Comments on: Do Men Fall in Love with Women After One Date?

By: Peter

Peter — Wed, 16 Jan 2013 00:39:44 +0000

Chemistry is driven by the clock. I was the back up to the chemistry experiment but actually dealing with that awkwardness was good practice for the future as it gave us some mechanisms for handling problems.

By: hespeler

hespeler — Wed, 05 Sep 2012 19:01:48 +0000

I am just now starting to heal after being a rebound guy. I met a girl on-line about 6 weeks ago. She told me upfront not to have expectations; that her ex cheated on her (he made out with a girl in a bar) and just wanted me to know upfront. I had other options but let them go soon after meeting her because I really liked her and was very interested after the first date and also because I have done a lot of serial dating and I just don’t like it anymore. I find it too hard to focus and give someone a chance.

After the 3rd date, I was really hooked. Yes the chemistry was intense but I was also interested in other things, i.e., her age, where she lived, where she worked, her personality and interests. She was also 20 pounds overweight which I didn’t even care about. She began telling me how exited she was about me, how much she missed me, how she couldn’t wait to see me, etc.

After a while it was apparent that she was keeping me at arms length. I told her I was having strong feelings for her and to not contact me unless she was genuinely interested in me. She did and we went out 2 more times. She then met me again and dropped the bomb on me that she was going back to her ex. I was devestated. Instead of just letting me go she kept in touch with me and it became flirty again and we met one more time. It was a very intimate date with a lot of romance. We kept in touch last week and I have barely spoken to her over the last 5 days. She is starting to disappear.

Yes my fault for letting myself get involved with someone with unresolved ex-boyfriend issues but the chemistry was there. I rolled the dice and knew I may get hurt. I am and it doesn’t make it any easier.

I can’t begin to describe how “right” it felt. I’ve dated a lot of woman in the last few years and was waiting for something like this. My only expectation was that we would be able to focus on eachother for a little while and see if we could have worked out.

I haven’t been in love in a long time. I’m not sure what this was but it felt like love and it happened in the first few dates.

By: Jay

Jay — Sun, 02 Sep 2012 20:39:27 +0000

I kind of understand where Heather is coming from, I recently connected online with someone from college (we never hung out, but we had mutual friends). He said he had been wanting to meet me for a while, mentioned his past issues and was willing to be upfront about his past relationships, I declined, and trusted him. 3 months of conversations. He had brought up me coming to visit him (long distance) and I made a suggestion for solidifying this ( by going to visit). He replied, sure no problem, and disappeared. I saw him on facebook, 2 weeks later, and we had a tiny spat about why he was avoiding me (I asked him to delete me rather than continually logging off when he saw me, he said he was talking to a friend on her birthday and I sounded venomous). Stupidly, a day later, I sent him an email, asking if he needed space or had met someone else, just let me know, miss him, take care. He never replied, but did take the time to write a quote about compatibility and making it work as his facebook status a day later, to which the same female friend from earlier liked. Still no word from this guy.
If he came back, saying he dated her, but it blew up in his face, and would like to give us another chance, I’m not sure I won’t reply by banging the phone on him.

By: Nicole

Nicole — Sat, 01 Sep 2012 17:33:05 +0000

@JB, I thinkthat what you are describing so much “how online dating works” so much as how some women choose to date period.

And that is fine. I definitely know people of both genders who prefer to have one conversation at a time, and I have female friends who definitely like to cast several lines (and you’ll see many of the women who comment here talk about the same thing).

It’s good you were fine with it, but I think people of BOTH genders would do well to understand that how you approach online dating is not how they might approach it and vice versa. I personally don’t think it makes sense to put all eggs in one basket with someone you haven’t even met. At least in the case of real life meeting it might make more sense to stop looking until things run their course, but yeah, too much is assigned to gender when I don’t think that is the case.

By: JB

JB — Sat, 01 Sep 2012 16:26:07 +0000

@SalsaQ #68 “What distinguishes you from the other 10 men in her mind before she meets any of them?”

I know we’re all “just pixels on a page” at that point but it’s really not that simple. If a woman is more interested in 10-15 other guys than she is in me that doesn’t bode well for my chances of actually having her be interested when/if we meet.

And you’re right her attitude of being burned out and less than excited about ME on the phone was THE reason I never followed up.

No matter what is going on my life or has gone on in my online dating world I ALWAYS try and be upbeat, fresh, and positive to whomever I’m emailing or chatting with. Even if it’s an act…..lol

By: runnergirl

runnergirl — Sat, 01 Sep 2012 02:51:28 +0000

@Nicole (66), thank you for the feedback. I don’t think the guy was a criminal but he was out of line in my opinion. Clearly, there was no chemistry or thunderbolt because we had only exchanged three or four very short emails. I’ve had one other guy suggest that our second date occur at his house and he had the same shocked reaction when I said nope. I guess some guys (not all) may be simply chancing their arms and don’t much like being declined. My goal is to develop a healthy committed relationship based on trust, respect, and honesty. Of course, developing a committed relationship takes a bit more than chemistry and a bit more than one date. That may be too lofty a goal for online dating but I’m not giving up hope. I’ve learned a lot about me, my boundaries, and my values. I’ve gone down the chemistry road and well…you can imagine out that ended.
@Heather, I totally agree with you and your decision. If you felt like a Plan B for whatever reason, I’d say you are entitled to your feelings. And congratulations for recognizing and validating your own feelings. The guy may have just been a bonehead but it isn’t your role in life to teach a guy how to behave appropriately. For me, at 53, I don’t have time to raise a guy, plus I’m raising a daughter! Yup, I’m a one chance and flush kinda girl too. Since my age range is 40-something to 50-something, I’m assuming the guys in that age range have had some experience with members of the opposite sex and know how to treat a woman? Maintain your boundaries.

By: shellye

shellye — Sat, 01 Sep 2012 01:01:26 +0000

@Jane

What’s odd to me is the underlying connotation that there is disparity or some level of mismatch in their levels of physical attractiveness, and that this is frequently emphasized. If we’re discussing that trait alone, his wife is certainly equally if not more attractive than he.

By: SalsaQ

SalsaQ — Sat, 01 Sep 2012 00:53:11 +0000

@JB 67 You were still pixels on a screen to the second woman and should not take that personally. What distinguishes you from the other 10 men in her mind before she meets any of them? You were not judged relative to them in any real way. You believe you picked up that she was burned out on dating and not receptive or able to be open to a relationship (I can sympathize with her. It is too bad she does not recognize it.) The "not good enough" means she is working down a to do list of try this guy then that guy. That is a fine reason not to waste a date with her.

By: JB

JB — Fri, 31 Aug 2012 23:06:38 +0000

Obviously this thread has gone way off the topic of men falling in love with women after one date.

For some reason women more than men while doing online dating have difficulty with the way it works. ie: dating a few people at the same time while knowing all those people may be doing the same thing all while getting new prospects daily etc…..

Nathan has brought up some great points and I’ve been on both ends of the “Plan B” thing and it’s just the way the online dating world works now.

A woman I had 6 emails with and a planned date with. Emails me a final time and says “she met someone she’s interested in and she only dates one man at a time” “Good Luck” No big deal, I didn’t even reply I just thought she was blowing me off.
2 weeks later she texts me and says and I quote ” Hi JB I hope it’s ok that I am texting you. I regret that we didn’t meet. I decided too soon to close myself off to other opportunities. If you can look beyond my foolish decision and give me a chance, I’d like to meet you. If not, I completely understand.” So I text her back and said “I understand how online dating works and some peoples impulsiveness and I hold no hard feelings so sure” We met last night and had a nice time and talked about it.

On the other hand…. one woman (who I was one of the first to email) took me 6 weeks to get her to a phone conversation where I found out she’d already went out with 10 guys and none of them was “good enough” so she said she’d meet me “next week” some time yadda yadda yadda. She sounded drained and ambivalent from the process. I never called her again. “Plan B” is one thing, “Plan L” is another.

By: Nicole

Nicole — Fri, 31 Aug 2012 16:32:57 +0000

@Runnergirl…that is weird but can’t say it’s uncommon. I don’t know why any man would think that a woman would meet him without a bit of back and forth, and no stranger would ever be given my home address either but a lot of people try to go there.

I don’t know if these are criminals hoping to find an easy mark or people lacking social skills. At any rate, what you did was just plain common sense.

That sounds really scary. I can’t imagine he had anything good planned for you.