The Downside to Being Beautiful

You may have heard of Samantha Brick by now. Her article for the Daily Mail about how women hate her for her beauty has gone viral.

Brick, 41, explains that she’s been given free drinks her whole life because she’s hot.

The downside? Not one girlfriend has ever asked her to be a bridesmaid. Envious bosses have forced her out of jobs. Friendships are nearly impossible to maintain.

Therapist Marisa Peer, author of self-help guide Ultimate Confidence, says that women have always measured themselves against each other by their looks rather than achievements.

“It’s hard when everyone resents you for your looks,” says Brick. Men think “what’s the point, she’s out of my league” and don’t ask you out. And women don’t want to hang out with someone more attractive than they are…I find that older women are the most hostile to beautiful women — perhaps because they feel their own bloom fading.”

At the end of the article, she confesses that, at 41, she’s one of the few women “welcoming the decline of my looks.” She writes “I can’t wait for the wrinkles and the grey hair that will help me blend into the background.”

We can certainly debate as to whether Ms. Brick is attractive enough to warrant this conversation. The real question, however, is why the claws have come out with such glee, trying to tear her down. I think it’s a few things.

First of all, we don’t like anyone who brags about herself, even if there’s cause for bragging.

Second, we don’t like anyone who brags about herself without proper cause.

Third, we don’t like anyone who seems too happy or self-satisfied – as she claims to be in her marriage to an older man in the French countryside.

Fourth, there’s always a bit of schadenfreude in the world. We root against the guy who went to Harvard in the movie. We like to see poor lottery winners, not rich ones. We want to take down whomever’s in power – Microsoft, the government, our boss – just so they get their comeuppance.

Finally, I think that people are jealous and lashing out anonymously on the Internet is the best way to vent.

Did Samantha Brick come off as a little smug and clueless for someone who is marginally attractive? Absolutely.

But I don’t think she was lying. I just think that people didn’t want to concede that she was telling the truth.

Read the article and see multiple photos of Ms. Brick here. And click here to read my article on the woes of attractive women called “Pity the Pretty” here.

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Comments:

  1. 31
    Helen

    #25: “Average, dumpy women get all the guys…”

    Well, you certainly got that part right. ;)

    Seriously, though, people? It’s like I said in the other post: stop racing to occupy the “victim” role. Petra 27 was totally right. Whine whine whine, I’m not to blame at all, it’s always other people’s fault… That’s what makes Ms Brick’s statements so distasteful, and yet some of that is going on right here with a few (obviously not all) posters.

    You really think your gorgeousness prevents you from being with good men? You really think we dumpy frumpies have it easier? If so, then the solution is simple. One: get out of victim mentality. Two: make it a point not to wear makeup or dress beautifully; your natural good looks should carry the day if they’re really that amazing. (If you can’t bring yourself to do this even if dumpy looks are supposed to get guys, then acknowledge that it’s your own desire to be gorgeous, rather than others’ fault, that you’re not being approached. Or acknowledge that being dumpy doesn’t, in fact, save the day.) Three: be the first to talk with men whom you deem “good,” rather than waiting for them to talk with you. You may be surprised how glad they are to converse with you.

    There are very few circumstances in which you have no power at all to change your situation. For certain, claiming that you’re less fortunate than others rarely gets you anywhere.

  2. 32
    Peter

    Very interesting discussion. I was, in my early years, terrified of approaching beautiful women and mythologized them. Now, I wouldn’t hesitate. I don’t have the distortion operating in my head that they are so superior to me. What I’m finding interesting, though, is that most attractive women I run into are married. Maybe this is characteristic of my New England area, but I can with a high degree of probability, when I look at a woman, if she’s married. Not only is she usually more attractive overall, she has a kind of polish, confidence, and poise. She probably has more resources in a partnership to pursue wellness, and this is supported often by spouses. Many studies show that couples are fairly well matched by appearance. Men would prefer having beautiful partners. This has a great deal of social capital for them. More confident males – not necessarily players – approach beautiful women. Others think they’re out of their league. The fact is there are a lot of attractive married men and women, and they found each other, approached each other, because this is the kind of person they wanted, looks wise or otherwise.

  3. 33
    Vicki

    It’s interesting to read the comments here and elsewhere about how Samantha Brick really isn’t “all that pretty.” Yet, she certainly has confidence in herself and, excuse me but isn’t that the image all sorts of life and relationship coaches as well as umpteen women’s mags constant advise women to project? Because, there’s nothing more sexy or attractive than a confident woman. So, here’s a woman who certainly is attractive (in all the proper ways, which also includes a “pleasing appearance and pretty smile”) whether you consider her beautiful or not, and the best we can do is comment on how she’s “not all that pretty.”

    Yes, it’s true that attractive people have more advantages in some things but it’s also true that they are treated harshly by those who are insecure and feel threatened by them. Since most of us, when we look back on our life, truly do consider friendships and relationships as more important than status and material things, there is a huge truth to what she says. If people are judgmental, act cruel to or jealous of people who are attractive solely on their looks, then that speaks of a societal dysfunction that is no different than when people are judgmental or act cruel to the unattractive, heavy, disabled or those who are deemed different.

    Is the fact that no one is jealous of those people — the unattractive, heavy, disabled or those who are deemed different — the real issue here?

    1. 33.1
      Jenny Ravelo

      True confident people do not make articles about how everyone hates them because they’re pretty, just like truly sexy women do not go out to the streets wearing industrial amounts of makeup and very little clothing. When you believe in what you are you don’t need to advertise it, when you do it’s because you’re trying to convince others and yourself of your value. 

      The common trait of hated people is not their looks, but the fact that they come off as arrogant. 

  4. 34
    Paragon

    I would concur – Brick’s problem isn’t that she’s beautiful(which – and yes, I’ll say it – she isn’t, imo), but rather that she comes across as a delusional narcissist.

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1213212/The-ego-epidemic-more-inflated-sense-fabulousness.html#ixzz19HTMlvJU

    And as for women who struggle find a happy medium in confidence – they need only be precisely confident enough to
    cue the approach of a mutually receptive male(which, imo, is the optimal level of confidence a woman need exhibit).

  5. 35
    Helen

    Vicki, your point about confidence is at the center of this. Yes, confident people are attractive. Ms Brick is not confident. An arrogant individual is not necessarily confident; often, it’s the opposite.

    You can be beautiful without being obnoxious about it, without putting other people down, without attributing jealousy or meanness to them. Ms Brick was waging an all-out catfight against other women – and the ironic thing is that SHE is claiming to be the victim. In fact, no woman (including myself) would feel the slightest bit jealous of her looks, so we find her claims ludicrous.

    You know who the most confident people are? Those who are happy with themselves and who do not compare themselves with other people. Ms Brick seems desperate to compare herself with others. To a lesser extent, those posting here who say, “I’m so beautiful, but all the plain women get the men” are likewise comparing themselves and lacking in confidence.

  6. 36
    Peter

    It’s probably self-evident that ultimately someone would want to be born better looking than not.  An attractive individual can be modest – or not- about his or her appearance.  To me nothing’s more repellent than a conceited individual, no matter how they look.  An woman I know – probably one who would not rate high on the “looks” scale – is energetic, engaging, super friendly, and these make her very attractive.  A narcissistic woman I know – unfortunately a psychotherapist – is so exceedingly bound to her appearance that it makes her seem grotesque.   She at times referred to a couple of her friends as “inbetweenies”, in describing some aspect of their lives and perhaps lack of success.  It’s a pretty reductionistic way of looking at life and a smug celebration of her own success in the “looks lottery”.  In the end, character wins the day.

  7. 37
    Leesa

    i think what i’m about to say will resonate with what vicki (33) said above in her second paragraph. whether it be because you are too fat/ulgy/disabled or too beautiful, the resultant feelings and suffering for the ulgy or beautiful person is still the same.  for either reason, the unattrative or attractive human being is sometimes hard pressed to experience sincere kindness, love, affection, intimacy or acceptance from the opposite sex or their peers. also, i suffer from not being able to express my deep need to love another human being within the context of an intimate relationship.  i think (at least it’s the case for me) that both the ugly and the beautiful suffer at a soul level as a result of not being able to receive and express intimate love.  and if you’re beautiful, you also have to contend with being objectified and used.  my last boyfriend, for example, constantly raved about how “hot” i was and he loved having sex with me. in the end, i found out he was only using me for sex and lying to me. i was devistated. i guess, since i hadn’t experienced affection and an ability to express my love and intimacy to another human being for so long, and i believed that i was lovable and that i had alot of love to give, i just could not imagine that he would just be using me for his ego.  i cried every day for 8.5 months – i didn’t know that depth of suffering was possible.  in the end, i feel that my suffering is as deep as the ugly woman’s.  then i go for years on end without men taking an interest in me (except for the sleeze bags).  i see this as being no different from the ugly women going years on end without men taking an interest in them – there is the same suffering for both of us.  when i think about approaching a guy i might be interested in (as helen (19) suggests), suddenly i get a feeling of having a fear of being rejected. and evan teaches us not to chase guys because we look desperate and needy.

    if i consider what mrs. brick says about being discriminated against in job type situations … and i consider that i myself have easily gotten jobs when i’ve been interviewed by men, and have rarely gotten the job when i’ve been interviewed by women … i can see that it may well not have been because of mrs. bricks or my physical appearance for this practical observation.  in my case, and in hers, it could be that academically, the women see us as not the perfect match for the position, whereas the men see us as a decent match for the position … or for other reasons like the women interviewers determine that our personality isn’t right for the position or we won’t be a good fit with the rest of the staff, whereas the men think we’ll be ok or evem good at the job. 

    i’d love to see what the people say who have worked with mrs. brick and get their side of the story.  these days, if people were to react adversely to me, i’d actually ask them why, instead of perceiving (as mrs. brick) has done that the reason people are adverse to her is because she’s hot.  but then, that would require the adversely reactive person to be honest as to why i peeve them off. often, i’m not even sure why i react a certain way to a person since it can be so automatic.  so expecting others to be so in touch with themselves so as to give me a more accurate perspective of the situation might be a stretch.

  8. 38
    Androgynous

    To all those “beautiful” women who have posted that yes, life is indeed not a bed of roses being beautiful – if I gave you a magic wand right now and poof ! you could trade your way above average looks for average to below average looks, would you do it ? Didn’t think so…enough said !

  9. 39
    Ruby

    Vicki #33
     
    Is Samantha Brick projecting “confidence” or is she merely trying to be provocative, as seems to be her career bent? And what about her being blonde (her most attractive feature, IMO)? My attractive, blonde-haired friends have always complained about being treated differently. One brown-haired friend notices a difference in male interest when she has dyed her hair blonde. My blonde friends tell me that others assume they are less intelligent, though.

  10. 40
    Helen

    Leesa 37, I sympathize… but for your own well-being, you will have to take yourself and your looks out of the picture, to be able to see things realistically.

    I assume you want a good guy for an LTR. A good guy will treat everyone well, not just some people; and a bad guy will treat everyone poorly, not just some people. If you find a guy who treats you like gold but treats others like crap, it’s really only a matter of time before he starts treating you like crap too. Likewise, if you find a guy who is kind to others, he would treat you well, too, and is a keeper.

    So don’t take it so personally. Certainly don’t cry every day for 8 months over an unkind person. Do you really think he only treated you badly because you’re beautiful? More likely, if he dates a plain woman next, he’ll make her life miserable by talking about his hot ex. He’ll treat everyone that way. You lose nothing by having him gone. Next time, be more discriminating. Observe which men treat others well, not just you.

    If there were a kind way to say “Get over yourself,” that is what I would say here with the best of intentions and no meanness intended, because sometimes that’s what we need to get over tough circumstances. Most of the time, it’s not about us – which can be an embarrassment but also a relief. 

  11. 41
    Nicole

    So I’d love to know, while some men and women do like to put their partners down, don’t most people who date/sleep with you probably tell you that you are hot/handsome/beautiful/cute?  I mean, using that metric, everyone should probably think that they are the bee’s knees.

    It’s funny how often people will offer up proof of their hotness/youth the fact that someone who wanted to or was having sex with them told them they were hot.

    I mean seriously, does anyone say “yeah, you are pretty ugly, let’s do it!” If I want someone to do something for me, I’m going to butter him up.  Only people with low EQs don’t understand that.  

    I’m just saying, anyone who wants something from you is going to say the right things, esp. if they want a lot with little true investment,  and I’m not surprised that people who eat up that kind of superficial and external validation (like Samantha Brick) would come to the conclusion that it is b/c they are exquisite (and also get blindsided by the discovery that it was all lies).  Instead, I think that users, male and female can tell what people will eagerly eat that stuff up and they lay it on thick when they think it will pay off.  Not to say that people don’t sincerely give compliments, but there is a kind of person who needs to think/believe that they are getting more guys or girls, and that they are hotter, more beautiful, or more handsome than everyone else, rather than being satisfied in finding a few strong, healthy, long-term relationships.

    So I don’t think Samantha Brick is much to right home about, but since she needs that validation, I’d guess that she is probably pretty flirty and probably takes every compliment lobbed at her, no matter how insincere, as confirmation of the idea that she won the genetic lottery.

    Not to mention that fact that while she isn’t that great looking, her basic descriptors are frequently listed as an ideal that a a lot of people think everyone covets or that people will list as undeniable proof of their beauty (blond, white, blue eyes, tall)…

    It’s interesting reading here how people, well into middle-age, still think it’s more important for a bunch of strangers to find them attractive than to find one good person to settle down with.  

  12. 42
    Nicole

    “write” not “right”…ugh, typing too fast.

  13. 43
    Heather

    Personally, I think that her attitude knocked her down a scale or two as far as her outward appearance goes. A woman with confidence expresses it, yes but she also has the common sense not to brag about it like it’s honestly news to anyone.

    I’d also like to say, I’d friend her, but I would also give her a much needed reality check. Real friends tell it as it is, if she could not handle what her friends had to say, then she should surround herself with fakes. They work well. 

    Sorry to ramble, but I think any woman who has confidence, and doesn’t brag about it is beautiful. Because she accepts herself fully, inner beauty and outer. You don’t have to be a size 4 to be beautiful. Also, I must say I pity beautiful women. They are targeted by such vile people…it’s awful. The girls who disappear are always so beautiful, it’s sad =(   Guess it makes me happy to be an ugly duckling of sorts.

  14. 44
    henriette

    As usual, I agree with Nicole (I wish we lived in the same city; we’d be great friends!).  I’ve seen that most tall, slim, busty blonde women can have unremarkable features but are often ogled and told they’re beautiful because they possess these key traits that are fetishised by a large number of men. 
    Also, most of us “smart, nice girls” were raised to listen carefully to negative criticism but brush off compliments as somehow less valid.  We can be very hard on ourselves and tend to dwell on our failings.  I think that the fact Samantha Brick seems to do the opposite feels very foreign to many of us and while I’m certainly not jealous of her looks, part of me is envious of her ability to believe and internalise every good thing she hears about herself.
    I went through a period of being very attractive (super in shape, lots of great clothes, etc) followed by an illness that had me put on lots of weight (from meds) and I looked as bad as I felt.  So, I’ve lived both sides of this coin.  While there were certainly some drawbacks to being attractive they were far, far better than the drawbacks of not being attractive.

  15. 45
    Nicole

    @Heather, all kinds of girls disappear.  Only “pretty” white girls get media attention.  There is a difference.

    “Pretty” women are not targeted for violence more b/c of their looks. If that was true, small children and old women would not disappear or be assaulted.  

    If you aren’t photogenic (or white), then your disappearance just won’t make the national news, that’s all.

    I’ve never known anyone to be “too pretty” for friends.  Most people who say that have poor EQ and aren’t very nice and that is why they have no friends. Pretty people with nice personalities have HUGE advantages in life.  

    Bad personalities can make a “pretty” person pretty ugly and tiresome, although younger people sometimes flock to them.  Most people, once they come into their own, won’t tolerate a bad personality and a pretty face. 

  16. 46
    Margo

    No comment about the article because I didn’t read it. I just went right to the pictures and I have to say that this woman isn’t pretty. I look a LOT better than that.

  17. 47
    Ellen

    someone wrote: “By contrast, as a very attractive woman, I have to constantly deal with men who just want to have sex. I’m very down to earth and nerdy and sweet, but I’ve been told that with my exotic looks I’m intimidatingly hot and that a lot of nice guys won’t even approach me, even though I’m just looking for an average looking but sweet, quirky guy who likes to be with me!”

    I’ve had regular guys approach me ’cause I’m approachable, friendly, smile, but it took me til age 30 to figure that out- how to be approachable without coming off as “easy”.

    But what she writes about is real- there ARE guys who only want to score with you for their ego. You feel like prey sometimes. But thanks to Evan’s advice I held out for a guy who could prove he was into ME, not my looks, body.

    I am told I am pretty or beautiful, though 59! I really didn’t get the “you’re beautiful” til I was over 50 though, not sure why. (Took a while for the baby fat to melt away and reveal high cheekbones? And I admit to plastic surgery and injections. I do it subtly though). And I am known for my nice figure, great legs, so double whammy. Sometimes, depending on what I’m wearing I draw open stares from men. Blows me away (at my age), but I’m enjoying it while it lasts…

    I was technically prettier maybe when younger, but not fully aware of it, too fixated on the little things that were wrong (I bit my nails for one thing) so not vain or smug or anything. I’ve never had trouble finding/keeping friends of either gender my whole life, so it all boils down to your spirit and EQ imo…..Still I occasionally attracted hostile attention from jealous females. They envied me more for my education I think though, knew I would work my way up from secretary pretty quickly whilst they would not…..

    Still, if your objective is to pick up men in a bar you WANT to be accompanied by at least one bombshell so as to attract attention. lol

    Another recent study linked being very attractive to being seen as less capable, which I think is true, so that’s a serious disadvantage, n’cest pas? Fortunately, I have a librarian vibe going, look intelligent, not like some cheerleader, so have avoided that I think. And I was awkward looking early on, so never thought about just getting by on my looks. I’m over-educated if anything….

    No, if given the chance to repeat my life I would still want to be attractive, but wish an older woman, my mother, SOMEBODY had prepared me for all of the above I mention.

    Finally, as one who has been to the UK twice, I can tell you that English women aren’t known for their beauty in general, so maybe Samantha sticks out a little. But no, I would classify her as merely attractive, a bit pretty, but not gorgeous. Jacqueline Bisset is gorgeous. Kate Beckinsale is gorgeous. She should google both to understand that very rare category of women. lmsao!

  18. 48
    Heather

    I agree with Helene.  I have a real problem with her diva attitude, “Oh, pity me, because I’m pretty and people hate me for it.”

    Sorry Ms. Brick but I have real problems.  Like a Mom with stage 3 cancer that’s come out of remission.  So please, pardon me for not giving a crap that you’re pretty and people hate you for it.  I’ve got better things to be upset about.  Like my Mom maybe not being here, this time next year.

    This woman makes me embarrassed to be a woman.  Not all of us give a rat’s backside what our co-workers look like.  I care about results, teamwork, etc. 

    Can y’all pass me the barf bag please?

  19. 49
    mia

    I think perhaps that there ARE women, who despite failing to be ‘conventionally’ attractive, they have a magnetic appeal that draws men to them. I’ve seen this with various girlfriends of mine. One was a large girl and another was a redhead. They both had this special exuberance that drew men to them every time we went out. Photos definitely didn’t capture the magnetism these girls had. Perhaps Samantha Brick is one of these women. However, if you fail to make ANY meaningful friendships over the years, as I’ve witnessed with some women (and men) around me, it generally means that they are incredibly shallow,self-centred or a similar trait. Beauty is rarely a hindrance to making friends in my experience. It might intimidate some people, yes, but to have NO close friends at all? Hmm. Something is definitely off with Mrs. Brick, methinks. 

  20. 50
    sarahbrick

    really? you don’t think samantha brick was lying when she said a neighbor didn’t wave back because she was envious of her beauty? did you see the picture?

  21. 51
    Margo

    On second thought, I believe I will comment on this article. Like the author ascertains, discrimination of beautiful women does exist.  I have had women play “musical chairs” to make sure I didn’t sit next to a single man they were interested in at various events. I have had women not wanting me to even be at events where eligible men that they were interested in were.

    I have had women resent me and attempt to attack my intelligence. They have betrayed me, talked behind my back, and have been hostile towards me. This has all been because of my appearance. Therefore, I do agree with the author’s claims that this phenomen does exist. However, I also agree with Evan that the author could be described as only marginally pretty.

  22. 52
    Karl R

    Margo said: (#51)
    “Like the author ascertains, discrimination of beautiful women does exist.  I have had women play ‘musical chairs’ to make sure I didn’t sit next to a single man they were interested in at various events.”

    That’s your idea of discrimination?

    When I first started dating my fiancée, I tried to ensure that she’d end up sitting near me instead of another man (whom I knew was interested in dating her).

    It’s called competition, not discrimination.

    That man looks like munchkin from the Wizard of Oz. I definitely have him beat in the looks department. And I still went out of my way to stack the deck in my favor.

    Margo said: (#51)
    “I have had women resent me and attempt to attack my intelligence. They have betrayed me, talked behind my back, and have been hostile towards me. This has all been because of my appearance.”

    How do you know that it’s all because of your appearance? Do you read their minds? Do they tell you to your face that they betrayed you because they were jealous of your looks?

    I’ve had women gossip about me behind my back. I’m pretty sure it’s not because I’m a beautiful woman. In one case, I’d pissed off a friend of theirs. In another case, they told scandalous gossip about everyone in the workplace. (If they didn’t know anything scandalous, they made stuff up.)

    I’ve had men and women express hostility toward me, and I’ve seen no evidence that my appearance was the cause of it.

    So what makes you so certain that you’re the target of hostility and gossip because you’re attractive? Most of us experience the exact same things without being beautiful (or even being women).

  23. 53
    Nadia

    Ok. Seriously? I’m trying to write something–anything–that doesn’t come out sounding sarcastic. If Samantha Brick is seriously being passed up for being a bridesmaid or struggling with maintaining friendships with other women, I feel like I can confidently say it has nothing to do with her beauty, and everything to do with her personality. Perhaps it’s just a whole helluva lot easier to blame it on something outside of her control. Women may turn a little green from envy toward an incredibly hot woman, but if she’s genuine and kind, we’re quick to get over it. 

  24. 54
    Margo

    Karl says:”“Like the author ascertains, discrimination of beautiful women does exist.  I have had women play ‘musical chairs’ to make sure I didn’t sit next to a single man they were interested in at various events.”
     
    That’s your idea of discrimination?

    When I first started dating my fiancée, I tried to ensure that she’d end up sitting near me instead of another man (whom I knew was interested in dating her).
    It’s called competition, not discrimination.”

    Actually I wouldn’t call that particular occurence discrimination. It was a woman reacting to a situation in which she felt threatened by me. Instead of behaving in a mature manner, she became desperate and proceeded to play games to achieve her objective.

    Karl says: “How do you know that it’s all because of your appearance? Do you read their minds? Do they tell you to your face that they betrayed you because they were jealous of your looks?”

    Some things are obvious, Karl.

    Karl says: That man looks like munchkin from the Wizard of Oz. I definitely have him beat in the looks department. And I still went out of my way to stack the deck in my favor.”

    That’s because you don’t have enough confidence to let a woman you’re interested in sit where she chooses. I think it’s pathetic. I’m willing to bet you’re not tall, dark, manly, and handsome. You are lacking in one of those departments. That’s no insult to you, but the reality is that men who have these attributes don’t need to play “musical chairs”.

    Karl says: “So what makes you so certain that you’re the target of hostility and gossip because you’re attractive? Most of us experience the exact same things without being beautiful (or even being women).”

    It’s called process of elimination, and experience. Trust me.

     

  25. 55
    Joe

    @ Leesa: maybe you find it hard to attract good men because they find it infuriating to read e-mails with no capitalization…

  26. 56
    Helen

    Margo, some of your statements are beginning to sound like Samantha Brick’s.

    “I have had women resent me and attempt to attack my intelligence. They have betrayed me, talked behind my back, and have been hostile towards me. This has all been because of my appearance.”

    Margo, EVERYONE has had these experiences inflicted upon them by mean girls. Including Karl R, who is not a beautiful woman. Including me – also not a beautiful woman. Including… well, everyone. Very few of us who have suffered the slings and arrows of misfortunate cats are beautiful.  But I guess some of us try to justify it by their looks, whereas others just think, “Spiteful cats,” and move on with their lives.

  27. 57
    Karl R

    Margo said: (#54)
    “That’s because you don’t have enough confidence to let a woman you’re interested in sit where she chooses. I think it’s pathetic. I’m willing to bet you’re not tall, dark, manly, and handsome. You are lacking in one of those departments. That’s no insult to you,”

    You’re claiming that I lack confidence.
    You think my actions are pathetic.
    You’d bet that I’m not tall, dark, manly and handsome.

    I’m not sure where/how you were raised, but most people would say that was six insults.

    If you can toss out six insults in three consecutive sentences, and then you express your belief that it’s “no insult,” then I believe I’ve determined the source of people’s animosity toward you.

    You’re insulting.

    You insult people. They don’t like it. They demonstrate animosity toward you. I see no evidence that your looks are to blame.

    Margo said: (#51)
    “Like the author ascertains, discrimination of beautiful women does exist.  I have had women play ‘musical chairs’ to make sure I didn’t sit next to a single man they were interested in at various events.”
    Margo said: (#54)
    “Actually I wouldn’t call that particular occurence discrimination.”

    Then why did you use it as your first example of discrimination?

    Margo said: (#54)
    “Some things are obvious, Karl.”
    “It’s called process of elimination, and experience. Trust me.”

    It seems obvious to me that you’re capable of insulting someone, without recognizing it after the fact. You haven’t eliminated that as a probable cause for the animosity. And if that was at all representative of your communication style, I would expect you to experience hostility on a regular basis.

    Since you seem incapable of recognizing that the statement was insulting, I would say that people have a credible reason for criticizing your intelligence (as you stated in #51), at least in the area of personal communication.

    Furthermore, given your inability to see your words as insulting, I’m not inclined to trust your perception of the situation.

    You may be utterly convinced that you experience animosity, discrimination and attacks on your intelligence because you’re attractive. But you’re doing a really poor job of convincing others that your appearance is the cause.

  28. 58
    Helen

    Karl R: while I really like your rejoinder (it’s pointed without being directly insulting), my guess is that Margo is more subtle in real life than she is on the internet. When we hide behind anonymity, we tend to be more blunt in our statements.

    I think the real situation is simpler than that: that she is simply experiencing what everyone else experiences, but not recognizing it as such. Same with Samantha Brick. Rather than realizing that unfair treatment, competition, and backtalk are universal experiences, she assumes that she is the only one suffering them, and then finds some explanation for them (her looks).

    I think such people need to step back and take themselves out of the picture for a moment. When they realize that a lot of what they experience in life isn’t unique to them, but experienced by nearly everyone, yes, they may be embarrassed at first for elevating themselves so. But ultimately they should feel relief and sympathy with others. 

  29. 59
    Margo

    Helen…If you truly believe that beautiful women are not resented by other not-so-beautiful women, then you must be from the planet Jupiter and quite unaware of what transpires here on earth.

  30. 60
    Margo

    Sorry, that should read: …resenting by beautiful women just because they ARE beautiful.

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