Should Women Ask Men Out on First Dates?

Should Women Ask Men Out on First Date

Dear Evan,

What’s the truth? Should women ask men out on first dates? Is it true that a man is “really not that into you” if he’s not asking you out?

Thanks!
Danielle

Dear Danielle,

You asked me a question, but you really asked me two different questions which have two different answers:

1) Should women ask out men on first dates?

No. No, they should not. Women asking men on first dates can be taken as aggressive, desperate, and masculine. At the very least, it can signify a loss of power. So I wouldn’t recommend that you ever utter the words, “Would you like to go out with me?” to any men.

This doesn’t contradict anything I’ve said before, because God knows, I’m not an advocate of women acting like helpless, shrinking violets. Not at all. But there’s a difference between asking a man out and getting a man to ask you out. I vote strongly for the latter.

There’s a difference between asking a man out and getting a man to ask you out.

So let’s get this straight:

Women asking men out? No.

Women using all their feminine wiles to get men to ask them out? Yes.

So what are these feminine wiles of which I speak? Besides your everyday, run-of-the-mill flirtation, there are TONS of things a woman can do to aid in her own dating process.

Let’s say you’re at a party and you see a cute guy across the room. Your friend tells you to go up and ask him out. But you’ve read this article and you know that he probably won’t respond to such a direct approach. What are you gonna do? How can you take action to make HIM take action?

So, if you see a man  you want to meet, how can you meet him? By putting yourself in the position to meet him. You can cross the room, park yourself seven feet to his diagonal, turn and smile. Now that he’s in your line of sight, he has an opportunity to make eye contact with you. And when men make eye contact with you when you’re smiling, that’s their invitation to come over and introduce themselves.

Result: Woman takes action. Man makes a move. Woman stays in control and keeps her feminine energy.

It’s important to understand this dynamic when we get to Danielle’s next question.

2) Is it true that a man is “really not that into you” if he’s not asking you out?

Yes. Kind of…. See, we men know, and have been conditioned, and may even have the biological imperative, to be the “aggressors”. For better or worse, this is the way society is set up. Men ask out women. We ask them to prom. We ask them to go steady. We ask them if they want to have sex. We ask them if they will marry us. Women are the gatekeepers to what we want. When that energy shifts, it often throws us for a loop.

This is why women shouldn’t push men for sex. Or ask men to commit. Or ask men to marry them. It’s not that they shouldn’t desire these things; it’s that generally, the man asks and the woman says yes/no.

But there are some men who don’t embrace these traditional roles – not because they’re iconoclasts or neo-feminists, but simply because they’re shy or insecure. Unless you give them the key to your heart and half-way unlock the door, they’re never going to get inside. Mostly because they’re afraid of rejection and don’t want to put themselves out there.

If you have the hots for the cute, quiet guy in IT, he may be totally into you, but be too shy to do anything.

So where does this leave a woman with a crush? Depends on the guy. With guys who are alpha male types – confident, secure, good with women – yeah, if he’s not asking you out, he’s just not that into you. Type A men know that they need to ask out women, and are usually adept at doing so. However, if you have the hots for the cute, quiet guy in IT, he may be totally into you, but be too shy to do anything.

That’s when it’s your job to make it easier for him. Not to ask him out, but to make it clear that you’re amenable to being asked out. Being flirtatious, hanging around his desk, joining him for lunch… As long as he knows that his advances will be well-received, he will probably make the advance.

And if he doesn’t?

Just ask him out.

It’s only rejection. Guys deal with it every day.

(And yeah, I’m contradicting myself, but only for shy guys!)

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Comments:

  1. 121
    Boudica

    i am a 49 year old woman, intelligent, well educated, very attractive, widowed, and i am sick of the way the women in this thread have responded to vino. i agree with him–much more so that i agree with any of the women or evan. i have looked back at vino’s other posts on other threads, and i agree with him there, also. vino, keep speaking your mind. there ARE women who agree with you, we ARE out there…….obviously not on this site, but women who attempt to see how double standards benefit US sometimes DO exist. keep speaking the TRUTH.

  2. 122
    vino

    Actually, I’d like to correct the record re: something Evan wrote. Some of my earlier posts were a bit long. Sorry. But they were not in response to being insulted. Cinn was asking good, clarifying questions regarding some earlier posts. I was answering. The insults only just began.

    I’d also like to point out both sexes have gender biased opinions. I don’t date men & can’t speak to what it’s like to date them & the converse also applies. Assuming no gay/bi posters are here…

    Oh, and I tolerate everyone’s opinions…it just isn’t reciprocated very often. :-)

    cinn:

    Sorry you feel that way. I suspect you, like I, will get over it rapidly.

  3. 123
    cinnamon

    vino,

    Thanks for support. As you noticed yourself none of my posts were intended to insult or attack you. In fact, if I hadn’t spot one of your comments (to the Should Women Settle thread), which also reflected my view, I would have probably never felt motivated to comment on this blog at all.

    As mentioned before, I’m European and I have little insight in the reality which many posters here refer to. Therefore I will limit my participation from now on. Also because I do not feel I actually meet the target audience profile.

    Just to respond to your last topic-related comment. My perception of the value of man-woman relationship and family/kids in general is rather clear. I value them highly. I would not pursue the living-apart-together model simply because I do not believe this is a remedy for all the confusion in the dating/mating/family area caused by the social changes, mainly feminist movement, as you noticed yourself. So here is where we part.

  4. 124
    vino

    Thanks Boudica. You’re one in a million. Literally. ;-)

  5. 125
    vino

    cinn:

    Glad something I said spurred comment. However, sorry if what I’ve said will cause limitation by you.

    Philosophically, I agree with your view of man-woman relationship and family/kids value, though I don’t want kids. Sadly & realistically, I don’t see the societal or legal incentive to foster such relationships. The opposite in fact occurs. It’s getting Lord of the Flies-like. I may change my mind on this at some point, but that’s what I see now. The only thing I see I can do for protection is do not date/marry at all; or if so, do the living-apart-together model.

    That said, I’m putting the pieces in place to move out of the gold old USA in the next couple of years. Perhaps we’ll run into each other. You’ll know it’s me…I’ll be the one wearing the “Don’t Marry” t-shirt. LOL.

    That’s a joke, btw. ;-)

  6. 126
    cinnamon

    vino,
    Realistically, I do have a picture in my mind of all the homes when the whole family is terrorized by an alcoholic or abusive man day in day out. I do realise there are men who leave their spouses in debt, there are men who exchange them for a newer model when they hit the mid-life crisis. I know that if I happen to fall for a commitment-phobic man, then even though I would have the looks of Angelina Jolie and the personality of Mother Theresa, he will keep fault finding until he pushes me away in the best case or leaves me as a nervous wrack in the worst case.
    However, it is my philosophical attitude and the example of all the good couples that I have around me that keeps me believing both in relationships and family. Though I must admit I had a very long period of doubt in my life, so I fully understand you.
    Where I come from, the late 60ies was the period when women (arm in arm with men) were fighting for more important (in my personal opinion) rights than the right to a one night stand.

  7. 127
    vino

    cinn,

    I do see your point about seeing the worst in people & applaud your optimism. My point is that the things I mention as drawbacks are very widely acknowledged as the majority of circumstances, at least 70% or more. That means I have to sort through at least 7 of ten to get to the final three to even see if they are ‘alcoholic or abusive’ are willing to trade in for newer, higher earning model, nags, cajoles, etc,,, in the remaining three. I just don’t see all of this sifting & sorting as worth the time now.

    Even if as you mentioned, I meet Angelina Jolie-like looks who’s sweet and nice, the simple reality is that if we do marry and she gets bored later or is ‘unfulfilled,’ she can bail & take 1/2 of what I’ve worked for. No questions asked. No wrongdoing on my part. There’s a built-in disincentive to stay together via the legal system, if there ever was one.

    CA divorce rate exceeds 70%. You see all of these happy couples around you. 7 out of 10 couples won’t be together in a year. And women initiate over 70% of all divorces (& relationships by proxy, I’d think). I think the odds suck. It’s that simple.

    So why play the odds? Play a different game entirely. Or don’t play, as it were. I think what you see by deathslayer & some other posters reflects this. Until the odds improve, they won’t play.

    “Where I come from, the late 60ies . . .fighting for more important (in my personal opinion) rights than the right to a one night stand.”

    – Agreed. But that right to a ONS was part of the fight too. It freed both sexes.

    Stay optimistic.

  8. 128
    cinnamon

    :-)
    “But that right to a ONS was part of the fight too”
    I meant fight for democracy, not the feminist movement ;-)

    I kind of like discussing with you, and I really do honestly emphatise with a situation of any person, either man or woman, who have invested their time, resources and feelings in a relationship, and are being left for no valid reason simply because their partner was bored and divorce is just so easy to get. I would see this sad situation more as an outcome of the extreme (and still growing) individualism and secularisation, though. And this is my philosophical background for rejecting the living-apart-together model.

    But I can also see we come from two very different worlds, and probably if I mentioned that my biggest reservation regarding the institution of marriage has always been the fear of becoming economically dependent on someone else you wouldn’t probably believe it :-).

    Even though I do have a lot of understanding for the issues that you and some other male posters raise here, being a relatively young woman I can see quite a dilemma in the requirements towards women that I’ve noticed reading this blog which are in a way conflicting for me. And here I mean a requirement to be caring, nurturing, committed, not career-driven, not challenging on one hand, and a requirement to be economically and emotionally self-sufficient, independent, not looking for any kind of support from a man on the other and.

    to be continued…

  9. 129
    cinnamon

    I think why this recent return to the golddigging and “equality” topic struck me, is the fact that I remember very clearly the arguments raised in one of the earlier threads about women who are married to their work and therefore not meeting their (equally career-driven) partners’ needs. That time I thought: “Wow, there is something in what this guy is saying. Can a relationship between two people who are both highly committed to their careers really work out? Could I compromise on my career for the sake of the relationship?”

    I’m optimistic. But I’m also extremely puzzled.

  10. 130
    vino

    cinn:

    I’ll admit that it can appear that there is a tension between goldigger avoidance and what you put as being economically independent.

    I’d like to give a hearty thumbs up to your reservations about marriage vis-a-vis economic dependence. But I don’t think that the concepts are necessarily at loggerheads.

    I think there’s a problem going in when the earnings are significantly disparate, particularly from the marriage front. Say you make $50k/yr and your husband makes $250k/yr. By virtue of just being with him, your standard of living increases. This is particularly a problem at divorce time, when the lesser earner is entitled to continuing payments after divorce to continue that standard of living! It;s akin to giving a beggar $20 once a month out of heart’s goodness, then being obligated to do it because he got used to it. In no-fault divorce, this is clearly an incentive to marry up economically.

    More to follow later, perhaps tomorrow.

  11. 131
    cinnamon

    Looking forward to it.
    Still, I’m a person who likes to look at the “big picture”, so please let’s also take into account the whole thread about Successful Women and all the traits that $250k/yr men are looking for in their partners mentionned in that thread.
    My intuition is telling me that just like many men are puzzled by the confilicting/unclear expectations that they are presented with from womens’ side, there is also planty of women who would do their best to satisfy the expectations/needs of their men and are maybe puzzled just like me.

  12. 132
    Eda

    I’d like to provide a different perspective on the men supporting women idea. Many posters often see this set up as all good for the woman and really really bad for the man…she is just draining him of his hard earned money. However, as has been hinted at but not expounded on, the men who take care of women do get something out of it and it is often power and control as I will reveal through my personal experience.

    Many years ago when I was young and poor as I was fresh out of college, I went on vacation with my boyfriend who was 9 years my senior and well established in his career. While we never talked about our incomes, I was pretty certain that he made more money than I did. So, he asked me to go on vacation with him and all I had to pay for was my airplane (which was all I could afford) — he would take care of everything else. I was excited because I rarely went on vacations.

    When we got to our destination, he made it very clear that since he was paying for vacation, I pretty much had to have sex when he wanted and as frequently as he wanted. And, I had to wear the outfits that he wanted. Because I was young and foolish, I kind of felt obligated to do what he wanted. I was resentful, but still I did what he wanted. After I came back from vacation, I realized that having a man “take care” of me wasn’t all it was cracked up to be, and I vowed that I would never, ever be financially dependent on a man. No man would ever tell me what to wear or when and how often to have sex. No man would ever have control over me in any way shape or form.

    Now my example may be extreme, but there are plenty of women for whom being financially dependent or taken care of comes at a price…a high price. While many women are willing to accept that price, many woman are not. So, just as there are men who want to avoid golddiggers, there are women who want to maintain their financial autonomy.

    To be clear, I am not saying that all men who take care of women behave in a controlling manner, but enough do. So, I think it’s only fair to point out that men do get something out of being the provider…it isn’t all one-sided in favor of women.

  13. 133
    vino

    So my basic theory is that women, no matter how much they earn, seek guys who make more. Not all, but vast majority. This is where the problem starts IMHO.

    This fits in with the suer- successful men & women in an interesting way. I think verbosity wrote that it necessarily mandates a very small pool of very successful men for the very successful women. That’s the first thing. Then, as I noted, successful people of both sexes necessarily spend a lot of time being successful… meetings, conference calls, travel. The time factor is an impediment.

    Also, the personality traits are often the same – hyper, aggressive, restless, even when not ‘on the clock.’ My anectdotal observation is that women generally have a harder time leaving work at work, so it comes home (PLENTY of guys do this too). So in those few time you are together, she’s more likely to be restless, hyper, still focused on work, etc. Here is the difference as I see it – As a guy, I don’t find that attractive, or conducive to a good relationship. There’s no room for warmth, or loving. It’s like being with an aggressive guy. Many women think men should like how successful they are, etc, because that’s what they like in men. It simply isn’t so.

    Do I have an easy answer? No. Are there some very successful, warm loving, career women out there? Yes.If not already taken, they’ve focused on the guys who make even more than they, and have maybe landed them already.

  14. 134
    vino

    This relates to the whole marriage/money trap.

    Had a brilliant conversation with a friend last night. He spoke with an expert on cognitive dissonance. This expert was hired by Costco to evaluate the success of Costco’s policy of allowing flat screen TV’s to be returned at any time. His answer is that it would be a terrible policy.

    I don’t recall every detail of what was relayed to me, but the short answer is that people unless they are given a clear boundary, a clear end point for such a decision, they are unhappy, and will rationalize some way out of the choice. Ex – you buy a BMW. It’s a great car. You’re happy with it. But then you see the comparable Mercedes, and it’s actually a little better looking, more amenities, better gas mileage, more room. You like the M-B more. You’d be immediately unhappy with the BMW if you could easily return it tomorrow, get your money back & get the M-B. But, as we all know, it doesn’t work that way with cars.

    But that’s how marriage works now with no-fault, it struck me. It’s easy to bail to trade up for the M-B, so it’s easy to rationalize that you’re not ‘fulfilled’ or ‘happy’ or any other silly reason like that. Interesting psychology. I know very little of it, but saw that parallel.

  15. 135
    cinnamon

    “But that’s how marriage works now with no-fault, it struck me. It’s easy to bail to trade up for the M-B, so it’s easy to rationalize that you’re not fulfilled or happy or any other silly reason like that.”

    This is an interesting observation. I just dare to claim that if this is the case, then if applies equally to both sexes…
    I would also suspect, that this may be the case for people for whom marriage in itself has no value.
    I was actually suprised how many people on his blog claimed they wish to wait with sex until marriage. Wow. This is certainly not a majority of the population, but for sure an example (one of many) of people who believe that marriage has a value.

    Coming back to the discrepancies in earnings and women having the incentive to marry up economically. I do recall an argument saying that very successful $250k/yr men are looking for partners who are not nearly as accomplished professionally. And that they do it on purpose. So apparently there must be some mutual interest in such a constellation.

  16. 136
    vino

    Have to view it differently, Eda.

    If you look at match. com, one of the areas is “turn-ons.” If you do a random sampling, I suspect you find “power” “boldness/assertiveness” in 85% or more of the answers. Simply put, women like and seek that characteristic in general.

    This is going to sound way cold but – You also have to ask what he’s getting for his money if you want to be taken care of? Sex is necessarily a part of that. You may think he was too extreme, but remember YOU sought the person in the power position who could give you things. That’s part & parcel of such a decision.

    Eda wrote: “So, just as there are men who want to avoid golddiggers, there are women who want to maintain their financial autonomy.”

    – I agree. They should. And in doing so should contribute equally in every way, including financially. Most don’t however. They want autonomy & to continue receiving… Can’t do both.

  17. 137
    hunter

    To Eda,

    I agree with you, young women do get controlled by men.(this frustrates some women) Although, it seems more like a young womans mind, was built to follow a man. Don’t they say that is one of god’s biggest jokes, just to keep this place populated?

  18. 138
    Eda

    Vino,
    I really don’t know why, but your view of women makes me sad. I don’t have statistics or studies that I can quote, but I truly believe that there are lots of women who don’t see men as meal tickets and who would be more than happy to contribute equally (emotionally, financially, sexually, and intellectually) in a relationship.

  19. 139
    cinnamon

    Guys, just to sum up what I see here. As I understand, you’re looking for women who are caring for you, nurturing to you, committed to you, not career-driven, not challenging, not stressed, working less hours than you and greeting you with a home-made dinner when you come back home tired after your 12-hr working day.
    These same women shall contribute equally to the home budget which means that they shall earn the same as you, and in order to do so they need to have highly paid 60-hr per week jobs and be fully committed to them. Also they should not expect any behavior from men that could be perceived as a masculine equivalent of caring for them, being nurturing to them or being committed to them.

    Is this a correct understanding?

  20. 140
    vino

    cinn wrote:

    “I just dare to claim that if this is the case, then if applies equally to both sexes”

    – You betcha. I agree. But please keep in mind that ladies do initiate over 70% of divorces. So that in practice doesn’t seem to balance out…

    “I would also suspect, that this may be the case for people for whom marriage in itself has no value.”

    – Maybe in some cases. Maybe not. I think that the ability to easily exit, and profit from it (often, though not every time) is one where the tail wags the dog. One may value marriage and therefore wait till then for sex, but once the daily marriage grind (see Lori Gottleib) sets in, the easy exit rationalizations begin. I think you see this in people who married in heir 20’s, and felt trapped by 30’s – todays ‘cougars’ and guys who go after the young girls. Point is the ease to exit creates the unhappiness.

    ” . . .very successful $250k/yr (& up) men are looking for partners who are not nearly as accomplished professionally. And that they do it on purpose. So apparently there must be some mutual interest in such a constellation.”

    – Not to say they are necessarily ‘looking’ for less-accomplished partners. I think it’s a compromise. But when you look at dating a go-getter lady, she doesn’t have the time to be with you, physically or emotionally. Or, as Leykis puts it, “she’s not there to eff me when I want” either. Plus, as I and other posters have posited, many very successful women simply don’t possess the characteristics many very successful guys want.

    My experience is that I and most very successful guys I know want women who will be available, who will be warm and ‘present’ when with us, and, to eff us when we’re around too ;-) The women who really have the time to be this way are less successful, career-wise, more often than not. So that pairing of successful guys and less successful women occurs.

    But it’s a compromise for both. He compromises and understands that for someone to be there for him, they’re going to be earning far less, so he will have to deal with a goldigger problem or accept that he’s going to have to support her. Most guys are raised to expect to do this, so you see more willing to do it (support). The woman, on the other hand, gets monetary benefit – homes, vacations, cars, etc, that she would not have otherwise received simply by earning it through work’s earnings. Thing is, he’s also willing to compromise & lower his standard of living for this arrangement…

    Here’s where it gets funny for women – women, even the very successful ones, still seek men who earn more. They’re very happy to buy into the above compromise, yet they, for the most part HATE the prospect of supporting a guy who makes less. Because hey, they’re the ones who are supposed to be supported, even if they make $250k… So they seek guys who make 2-3x what they do, which are few men indeed. Why? Because if she decides not to work, etc, she doesn’t want her standard of living to drop from what it otherwise would be, so it necessitates someone who earns 2x more, at least.

    A big difference between her and the guy who’s successful is, she’s unwilling to compromise & lower her standard of living for any arrangement. Not true in all cases but the VAST majority of ‘em.

  21. 141
    A-L

    I find it interesting how often the person earning $250k is popped up in various threads, and decided to do a little research.

    Under $25k 25.2%
    $25-35k 11.5%
    $35-50k 14.5%
    $50-75k 18.2%
    $75-100k 11.3%
    $100-150k 11.5%
    $150-200k 4.0%
    $200-250k 1.5%
    $250k + 1.9%

    The above is a breakdown of percentage of the population that earns a specific income. Unfortunately, it’s by household, so it’s not an exact break down by individual salaries, but you get the general idea. And how much of those six figure salaries are coming from households where it’s a 2-earner family? (Statistics come from the US Census’ website at http://pubdb3.census.gov/macro/032007/hhinc/new06_000.htm)

    If two guys were equally sweet, funny, intelligent, sensitive, good-looking, etc, then yeah, most every woman is going to take the one with a higher salary. I’m sure men seeking a partner would as well. If a guy bores you to tears, however, he could be Bill Gates and he still wouldn’t get a second date, much less a spouse. (Just went out with a guy the other night who fit this description; he asked me out, I paid for myself, and could hardly wait to go home ALONE. Now my post is also relevant to the the original topic. :))

  22. 142
    A-L

    Many men (particularly from Central and South American, Asian, and African countries) expect to have the woman cook, clean, take care of the children, etc, regardless of whether or not the woman works. They also want to be the ones deciding what to watch on tv, what to do on vacations, what their spouse can do without them, etc. They often expect this type of control over their spouse, regardless of how much money the man or the woman makes. I grew up in such a household. It’s one of the reasons why I think it’s important for couples to discuss gender roles and expectations, and how/if they think that should change once they marry or have children. And though I mentioned men from several international locations, this also holds true for many American men, particular ones with conservative beliefs. So though these men may (though not necessarily) earn more money than their spouse, they’re getting a whole heck of a lot out of it, and that’s not including any possible sexual aspects to it.

    And not to sound too pessimistic, I’m one of those optimists that believes in the sanctity of marriage, and views it as a union for mutual comfort, aid, and pleasure. (I’m also one of those that cinnamon alluded to from the other thread.) And I’m not asking for my husband to have a $250k salary either. :)

  23. 143
    hunter

    To Cinnamon,

    You said, Just to sum up….I disagree with you, the average man is not that complicated. All we need is a good recliner, a big screen, food and sex…..LOL!….

  24. 144
    vino

    For cinn’s #139:

    I think you’re misstating what I am saying.

    ” . . . not career-driven”

    – I’m not saying that. I’m saying that broadly speaking, most don’t have the previously mentioned warmth, nurturing traits, etc, and don’t have the time to be with us. There are some where it works. Great. As a guy or girl, you have to understand that your very successful partner makes work their first priority and you somewhere else down the list. If you accept this, fine. My point is that more women are willing to accept it (be with successful guy) than the reverse. I’m further saying that very successful women don’t want to be with guys the same or less successful than they.

    “not challenging”

    – This is obvious to see, difficult to explain sometimes. I love a smart woman and enjoy intellectual debate and stimulation. However the context I and most guys I’ve read here indicate something besides that. I don’t want to be challenged on my wardrobe, who my friends are, where we go for dinner, the filet vs. NY strip, etc, etc etc… I don’t want to challenged, critiqued & cajoled in my personal life about stupid shit. If someone tries it, they are gone. Fast.

    “not stressed”

    – I never said this. My point is that BOTH parties should make an effort to have their personal time together as bereft of stress as possible. A haven, if you will. Not always doable, but should be a goal.

    “working less hours than you and greeting you with a home-made dinner when you come back home tired after your 12-hr working day.”

    – When did I ever say that? I said that very successful guys tend to gravitate towards women who have more flexibility to be with them. Never said anything about the dinner thing. Besides, most women don’t cook anymore anyway ;-)

    “These same women shall contribute equally to the home budget…”

    – When did I say that in relation to the very successful/less successful discussion? I didn’t. I said less successful women with more successful men get a definite monetary benefit. Their standard of living is raised. However, in general very successful women are loath to do the same for less successful men, and usually don’t.

    “… which means that they shall earn the same as you, and in order to do so they need to have highly paid 60-hr per week jobs and be fully committed to them.”

    – DIdn’t say that at all. With that said, though, my point is that if guys applied the same financial standards to women that women apply to guys, you’d be correct. Fair is fair & equal is equal, no?

    “Also they should not expect any behavior from men that could be perceived as a masculine equivalent of caring for them, being nurturing to them or being committed to them.”

    – When did I say that?

    “Is this a correct understanding?”

    – Nope. It overstated & misstated several things. See above.
    :-)

  25. 145
    A-L

    I posted this before, but for some reason it didn’t go up.

    I find it interesting how often the person earning $250k is popped up in various threads, and decided to do a little research.

    Under $25k 25.2%
    $25-35k 11.5%
    $35-50k 14.5%
    $50-75k 18.2%
    $75-100k 11.3%
    $100-150k 11.5%
    $150-200k 4.0%
    $200-250k 1.5%
    $250k + 1.9%

    The above is a breakdown of percentage of the population that earns a specific income. Unfortunately, it’s by household, so it’s not an exact break down by individual salaries, but you get the general idea. And how much of those six figure salaries are coming from households where it’s a 2-earner family? (Statistics come from the US Census’ website at http://pubdb3.census.gov/macro/032007/hhinc/new06_000.htm)

    If two guys were equally sweet, funny, intelligent, sensitive, good-looking, etc, then yeah, most every woman is going to take the one with a higher salary. I’m sure men seeking a partner would as well. If a guy bores you to tears, however, he could be Bill Gates and he still wouldn’t get a second date, much less a spouse. (Just went out with a guy the other night who fit this description; he asked me out, I paid for myself, and could hardly wait to go home ALONE. Now my post is also relevant to the the original topic. :))

  26. 146
    A-L

    Here’s a post of mine that didn’t go up before.

    I find it interesting how often the person earning $250k is popped up in various threads, and decided to do a little research.

    Under $25k 25.2%
    $25-35k 11.5%
    $35-50k 14.5%
    $50-75k 18.2%
    $75-100k 11.3%
    $100-150k 11.5%
    $150-200k 4.0%
    $200-250k 1.5%
    $250k + 1.9%

    The above is a breakdown of percentage of the population that earns a specific income. Unfortunately, it’s by household, so it’s not an exact break down by individual salaries, but you get the general idea. And how much of those six figure salaries are coming from households where it’s a 2-earner family? (Statistics come from the US Census’ website; I’m posting without the link as it appears this post keeps getting deleted and I’m trying to see if this is why.)

    If two guys were equally sweet, funny, intelligent, sensitive, good-looking, etc, then yeah, most every woman is going to take the one with a higher salary. I’m sure men seeking a partner would as well. If a guy bores you to tears, however, he could be Bill Gates and he still wouldn’t get a second date, much less a spouse. (Just went out with a guy the other night who fit this description; he asked me out, I paid for myself, and could hardly wait to go home ALONE. Now my post is also relevant to the the original topic. :))

  27. 147
    cinnamon

    “Perhaps we’ll run into each other. You’ll know it’s me I’ll be the one wearing the Don’t Marry t-shirt. LOL.”

    LOL, I must have missed this one :-). I’m afraid in real life we would have never run into each other, because I would run to the hills as soon as I saw you T-shirt and you would not have notice me running because I don’t meet your 5’5″ criteria. LOL :-)

  28. 148
    cinnamon

    vino,
    re: 139. just ignore it. It was posted simultaneously with your 140, sorry.

  29. 149
    vino

    Actually 5’5″ runners fit perfectly. Never said anyone 5’5″ wasn’t for me. Quite the contrary ;-)

  30. 150
    cinnamon

    “Actually 5?5? runners fit perfectly”.
    I’m more petite than that, at least according to my unit converter ;-) My point was the Don’t Marry t-shirt will make most of women run away faster than the speed of light ;-)
    But please don’t take it like I’m challenging anyone on their choice of wardrobe LOL

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