Where Are All the Cute, Stable, Successful, Funny, Interesting Men?

Where Are All the Cute, Stable, Successful, Funny, Interesting Men?

I hope you don’t find me to sound conceited or picky, but anyway I am hoping you can help me here. I am a 34-year-old single mom with a beautiful one year old daughter from a previous relationship that didn’t work out because my ex BF didn’t want the baby. I have never been married.

I am bothered by the fact that I’ve never been married. I SO desire to get married within the next couple of years or so, but I want it to be with the right person. I wish I was married about 5 years ago or so.  Like virtually all women, I would like to have my “princess day” of getting married before I go completely gray and I look too old. I am also very worried that if I don’t get married soon enough while my baby is young, she will never have a father figure in the picture whom she can comfortably bond with.

I believe I am reasonably attractive and on the “cute” side. I am five feet tall, a little over 100 pounds, and have very long dark hair.  But, to this day I have a hard time finding the right guy. I don’t feel any chemistry when I’m not with a guy I find equally attractive.  Sure, of course personality counts, but I just don’t feel comfortable with kissing a guy whom I don’t find attractive.

To sum things up, over the years I’ve found that the guys who are interested in dating me are either too “geeky” looking and unattractive, too old, or, if they ARE my age and I find them attractive– they don’t seem stable in life and don’t have a good job OR they’re just plain conceited jerks (like my baby’s father). I’m not kidding. I’ve been trying online dating with several different sites, but that hasn’t worked out for me.

Why am I having such a hard time in finding someone who is mutually interested in me whom I find attractive, who holds a steady decent job AND has a decent personality?  I don’t think I’m asking for too much here, or am I? Should I force myself to be in a relationship with someone whom I don’t find terribly attractive and I don’t feel any chemistry with (whom I just don’t want to be “intimate” with?).

Paula

Dear Paula,

We covered this recently, but since you speak for a lot of women out there, I wanted to try to tackle your question in a slightly different way.

First of all, I want to validate all of the women who feel just like Paula does. I know it’s not always easy to hear the other side of things – or even consider that there IS another side of things – but we’re here to try to get down to a core truth. This isn’t about right and wrong; this is about effective and ineffective. If your goal is to get married and find a father for your baby, you always have to keep that in mind.

If you want someone stable and kind and attractive and tall and personable and age-appropriate and financially well-off, and you can’t seem to find him? Maybe you need to compromise on SOMETHING.

And I think that’s where the Lori Gottlieb critics went a bit astray. See, if your primary desire is to lead an exciting, passionate life, then, well, you go, girl. But if you want someone stable and kind and attractive and tall and personable and age-appropriate and financially well-off, and you can’t seem to find him? Maybe you need to compromise on SOMETHING. You can transpose the world “settle” for compromise, if you like, but we’re talking about the same thing here: giving up one thing to get something else….

My girlfriend is compromising by dating an opinionated, Jewish atheist who spends way too much time working, talking about ex’s and complaining about all the things wrong in his life. What she gets in return is a guy who is pretty self-aware, always trying to get better, has a good work ethic and excellent family values. She could spend her time lamenting that I’m not athletic enough, cheery enough, or free enough to take vacations at the drop of a hat, but she doesn’t. She has compromised – and, some might say, settled. After all, there are probably some tall, attractive, wealthy, Catholic men looking for a super-cool woman. And yet she chooses me.

I know, Paula, that you feel that you’re talking about something else. You’re talking about men who are old, unattractive, boring, unstable – dealbreakers all. But as I tell my clients, you can be as choosy as you like, as long as you don’t choose yourself out of all your options.

An example from the other side of the aisle:

My rich 56-year-old client wants a hot 35-year-old woman who not only doesn’t want kids, but can pick up and travel on a dime on his private jet. This means she can’t have a serious job, or be too tethered to her friends, and must be willing to move to his area. Oh yeah, and he’s not looking for a trophy – intelligence, class and poise are a must. There’s nothing wrong with what this man wants, but when he factors in:

How few 35 year olds truly want 56 year olds

How few 35 year olds don’t want kids/don’t have kids

How few intelligent women don’t have careers or deep roots in their hometowns

Guess what? There’s virtually NO one left for this guy to choose from. So what do you tell this successful, intelligent, youthful man to do? Say it with me, ladies: COMPROMISE! Go out with an older women. Give a little on the kids thing. Accept the fact that an intelligent woman might have a career and can’t travel spontaneously. This seems REALLY obvious from the outside, but hey, this guy REFUSES to settle. The heart wants what the heart wants. It just seems pretty clear that starting with such a narrow dating pool makes it next to impossible to find someone compatible.

So ask yourself – are you being reasonable with your desires/demands? It’s not my place to say. But play with the percentages and you’ll see. You might think you’re really open, until you realize that 99% of the men in the world DON’T QUALIFY for a first date with you. The charismatic cute guys are emotionally vacant players with money issues, the geeky guys are too bland to be kissable. This is YOUR observation. These are YOUR judgments.

Thus, you have two choices – lower the bar – or steadfastly hold out for that 1% – and hope that coincidentally, that 1% feels that you’re in HIS 1%.

We want everything – and want to give up nothing to get it.

As always, there’s not a right and wrong. But if you really want to be married and find a father figure for your baby, you might have to give up something to get it.

It just seems that no one wants to compromise. We want everything – and want to give up nothing to get it. If you’re a lawyer, refusal to compromise is a terrible negotiating technique. If you’re looking for lasting companionship, it’s probably even worse.

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Comments:

  1. 61
    dadshouse

    Paula asked a great question: “Why am I having such a hard time in finding someone who is mutually interested in me whom I find attractive, who holds a steady decent job AND has a decent personality?”

    Forget that she’s a single parent – I think a LOT of people ask this same question. Being a single parent just makes dating and “settling” on a partner a little more complicated. As a single dad, I know.

    Why is she or anyone else having such a hard time meeting the right one? I think part of it is our technology-focused way of life. There are too many people sending their romance wish-lists to match.com, conversing online with strangers, staring at their Blackberry in a coffee house while waiting for a pre-arranged meeting. What happened to the fine art of engaging others in real life conversation? (I ask this while typing a comment from my computer into a blog to be read by people I don’t know… which just goes to show, I’m like everyone else.)

  2. 62
    vino

    Alan wrote:
    “That being said, I enjoyed reading the various comments, opinions and responses, though I doubt that the birth control discussion will be of much use to Paula.”

    Alan may be correct, but I brought up her decision-making surrounding her child’s conception to point out potential errors she made, how they’ve contributed to her situation, and, more importantly, whether she’s learned from them.

    Examining her role in this may lead to wisdom, as opposed to her words of “…a previous relationship that didn’t work out because my ex BF didn’t want the baby. I have never been married.” My not so subtle suggestion is that unless she really learns from this, she’s unlikely to attract someone closest to her ideals.

  3. 63
    lorelei

    I don’t believe vino-sity or any other male on this thread is guilty of female bashing for simply stating a preference for an unencumbered partner. I similarly tend to shy away from men with kids, although I don’t rule them out entirely.

    I do, however, believe that no one can say one way or the other what Paula’s situation really was when she got pregnant and kept her baby. , And to make assumptions about what she was thinking when she had her baby- especially ones that ascribe sinister intentions to her choice – is mean-spirited and does nothing to advance anyone’s argument.

    I think as a blogging community, we should also be very careful to not put words into other people’s mouths.

    As the old saying goes, when you assume, you make an ‘ass’ out of ‘u’ and ‘me’.

  4. 64
    Simone

    Steve: Wikipedia and other open source sites are excellent sources of information. The good ones (like Wikipedia) cite the sources and the level of expertise of the source. I never said to use WP as the final source in a discussion; in the discussion re: BC I said to refer to The Pearl Index, a third-party source of independent research on birth control that is CITED on Wikipedia. Re: the FDA numbers — I couldn’t verify them. The FDA site I found was using data from 2003 (old in medical terms) and, of course, b/c it is the FDA, only discusses product research. Not all forms of BC are “products” on the market, so The Pearl Index info is more comprehensive and I like it better. My choice as a consumer of information.

    Vino: I never said anything about allergies as a side effect. “Don’t mistate what was said,” to echo your words. But as the other poster pointed out, many women have very severe side effects to hormonal forms of birth control. It ain’t candy. Funny, though, how you dismiss this and STDs and the broader issues/uses of contraception as being unrelated to the discussion.

    But kudos to you for always using a condom. I’m sure that you use it properly (check the expiration date, buy the right size, use a non-petroleum-based lube, hold onto the edge while you’re pulling out). If so, your effectiveness rating jumps to 98% acc. to all the data regarding “proper use” of condoms. That means you can have quite a bit of sex with any spermicidal maniac of your choice without worry — the failure rates are calculated acc. to the number of pregancies per couple in the study — not number of pregnancies per act of sexual intercourse. (When used properly, 98 couples out of 100 became pregnant over a year of use — who knows how many sex acts that study entailed? Probably a lot.)

    And Paula, I know many, many men who would fall for a single mom who had sex with a fellow who turned out to be a deadbeat dad. Hang in there!

  5. 65
    T Hatch

    This is a little change of pace from the previous posts. I’m not here to criticize Paula, or anybody else for that matter, but rather to make an observation that might help her in her search.

    What struck me when I read Paula’s letter was how focused she was on physical appearance. Most obviously, she equates “chemistry” with physical (essentially sexual) attraction. But even when she’s not talking about a potential partner, it’s all about looks. For instance, the only personal details we learn about Paula are her height, weight, hair color, and the fact that she’s “cute”. And she wants to get married before she turns gray or looks too old.

    If you go back and read her original letter carefully, it’s remarkable how little she talks about anything else (other than economic potential). Not even the familiar cliches like “just as comfortable in a black dress or jeans” or “enjoy hiking/biking/travel” or “love to laugh” make it into her post. In fact, we know nothing of what Paula is looking for in a partner, other than that he’s hot.

    Of course, it’s entirely possible that Paula is very sensitive to issues other than the purely physical/sexual, and it just so happened that the way she wrote her letter created a misleading impression. But, as a general rule, if someone is given an opportunity to express themselves however they want, and they spend all their time talking about physical appearance, then it’s usually a pretty safe bet that physical appearance is a very high priority for that person.

    So, I’m wondering if the reason why Paula is having a hard time finding a suitable long-term partner is because she’s making her choices based on a criterion that doesn’t necessarily have a whole lot to do with long-term commitment.

  6. 66
    Simone

    Evan–I’m a little shocked by your POV that 18 years of child support is a “disproportionate price” to pay for a little bit of lust and that somehow the guy is the victim in that. What about 40 weeks pregnancy, 2 years of breastfeeding, 18 years (also) of child support, plus the cooking, cleaning, doctoring, mentoring, etc. AND the lifetime of stretch marks and other permanent bodily changes that the woman takes on. Getting pregnant is a HUGE deal — it’s not a head cold and abortion is not an OTC remedy. Also, in my experience, it’s the guy who is always pushing for sex, trying to overcome the woman’s objections, trying to score and all too willing to “flake” without any thought for what he left in his wake. Disproportionate? What are you talking about? Sex is serious business. The fundamental purpose of sex is not entertainment — a mere nightcap at the end of a cheery day. It involves three people — the man, the woman, and the potential child. It isn’t a game, much as dating seems to turn it into one. Women seem to know this — a lot of men just don’t seem to get it, though. This thread has been a real disappointment.

  7. 67
    Evan Marc Katz

    Simone,

    I’ve never said sex is a game. I’ve never advocated for irresponsible behavior. And I’ve never minimized the effects of a baby on a woman. This is all stuff that you’ve put in my mouth – and every other guy’s mouth who disagrees with you.

    And you’re forgetting one very important thing – in fact, the ONLY thing that matters when we’re talking about the “disproportionate price” men pay for an unintended pregnancy.

    The woman is CHOOSING to go through pregnancy, carry the baby to term, and raise a child. The man is not.

    And if her CHOICE to have a baby and raise a young adult impacts him FOREVER, then yes, his life has been hijacked against his will. Is it a mistake if he doesn’t wear a condom? Sure. Is it a mistake if she doesn’t use birth control? Yep. Is it a mistake if there’s tons of alcohol involved? Most likely. Do most people want to pay for a mistake FOREVER? Nope. Not at all. And that’s what you’re failing to acknowledge, Simone.

    See, it’s not about assigning fault to the man or woman. It’s about seeing an objective reality. Both parties make the same mistake, but instead of the man having a choice in undoing the mistake, the woman decides to have the baby. Put yourself in his shoes for a moment. She has a choice. He has none. If the roles were reversed – if you had a one night stand – and you had to pay $300,000 for it over 20 years – you’d be pretty damn pissed.

    It’s easy to think of this from only your perspective, but you’re only getting half of the picture. And if this blog serves any purpose whatsoever, it will be to illustrate one thing to every single reader: your point of view isn’t the ONLY valid point of view. It’s just your own. Others have a different life experience that informs them. If you’ve been burned by men, you’re more likely to find fault with men. If you’ve been burned by women, you’re more likely to find fault with women. And if someone disagrees with you on here, or anywhere else – try LISTENING instead of telling him that he’s wrong. Because there’s a REASON he feels the way he does – it’s not just some arbitrary whim designed to piss you off.

    The same advice, obviously, goes for men who fail to understand women’s needs.

    Oh, and by the way, Simone, unless you’re planning on conceiving a child, the fundamental purpose of sex IS entertainment. That’s why there are so many forms of birth control. And why everyone really ought to be careful out there.

    Thanks again for your contributions.

    EMK

  8. 68
    A-L

    A man’s been out drinking, and thinks he can make it home safely. Before he gets there, however, he hits a pedestrian, seriously injuring him. He’s got one of two choices. Drive away, and let him die. Or take him to the hospital (or call 911) and face drunken driving and possibly manslaughter charges or a huge lawsuit if the man survives. Which should he do? He does have a choice here, in fact he’s been making several. He CHOSE to drink. He CHOSE to drive. And then there was an accident. I would hope that everyone on this board could agree that the man should make an attempt to save the man’s life and accept the consequences of HIS choices. The same thing holds true for a pregnancy. Yes, the men are correct that a woman has a choice to have an abortion, but for many they feel it is murder, like walking away from the seriously injured pedestrian. So though it’s a choice, for many women there’s really only one answer. They accept the consequences of THEIR choices.

  9. 69
    A-L

    And Evan, I can’t resist responding to the last part of your post. I wouldn’t use the word “entertainment” to describe the fundamental purpose of sex. It’s a physical act meant to build trust, create intensely strong emotional bonds, and develop comfort between two individuals that also is a great form of stress release and physical euphoria. By describing sex as entertainment you relegate it to those last two features I described, when it’s really supposed to be the whole enchilada.

  10. 70
    Evan Marc Katz

    Thank you for making my point, A-L:

    You write about what sex is MEANT to be.
    I write about what sex usually IS.

    Readers who complain about this blog are usually focused on how things SHOULD be. I generally try to report on how things ARE.

    Far too much time is spent yelling at the opposite sex for not doing what WE want them to. That same time would be better invested understanding WHY they do what they do. And if you’re not willing to concede any other valid point of view other than your own, you’re never going to learn a thing.

    Men screw up. That will never change. So how are you going to react in spite of that?

  11. 71
    vino

    “It’s a physical act meant to build trust, create intensely strong emotional bonds, and develop comfort between two individuals that also is a great form of stress release and physical euphoria. By describing sex as entertainment you relegate it to those last two features I described, when it’s really supposed to be the whole enchilada.”

    Respectfully, that’s YOUR point of view, A-L. Not everyone shares it. If you asked 20 different people to define sex (or its purpose) for themselves you’d likely get 20 different definitions.

    “Yes, the men are correct that a woman has a choice to have an abortion, but for many they feel it is murder, like walking away from the seriously injured pedestrian.”

    They also have the choice of a morning after pill. I’ve heard no response to that yet. Women also fight like hell for the CHOICE to have an abortion. I do not dispute that. If you fight for that right as a choice, and by choosing not to exercise it, you encumber someone else’s life for the next 18-21 years. He has no such choice, no such freedom.

    Refusing to acknowledge this inequity does not further understanding between men & women. It does the exact opposite – it reinforces this inequity and hardens positions.

    The thought just occurred: Does anyone else besides me see the disregard for men’s lack of control or unequal input into the decision to procreate as disrespectful of their position?

    Analytically, I keep coming back to this fundamental point – Ladies who do not implement their own birth control (far in advance of the sex) and/or who are less than completely open about such implementation with their partners WANT to have a child, whether they admit it or not.

    Why place 1/2 that responsibility onto someone who isn’t enthusiastic about being a parent? Why not accept the responsibility for the desire to have that baby and acting upon it? If a woman wants a child she should wait for someone who openly shares that desire, or go the ‘turkey baster’ route, for lack of a better phrase (It’s late). My guess to the ‘why’ is a guess and is getting far from the subject matter, so I’ll refrain.

    I do like the analogy to a car wreck, though. It’s an apt description for the devolution of the thread.

  12. 72
    A-L

    The feeling I’ve gotten from many postings is this: Couples like to have sex for entertainment. If the woman ends up pregnant then she should have an abortion, because otherwise the men have to pay tons of money but didn’t have any sayso about whether she terminated the pregnancy. This is what many of the men here think life SHOULD be like.

    But as Vino, Evan, and others have said, if a man has sex with a woman (regardless of the length of their acquaintance or the meaninglessness of the act) and she gets pregnant and decides to keep the baby, he is on the financial hook for upwards of $300,000 over 20 years. This is a fact of life.

    In addition, apart from abstinence and sterilization, there is no method of birth control that is 100% effective in order to prevent sed pregnancy. Another fact of life.

    Based on these facts of what life is really like, it would lead one to believe that the sex as entertainment option really is ill-advised for men. Perhaps they should wait until they are in a committed, long-term relationship before having sex. Better yet, if they wait until marriage they’ll know that their partner is someone they love and want to spend the rest of their life with, and isn’t trying to use them by getting pregnant.

  13. 73
    Simone

    LOL! Well put A-L!!

    For some reason the idea that men should make different choices (abstinence, commitment, knowing and trusting their partner, using a condom properly, getting sterilized if they don’t want any/any more kids) in the face of the sheer number of women out there set out to ruin their “fun” doesn’t take. Because, you know, all we women are out here “choosing” to get pregnant. That’s our idea of “fun.

  14. 74
    Eda

    A-L, I agree with you 100%

    Vino, why doesn’t your logic apply to men? If MEN do not take care of their own birth control — especially when they have sex with dishonest and manipulative women — and use a condom EVERY TIME they have sex, then why wouldn’t you say that these men really WANT to have a baby too whether they admit it or not?

    I am a woman who has never wanted to have children. So, you know what? I use birth control and I make certain that the man I am with uses a condom. When a man told me that he didn’t like to use condoms, I showed him the door….without hesitation. So, it really amazes me that GROWN men, men who presumably have some level of self control, don’t use condoms if they really don’t want children. Given that men don’t have any control once the baby is conceived, it seems to me that men would be wise to do everything in their power to make certain a woman doesn’t get pregnant. The problem is that these men let a few seconds (minutes, if they are lucky) of pleasure rule them. For these men, I have absolutely no sympathy.

  15. 75
    dadshouse

    Evan, w.r.t. your comment that the fundamental purpose of sex is entertainment: Tell that to Jamie-Lynn Spears.

  16. 76
    Steve

    I went to a gender politics debating blog and they started giving out dating advice.

  17. 77
    Hadley Paige

    A-L writes: “Based on these facts of what life is really like, it would lead one to believe that the sex as entertainment option really is ill-advised for men. Perhaps they should wait until they are in a committed, long-term relationship before having sex. Better yet, if they wait until marriage they’ll know that their partner is someone they love and want to spend the rest of their life with, and isn’t trying to use them by getting pregnant.”

    Perhaps (and this answer gets back to the original question of why Paula is having a hard time attracting a man who meets here “requirements”) a man who manifests the suitable qualities that Paula (and many other women) seeks would be out of his mind to date (and have sex with) a woman who has so clearly demonstrated that she is going to do what she wants regardless of the desires of the man in the relationship and have a child without his consent. I would never (in my quest for a suitable LTR) date, have sex with; or consider for an LTR a single mother. Why? On the biggest decision a couple can make she essentially just said “I’m doing what I want & I don’t need your agreement to hook you into 20 odd years of child support”. For a person such as myself who has his life relatively together Paula doesn’t stand a chance. I don’t care if she’s drop dead gorgeous and love to give bjs.

  18. 78
    Selena

    A-L:

    “Based on these facts of what life is really like, it would lead one to believe that the sex as entertainment option really is ill-advised for men. Perhaps they should wait until they are in a committed, long-term relationship before having sex. Better yet, if they wait until marriage they’ll know that their partner is someone they love and want to spend the rest of their life with, and isn’t trying to use them by getting pregnant.”

    Yet another twist on the what IS and what SHOULD BE debate. Interesting.

  19. 79
    Michael Ejercito

    There are women who asked where all of the nice men have gone. The obvious answer is that they have gone somewhere else, and they are not coming to those women because those women are not attracting them enough .

  20. 80
    vino

    Eda: I’m not sure if you’ve read everything I’ve posted. I’m not going to rewrite it, but suffice it to say, you’ve succinctly misstated everything I’ve written. See above.

    A few points. A-L wrote:
    “The feeling I’ve gotten from many postings is this: Couples like to have sex for entertainment. If the woman ends up pregnant then she should have an abortion, because otherwise the men have to pay tons of money but didn’t have any sayso about whether she terminated the pregnancy. This is what many of the men here think life SHOULD be like.”

    Here’s the salient point many miss – The woman doesn’t “end up pregnant.” She CHOOSES not to take one of many available birth control forms. She CHOOSES to stop taking it, she CHOOSES (intentionally or not) to administer it improperly. She therefore CHOOSES to put herself in a greater likelihood of pregnancy. To paraphrase, she wants to become pregnant. She then CHOOSES to tell or not tell the man she’s with about her contraception choices and uses. All of this occurs BEFORE sex, (which she also CHOOSES). In other words, she has made several CHOICES that affect his ability to make an informed decision of sex or not? If so, condom or no? She’s under a duty to fully disclose ALL of her choices in this regard. If she doesn’t, it’s deceitful. That’s how it is. Notice how her CHOICES affect his?

    As Hadley Paige said, her CHOICES are the issue in whether to date a single mom. Those are absolutely relevant, particularly when she seeks a new ‘daddy’ for the child.

    Selena, quoting A-L, wrote:
    “Based on these facts of what life is really like, it would lead one to believe that the sex as entertainment option really is ill-advised for men. Perhaps they should wait until they are in a committed, long-term relationship before having sex. Better yet, if they wait until marriage they’ll know that their partner is someone they love and want to spend the rest of their life with, and isn’t trying to use them by getting pregnant.
    Yet another twist on the what IS and what SHOULD BE debate.”"

    A final thought regarding this. It used to be (60+ yrs ago) that to have sex, a man had to marry, thereby making ‘an honest woman’ of her. However, societal forces intervened, and freed ladies from the horrible ‘bondage’ of marriage to do all manner of things (career, etc). It also freed them from the marriage requirement for sex. Remember the 60′s Free Love? (I don’t, but saw it on History Channel, lol). This freedom from the marriage requirement also freed men from it too. There are plentiful numbers of women who do not require marriage (or a LTR either) to have fun sexually. Another twist on what IS…

  21. 81
    Michael Ejercito

    In addition, apart from abstinence and sterilization, there is no method of birth control that is 100% effective in order to prevent sed pregnancy. Another fact of life.

    Menopause is also absolutely effective.

  22. 82
    Steve

    Michael;

    Post #81. I think that would have been a comment better left unwritten. No offense. I don’t know you. I just don’t care much for that comment.

  23. 83
    naturegirl

    vino – Perhaps you should consider getting a vasectomy so you will be 100% sure that you will not cause an unintended pregnancy. It’s your choice after all. If you are so concerned that a woman will trap you into 18 years of child support, then you should manage that risk by either not having sex or getting sterilized.

    Some vasectomies are reversible. You could also freeze your sperm for when you do choose to have a child.

    To me, you seem almost paranoid about a woman tricking you into fatherhood. I’ve *never* known a woman to do that.

  24. 84
    lou and lacey

    Not to sound like “smug marrieds” but we think many of you single folks do seem to get hung up on a whole lot of nonsense very quickly. All this ‘she vs. he’ stuff goes out the window once you decide for yourself someone will be your lifelong partner, wedding band or no.

    (And if your response is that you’re not here on this site to find a meaningful romantic partnership, then the stakes aren’t so high and why are you getting so huffy anyway?)

    Until you stop looking at relationships as adversarial…until you learn to drop your guard and trust a partner…until you stop thinking in terms of parity…until you recognize that making it work is a GOAL you must constantly work for, you will never be ready to fall in love. Sorry.

  25. 85
    vino

    naturegirl wrote:

    “vino – Perhaps you should consider getting a vasectomy . . . sterilized.
    “Some vasectomies are reversible. . .child.”
    “To me, you seem almost paranoid . . . I’ve *never* known a woman to do that.”

    Huh? Where did I say any of your conclusions? I didn’t.

    I love how I am paranoid for pointing out how, at every stage of the reproductive process, women have more choices. That’s a fact. My issue is evaluating their decision-making process regarding this as a necessary component of determining whether she is a suitable mate. If someone indicates poor choices (without learning from them) or a disregard for the partner’s wishes, it’s indicative of how I’m going to be treated. That’s how it IS.

    It’s baffling how so many posters do not grasp this or acknowledge ladies’ greater choices in this.

  26. 86
    Voice of reason

    Your past the experation date for price charming. He got off te buss back at the 20 year old hotties. After all who wants to deal with another mans genetic materials.

    You have been traded in for something lower in mileage.

    Get a cat.

  27. 87
    Collins

    CelibateForLife wrote: “Only in America can a wife cheat on her husband and he STILL has to give her half the assets. Only in America can a wife be granted a divorce under no-fault simply because she is bored of married life. Only in America…”

    As I recall from listening to guys like Marc Rudov, this also happens in Canada, the UK (e.g., the Paul McCartney-Heather Mills debacle), Australia, & just about every other contemporary Western society. So no matter where in the world you are, my motto is Caveat Andro–let the male beware!

  28. 88
    lacey

    vino-sity,
    you’re not paranoid. more reproductive control mechanisms do exist for women. you’re just overly fixated on “the injustice of it all”. fine if you don’t want to date women who’ve made choices like paula. I am validating your point, but furthermore encourage you to do as evan advises and move on in the face of reality.

  29. 89
    CelibateForLife

    I am one of these “cute, stable, successful, funny, interesting” men that Paula speaks of.

    Paula and her cronies have better wake up to the fact that “cute, stable, successful, funny, interesting” men have withdrawn from the dating pool because there are TOO MANY SHARKS.

    By “sharks” I am referring to golddiggers, to formerly promiscuous women carrying an STD, and to serial divorcees. Yes there are good women out there, but with the prominence of “sharks” men have grown sick and tired of sorting them out.

    The divorce and family court system also makes it a dangerous world because it is rigged against men. Only in America can a wife cheat on her husband and he STILL has to give her half the assets. Only in America can a wife be granted a divorce under “no-fault” simply because she is bored of married life. Only in America can a mother seize custody of the children away from the father through false domestic allegations and through alienation tactics to brainwash the children against the father. Fathers are tired of mothers using children as pawns to extort a lifetime free meal ticket aka “child support” with zero accountability that the mother is pocketing the bulk and using little as possible on the children.

    Men are not interested in single mothers. During the intimate dating phase with single mothers, intimacy is virtually non-existant due to the demands of the child.

    Men are not interested in raising another man’s child. We do not want to be father figures, we want to be FATHERS.

    Is this any way unclear?

  30. 90
    Richard

    Puala,
    Here is why you can’t attract cute, stable, successful, funny, and interesting men.

    1) Hostility toward men. Many of the replies here by women epitomize the very hostility that I’m talking about. Women ask why they can’t attract cute, stable, successful, funny, and interesting men. Then when men tell them, they get hostile with the men. The definition of an insane person is someone who continues to do the same things over and over while expecting different results not going to happen.

    2) Unrealistic sense of entitlement. You say I want, I want, I want without being willing to reciprocate. Obviously you are expecting too much. Meanwhile you are bringing nothing to the table except sex not enough, unless the man is willing to vastly over pay.

    3) Unwillingness to take responsibility for your own actions. You’re blaming everybody for your problems except yourself.

    4) Narcissism. Obviously, your opinion of yourself is higher than the opinion of you held by all of the cute, stable, successful, funny, and interesting men.

    In summary Puala, you sum up many of the reasons why many men today are choosing not to marry or are choosing to marry foreign women. The above trends among American women today are getting worse, not better we are now in a global economy expect more cute, stable, successful, funny, and interesting men to go else where.

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