Why Would a Younger Woman Want to Date a Much Older Man?

Okay, Evan, I agree mostly with your opinion on younger men/older women. What do you say about the reverse? I mean, I can see why an older man would want to date a younger woman – physically that is, but why would a 28-year-old woman want to date a man 45 or more?

Penelope

Dear Penelope,

Beats the shit out of me.

I can totally understand why older men go for younger women. There’s no denying that they’re, for the most part, in better shape, with better skin, and less baggage from broken relationships. Time creates wisdom – but it also creates responsibilities and complications – mortgage, kids, career, etc. All of this makes dating more and more complex as we get older. It’s a lot easier for a man to take out a carefree, responsibility free, baggage free, wrinkle free 28-year-old, which is why so many men try to go in that direction. I’m not condoning this. I’m OBSERVING that it happens.

Still, most of them fail miserably, for the exact same reasons that I think Penelope is suggesting. Men want much younger women, but rarely do much younger women want older men. Put another way, if a woman has an array of other quality options closer to her age range, what incentives would she have to date a man who is SEVENTEEN YEARS OLDER?

Not many, I’m thinking.

Before any 40+ people get all hot and bothered about this – I am not judging you. There is nothing wrong with aging. I do think people improve with age (my 38-year-old girlfriend is nodding). But let’s not pretend that we, as a culture, don’t worship at the altar of youth. If you’re over the age of 40 and have ever said, “But I’m told I look five years younger than my age”, then you’re not immune to it yourself. But see, for men who covet younger women, it’s not whether you look good for your age – it’s what age you really are.

She doesn’t NEED a guy who’s 45. She can find that same amazing guy at age 30. Or 35. Or 40.

Because it’s competitive out there for all of us. People have choices. And nobody has more choices than a 28-year-old woman. If she wants to date a guy who is 6’2”, makes $400,000+, likes skiing, is within ten miles of her house and five years of her age, you know what? She could probably find him. All she has to do is go on Match.com, and wade through a few thousand applicants. The point is, she doesn’t NEED a guy who’s 45. She can find that same amazing guy at age 30. Or 35. Or 40. She doesn’t need a guy who will be taking Viagra when she’s sexually peaking at 43.

Don’t get me wrong, there are advantages in a 45-year-old guy. He’s probably a man. He’s got the job and the home and the car, and been divorced with a kid already. So if a woman finds it more appealing to just step into that world – to jump from the prolonged adolescence of the late 20’s into full-fledged settled-down womanhood – that could make sense.

There are many other things that are attractive about older men. They embody wisdom and stability. They can afford nicer restaurants and vacations and have cultivated greater tastes in the arts. They’re more experienced, more chivalrous, and more likely to want to settle down than a twentysomething party boy.

And yet, they probably resemble Penelope’s dad more than they resemble her brother….

This is the most compelling reason behind why younger women might go for older men: they’re daddy substitutes. An older man’s going to be the strong, nurturing guy who takes care of her, teaches her, and treats her like a princess – the kind of relationship that she probably lacked growing up.

Most of them are completely creeped out at the prospect of dating a guy who was alive when JFK was alive.

Hey, I’m no psychologist – just your friendly, neighborhood http://www.evanmarckatz.com/coaching/. But I do know women, and lots of women in their 20’s. And the truth is that most of them are completely creeped out at the prospect of dating a guy who was alive when JFK was alive. These women were born in the EIGHTIES. They grew up with computers. They’re contemporaries with Britney Spears. Whether we like it or not, there is nearly a full generation gap between 28 and 45. A few women may bridge this gap for lust or money or dimestore psychological reasons, but most of the women I know would prefer to date a great, stable 30-40 year-old – who also knows who Limp Bizkit is.

Okay, older men – tell me why I’m wrong. But don’t forget, you and your younger girlfriends are the EXCEPTION. I’m writing about the RULE.

By the way, my girlfriend wants it on record that she would totally sleep with Harrison Ford if he should be reading this. So as a gift to both of them: Sure, why not? Happy 66th, Indy!

 

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Comments:

  1. 181
    Eljay

    Seriously??

     People are people not ages or salary intervals. 

    I am 25 and in love with a 51 year old.  

    Just because something is unusual does not mean that there is some terrible ulterior motive. We are just kindred souls

  2. 182
    Jay

    I’m speaking in the most general terms. Older women (and men) can also be immature or more mature. I think you’re situation is unusual. I hope it works out for you. But yeah, seriously more often than not.

  3. 183
    jon

    I don’t think it is about the numbers as some people look or act old when they are young. There is not much difference between 28 and 45 but it is about the individual. I have seen some very young looking women with old looking men (like their fathers) and it looks creepy but then there are handsome, naturally youthful looking older guys with younger women who look acceptable. Also being young (just a number)does not make one attractive. One is either attractive or isn’t not much related to age but genes.

  4. 184
    Jenna

    I am currently 25 dating my boyfriend who just turned 60 this year. He is very much healthy and built of muscle and shape. My man gets up at 6:30 to get on his mountain bike and follows up with resistance training. His physique is one of the qualities that attracted me to him.  His utmost quality is the compassion, and big heart, he has! 
    Although he is financially well off, I did not know this right off the bat when he asked me out.  I therefore chose him for the charming way he made me feel as he took me out to a cute, small, eatery on our first date.  I like the subtle way he holds his wealth. I am turned off by wealthy men who flash money like it’s the ticket to getting a younger woman.   I call those men driveby stops. The ladies are just driving by till they get someone richer (and maybe even more better looking) than you.  My guy knew he wanted a long time girl and the way, and manner, he approached me reflected that. The safety and security I feel with him is just an added bonus. These things would just be material junk if he wasn’t there to enjoy them with me.  That’s my take.
    Men take note please! Stop calling women gold-diggers. You are partly to blame.  If money is the first thing you believe young women are looking for, you will get a young woman who is strictly interested in lining her own pocket with that green stuff you flashed her with the first place!   Get some confidence and personality and take care of your body and you’ll attract the right woman.

  5. 185
    Viv

    Its interesting to read everyone’s reactions. Some are pretty severe to say the only two reason a younger women would date an older man would be either ‘Daddy issues’ or  ‘Material reasons’.
    I am a 25 year old women who is very solid in my beliefs and goals in life as well as have an excellent relationship with my father. Throughout my dating experience I have always found older men to generally be more attractive and I’m not just saying that because they have their act together, but even physically. Maybe I’m just an old soul but I believe to find a real man these days women are forced to date older or we get stuck with video game playing, skinny jeans wearing, texting, swearing boys that have no manners or knowledge of how to treat a lady.
    I’m dating a 38 year old man and couldn’t be happier. Though I guess I wouldn’t recommend it to someone who is still ‘finding themselves’.   

  6. 186
    Julia

    @Viv there is a large difference between a 25 year old dating a 38 year old and the 60 year old men who message me (I am 31.)

    While there is nothing wrong with being more attracted to older men, I’ve generally found men in their late 30s the most attractive for a while, there is a point where men are setting themselves up for failure if they are only looking for women 20-30 years younger than them. 

  7. 187
    ali

    I’M 34 and dated a man who was 45 (first time dating an older man) we worked at the same company I did, we had the same position, he had been there longer had a little bit more money than me but only by a small margin.

    I didn’t think age was a big deal since we had all the same friends and interests and were equals—-boy was I wrong.

    Turns out I was OLD for him he usually dated 20-25 year olds, and treated me like that as well, even though my career was shinning and I was as smart and interesting as he was, he really wanted a simpering child to just shut up and let him make all the choices, I felt like a ‘fill in the blank’ girlfriend, I could have been any young hot thing, he has the same relationship over and over with any girl who has no opinions or personality and just takes control of her life and the relationship, he picked out a house for us, informed me we were getting married….  For someone who is 34, accomplished, pretty fit and attractive, I really didn’t have to put up with this.  Maybe if I was 22 I would have believed him and thought I didn’t know any better, or had nothing to offer or would just shut up and let him treat me like a 10 year old.  But being an attractive successful woman, 2 months was all i could take and he was gone.

    Now he’s dating a girl 22 years old and they want to get married, surprise surprise.  It makes me feel embarrassed for this reason and Im included in this:

    If you are so great at 45 why do women your own age not take you seriously enough to love? Or if they do why do you need a sycophant instead of a friend as a partner?
     
    If you are 22 why are you not interesting enough to attract a successful, interesting and loving person your own age (they do exist).

    If you need the person you are dating to give you what you don’t have, will that really make you happy? Wouldn’t you want to feel happy with who you are now at your own age? my tip?  Be an interesting person yourself, maybe you’ll find someone like you.  Think you only deserve a sycophant who doesn’t know any better? go for it.  Think you deserve a man who treats you like a baby because your opinion isn’t worth anything go for it, please leave the rest of us alone.

  8. 188
    ali

    @at dan, thank you you put it perfectly, you described your woman as submissive.  

    Asian women are not all submissive, but you found someone you wanted, and she’s submissive.  

    Women remember when you grew up? did you like not having a say and being talked to?  

    Yeah growing up can mean having a say but hey its only your life, why not let someone else run it right? 

  9. 189
    Experienced and Successful

    I have a chaufferette driven BENTLEY, and you have what?, a 20 year old rusted out Honda Civic?? I make more money in a day than you see in a YEAR. I follow the rules of the old comic WC Fields ( born and died long before me) who said ” I waste my money on fast horses, fast Cars and Fast Women, the rest I waste”.  I can AFFORD the BEST and am not interested in the WANNA BE left over women who are drooling over fools who expect them to drop their pants just to be with a witless wannabe  little boy who can’t even pay their own rent so they  live in their mothers basemen and pretend to have something to offer.  Go for it if you believe you are worth less than his bar bill. You will be traded in for the next available skirt next week when  AND LOSE YOUR MARKET VALUE.
    If you are 18 to 21 AND CAN’T CARRY ON A CONVERSATION WITH MATURE, SUCCESSFUL MEN WHO COULD BUY THIS GUYS WORLD IN LESS THAN A DAY,  enjoy the STUPIDITY this  fool offers in exchange for your copmpany.  ENJOY being used.  If you are worth more than that,( think Katherine Zeta Jones and Shaun Connery) look for the successful men who can show you the world and all it has to offer. Who knows, lyou may get lucky and marry into a 1 BILLION dollar estate.

    Thnik about it. He wants to get into your panties, Older men want you to join them in life.  
     
      
     

  10. 190
    Nicole

    @189, I find it hard to believe you’ve made so much money without being able to spell and write properly…

    This is the internet, you can pretend to be everything and prove none of it.   

  11. 191
    Kathleen

    Poster “Experienced….blah blah”  #189 reminds me of the guy that keeps writing in under various names who enjoys a rich fantasy life while he exudes his own type of angry bitterness. Why would a successful Bentley driven guy be bothering to write in to a dating blog that otherwise can inspire and help women to understand men. 

    Nicole #190 You have that right also!!!  

  12. 192
    redrock

    I’m a 48 yr. old man. I’ve been mature since 16, so the calm, sincere gambit is nothing new for me. I’ve never been married, but i’ve had several long-term relationships as an adult over 30, and all of them were attempts at a lifelong thing. I have no kids, by choice, and none of m partners wanted kids to much, if at all. 
    They were/ are highly intelligent, successful women, which turns me on to no end. I’m really cerebral, which does the same for them. I’m extremely fit, and except for some inevitable signs of age, am as fit as I was at 20. Not to mention I’m blessed with really great genes, so on a good day most people confuse me for being about 39-40. When I meet women in person (and I prefer someone close to my age one way or another), I NEVER have issues with women in their mid 30s. I just lost a 6 year relationship with a woman I met when I was about 41, she being 28. At first I was worried…too young. But she was mature in mind and spirit, whilst looking like a drop dead gorgeous model (was, in fact, while being a psychologist). No joke. 
    But now that I’m single and 48, it’s a bit scary. I see that the whole culture is in a very superficial mode. Men and women view relationships through a very insecure lens. And, I am catching it. I always felt that (being blessed with a traditionally attractive set of male features, a good mind and a big heart, with  a lifelong history of nice and copious relations with great girls, I’d not be alone at this age. IT SUCKS!
    Online, Match simply is heartbreaking. With the “48” tag on my profile, most women from 45 to 35 simply ignore me. They wouldn’t if we met. I can’t say I blame them, either. Online dating is so bizarre. It is nothing like the real world. Even when I was 38, and did it for a while, I found NOTHING worthwhile. And I did not have wrinkle one on my face. I found flakes & liars, one- night standers, and one woman who was an amazing penpal, but in person, either had no feel for me, or had the personality of a doorknob. 
    So I console myself with the fact that online dating is really artificial. I’m really selective, and so are a lot of us online. (Some are just sluts, men & women alike, with no respect for those they’d bed). 
    I am on match just on the OFF chance I’ll meet ms. right. I think it’s far less likely than in person, where charm, humanity & pheromones count. BTW, I find no correlation between well-considered profiles and in-person integrity, not at ALL. Point is, some of us, however astute and ostensibly sensitive in writing, just aren’t considerate or wise. Stuff online dating, I say. I had no luck at age 38 (did a lot of modeling for extra money  then, and still get offers to do it today at age 48, but won’t do it. Looks have little to do with the lack of my success online. It’s something else, and I get it. 48 looks old as a number. Forget the graduate degree, the interesting stable creative, entrepreneurial  career, the consistently young looks and demeanor, the human qualities of spiritual development and seeking, of masculinity paired with genuine emotional sensitivity. 48 looks like a big scary number, even to me, now. 
    It must be hell for women! Bad enough for men. Frankly, I’m counting onthe real world, not the warped one online.
    But I’ll pay the 20 bucks a month, because the right woman is gold to me, and I value her above all but oxygen. I’ve always been that way. I don’t care if she’s 32 or 50. Just so she meets my general, personal needs for attraction, so I can get to know and love her. I think most of us feel the same way. Like many men in my boat, I fear I may have lost my last chance for hot romantic attraction paired with soulmate friendship, but I can not settle. Never could. It’s a hard road, if you’re selective, but at least it mens you don’t whore yourself out, which   so many people do, just to have a partner. Odd thing is, I live for love, So I go hungry for months for years in between true loves. Life can be hard…hoping for a bit of good luck. Wishing you all the same.

  13. 193
    JustMe


    I find this subject intriguing, for many reasons.
    First, love, attraction/chemistry, and compatibility are hard enough to find without putting up age parameters; kudos to anyone finding a partner at any age.
    I married a man much older than myself and we’re now divorced.  When we met, the age difference seemed irrelevant.  As we got older, the differences became significant, especially as he reached 50 and beyond.  I am sure that on some level, all or many of the reasons we got together were based on Evan’s theory.  Suffice it to say, we did love each other.  Based on my personal experience, I am not interested in being with a man more or less than five years of my age.
    To the men who seek women much younger than themselves, at the exclusion of women their own age:  If this works for you, great!  But please realize that at some point, your younger, prettier woman is going to start noticing the differences that no amount of exercise, surgery or healthy living will stave and, more than likely, those changes are going to turn her off to you.  This is no different than why you are attracted to younger women in the first place.  Many of you will find yourselves alone again… only older.  With a taste for younger women, you will also likely find it harder to couple, as women who seek older men are the exception and not the rule.  The greater the age difference, the greater the ‘ick factor’ for her as the two of you age.  Please don’t delude yourselves into thinking/believing that the same things that turn you off to women your own age won’t be felt by your much younger sweetie, at some point.
    For those of you who are finding dating difficult because the younger women to whom you are so attracted do not feel the same about you… PLEASE remove the rose-colored glasses used when looking in the mirror and see yourselves using the eyes of judgment you are using to put down the women of your age group. During my stint of online dating (met my current, same-age boyfriend on Match), I found that the men who were most against dating women their own age were exactly what they said they didn’t want (old, jaded, out of shape and unattractive)… and most of them were frustrated by the process (and so mentioned in their profiles).   I received messages pleading with me to consider them, as they were “young for their age,” “looked much younger,” “active… women their own age couldn’t keep up,” “in ‘great’ shape”… (if I had a nickel… ;))  The fact is you don’t want to date women your own age because you think they’re old.  It doesn’t matter if she is attractive, active, in great shape, her/your age bothers you.  So, your argument to women like me doesn’t hold water.  You simply can’t change chronology, regardless of gender!  Sorry!
    Again, for the exceptional few May/December relationships that stand the test of time, hat’s off!
    Thought I’d throw in my $.02, FWIW…
    Oh, finally, in response to age gaps of most successful relationships… I don’t know how accurate the statistics, or from where they were derived, but read somewhere that relationships with a 0-7 year age difference are the most successful.  And I agree with a couple of other posters here, that an age difference beyond 10 years is creepy.  The greater the gap from 10 years, the creepier!
    Good luck to all!

  14. 194
    Julia

    @JustMe Every now and then I get a message from a man about 20-25 years older than me. He often talks about how active he is, how young at heart he is and all I see is a man who looks 50+ who are trolling the internet in search of women young enough to be their daughter. Everyone claims to look 10 years younger, maybe they assume people their age should look older. Generally speaking, unless you are very ill you will always look your age. No amount of expensive creams or exercise will fight again cellular deterioration.

    But then again my 28 year old roommate has all but moved in with a 48 year old man she met a month ago, so there are women out there but the pool is tiny. 

  15. 195
    JustMe

    Tiny, indeed!  Though your roommate may find this a good idea now, should she decide to spend any significant time with this man, she will likely realize how odd the pairing is.  If not, hat’s off!  My bet’s on she’ll wake up one day and thing, “Ick!  This man could be my father!  What the hell was I thinking?!”

  16. 196
    Contender

    @Peter 150 and 151
    Your statements seem contradictory.  On one hand you cite studies demonstrating that men are bound to be interested in younger women (150).  On the other hand you state that age was never an issue with your ex-wife (151).
     
    The woman who left you in the airport did not do it because she was younger.  You describe yourself as clever, and so it’s strange that you don’t have any idea why she did it.
     
    You label 20-year old girls in a Russian cafe as “high-maintenance” but later in the same message you describe your girlfriend not much differently.  Is high-maintenance an advantage?  Are not there more positive terms to describe what you like in young women?
    Желаю Вам удачи.
     
     

  17. 197
    Momo

    Wow?!? Sexist much? A man is worth more When he’s older? Comparewomen what? The younger woman? Women in general? Is this a white man? I’m 44 and a woman. Very attractive and in good shape. Yes men stop and stare – I do not dress slutty and I’m much sweeter now than in my 20’s 30’s bc I’ve chilled out. I’m also smarter and experienced with life. Any guy would be lucky to have me — and that’s how all women should feel. Instead we stumble across crap like this.

    Women over 40 are hot and beautiful. And we are now considered the untapped market the fashion is now catering to. We make the majority of purchase decisionas and have TREMENDOUS influenfuton our community. This article is really dated. Welcome to the 21st Century where over 40 is HOT!BTW: I date 15 years younger and older. It’s about attitude and whom makes you happy.
    Sure younger and older have their issues — but divorce rate is 50% and a gamble no matter the age. Be happy life’s too short to care what others think. Grab it by the balls and run with it……

    1. 197.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      No, not sexist. Just in touch with reality. You may be a better catch at 44, but have far more dating options at age 34. This is not a judgment. This is a fact. Your confidence will serve you well in dating, and all of my advice is geared towards helping women carry themselves as you do. That doesn’t mean, however, that there are more men interested in 44 year olds than 34 year olds – no matter how much you protest.

  18. 198
    Robert

    I have been with woman my age and took me for all that I had. Young or old there are with you for one think money and stability. Now woman are not into working for a relationship. They just want what is best for them. 

  19. 199
    Orlando J. Garcia

    It all depends on the man. Genetics plays a huge role. I’m 48 but I look like I’m 28-30. I am a self-defense instructor for police and for military personnel. I routinely physically dominate strong men in their 20s and 30s and I have their utmost respect. I have a graduate degree and I am well cultured and sophisticated. I am probably physically stronger now than I ever was when I was younger. I do not drink nor smoke and I have the sex drive and stamina of a 19 year old and have never taken Viagra. This runs in my family, as they live well into their 90s or later. My father is 81 and still has an active sex life and is still physically strong (thank God).
    I never have a problem attracting women of ANY age. Nor do I have a problem sexually satisfying them. However, I have encountered that some women do have a problem with my CHRONOLOGICAL age even though they (and their friends) are attracted to me. Some women also have an issue with the fact that I have two children from my previous marriage. So, if any of these aforementioned things becomes an issue I just move on. There is ALWAYS someone else that is interested, lol.
    It is one of nature’s cruel little jokes that women that used to get everything they wanted when they were young (because of their looks), are usually out of the mating market by the time they’re 40.  However, men over 40 can still land women in their 20s -especially if they took care of themselves.
    Other than a little salt and pepper -I look the same (except stronger, more fit and more manly) than I did when I was 28. In my life I ALWAYS encounter  women who appreciate that… Her ego can deny her hard-wired biological sexual triggers/responses but it can’t ignore them. In the end you cannot have a relationship based solely on the needs of your ego.
    I suggest to men to be the best and fittest they can be. Once they have that the women will come -of every age. If one does not want you another one will. If you look good and are virile and strong, with a good personality and are handsome and successful then if they are rejecting you they are doing so due to their own ego based issues. If so, you’re better off without them…  :D

  20. 200
    Diane

    At 28 I was dating numerous men.  I was even dating, and having fun with, a young man who was 19.  Then I met a 42 year old man and fell in love.  His age wasn’t an issue – we had lots in common and similar ideals.  But the chemistry, the love was real.  For 32 years he was my husband, best friend, and lover.  We raised a family together.  We ran several businesses together – we even enjoyed working together.  He passed away last year.  I refused to let the doctors put him in a nursing home.  I kept him at home, cared for his needs ever day.  One day, he turned to me and said “If I don’t make it through the night, I want you to know that you are, and always were, the love of my life”.  He died a few days later in his sleep.  Now I’m a 60 year old widow.  I wouldn’t have had it any other way.  Someday when I die ,I feel  he will be waiting to escort me into heaven with him. 
    The future,  I don’t know what will be – whether I’ll fall in love again someday or never.  Time will tell.  But I’ve had the love of a good man, and for that I’m grateful.

  21. 201
    js31

    Have been reading through this thread. I just want to say first of all, that’s a moving story of love, I hope for that with fiance. He is 23 years older than me, and he has been the best relationship of my life. We are getting married in 2 months time. I am attractive and could have younger men, but he does it for me. We understand each other so well, laugh together a lot, and besides for the questioning looks from some friends, we are very great together. He’s attentive, honest, reliable and most of the things that a girl could hope for in a relationship. He makes me feel good and apparently I do same for him too. It’s just simple guys, when its right its right, regardless of age. There are so many divorces happening among people in the same age group age which just proves a relationship requires more than just closeness of age. Don’t prove your actions to anyone if you are not breaking any law and you are happy. Enjoy the love and the moments together

  22. 202
    Diane

    We all have preferences, but we can’t help who we fall for. I fell for a co worker who became my husband. He is 10 years older than me, and we have been married for 25 years.
    He definitely was not on any list of potential men I had mentally come up with. But he did tick more boxes than men of my age or younger.
    If you stick to a predefined age group you are narrowing your choices considerably, and you just may never find out what were missing out on.
    Just be open to possibilities!
     
     
     

  23. 203
    Helen

    Thi$ i$ why!

  24. 204
    Sparkling Emerald

    Helen 204 – Thi$ i$ why!
     
    Helen, granted there will alway be gold diggers who’ll go for the rich ones, regardless of their age, but sometimes people with big age gaps honestly connect with and love each other.  When I fell for a man 12 years older than me (unfortunately he did not return my feelings :(  )  I wasn’t in it for his $. I was hoping to capture his heart, but I never quite did.  True, he had a fair amount of it, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy some of our more expensive outings, but he was very attractive, and it was his MATURITY that I was drawn to.  Up until then, I felt like most men my age were “little boys”.  I was tired of playing with little boys, I wanted a MAN for a change, and he fit the bill for me.

  25. 205
    Diane

    This is Diane again, of #201. Js31, if you read this, my advice is thus.  You love that man – you marry him!  Realize that you may be left alone – chances are good.  Not necessarily so, however.  Get a good education to support yourself if that time comes.  Have him get a good life insurance policy.  We didn’t get a policy, and that was a financial mistake, but it worked out anyway. True Love is so rare!  Whether you have one year, or fifty years, it is so worth it.  Don’t worry about people who stare.  Our pediatrician once took our daughter from my husband’s arms and said “Can I take your little granddaughter, Grandpa?”  Don’t sweat the small stuff.  Treat your man well. Give him space and respect.  If he’s a good man, you’ll get the same back from him.
     Let me add this for Helen.  There are gold diggers in every age group.  When I met my husband, I owned my own home, drove an expensive, fancy sports car, had a high paying status job, and was very pretty.  At times I was the one who worried that guys were interested in MY assets instead of who I was.  So, when I chose and married my 42 year old husband, it definitely was NOT about his money.  In that area, we were pretty equally yoked, although I did make slightly more than him.  I’ll repeat here – it was for love. 
    Now that I’ve been alone for awhile, I’ve started to date again.  What choice do I have?  But, I waited until I was ready.  It’s working out good – I have a rich and full life.  But any man who snags my heart will have awfully big shoes to fill.  I may be 60 now, and if my husband were still alive, he’d be 74, but I repeat, I was blessed to have him.  I wouldn’t change a thing. 

  26. 206
    Sandra

    I am a 29 year old girl who matured early. My dad and I had problems the severity of which is debateable, but every person whether child or parent acts and responds differently. I have eclectic taste in men. While in high school as a Freshman I dated seniors, but my longest actual relationship was with a guy who was a couple months younger than me. Since high school, all of my boyfriends that I was intimate with were at least 5 years older than me. One was 35 when I was 19 and we broke up because it didn’t feel right for me to be dating someone who’s daughter was a year younger than me. I felt like I was setting a bad example to her and he was too enamored with my youthfulness and not the whole me. I am currently in an open relationship with a man who is 45 that I really have no interest marrying or having kids with. However, I do have a crush on a man who is around 40 that I do want to have a family with someday. In spite of this, I slept with a 69 year old man a couple days ago. It was strictly a one-night stand that he asked nicely for and I obliged because he hadn’t had sex in 10 years and I wanted to make him happy. He is a very handsome 69 year old that I didn’t have any problems fantasizing about. Logistically, marrying this guy for me would be unthinkable. For one thing he ‘s already married although they are separted. For another thing, he is too old for me to start a family with. I did it strictly for the mutual, no strings-attached pleasure that we would both genuinely get from it.  If I had slept with someone my age, I would feel like a cougar. Because, I’m so much more developed than most men my age. The wisdom, experience and overall intelligence of older men is very sexy to me, but I don’t actively pursue older men as if  the older the better. When I find somene closer to my age who exhibits that sort of chivalrous brilliance (and I have but he doesn’t give me the light of day.) He will be chosen over the 69 or 50 plus crowd. I made a rule after having a 35 year old boyfriend at 19 to not have a commited, serious relationship with someone the same age as or older than my dad (who’s 50). Within ten years of my own age (29) seems ideal for me.
     

  27. 207
    David T

    @Sandra 207

    Different strokes for different folks; I will allow it is possible for a perfectly healthy young woman to have the “eclectic” dating habits you do.

    You have to admit, and I think you did, that your dating and intimacy pattern is very unusual. You could be healthy, but you felt a need to preface your self description with “My dad and I had problems the severity of which is debateable.” Was that meant to be explanatory?

    You imply your relationship with men is colored by whatever those problems were. They affect your patterns now and may haunt you in whatever relationship you have, even with your dream crush. I am guessing you initiated the break up of every one of your committed relationships, esp. with the ones closer to your age.

    You might want to talk about this to a therapist since this could make it impossible  for you stay in committed relationship to a true potential life partner who is available to be your boyfriend.

    Don’t take this as an insult, just think about it.

  28. 208
    Simon

    What a nob. 
    40 isn’t old.. Its not the middle ages.. sounds like you’re more worried about age than I am lol. (I’m 41 and 19 yrs older than my fiance)
    WHEN you make it to my age dude, you may actually acquire the wisdom to understand why what you’re saying is,well frankly, just tripe.
    But right now its quite clear you have no idea what its like to be 40..
    Gotta dash.. time for my bed bath…
     
     
     

  29. 209
    Ninive

    Wow….after reading all these posts, I can say I have no attraction for older men, nor nothing in common with them. The pace is very different, the interests, the music, the memories. I noticed that many of the ladies who said they are dating much older men seem foreign and have difficulty spelling….lack of education? 
    Please ladies stop saying the men your own age and stupid and clueless. I know a lot of young men who are focused, smart and ambitious. What kind of environment are you in?
    And finally older guys, stop saying you look amazing for your age. I bet you not. The details (skin quality, teeth, hands, neck, butt..)…give it away. The obsession to be seen with a younger woman like buying a shiny new car…
    And all you young ladies saying how much you love your decades older man…just wait. At 50 you will completely change your mind…and start looking at the 45 year old guys…

  30. 210
    Peter 51

    Ninive,
    I guess that you are on the younger side of young.  Experience will amend your views.  Not everyone who can’t spell is uneducated or foreign or stupid.  There are many disabilities from eyes to fingers to brain function that can get in the way.  The world is a big place with a lot of environments. Not everyone gets to choose which one they live in.
    I am not saying what I look like.  I’m showing it.  Click my name and look at the photos.  I am my age.  That’s it.  Some people fade at forty.  Berlusconi is 77 years old and at 74 was still very capable of performance as well as desire, allegedly.

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