Comments on: Do You Know the Definition of Happiness?

By: NonExist

NonExist — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 15:20:51 +0000

His college description was spot on for me … course my course load was 20 hours and I had a part time job which paid fantastically…. but that was it.

And my take on a partner is that their happiness adds to yours so it can be multiplied.
Not saying there will not be periods where tragedy strikes and sadness and anger will come in, but long term one will only be a drain on another if one does not have their own store of happiness alone first.

By: Michael17

Michael17 — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 18:02:30 +0000

I like this article!

I tend to be happiest when I have a Mission that I am moving towards. Just as Evan said…

By: Melissa

Melissa — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 19:51:36 +0000

This makes SO much sense!

And it also makes sense as to why I’m currently not happy.

I’m actually in an extremely happy relationship (thanks to Evan) but currently my goals and my actions are not aligned in other areas, which leads to tremendous discontent.

Even though I’m in a happy relationship, I still pop back to your blog every once in awhile Evan to get prolific words of wisdom in other areas… and to remind me not to take my relationship for granted. It is just shy of a year now and I owe being “happy” in that aspect of my life 150% to you!

By: Diana

Diana — Sat, 02 Apr 2011 20:04:05 +0000

Hi Venus ~ I think we’re talking about two different things. And it’s all good. My thought about happiness wasn’t intended to mean that you shouldn’t seek love and companionship nor to feel that you must settle for anything in life: love, abuse, poverty, etc.. I wish you all the best!

By: Venus

Venus — Sat, 02 Apr 2011 14:39:19 +0000

@ Diana 12 & 13

The desire to be coupled isn’t just about “wanting” it’s a part of our physiological makeup. If it weren’t then the human race would have become extinct a long time ago. I imagine it may be possible to suppress those desires and replace them with activities and other social affiliations that fill the void (like old people often do), but I am not old yet, and to settle for that now just feels like failure.
I am not suggesting that a man will make me happy, but if being coupled is a fundamental goal and it’s not being achieved then this definitely takes away from my center of happiness. If the other areas of my life are in sync there is really no reason why this shouldn’t be as well.

I never thought I would be doing on line dating, but if that’s what its gonna take then so be it.

By: Diana

Diana — Fri, 01 Apr 2011 17:48:22 +0000

BTW, some of the happiest people on earth are the elderly. One might conclude what could they possibly be happy about? Their friends or spouses are dying, their bodies are failing, their budgets might be frayed, etc. Maybe they have learned how to feel happy, despite their circumstances, by focusing on what they already have.

By: Diana

Diana — Fri, 01 Apr 2011 17:40:07 +0000

To Venus #3, happiness derived from wanting what you have doesn’t mean you have to remain stagnate or accept a condition you do not want. While at least one study has been done about whether this philosophical view holds true, when compared with a person’s desire level for materialism, my interpretation is different.

My true and lasting happiness comes from deep within. It is not obtainable through relationships, children, material objects, money, jobs, accomplished goals, etc. As a young teen, I recognized that I could create my own state of happiness, despite my dismal conditions and painful experiences. I created my happiness by feeling in sync with the beauty in life. This brought peace, comfort, and joy. My happiness has also enriched and complimented some of my most celebratory and inspiring experiences. By feeling happiness in what I already have, like the ability to drink in a sunbeam kissed horizon, this self-fueled sustenance has enabled me to move forward and bring into my life some pretty amazing people and experiences. I have fulfilled many dreams, and it is all because of the happiness that I found in wanting what I already had, and of course, still do.

All things in life are temporary. One can lose everything they feel makes them happy in the blink of an eye. What then? Happiness is a state of mind.

By: AS

AS — Fri, 01 Apr 2011 15:36:26 +0000

Agreeing with A-L#9 being in a relationship should not define your happiness but add to your happiness. It is also equally true that if you set a goal and you are fulfilling it then you should be happy – but what I am interpreting from Evan’s point is that if your goal is to meet someone, you have to be proactive. Just like a professional goal that you may set yourself, for example to be a director in 3 years, you have to work to make that happen so why should it be any different for your personal life? So if your goal is to meet someone, but you’re unhappy because you haven’t but at the same time you’re not doing anything to create opportunities then whose fault is it?

By: SS

SS — Fri, 01 Apr 2011 14:50:49 +0000

I think one can want various things at different stages of life.

For example, my graduate school years and a few years after were a very happy time for me. I was single all of that time… actually, the vast majority of my adult life was spent single, and for much of that period, I didn’t even think about it, like A-L said. I was truly happy.
However, my priorities changed and studying, traveling and being with friends no longer brought me the same satisfaction that they did when I was 5-10 years younger. I started to feel more like Venus #7 and really desired a relationship. I also resented those people who tried to imply that there was something wrong with feeling unhappy or dissatisfied because one was single… sure if you can’t spend more than five minutes single, that might be a problem, but if the majority of your adult life is spent NOT in a relationship and you get tired of it, that’s a normal human emotion.

It took me a while to feel okay with believing that yes, it is possible that one can be happier because they are in a relationship. That doesn’t diminish one as a person or mean that she has low self-esteem or that being single is bad. But seriously, why are we all here anyway (on this board, on Match.com) if we didn’t have SOME degree of feeling less than satisfied with our lives being lived alone? A relationship should not be my sole source of happiness, but you better believe that I expect a good degree of happiness to result because I am in a relationship.

By: A-L

A-L — Fri, 01 Apr 2011 13:31:46 +0000

I have to agree with those that a relationship does not equate to life happiness. It can add to one’s happiness, or that part of one’s life can be happy, but being in a good relationship in and of itself does not mean happiness. When Evan asked about the happiest time of my life, I thought back to my college days. Academic variety and rigor combined with arts and sporting events and travel and a great group of friends that I got to see daily… But, I was completely single all 4 years of college, and rarely did that ever bother me. In fact, more often than not, I never even gave it a second thought.