti woman, she advices women to have sex even if they don’t feel like it. I did that for years. However, she did interview hundreds of men and I have no reason to doubt her. I have been online dating for some time now and I am surprised at the number of married men going online looking for sex because their wives are not interested or because they want something different or because the wives have “let themselves go”.
    The online cheating husbands are all across the board, young, old, middle aged, fat, skinny, buffed/athletic, ugly, handsome, blue collar, white collar all nationalities and religions.
    For a woman looking for a married man fling, the net is a like a gargantuan buffet. Personally, having being a wife, I would not want to go with a married man.
     
     
     
     
     
     
     

  24. 144
    judy

    Love the posts that married women don’t like to make love to their husbands.  Ha ha! Almost as funny as saying that women over, say 20, no longer want sex.  Geez.
    No. 15 – for sheer entertainment value, that was worth reading.  Thank you for the good laugh. 
    Should women lie about their age? I don’t think so.  Some women look like hell at 30, let alone 50 or 60. 
     

  25. 145
    Ornello

    Well, I am a man age 64 who has never married. I am short and bald, Italian, dress very well. I date women in their 20s and 30s. Why? Have you seen women my age? LOL

    1. 145.1
      Julia

      sure you do….

      1. 145.1.1
        Ornello

        yes, Julia, I do.

    2. 145.2
      Helen

      I have seen women your age, I have also seen men your age! You see, attraction works both ways, just as don’t find women your age attractive, I don’t find men my age and over attractive.

      1. 145.2.1
        Ornello

        I have seen young pretty women with both hideously ugly and much older men. All I can say is that they must see something that I don’t. I never see young men in their 20s with 60-something women, though. Never. The issue is biological.

  26. 146
    Helen

    Ye$ you are right, they do $ee $omething!

    1. 146.1
      Ornello

      Yeah, driving a 1974 Pinto? LOL It’s not money at all.

    2. 146.2
      Ornello

      Perhaps in some cases, but certainly not in all.

  27. 147
    TedW

    Why have a ham sandwich when you could have a steak?

  28. 148
    John

    This may be an ongoing problem however paralleling this are even more middle aged women looking for younger sometimes MUCH younger men which is futile because they are looking for younger women too, so this leaves women 50+ fruitless.  Why they therefore waste their time trying to be cougars makes no sense.  There are men for them their age and up.  And don’t say they aren’t good looking enough because even younger women which they were at one point, don’t prioritize looks as number one.  Also older men tend to have more of what they want that is money.  Middle aged insisting on younger men are going to be very lonely for years to come.  This is logical.

  29. 149
    Yogamom

    Great conversation.  Men and women who lie about their own age are both tough to deal with.  Very much a tough issue for all of us.  The best age is the one you are currently at.

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