I feel very strongly that a man isn’t “real” until he’s your boyfriend. He has to be exclusive with you before you get too excited.
Otherwise, you set yourself up for repeated heartbreaks.
This post is to warn you about taking the OPPOSITE tack: assuming that things are going to go wrong sooner or later.
It’s not an unfair premise. 99 out of 100 guys are NOT your future husband.
But what happens when you’re going into the date with that mindset?
The first thing you start thinking is: “Don’t waste my time.”
And to protect yourself from investing your time in a guy who – statistically speaking – will probably not be your husband – you go into full interrogation mode…
The “right” guy probably wouldn’t feel too good when dating a woman who treats him like a common criminal…
You start probing about his former relationships.
You subtly feel around for a sense of his financial well-being.
You hint – or say outright – that you’re looking for something serious.
All of which says to your date, “I DON’T TRUST YOU. AND I’M GOING TO GATHER AS MUCH INFORMATION AS I CAN TO WEED YOU OUT BEFORE I INVEST ANY EMOTION IN YOU.”
How’s that for a statement to the new man you’re seeing?
Understand, I make no defense of men who are jerks or players or time-wasters, but, believe it or not, most men are out for a real relationship.
They may date and date and date until they find the woman to whom they want to commit, but they really do want to build something. If you find that you’re attracted to “player” types (and I should know: I was one of them), the information I’ve compiled in Why He Disappeared is priceless.
If you still think that trust is a bad idea when it comes to men, consider the plight of my client, Jessica. A 37-year-old lawyer from Chicago, Jessica had been burned by men too many times, which is how she found herself single for 11 years after her divorce.
After dealing with multiple cases of infidelity, the hardest thing in the world for her to believe was that there were some truly nice men who would be loyal to her forever.
As a result, Jessica came up with a whole set of “rules” she lived her life by: do background checks on each new man to make sure he’s on the up-and-up, don’t waste time with a man if he’s not completely in love after a few weeks, don’t sleep with a man for at least 3 months, and so on.
Well, guess what? Jessica’s rules – designed to protect her – pushed every single guy away – for 11 years. She thought that this just meant she hadn’t met the “right” guy.
What she hadn’t considered is that the “right” guy (myself, for example) probably wouldn’t feel too good when dating a woman who treats him like a common criminal, who refuses to sleep with him, and who doesn’t understand why he won’t say “I love you” until he’s really positive he means it…
Why He Disappeared is the smart, strong, successful woman's guide to understanding men. If you want to learn how men think, and rediscover how to have meaningful relationships - all from a man's point of view - click here to learn Why He Disappeared.
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