Should I Date a 7 or Hold Out for a 10?

Should I Date a 7 or Hold Out for a 10?

This blog post elicited a fair amount of heat, and it covered a  topic I dealt with recently in my free newsletter: the value of chasing white hot chemistry with a person whose looks are a “10”.

Now, before we get into that in great detail, I want to state 3 important disclaimers:

First, not every person who is a “10” is damaged goods.

Second, not everyone agrees on what a “10” is.

Third, people can be judged on things other than looks.

If a man or a woman is a 10, who is he/she going to most likely going to want to date? That’s right, another 10.

I say this, because these are the things that people invoke when discussing this – and it’s not like I’m not aware of them. However, the exception doesn’t disprove the rule.

“Rules” are rarely my opinions – more often, they are observations about how the world works. Women lie about their age. Men will not call after having sex. Smart, successful women will struggle to find equal partners.

I observe this frustrating reality and point out why it happens and what, if anything, you can do to counteract it. While I’m an emotional guy, my advice is based on logic and evidence. Generally, if you’re disagreeing with me, it’s because something I said hit you emotionally and rubs you the wrong way. That’s fair. It doesn’t negate the fact that my observations are just that – observations.

If I am to observe that a disproportionate number of “10’s” are: shallow, narcissistic, selfish, demanding, difficult, more likely to flirt, less likely to commit, and somewhat disconnected from the ‘average’ person’s reality, you might say, “Maybe…but I know this one girl who is gorgeous and sweet”. And you’d be right. It still doesn’t change that most 10’s are problematic partners.

So when I write “Stop chasing 10’s, marry the 7’s,” and my good friend Lance writes this reply:

Most hot girls are crazy, that’s for sure, but I wouldn’t advise anyone to date a 7. I say go for the 10 that’s awesome on the inside, too. They’re out there, you just have to look around and be the man that’s worthy enough to get with that gal. If you fall short, look in the mirror, and make the changes that make you attractive enough to land a 10/10.

Well, I’ve gotta disagree – vehemently – on a number of levels.

1) If a man or a woman is a 10, who is he/she going to most likely going to want to date? That’s right, another 10. Most men, in particular, don’t date “down”; they all want to date “up”.

2) If, as Lance says, you hold out for the 10’s…and every other woman holds out for the 10’s…but the male 10’s want the female 10’s…doesn’t that mean that pretty much every woman ends up not finding a partner? It’s like saying that everyone should hold out for a $500,000 salary because that’s what you’re WORTH. Well, if there’s only a few thousand of those jobs out there, there’s going to be a LOT of unemployment. That is, unless someone compromises – and finds a lower paying job (a 7) that has much better benefits and quality of life.

3) If the average guy is – logically – a 5, he usually thinks he’s an 8…and that he should be dating a 10. Yet women who are 10’s have, literally, EVERY single man they meet hitting on them. I can’t think of a better explanation about the fundamental flaws of online dating than this phenomenon. You’ve got a 1-1000 chance of landing a 10, tops.

If the average guy is – logically – a 5, he usually thinks he’s an 8…and that he should be dating a 10.

4) The most important reason that chasing 10’s is a bad idea is that, when you get right down to it, you probably wouldn’t want to keep them. That’s the big blind spot. Chasing looks and chemistry is like a sport. There’s the rush of the chase, the thrill of victory, and the smugness of showing off your hot catch to all your friends – for a moment.

But what happens when you GET the tall, dark, handsome, wealthy, educated, sophisticated, world traveler/self-made millionaire?

Guess what? He’s probably just not that into you.

In fact, he’s probably more into himself.

That means he’s going to be a workaholic – that’s what made him a millionaire.

He’s probably going to be arrogant and stubborn – that’s what happens when you’re a success at everything you do.

He’s probably going to be vain – that’s what happens when you’re told how gorgeous you are.

He’s probably going to be a player – that’s what happens when you have the ability to pick and choose your dates at will.

He’s probably going to be a commitmentphobe – why settle down when you can continue to date a variety of smokin’ hot 10’s?

And so, you never really GET George Clooney. Or James Bond. Or that guy you’re lusting over right now. You’re just renting him. And you’re merely overlooking his considerable flaws because of how hot he is.

Guys do the same thing with women, I assure you. The most tempestuous relationship I ever had was also with the hottest woman I ever dated – so hot that she had to hide her profile on Match.com to stem the tide of emails. I held on for four months of hot sex and bragging rights – mixed in with innumerable times of being insulted, emotionally abused, and left at restaurants, parties and weddings. Why did I put up with it? Because she was a 10. And because when she wasn’t acting crazy, she was actually a good girlfriend.

The key is to break the cycle. Stop chasing looks first. Yes, attraction matters, but seriously, it’s a short term high. You’re looking for a relationship to endure for 30 years. You want to spend 30 years on eggshells because the hot guy or girl is being selfish or doesn’t let you know where you stand? Go ahead.

But if you want to find something healthy and enduring – and STILL have great sex – try going for a 7 in looks and a 10 in every other area. Kindness, warmth, intelligence, wit, consistency, effort, generosity. These are the things that matter when you’re 50 – far more than whether your partner holds up next to a 26-year-old Maxim or GQ model.

It’s easy to say you’ll never compromise, you’ll never settle, and you’re going to be the one who finds the “perfect 10″ – the Rhodes Scholar/ Supermodel/Top Chef. Good luck with that.

It’s easy to say you’ll never compromise, you’ll never settle, and you’re going to be the one who finds the “perfect 10″ – the Rhodes Scholar/ Supermodel/Top Chef. Good luck with that.

Most 10’s never develop the life skills that average folks do – which is why, on the whole, they’re not going to be as loyal or thoughtful or empathetic. If that’s okay by you, because, hey, you just can’t help what you’re attracted to, then I wish you good luck.

Just don’t be too surprised if everyone else “compromises” their way into a fulfilling relationship while you keep chasing a dream that never has a happy ending.

77
23

Join 7 Million Readers

And the thousands of women I've helped find true love. Sign up for weekly updates for help understanding men.

I hate spam as much as you do, therefore I will never sell, rent, or give away your email address.

Join our conversation (132 Comments).
Click Here To Leave Your Comment Below.

Comments:

  1. 31
    sjz

    Did anyone see the “Science of Sex”on TLC last week? They numbered 10 women and 10 men’s foreheads with a number from 1-10. You didn’t know the number on your forehead but, the other person did. It was funny to see all the high numbers trying to find a high number and all the low numbers also trying to find a high number. In the end (if I remember correctly) everyone ended up pretty evenly matched. A great experiment that probably reflects reality.

  2. 32
    Honey

    I think there are a couple of faulty assumptions going on in this thread. The first is that these “7’s” know they are sevens (when as Evan and others have said everyone thinks they are a 10) and the second is that these 7’s know you are “dating down” by not going for a 10 yourself.

    I think many 7’s are just as flaky because even though they can’t, they think they can just dump you (you’re a 7, too, after all) and go for a 10 as well.

    I am sure the BF and I are both 7s at best in the looks department (I have super curly hair which those who brought up SJP as an example of something that is not everyone’s style…and I am not NEARLY as skinny as she is…the BF is about 5’7″ which probably bumps him way down on most women’s scales) but we share VALUES (and hard to come by values at that…atheism, vegetarianism, no desire for children, etc.) and that is why we are a good match.

    Honey´s last blog post…Stomp, Anniversaries, Obama, and Vacations

  3. 33
    A-L

    Let me just say upfront that I agree with Evan’s post, and I also find it interesting how much less contentious this thread is than the other one was.

    But SJZ brings up an interesting point in #23. How is this rating system working? I’ve assumed that a 5 is average, and a person’s number goes up or down depending on how more (or less) attractive they are than the average. I’ve also assumed there’s something of a bell curve effect, with that vast majority of people in the 4-6 range, a smaller number in the 7-8s & 2-3s, and an even smaller number of 9-10s and 1s. For example:

    9-10: 5%
    7-8: 20%
    4-6: 55%
    2-3: 15
    1: 5%

    By my generous estimation, 75% of the population is below a 7. How likely is it that a 4, much less a 2, can actually get that 7? Perhaps the Joey from Friends theory that you can only date someone within two levels of you has some merit. Or the one I like better, Lk’s idea (#5) of “I can make this work.” Basically, the idea of a 7 as someone that you find pleasurably beddable (sp?) regardless of their actual numerical rank.

  4. 34
    Alan Roger Currie

    I know everyone’s criteria for what makes a man or woman a “10” or a “7” or a “5” or a “2” is different, but I will offer mine:

    “10” – A woman who is generally considered more physically attractive than 99.9% of the women I’ve been exposed to; This woman draws attention from just about every man she meets;

    “9” – A woman who is generally considered more physically attractive than roughly 90% of the women I’ve been exposed to and/or this woman tends to draw attention from approximately 9 out of ever ten [single] men she meets

    “8” – A woman who is generally considered more physically attractive than roughly 80% of the women I’ve been exposed to and/or this woman tends to draw attention from approximately 8 out of ever ten [single] men she meets

    “7” – A woman who is generally considered more physically attractive than roughly 70% of the women I’ve been exposed to and/or this woman tends to draw attention from approximately 7 out of ever ten [single] men she meets

    “6” – A woman whose physical appearance is generally considered “average” to “slightly-above-average” compared to the women I’ve been exposed to; She tends to receive an “average” amount of attention from single men.

    “5” – A woman whose physical appearance is generally considered “average” to “slightly-below-average” compared to the women I’ve been exposed; She generally tends receive an ‘average’ amount of attention from single men

    “4” – A woman who is generally considered more physically attractive than roughly 40% of the women I’ve been exposed to; She probably receives a less-than-average amount of attention from men

    “3” – A woman who is generally considered more physically attractive than only 30% of the women I’ve been exposed to; This woman is not really considered “attractive” and/or “romantically appealing” by too many men

    “2” – A woman who is generally considered more physically attractive than roughly 20% of the women I’ve been exposed; Nine times out of ten, this woman has a hard time attracting attention from men

    “1” – A woman who is considered by many to simply be “unattractive” (physically) and/or “very unappealing” (non-physical attributes); This woman will probably remain single indefinitely unless something about her physical characteristics change/improve and/or something about her personality/behavior/attitude changes and improves

    My thoughts and $0.02

    Alan Roger Currie´s last blog post…Lots of Sex Talk on "Upfront & Straightforward with Alan Roger Currie"

  5. 35
    Lance

    I have a couple of points: Firstly, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. What I consider a 10 in looks could be a 6 to the next guy. I think skinny chicks with small boobs are hot, but my roommate thinks they’re not. It’s silly to assign numbers.

    Secondly, settling for a “7” makes the assumption that all or most sevens are exceptional people on the inside. They’re not. Most people are mediocre, boring, undeveloped…that’s why it’s called average. You’re going to have a different set of problems with the 7’s vs. the 10’s, but it’s still problems. I’ve dated plenty of fucked up 7s for sure.

    I prefer to hold out for the 10 person, or at least the person that has the potential to become a 10 (not necessarily in looks), because I work my ass off to be better than average and I hope one of these days I can earn that exceptional partner. It’s that simple.

    I think Evan and I agree here, we’re just saying it in different ways.

    Lance´s last blog post…Downgrade Your Relationship to Upgrade Your Sex Life

  6. 36
    Cilla

    @ sjz

    I saw that show and also found it interesting, especially when they put mics on the participants and let us hear what they were thinking (e.g. “Oh, no, the hot guy is taken and now I’m stuck with the 3″). Definitely interesting to see how everyone goes for the most attractive person they can find, but nature eventually winds up pairing like with like.

    @ Honey

    I don’t think everyone really thinks they are a 10, they just aspire to mate with one. I know I’m not a 10, in the eyes of the general public, because if I were, I’d be working as a model or an actress. The same holds true for Evan and his wife, cute as they are–if they were 10s, they would likely be in different professions.

    I’m short, not skinny (just curvy, and not curvy as a euphemism for fat), and in my 40’s. In the eyes of a small select population, I might be a 10, but I suspect most of the world would see me as a 6-8, depending on whether I’m in Hollywood or somewhere less exacting about appearance.

    The idea, which I think others have pointed out, is that beauty is *somewhat* within the eye of the beholder (e.g. a 3 to the general public may be a 6 to the woman who loves short men with long beards). I know I look at some men who are considered 10s by the media, and I think they look bland or baby faced–not 10s to me. I agree with the posters who say find someone who is the best suited to you as a whole package: looks; personality; goals; sexual proclivities; etc. It seems like the couples who are the happiest feel like a 10 in the eyes of their mates, and that’s really what it’s all about.

  7. 37
    starthrower68

    In a perfect world, we would all date completely based on values; I do agree though that while someone doesn’t have to be a 10 to catch my eye, there does need to be something to get you to look twice. But I while I will admit to enjoying looking at a 10, that is not someone I’m likely to try and date.

  8. 38
    Michael

    As someone who thinks both Evan’s and Lance’s blogs are excellent, and without nitpicking a rating scale or commenting on the personality flaws a “looks 10″ might have developed, I will say that one basic disconnect here is the skills (aka “game”) and drive of the one who’s “10 hunting.” It IS possible for a guy who’s a 5 to transform himself into a 7 or 8 and then date a 9 or 10. I’ve seen it. I’ve done it.

    But it’s work. Hard work. It requires acquisition of social skills and experience, perhaps work in the gym, advanced grooming and hygiene, and more importantly the willingness to fail and ability to learn from those failures. Most guys can’t or won’t do all that, and you can’t just BE a 5 and hope a 10 will fall in your lap.

    And even then, sheer statistics say that most people won’t end up in a LTR with 10s, or 9s, or 8s for that matter. There just aren’t enough to go around. So for the vast majority of guys (or girls), “holding out” for a 10 would simply be an exercise in frustration and sadness.

    But this is all by the by, because as others have said in different ways, I don’t believe most of us are really seeking a “looks 10.” When our egos are out of the way, we’re seeking “makes me feel good.”

    Michael´s last blog post…Two truths and a lie

    1. 38.1
      Stever

      I think there’s a fundamental distinction to be made about *why* you’re seeking a 10, or someone hot, in the first place. As Evan points out, bragging rights with friends or envy from strangers is sheer ego feeding. It’s your ego that seeks validation from those around you rather than from yourself. But your ego makes a crappy companion. Seeking a 10 to feed your own ego is ultimately self-defeating, whether you manage it or not. You end up, at best, in a relationship with someone who was attracted to an egotist. Ugly no matter what.

      If you let your adult self go looking for partners, you’re free to choose between the people who make you feel good inside, not those who you think would impress your friends. With luck, there’s some considerable overlap. But by this level of maturity, you have probably seen the hidden 10 inside the one you love, regardless of what the rest of the world sees.

  9. 39
    Evan Marc Katz

    The folly, Michael, is not about men overestimating themselves or not having enough “game”. The folly is that men chase 10’s but don’t consider the considerable downsides and character flaws that accompany dating one. Caveat emptor.

  10. 40
    Michael

    Agreed that the 10s are at risk for personality issues, in much the same way rock stars and actors are. All too often, being superior at one thing means being deficient in another. How many times on The Actors Studio do the guests have to talk to James Lipton about their broken homes?

    Also, across the looks spectrum, similar flaws exist – it’s just much easier to dismiss a 6 or 7 when she has the same problem that a guy would try to “overcome” in a 10. In that respect, the “character flaw” may be in the pursuer.

    Good discussion, Evan.

    Michael´s last blog post…Two truths and a lie

  11. 41
    Melissa

    Evan said: “You want to spend 30 years on eggshells because the hot guy or girl is being selfish or doesn’t let you know where you stand? Go ahead.”

    Man that line hits home for me and sums up SEVERAL of my most recent relationships.

    Thanks again for helping the “the light”.

  12. 42
    Allen Voivod

    I agree with many of your commentors that this is a fabulous discussion, and I think that I generally agree with you, Evan. You’re essentially positing a solid rule of thumb that any person can start from, and make course corrections as needed…except that it’s so damn linear!

    You just flagged the Esquire article by A.J. Jacobs on brain chemistry related to love, and then there’s the psychological school of thought which says we’re all trying to re-create our familes, except that we try to fix the things we didn’t like about them. That’s just two examples of things which factor in on who we pursue as partners, and they’re so NOT related to a 1-10 scale that we might as well start comparing romance to string theory.

    Stick to your guns, Ev. You’re on the right track.

    Best,
    Allen

  13. 43
    Ravit

    This was fascinating!

  14. 44
    Rani

    I’ve been trying to put my finger on why the ‘settle’ for a 7 discussion rubs me the wrong way. Because it makes sense, and really there’s nothing wrong with being a 7 in the looks department (which is reasonably subjective).

    But what bugs is that who wants to be with someone who doesn’t think they are hot/attractive/sexy/beautiful/handsome? My personal fear is that I’m with some guy (who probably isn’t an objective 9 or 10 or even 8 himself), who likes, or even loves, the ‘inside’ me, and the sex is good, but is unsatisfied with me because I’m not a 10. It’s particularly galling when the guy himself isn’t a 10 in any category.

    This may be my issue, since I do sometimes feel like this in my current relationship. He’s never said anything negative about my looks, and usually tells me I’m pretty etc. But he’s a very visual guy with a colorful history, and I’ve never been truly confident in my appearance.

    Who wants to be the person someone else ‘settles’ for? Sure, it’s not really settling, it’s being realistic and compromising, but it’s not exactly flattering.

  15. 45
    Steve

    I am one of those people who happens to think SJP is hot and part of me doesn’t think that is “subjective”. I honestly can’t fathom why there are people who do not appreciate her looks.

    I feel the same way about long curly or wavy hair. Who needs viagra?

  16. 46
    sjz

    The numbering system is particularly used in online dating. A picture sometimes can be worth a thousand words. Of course the words go missing when one thinks they are meeting a 10 in person and that person is now a 5 because the picture is 10 years old! But, that is another subject! People can also move from lower to higher numbers in their lifetimes. I know I was probably a 5 as a teen but now in the world of 50 year old woman I am probably an 8. Sometimes there is justice in this world! The problem is that guys that used to be 8 or 9’s are now 5’s. Taking care of yourself really pays off. As they say you are born with the face you inherit but you die with the face you deserve!

  17. 47
    Kenley

    Rani,

    I agree with you. It just doesn’t feel good to be with someone who doesn’t think you are attractive. However, in my personal experience, I have projected my own feelings about myself onto others. So, when I didn’t feel attractive, I just couldn’t understand how my boyfriend could find me attractive. Once I told him how I felt about myself and I just couldn’t figure out why he liked so and he told me what he liked. And, I can’t tell you how stunned I was to hear him describe how he felt about my physical appearance. He thought I was special and perfect for him. I think that’s the way we want to feel about our boyfriends and that’s the way we want them to feel about us.

    For the most part, it seems that the women who write on this blog are supremely confident about themselves on all levels. However, the world we live in makes it very hard for lots of women to feel that they measure up to the standard of beauty we think all men want. And in some ways, I think that these blog does reinforce the idea that because most of us aren’t 10’s, people who chose use are settling and when we chose guys we have to settle too. But the guys I have been happiest with — in spite of my own insecurities — are the ones who think I am a 10 for them — even if the rest of the world would adamantly disagree!

  18. 48
    Monique

    Evan –
    I really get what you are saying here and would like to add this…
    Getting into a relationship is the opportunity to make the relationship a “10”. We can as a result of how we feel about our partner create a mindset that says they are a “10” in our eyes and heart and then lo and behold it is so.

    Stop chasing 10’s and turn your 7 into a 10 level relationship. Isn’t it the relationship we are after anyway?
    Monique

  19. 49
    Cilla

    @ Rani

    I agree, and I was trying to get at that at the end of my last comment (#36). I’ve been with men who were probably about the same looks-wise as me, but who thought they could always do better (“I should be dating supermodels,” one of them had the nerve to say). I know most men are visual, and they will always look at an attractive woman, as I will enjoy looking at a good looking man–I just don’t need to hear about it, as if I’m failing them somehow by not being a 10. It’s perpetuated in the media; I call it “According To Jim” Syndrome–dumpy, rude guy with hot wife. Men need to realize these matches are about as real as the luxury NY apartments TV characters inhabit on 50K a year.

  20. 50
    Angela

    And I agree with so many others when they say beauty is in the eye of the beholder. We may all agree that certain people are good looking, but whether they are an 8 or a 9 or a 10 can be debated. Also, many attractive people are constantly noticed and approached by others in some cases all their life. The personality dictates how they respond and feel about it.
    I know some 9-10 folks that hate the attention and actually play down their looks.

  21. 51
    Curly Girl

    I am quite pleased with the way curly hair has been received on this thread.

    Alan: I thought you said that on your mythical 1300/1200 island everyone would have a companion if they were realistic in their self-assessment and in that of prospective partners. I didn’t realize it was an island where there were extra women thrown in so that some men could have two, meaning some women would get only half a guy. If that’s the case, I suspect there would be some women who would opt out altogether rather than settle for half a guy. I don’t believe I’ve ever read anything from Evan advising that women settle for half a guy….half a guy is only a 5!

  22. 52
    Curly Girl

    And that’s if he’s a 10 to start with…I shudder to do the math on lesser men.

  23. 53
    jessica

    I’ve not read all these threads… but i don’t think the debate is between a 10 and a 7; I think it’s between a 7 and a 2-3. Most everyone, including me, would date a 7. 7 is pretty high up there – just no Taylor Kitch (if you haven’t seen this guy, he’s on Friday Night Lights and HE is a 10.)
    But let’s face it, 10’s are hard to come by and they usually know they’re 10’s, which makes them a little “me” focused, which isn’t the most appealing trait.
    The real question is: if a really fantastic guy is 3 – do you take the plunge????
    Now that one I have grappled with. (I personally, have not been able to take plunge; and I honestly often wonder: am I missing out!?)

  24. 55
    Hopeful

    10s? I’m aiming for a 13!

  25. 56
    Karl R

    Rani said: (#44)
    “who wants to be with someone who doesn’t think they are hot/attractive/sexy/beautiful/handsome? My personal fear is that I’m with some guy […], who likes, or even loves, the inside me, and the sex is good, but is unsatisfied with me because I’m not a 10.”

    A little over a year ago I was dating a woman that I thought was amazing. (We broke up because she wanted lots of kids, and I didn’t want any.) Objectively, she might have been a four … but I have a hard time seeing her objectively. Subjectively, I saw her as a seven (in outward appearance). Inwardly, we were a terrific match (except for that one dealbreaker issue).

    If she (unexpectedly) changed her mind about having kids, I’d take her back without hesitation. Compatability like that is hard to find.

    Your fear is a separate issue from his (dis)satisfaction. Sure, if he’s dissatisfied because you’re not a 10, dump him and don’t look back. But base that decision on his dissatisfaction, not your fear.

    At my age, most people have been in a lot of relationships. If I’m dating a woman who has dated 20 men, what are the odds that I’m the best looking, best in bed, tallest, strongest, smartest, funniest, nicest and most successful? I have the self-confidence to recognize that she’s not with any of those other men for a reason, even though I might not be the best in any single category.

    Lance said: (#35)
    “Secondly, settling for a 7? makes the assumption that all or most sevens are exceptional people on the inside.”
    “I prefer to hold out for the 10 person, or at least the person that has the potential to become a 10 (not necessarily in looks), because I work my ass off to be better than average and I hope one of these days I can earn that exceptional partner. It’s that simple.”

    Hypothetical Situation:
    Let’s assume that 7s and 10s (on the outside) are exactly the same on the inside (on the average).

    Alan Roger Currie is defiing 10s as being 1 in a thousand. 7s (or better) are closer to 1 in 3. So let’s say you (Lance) are holding out for someone who is a 10 on the outside and inside. I’m looking for someon who’s at least a 7 on the outside and a 10 on the inside. (And I agree that both our external and internal numbers are completely subjective; your 6 may be my 10 and vice versa.)

    You and I start looking through all the available women in the city. You rule out 99.9% of them on looks, and then start searching through the 0.1% for inward 10s. Of those external 10s, you rule out another 99.9%. That means you’re searching for 1 woman in a million who is a 10 on the outside and inside. So in a major city, there may be 2 to 6 women like this … and some of them are likely to be taken already.

    I’m willing to date a woman who’s a 7 externally, provided she’s a 10 internally. So I rule out 70% of the women on looks, then rule out 99.9% of the remainder based on their inward traits. So instead of 2-6 women in a major city, I could find 600-1,800 women who meet my criteria.

    Not only do you need to find one of these rare “1 in a million” kind of women, you also need to be a “1 in a million” kind of man to stand a chance of keeping her. I can be just as picky regarding inward traits, but loosen up my external traits (to something that’s attractive but not super-hot). Not only are my chances of finding a suitable woman more than 100 times better, but I only need to be a “1 in ten thousand” kind of man to keep her.

    I’m not assuming that 7s are any nicer than 10s (on the average). I’m just assuming there’s a lot more of them.

  26. 57
    Evan Marc Katz

    Karl,

    You explain me better than I explain me. If you ever need a reference (or a job), you know where to come.

    Best,

    Evan

  27. 58
    Selena

    Rani wrote in # 44
    “Who wants to be the person someone else settles for?”

    Who thinks that way when they fall in love with someone? And I do mean fall in love, not some kind of business minded arrangement or attempt to buy “insurance” for having a relationship in old age.

    When you are in love does it matter to you if your partner is a 5, 7, 10 on someone else’s scale? Does the concept of *scale* have any meaning to you at all then? Do the terms ‘settling’ or ‘compromising’ even enter your mind? Internal debates weighing chemistry vs. compatibility?

    Hasn’t for me. And I suppose it’s why I find some of the debates on this blog a bit disturbing. The comparisons seem more likened to the stock market ( picking blue chip vs. growth vs. speculative) as opposed to actually finding someone you connect to and really fall in love with.

  28. 59
    Karl R

    Evan,

    Thanks for the compliment. I’m happy with the job I currently have. But who knows, someday I might take you up on the reference. Those can always come in handy.

  29. 60
    Lance

    Good discussion.

    @Karl: If I went on match and put in my normal parameters for height, weight, and age, I’d pull up maybe 100 chicks. I’d go out on first dates with probably 50 of them based on pics and profile. Of those 50 dates, I’d probably go out on multiple dates with something like 5-10 of those. So really we’re talking about 1 in 10, maybe 1 in 20, which is MUCH better odds than what you’re talking about (millions). Why? My standards for looks are different than what you think. I’m very much a realist and I’m not talking about holding out for Maxim models and actresses. I’m talking about real chicks who are merely super cute and smart. Those are plentiful in my city. I can look around and find plenty of chicks like who fit that profile in a half hour.

    A bit of digression on looks, but I want to say a word about presentation. Almost all comely folks look 7-8, that is until you dress them up and improve the presentation. That 10 I saw in the club last night is merely a 7.5 when she’s walking her dog at 1:00 pm the next day. So, again, looks are malleable and assigning numbers is silly.

    Lance´s last blog post…Man Breaks Up With Ex-Girlfriend, Claims It Was Too Much Hassle

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>