Why Would a Younger Woman Want to Date a Much Older Man?

Okay, Evan, I agree mostly with your opinion on younger men/older women. What do you say about the reverse? I mean, I can see why an older man would want to date a younger woman – physically that is, but why would a 28-year-old woman want to date a man 45 or more?

Penelope

Dear Penelope,

Beats the shit out of me.

I can totally understand why older men go for younger women. There’s no denying that they’re, for the most part, in better shape, with better skin, and less baggage from broken relationships. Time creates wisdom – but it also creates responsibilities and complications – mortgage, kids, career, etc. All of this makes dating more and more complex as we get older. It’s a lot easier for a man to take out a carefree, responsibility free, baggage free, wrinkle free 28-year-old, which is why so many men try to go in that direction. I’m not condoning this. I’m OBSERVING that it happens.

Still, most of them fail miserably, for the exact same reasons that I think Penelope is suggesting. Men want much younger women, but rarely do much younger women want older men. Put another way, if a woman has an array of other quality options closer to her age range, what incentives would she have to date a man who is SEVENTEEN YEARS OLDER?

Not many, I’m thinking.

Before any 40+ people get all hot and bothered about this – I am not judging you. There is nothing wrong with aging. I do think people improve with age (my 38-year-old girlfriend is nodding). But let’s not pretend that we, as a culture, don’t worship at the altar of youth. If you’re over the age of 40 and have ever said, “But I’m told I look five years younger than my age”, then you’re not immune to it yourself. But see, for men who covet younger women, it’s not whether you look good for your age – it’s what age you really are.

She doesn’t NEED a guy who’s 45. She can find that same amazing guy at age 30. Or 35. Or 40.

Because it’s competitive out there for all of us. People have choices. And nobody has more choices than a 28-year-old woman. If she wants to date a guy who is 6’2”, makes $400,000+, likes skiing, is within ten miles of her house and five years of her age, you know what? She could probably find him. All she has to do is go on Match.com, and wade through a few thousand applicants. The point is, she doesn’t NEED a guy who’s 45. She can find that same amazing guy at age 30. Or 35. Or 40. She doesn’t need a guy who will be taking Viagra when she’s sexually peaking at 43.

Don’t get me wrong, there are advantages in a 45-year-old guy. He’s probably a man. He’s got the job and the home and the car, and been divorced with a kid already. So if a woman finds it more appealing to just step into that world – to jump from the prolonged adolescence of the late 20’s into full-fledged settled-down womanhood – that could make sense.

There are many other things that are attractive about older men. They embody wisdom and stability. They can afford nicer restaurants and vacations and have cultivated greater tastes in the arts. They’re more experienced, more chivalrous, and more likely to want to settle down than a twentysomething party boy.

And yet, they probably resemble Penelope’s dad more than they resemble her brother….

This is the most compelling reason behind why younger women might go for older men: they’re daddy substitutes. An older man’s going to be the strong, nurturing guy who takes care of her, teaches her, and treats her like a princess – the kind of relationship that she probably lacked growing up.

Most of them are completely creeped out at the prospect of dating a guy who was alive when JFK was alive.

Hey, I’m no psychologist – just your friendly, neighborhood http://www.evanmarckatz.com/coaching/. But I do know women, and lots of women in their 20’s. And the truth is that most of them are completely creeped out at the prospect of dating a guy who was alive when JFK was alive. These women were born in the EIGHTIES. They grew up with computers. They’re contemporaries with Britney Spears. Whether we like it or not, there is nearly a full generation gap between 28 and 45. A few women may bridge this gap for lust or money or dimestore psychological reasons, but most of the women I know would prefer to date a great, stable 30-40 year-old – who also knows who Limp Bizkit is.

Okay, older men – tell me why I’m wrong. But don’t forget, you and your younger girlfriends are the EXCEPTION. I’m writing about the RULE.

By the way, my girlfriend wants it on record that she would totally sleep with Harrison Ford if he should be reading this. So as a gift to both of them: Sure, why not? Happy 66th, Indy!

 

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Comments:

  1. 241
    Ninive

    A lot of men like to say that “age is just a number”. Not so. Age is the slow deterioration of our bodies and mind…no matter how much plastic surgery we do. 

  2. 242
    Peter 51

    @Nineve 259
    The stats are on a PDF download on the following page.  http://www.ons.gov.uk/ons/taxonomy/index.html?nscl=Age+at+Marriage
    The title is.
    Population Trends – Changes in the distribution of marital age differences in England and Wales, 1963 to 1998 (Pdf 111Kb) 11-Dec-2003
    It’s long and complicated.  It takes a lot of interpretation.  The key finding is:
    “Preliminary results suggest that there does not appear to be a strong association between marital age difference and likelihood of divorce, although other factors were not controlled for. …”  Other factors like social class, religion, regional location all important in the UK.  My points above are secondary findings that require reading the whole thing.  Dating Advice – significant age difference is an advantage not a disadvantage if you want a stable marriage – probably still need the right person..
    There is no full version of the US study on the duration of marriage agency enabled marriages on the internet, that I know.  The study was done for the US Congress to verify concerns that the main motive for such marriages was to obtain entry to te USA. The opposite turned out to be the case.  The agency marriages had half the five year divorce rate of the ordinary US population. There was still a law made but it was aimed at protecting the women from men with criminal records et al rather than the men from women seeking US citizenship.  Dating point – formal arrangements for seeking marriage are not so bad. In fact i saw some statistic recently that suggested internet dating led to more stable marriages but eharmony published it.
    @Goldie 240 Привет!
    Russia never experienced 1968.  Going to Russia is a trip in a time machine to a politically incorrect world without the quality and health and safety revolutions which also developed in Euro-America from the 1970′s.  Ageism is rampant, against both sexes but virulently against women.  I employ two very capable 50+ women in my business who wouldn’t have a hope of re-employment in similar roles in a Russian firm.  My youngest female employee is 42, with degrees in engineering and maths but also aware that she won’t get the sales and marketing jobs she likes in a Russian firm now she’s over 40.  (Men won’t either).  You are so right about mistresses.  Many of my business acquaintances (сообщникы? :-) ) have them.  The minigarch (counts in $10m’s rather tahn $100m’s) I know best (57years old – I knew him and his wife when he was poor and unemployed)  has a first wife (55) in London with the grown up children, a second wife (27) with a toddler secure on an island with 9 servants in the middle of the Volga and a 22 year old mistress in a flat in the city.  The wives actually get on quite well together.  Neither seems to have met the mistress.  i general, as you say, until recently, when the mistress hit 30 it was time to get another one.  The queue of volunteers was long.  It seemed to be part of student life for not quite poor girls.  The motive couldn’t have been sex.  These men were obese, alcoholic and heavy smokers who were driven everywhere.  Even viagra has its limits? It was about display.  A hot mistress or two serves as proof of your solvency.  A woman will quickly understand whether the man’s finances are real and sustainable.  The demand from wannabe mistresses for sugar daddies is reducing very quickly.  Now there is a huge baby boom n Russia.  Motherhood is in!  Good looking young women are refocusing on good father material rather than wallet size. Father’s have to be around as much as solvent.  Sharing a sugar daddy is one thing.  Sharing your children’s father is another.  The pram shops are sprouting up even faster than the wedding dress shops.  Dating advice: don’t expect a rich Russian man to be a faithful husband.  Be very grateful if he is.  For men – First earn $5m while staying healthy enough to enjoy it.
    Orlando 235
    I’m 61 (51 and 61 reciprocate as birth years and age at the moment, hence the confused numbers) and I still don’t try to look younger.  I find dressing conservatively, even slightly older than my age, still pays dividends in establishing presence and authority in business and social situations.  I aim to reflect a 50 something’s memory of his boss when the 50 something was 30. When not wearing a suit, it’s a sports jacket rather than bomber jacket every time and I’ve never owned jeans (although youngsters don’t wear them these days anyway).  Dating advice: never be mutton dressed as lamb.
    Julia 237
    I’m here to discuss this subject.  I am happy to hear your comments.  I deliberately kept some things out of sight to provoke the discussion. I am glad you said what you did.
    Might be time to leave the site.

  3. 243
    Ninive

    Evan, just want to make a point: many women 28-45 are still encumbered with kids and sometimes involved with ex-husbands in their lives. Many women above that age are done with mommy duties, have some money, work out, look great and have no more baggage. A man who is that age should think about that. 

  4. 244
    Kagimore

    I think it’s too risky to date older man especially 60 years and above. I don’t think they are ready to settle, they just want sex unprotected sex because they don’t care any more. No fear of aids, and they want to infect many young girls just for fun.

    Girls please be wise and ask The 60 yrs plus to marry before sex

  5. 245
    Orlando J. Garcia

    @Nicole
    I happen to be a Lioensed Marriage & Family Therapist (LMFT). I AM a relationship expert, according to the law and to my profession. The law licenses me to opine hun. I do not care who opines that my arguments are weak. I have 18 years of clinical experience and 48 of personal experience. I was a former Senior Research Associate for the Dept. of Psychiatry of the University of Miami School of Medicine. You have to take every person and every “relationship” on its own merits hun… Not everyone is the same. 
    Here is my Psychology Today link:
    http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/name/Orlando_J_Garcia_MS,LMFT_Miami+Lakes_Florida_47711
    Let’s see if the moderator will put up my link. I am also open to debate ANYONE on the planet on this issue. 

  6. 246
    Orlando J. Garcia

    Dude, btw, my argument is about there being exceptions and being open to the possibilities. I am sure being a coach you are open to the many varities of the human experience. I never attempted to disporve any “rule.” I’m just pointing out that the human experience and the variations of human expression is/are very vast and does/do not fall neatly into a “rule” frame of reference. Newsflash! The only reason I gave famous people as examples is because they are a common frame of reference. If I mention people I know in my personal life you would have no idea of who I was talking about. If you read anything else in what I stated then you need to re-read my posts.

  7. 247
    Rose

    Orlanndo. I feel amazed that a relationship therapist would say LMFAO when debating on a professional level and call someone dudette on a public blog that anyone can read. Do you think that looks professional?
    I hear what you are saying about attraction being on a subconscios level. It is to do with how we learned to receive love from our family of origan. This is all well and good and healthy if we had healthy functional raltionships with our family. We are subconciously attracted to the familiar, something that feels like love and home. This is bad if we received love along with pain. physical or emotional abuse or punishment as then we are attracted to this and it feels like love to us.
    However if we learned to receive love in an abusive or disfucntional way and this is what we then attract and are attracted to in later life on a subcinscious level, people with thearpy can become consciously aware of this and get help to overide this wiring and start to make healthy conscious descions and change what gets them to tingle between their legs and what they are attracted to. And make a better healthier conscious choice. That’s what therapists who help people who have been abused help people to do.  Normally this woulod be somethig along the lines of 12 step co/dependancy programme to start with.
    Our brains are not fixed they are mallable and amazing. And we can larn to be attracted to what is in our higher good and interest.

  8. 248
    Rose

    Orlando, everything you have stated about yourself points to you not being good relationship material for a woman who wants a life partner.
    I’m sure you have no trouble attracting women for casual sex and flings.
    Question is do you want to and are you able to be in a loving comitted Life long realtionship? If by 48 and aren’t in that relationship and are not wanting or looking for that. And quote looks, sexual prowess and ability to dominate. None of that sends the message of good healthy relationship material to me.
     

  9. 249
    Clare

    Orlando,
     
    I’m very happy for you if it is as you say. However I have to side with Nicole and Evan here and say that, as a younger woman, I am universally creeped out when men in their 40s and 50s write to me and approach me.
     
    As I mentioned in a previous thread, if we had a dollar for everyone on this blog (never mind in online dating) who said they looked younger than their age, we could go out and have ourselves a HUGE party.

  10. 250
    Rose

    Women fancying men like Goerge C, Brad Pitt etc are fanatasising brcause of the POWER ans FAME issue. All that would get you in real life if you were not of equal power and fame is used and burned. Not a relationship.
    Women in RL do this with older authority Doctor figures and Therapist etc. Like I said just sets them up for abuse, hurt and pain from their unhealed Daddy issues if they are not of equal or above staus. It is based on Power and control not love. And in some cases an abuse of trust.

  11. 251
    Orlando J. Garcia

    @Rose
    Rose, this is not professional work. This is social banter/commentary on a blog. I am a human being and a citizen and I am casually expressing myself -not dealing with clients/patients. This is not a professional discussion panel. I am speaking the way I would among friends at a coffee shop. I have a regular life also and comment on blogs like regular people. I just happen to have an informed viewpoint.
    You also do not know anything about my private life or my relationships. It is very presumptuous (not to mention rude) of you to assume that you can gauge my relationship worth without knowing me.
    I am speaking about attraction. Relationships cannot be built without attraction. You are aassuming that my only area of interest is sexual conquest. You are greatly mistaken.
    I also do not approach women. This is the 21st century, every relationship I have with a woman is based on equality. If we do not approach each other I am not interested.
    I also do not limit myself to a woman’s age -older or younger than me. As long as we have chemistry I am willing to explore a possible relaitonship. Also, please be aware that a strong sexual connection is extremely important for some people and that some men and women are extremely happy and connected in said relationships and would not have it any other way.
    Ageism and age phobia are two great social taboos that our society has still to deal with. All of the best research on human behavior points to the efficacy of allowing people to build their lives and relationships freely. Attempts to limit the variety of the human experience in relationships, among consenting adults, is old hat and has no scientific validity. People in interracial, inter-religious, same sex, gender-flexible and polyamourous relationships were persecuted at one time. In fact many people in these type of relationships are still experiencing discrimination and social chastisement -largely based on the view point that they dare have “a love that dare not speak its name.”
    The same taboos and prejudices are being applied towards relationships between older men and younger women. Not every older man in a relationship with a younger woman is a rich lecher and not every young woman is a hapless victim, forced to live a terrible fate. Let consenting adults develop their relationships with other consenting adults as they please and do not shove your biases down other people’s throats. Our society is tired ouf that. Let the rainbow of the varietes of human relationships express itself in all of its beautiful hues. If you do so, maybe true love can find you. 

  12. 252
    Ella

    I think that women looking for older men to provide for them can make sense when the woman is actively looking for an older man but it doesn’t necessarily happen like that. I ended up falling for a man 25 years older completely out of the blue – we were friends and it just happened. He isn’t wealthy at all (I earn much more) but we just had a great connection, similar sense of humour and outlook on life. I don’t know if people see us together and think he is some kind of sugar daddy (or just daddy sometimes!) but they couldn’t be further from the truth. I don’t know what the future holds, it may all go wrong, but he is a great person who I love to spend time with and yes, the age gap concerned me but I don’t want something like that to stand in the way – it isn’t every day you get that kind of connection.

  13. 253
    Rose

    It’s not a causal coffee shop though it’s a public forum where anyone with half a brain before coming to you for Professional advse would google your name and form a judgement on what you say in your private life and if they thought you were the best person for the job of relationship and family therapist. 
    Just because we don’t want people to make judgenbets on us doesn’t mean in real life they don’t.
    You are correct I don’t know you all I know about is what you have written. 48, previously married dating not in a life partnership or marraige and dates. Stating how Dominating young men gains their respect. Is good looking and virile with a degree. None of that points to ability to be in or have healthy realtionships. If I were looking for a therapist I would listen carefully to the language and communication style they used to see how they communicated and related to people in real life. You show me more about you by the language and communication style you use than your age, education level, job status looks and virility ever would.
    To me I would perceive these young men as being scared rather than having respect. Fear and respect are not the same.  48 yr olds dominating 20 yr olds physically or otherwise sounds agressive rathrt than personally assertive.And would never gain my respect.
    I personally do not respect anyone who acts controlling or domineeering brags or is domineering, I respect control and  assertivness and personal authority over oneself, not others.
    To me consenting adults can do what they like so long as they are truly consenting and not being coerced, forced or manipulated. Sadly in many cases with Older men and very young girls who are not very worldy wise or have abusive backgrounds reality is that is not the case. They are easy vulnerable prey.
     
     
     
     

  14. 254
    Orlando J. Garcia

    @Rose
    So what that it’s a public forum. Unlike you I do not feel the need to hide in anonymity. Though you may differ and disagree, I have no problem finding clients or being successful in treating them. I do not hold my comments back in private or public life and I have said or done nothing that needs hiding -though you may disagree, no matter how much my comments may displease you.
    There is nothing “domineering” about my interactions with my self-defense students. I have their respect and their love. In addition to my work as a therapist I have been a professional self-defense instructor for 25 years. YOu may feel that it is bragging, but it’s just the facts. I do not work with children or the regular public. I instruct law enforcement and military personnel. Being able to perform effectively is crucial in teaching such personnel. Your are going to be helping them to survive life-or-death scenarios. Such students respect their instructors and trust their instruction only if they cannot best the instructor -whom they constantly test. No amount of teacher love and friendly advice is going to help a 6′, 2″ 250lb bear of a man to trust that that escape from a choke that you are teaching him is going to work in a life or death situation if he can execute the choke on his instructor and the instructor is not able to stop him. Scared students? Lol, you obviously do not know any of my students. They are fearless. Apprently you only selectively read my post.
    You have focused the bulk of your statements at trying to critizice and or discredit me. The ad hominem is the last refuge of the desperate. The fact remains, you are so blinded by your own prejudices and closed mindedness that you are coloring the world with your bias. The world is not as cookie cutter as you would like it to be. It may make you feel safe to think you understand the full spectrum of human relationships -with your narrow view of their possibilities, but after having worked with a few thousand people in my life I will tell you it is not that cut and dry. I know many relationships between older men and younger women that are wonderful -and relationships between older women and younger men. That may not have been your experience but I have known many. Good luck to you.
     
     

  15. 255
    marymary

    Orlando
    I’ve enjoyed your posts but since you appear new to the blog – these reaching comments from Rose are not unusual.
     

  16. 256
    Rose

    Orlando I feel neither pleased or displeased by your comments.
    Your  thoughts on my feelings have nothing to do with me.
    Only I know what I feel and what I feel is suprised not displeased by them. Say what you like.
    If you feel alright about sharing them, then that is what you feel.
    Like I said I feel suprised about that. So will just take my feelings of suprise as learning and explore the learning from it.
    I feel positive you will do what you think is best for you and what you want. So now feels best for me to leave it there.

  17. 257
    Lily

    I understand that many men feel threatened and resentful that they no longer have total control over home and office as in generations past, but lying to yourself and lashing out to make yourselves feel better will not serve you in the long run.
    Other than the majority of older men on this blog in fine financial and physical shape (cough) with multiple young women begging for their attention (cough cough), the fact is that the overwhelming majority of men over 35 are set in their ways, nothing much to look at, do not have all that much money, and are NOT in shape. I work in health care and the average middle aged woman takes better care of herself and is healthier than the men. 
    You can tell yourselves how much more “valuable” you are as you get older all you want. The fact is, the majority of you aren’t. Let’s face it, it sucks to be female sometimes and sometimes it sucks to be male. Grow up, deal with it, and live in the now. The overwhelming majority of men are not going to get women young enough to be their grand-daughter. If you could, you’d be doing it, and you’re not.
    its really sad how many men are lying. Especially the ones posting identical stories under different names. Doesn’t it occur to you that if you have to do that you are full of it? It should. 

  18. 258
    Ninive

    Bravo Lily, say it like it is! I see so many middle aged guys dreaming of a much younger women, friending them on Facebook and showing off by taking pictures with them in parties, without realizing none of these women want them (at least not the middle class ones). 
    I know so many middle aged women who look great for their age and these men reject them for someone younger…oftentimes it doesn’t work. 

  19. 259
    Zaria

      Written on POF forum by Marcus, creator of plentyoffish.
    ______________________
    New Feature : Give date feedback on inbox
    Posted: 5/17/2013 2:05:18 PM
     
    It will be a paid feature to read your date feedback.
     
    Public feedback is coming one way or another. I am going to clean up this site a lot. There are a few hundred thousand users using the site daily that really shouldn’t be.
     
    __________________________
    Intimate Encounters section deleted
     
    It can be summed up as a bunch of horny men talking to a bunch of horny men pretending to be women.
    only 6,041 of the 3.3 million people who use the site every day are in fact women looking for no-strings-attached trysts – the ones with hot pictures are mostly men pretending to be women.
     
    ______________________
    Message Restrictions
    Posted: 5/19/2013 11:02:15 AM
     
     
    if you are are looking for women the youngest you can search for is your age -14
     
    this rule is only in effect if you search for women under 35. Women 18 to 21 can only be contacted by men under 30. (not fully implemented yet)
     
    Women who are 18 come to the site to find people to date, they don’t come here to find “friends” with men in their 50′s. Over all for young women its just a horrible user experience as for some of them over half their messages are from men double their age.
     
    This change only effects 1.7% of first contacts between users on the site but it will make a huge difference in terms of female perception of the site.
     
    ______________________
    Message Restrictions
    Posted: 5/20/2013 12:52:16 AM
     
    +/- 14 years of age is now in effect for all ages.
     
    I double checked our hundreds of thousands of relationships we track. Turns out outside of +/- 12 years there is virtually no chance of a relationship, and what chance there is is heavilly dependent on the guys high income. Oddly there are more examples of old women dating young men.
     
    ________________________
    Message Restrictions
    Posted: 5/20/2013 3:11:06 PM
     
    Since I sent out that emails 3 hours ago, there have been 55,000 messages to my admin account virtually all in support and a couple of old men that are unhappy about not being allowed to message 18 year olds. I have yet to hear from a single women that is upset with these changes. Most of the comments are alone the lines of “its about time”.
     
    ______________________
    Message Restrictions
    Posted: 5/20/2013 3:39:12 PM
     
     
    * *****It’s .funny how Markus is saying that this will only affect about 2% of the pof population, and yet half the regulars on the forum are coming in here complaining about it.***** *
     
    A forum user is a special kind of user.. In no way does the forum population represent POF population in any way.
     
    ______________________
    Message Moderating. Might be an Upcoming Feature
    Posted: 5/20/2013 7:54:11 PM
     
    I think we are going to look at copying okcupids moderating system. Messages users send to other users can be flagged and sent to moderation. If other users agree the rules where broken you account is suspended for 30 hours. The third time you do this your account is deleted from the system. I’m not sure exactly what okc’s rules are but i know they flag on this stuff. Thoughts?
     
    =>You will get suspended or deleted from POF if you break any of the following.
    Messages..
    • Threats or harassment
    • Hate speech
    • Crude, overt sexual remarks
    • Commercial solicitations<=
     
    ______________________
    POF in UK
    Posted: 5/21/2013 1:06:06 PM
     
    independent dot co dot uk/news/uk/home-news/plenty-of-fish-dating-site-founder-pulls-intimate-encounters-option-to-ward-off-sleazy-men-8626107 dot html
     
     How bad is the intimate encounter like messages for women in the UK? I know from the administration side the UK is by far the most pervy of any country.
     
    ________________________
    Will Seperated Be Removed???
    Posted: 5/22/2013 8:49:08 AM
     
    I haven’t looked at seperated yet. Married people and perverts are keeping me very busy.
     
    _________________________
    NEW CHANGE: Males can no longer send private images to other users.
    Posted: 5/22/2013 4:05:31 PM
     
     
    You can no longer send private images to other users.
     
     The 3,000 idiots we delete every week primary use private images to send nude photos to others. You can also flag messages for nudity if the message contains attached images.
     
    _____________________________
    Private images….
    Posted: 5/22/2013 4:28:26 PM
     
     
    3.3 million users per day… only 120,000 have private images only….
     
    ____________________________
    Private images….
    Posted: 5/23/2013 9:21:49 AM
     
     
    That would require hiring 100 people to moderate images.. I think Match dot com has 120 people moderating images and they are 8 times smaller than POF. You guys just have no clue what it takes. Even with getting users to do it we are still behind reviewing new images by 11 million.
     
    _____________________________
    Private images….
    Posted: 5/24/2013 10:31:40 AM
     
    Users would be normal for 2 years and then suddenly upload naked photos and spam 50 women at once. That was the typical use case. There are hundreds of thousands of images uploaded every day.
     
    You have to look at the full size image because the thumbnails are cropped and you may not see anything bad. We are deleting up to 800 people a day and i’m not even sure how many rate/approve section is catching and purging, but that could easily be another 1000 per day.
     
    Bottom line is We can’t police it in real time.
     
    _________________________
    profile disappeared
    Posted: 5/27/2013 9:57:42 AM
     
    We deleted the rudest and meanest users in the system.
    __________________________
    Private images….
    Posted: 5/24/2013 11:32:26 AM
     
    Going to allow women to have the feature again as all their photos are now getting reviewed within 5 min of upload. 

  20. 260
    Rose

    Nicole 227, the three reasons and circumstances you give for why older men get or end up with much younger women have also been my experience and what I have observed.

  21. 261
    Sara

    My boyfriend is 50 and I am 19.  We are very happy together and love each other very much. We treat each other as equals and I couldn’t have asked for a better man. He makes me very happy as I do to him.

  22. 262
    Carmella

    Although, it may not seem like the “moral” thing to do, I concur with Evan. Why else would a younger woman date an older man?  ( Stability is first, Emotional is second, Stability is third, fourth, etc, etc) It definitely would have to work out in her best interest. Yes we want to be spoil, pampered, wine, dine, and to have eye candy on his side, he is willing to accommodate. Yes, we want that “Daddy Little Girl” feeling majority of the time, it’s in our make – up, to make us feel as if we can’t do any wrong). What is so wrong about it? Men have been called “Sugar Daddies” “Paymasters” for a long time, and it wasn’t a problem. Or is it the fact, that MEN now realize the truth, and it’s hard to accept? We believe the Male’s role is to serve & protect. Smile!
    For the guys who are older, why would you have a problem with it, since you seek out younger women? Other than sex/ego, why seek out a younger woman?
    In the end it’s a win for both parties.    
    By the way Harrison Ford, George Clooney, Lorenzo Lamas are attractive. Hmmm, I didn’t have a man on my bucket list, now is the time.

  23. 263
    Carmella

    Hi Readers:
    Money, Power, Respect is the key to life. I don’t care how people try to slice it, being with a younger man & being with someone who is in their late 40′s, 50′s, 60s, and good grief 70s is not the same. THE ONLY REASON WOMEN make adjustments, because it’s something to gain.# bottom line ( if he has success status, it makes ALL better). We will make exceptions, depending on what is brought to the table.  
    HUGH HEIFER – SET THE BAR, BECAUSE OF A PRICE THAT IS PAID IN FULL.. SORRY CHARLIE!
    Younger women do not want the idea of a man using a penis pump, taking enhancement pills, in her head. The thought of it is #DUH! Not attractive! He can work out everyday, dress decent, & that thought is always in her mind. Your touch, body, communication, adoration is not the same. Although, in a man’s, since he’s been there & done it, he knows, right?  
    A 55 yr old man, dating a 20 old woman, have nothing in common, but physical. He’s looking for fulfillment, & she’s looking for a father figure, or additional income. Chances are, he’s suffering from insecurities, can’t relate to women his age, or perversion issues. Hopefully, he does have children her age, that’s even more disguising.
    For the cougar women who likes the younger men, she’s thinking her biological clock is moving faster (Note: It’s not, it’s all in your head). So her expectations that a younger man in his 20s are limited. Most of them are either still at home with parents, dead end jobs, college, or running from responsibilities. So sleeping with his close to mother figure, will lead her to try and control him, while they only thing he can do is POUT!    
    RECOMMENDATION: Men: Take a honest survey of self. What kind of women approach you, if any? What kind of women you approach? 
    TIP: For those men with Mother, Sexual, Emotional Issues. Take a deep breath, release, be honest with yourself, seek help.
    CHECK YOURSELF, BEFORE YOU WRECK YOURSELF.  
     

  24. 264
    Brett

    Hello I have only just found out that my 19 year old daughter is dating a 66 year old guy which is doing my head in, and I don’t know what to do it is making me sick and I have been wondering where I went wrong and myself I reckon there has to be something really wrong with a guys brain at his age to date a 66 year old, I am 40 and would never ever date anyone as young as that

  25. 265
    Darrin

    I think every situation is different and you can’t go by stereotypes.

    I recently turned 60. I’m fit, active and in very good health. I’ve never been married so no kids, exes, or the usual baggage. However, I’ve begun to think I have missed something by not having the wife and family and would like to do it now.

    Another thing is that my “sexual orientation” for lack of a better term, has not aged with me. I’m not trying to offend anyone but I feel almost zero sexual attraction for the vast majority of women over 45. I’m most attracted to the 24-36 age group.

    Maybe if I had been married for all those years I would be in a different place, but I feel like I’ve still got that first marriage to a young wife and a family ahead of me although I do realize that time may be running out and I should do it soon.

  26. 266
    Maybe

    I just started dating a guy who is 12 years older (I’m in my late 30s). I’ve definitely been thinking about the pros and cons, but the truth is that I simply gave up on men. Most men don’t understand the culture behind my activities. The older ones can’t keep up. The ones my age and younger are horny jackasses who expect a hell of a lot from women without having anything to give.

    Our relationship is very new, but he respects my boundaries, tells me what he wants and needs, is very mindful of my wants and needs, and is supportive of my goals. He also knows how to touch a woman – not in a selfish way, but caring and giving. He treats me like I’m his dream woman.

    We met because we have the same friends and acquaintances and decided to go out before we knew the age difference (our social circle spans mostly from about 25 to 60 with most of us in our 30s and 40s). I also disregarded the fact that he is shorter than I because I heard Evan’s voice in my head. ;-)

    I figure that the worst thing that will happen is that we will amicably break up. If we fall in love and get married, then I see a nurturing relationship complete with our favorite sports for many years to come. That’s how it is for my older couple friends. The 50s is not a death sentence. Hell, this guy probably has 40 good years on him. At least that’s how it works in our “culture.” Actually, this guy is so great (we are incredibly compatible and communicate very well with each other) that I’m more worried about not falling for him. But I suppose a week is a little too early for that. I keep telling myself to simply enjoy what I currently have.

    It’s just nice to be treated with respect. I think THAT is why a woman would date an older man.

  27. 267
    Stacey

    Im a 35 year old woman and I am dating a guy who is 20 years older than me. He is so very polite, insanely funny, has great life experience, has patience, has dedication to his work. His values are in line with mine, he has great knowledge (in the field in which Im studying on a tertiary level) and treats me with respect and enjoys my company. He is not rich, nor does he have a lot of assets… but I don’t care about that. He is truly a lovely human being. We get along well and have similar interests and taste in music. Older men seem to just appreciate what they have better, they treat a woman the way she wants to be treated without having to be asked or coerced. He enjoys cooking lovely meals for me and brings makes me a green tea in bed on a Sunday morning if I stay over. He sends me good morning/ night texts (we don’t live together). He gives me the space and freedom I need and understands that we have an age gap and doesn’t suffocate me. He encourages me to see my friends and helps tutor me in my studies (he is qualified in an area very close to what Im studying). When Im around him, I want to be a better person, work harder and I look up to him, respect him… I have dated guys my own age who are more about bravado, fast cars and hot bodies… I am attracted to intelligence, can the man hold a conversation and say meaningful words?

    Im playing it by ear. We get along very well and, as 266 said, ‘I keep telling myself to simply enjoy what I currently have’. This may not last, I may start to see things that I didn’t before… Ive only been with my partner for a month… but I believe that you grow with every person that enters your life and leaves an impact. I feel loved and I enjoy my partner’s company.

  28. 268
    Anon

    I am currently entwined in a secret love affair with a man 38 years older than me, i cant place it i just find him so sexually attractive and i get very ‘wet & horny” just talking to him.. im currently in a 7 yr relationship and he has been married for 40+ yrs.. we keep it hidden, kinda like daytime friends and night time lovers.. only when we are able to capture a moment alone. this guy is in all my fantasies and i just cant get him out of my head.. maybe my BPD/schizophrenic disorder has something to do with it, but this man is mid 60′s and im only mid 20s, i even enjoy looking at him cause he drives me well.. just plain crazy. just gonna keep playing under the radar cause we both have too much to lose, his wife isnt keen on him anymore but i just cant get enough!! there you go a point from someone experiencing a love affair with a man who would have been 38 when she was born….

  29. 269
    Mark Powell

    I’m 61 years old and one of only four men in the 1000 mile hiking club out of 2700 employees in Yellowstone National Park  (and I’m the only one that doesn’t need knee surgery). We have a lot of international workers here in the summers and one thing I’ve discovered is that in most Asian cultures do not have this age discrimination thing that your website is promoting.  Also, if you look at the statistics obesity goes hand-in-hand with the decline of a culture, not to mention feminism!

  30. 270
    Jenna

    I’m 18 and I love men in the 35-55 range. Of course they have to be my type.  I don’t have daddy issues and was never molested.  I wish it weren’t such a taboo so I could be comfortable approaching men. 

    1. 270.1
      SparklingEmerald

      I hear you Jenna ! – When I was in my 20′s, late 30′s to early 40′s men drove me crazy !  (If they were my type)  Trouble is, they were mostly married, so I didn’t have many opportunities.  Believe me, if online dating had been available, I would have put my age range in as high as 45.  I would have love to have snagged a handsome 40 year old, looking to start a family.  I fell madly in love with a gorgeous silver fox 42 year old when I was 29.  (Unfortunately, he was fond and affectionate towards me, but no burning love for me :(  )   I just thought he was SO gorgeous, but my same age girlfriends gave me SUCH GRIEF.  They referred to him as “over the hill, Bill” and really gave me a lot of crap about it.  My work supervisor who was 40 at the time met him, and thought he was GORGEOUS !  She was always asking me about how we were getting on, and telling me how handsome and sophisticated he was.  I really thought my GF’s were being ridicoulous.  I didn’t think 13 years was a big whoopty-do difference, but apparently, it was considered age inappropriate.
       
      Of course, now that I am 58, I want men closer to my age.  I have a range of 10 years +/- in each direction, but ideally I would like a man no more than 5 years my senior, unless he’s in really good health and shape.

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